Collaborative Fiction: The Little Poor Lady Who Lived In A Man's Shoe

And then it happened. As billy began to cry, faster and faster she sucked in the martian air. What Billy didn't know was that the martian air was loaded with Uranium. Billy began to grow, larger, and larger, and larger. She was soon well over 500 feet tall. She took one look at fugly and delivered a swift kick to fugly's rear, sending fugly into the sun.

Billy than jumped straight up, out of the Martian atmosphere , hurtling staright towards earth. She had a mission, find out what gender she was. And she had a solution, find Dr. Phil, of Oprah fame, and ask him if she was a man or a woman...

Rob, however, was not seeing Dr Phil.

He was referred instead to a Dr Zachary P Burns, after he was observed outside his house, wandering around in distress, looking for a six inch woman named Billy, a cat named Fugley and half a mouse, calling after them, crawling around on all fours, much to the concern of his neighbors.

It was Constable Mick Davidson that found Rob in this state. Rob gave a rundown of his story, and Davidson knew there was a problem when Rob started to talk about marrying Candice from the Police Station.

For there never was, never had been, a police woman at the Station called Candice. It was a projection of something that wasn't quite working right for Rob.

"Relax" said Burns to Rob. "Take off your coat, have a seat."

"Tell me about the little woman and the policewoman."

Burns observed a six inch kewpie doll poking out of Rob's shirt pocket, and as Rob's story unfolded, he scratched his beard and wrote copious notes on a clipboard, to which was appended a small photograph of Dr Laura Schlassinger.

Burns understood. The little woman was Rob's childhood. The talking mouse was his decay with age. Candice the policewoman was a projection of his need for a compassionate partner who would occasionally chain him up and whip him with authority. The cat was real. Georgio the pizza parlor man was real but not dead.

Burns dismissed any form of post traumatic stress disorder, and focused on the self-mutilating behavior the Police had first observed when Rob reported he had been mugged, but it was found he was seen two blocks away repeatedly bashing his head against a wall in the fashion of a Between The Sheets smilie.

Typical manifestation of a delusional disorder, but Burns had to explore further to see how long it had been going on and what had really triggered it, before he could diagnose and treat.

He decided to role play, and to have Rob talk to the fantasy woman Candice as if she was in the room.

Meanwhile, Giant Billy continued her journey returning to earth, and she now wondered as she reached the outer layers of the ionosphere, what was going to prevent her from burning up on re-entry.



[Edited on 10-11-2003 by MaskedAvatar]

Luckily, the Uranium Billy had ingested gave her a super atmosphere force field, and when she landed in the water of the atlantic she was fine. She did drown The island of Japan and destroy most coastal cities due to the gigantic tsunamais that were generated by her touchdown, but she need to see Dr. Phil, and nothing was going to stop her.

Meanwhile, Rob watched Billy emerge from New York Harbor on TV. He saw the strong, aggressive woman whom he had always pined for. He kicked Dr. Burns in the craw and made off to search for his new love.



[Edited on 11-10-2003 by Dreamstone]

Billy had enough, and took off the virtual reality glasses. All of it had seemed so real to her. Billy has had a lot more fantasies then most people because she was small and stuck in a shoe, so she did not get to do much. Billy had always wanted to be big. Not just normal size but giant big. With the little money she made from the movie she was in she bought her self a virtual reality machine. With it she could live out all of her fantasies.

Once Billy had awaken from when she had passed out she needed something to help her deal with the death of Out. So Billy decided to put the virtual reality glasses on. Since Billy had never really had a father that cared about her Rob was the closest thing. Billy suffered from the Elektra complex, and Rob was the closest thing she had to a father. That is why she wanted virtual Rob to love her.

Billy came to realize that no matter how many fantasies she fufilled in virtual reality, she would still have to deal with the hard ships of reality. Billy was not in denial any more of Out's death, but was into the anger stage. She felt like she had hit rock bottom.

Billy heard rain hitting the roof and was always cheered up with the sound of rain. She was happy for a little while, untill she felt drops of water hitting her. There was a leak in the closet and rain drops were falling in the shoe. For a normal size person a drop of water would not be a problem, but for Billy it was. Billy fell to the ground with each drop of water that hit her. Now she was really at rock bottom.

She then had a "moment of clarity" She realized that she needed help. So she join S.P.A., or Small People Anonymous. There she was able to meet other small people, like tom thumb, thumbelina, assorted lilliputians, and Gary Coleman. She was able to work out her difficult feelings, and her off-putting Elektra complex.

With the help of SPA, billy felt that she could finally face her fears and get out of the shoe.

[Edited on 11-11-2003 by Dreamstone]

While at the SPA Billy sees someone she likes. Billy fell in love with Long Pole the second she laied eyes on him. Long Pole was married to the person who lead the SPA mettings. Billy startred to flurt with Long Pole. She had never done it before because she was stuck in a shoe for a long time.

Billy was getting no where with the flurting she was doing. She decided to be more direct. Billy asked Long Pole if he would sleep with her. Long Pole was like most men so he said yes. Billy and Long Pole went back to Billy's shoe.

They both undressed and tried to make passionate love. Billy was still a virgin so she was extremly bad. They had sex about 5 times a week now. Long Pole's wife was begining to be suspicious of Long Pole cheating. Long Pole's wife found out he was cheating on her with Billy. Long Pole's wife kicked Billy out of the SPA for ever. Billy was warned to never see Long Pole again.

Billy was heart broken. She went to her shoe and cried. She did not know how she was going to get through this rough time. She would have gone to SPA for help but she is banned from it now. Again Billy is at rock bottom.

"Candice, I...." started Rob.

"Candice, you are the first woman I have ever met who has cared about me. You looked after me when I was down. You like driving around in police cars and you like pizza and you have agreed to be my bride. I am passionately in love with you."

Rob was talking to the empty chair to his left, equidistant between himself and Dr Burns.

Burns continued to write notes, then interrupted Rob who had walked over to the chair and grabbed an invisible hand and started kissing it.

"Rob, you are to understand this. There is no Candice. There is no-one in the chair. There is no Billy. Billy is the kewpie doll in your pocket. We are going to work together on this, until you are able to distinguish real people from people that you are hallucinating as a projection of your unconscious fear and desire. This may take some time. Please sign this here and we will commence again next week."

Rob signed, believing this was the marriage licence being produced for him after Burns had just pronounced himself and Candice husband and wife, in a small chapel in Las Vegas. He proferred it to the empty chair and saw Candice sign it. It was one of the happiest days of Rob's life.

Then, somehow, Rob knew that Billy was in some trouble, and he had a panic attack and screamed "We must save Billy!"

Burns, and the police officer outside in the reception area, knew what to do.

Burns pulled out his gun and the officer pulled from with in his coat an UZI and started spraying bullets everywhere fortunately the officer wasnt that good a shot and in the process killed an innocent cat who was squatting by watching the proceedings the officer gained his composure and strolled over to the cat who was purring like a dog and leaned over the cat and said proudly" That'll teach you"
Burns looked on in amazment and then slapped the cuffs on the officer,Burns infact was an undercover agent with P.A.C Put Away Cops.

Two police cars arrived at Dr Burns' office, one for Rob and one for Mick.

Rob sat sedated and cuffed in the back seat of one, while he observed Mick's head being lowered as he was placed in the rear of the other.

The headline on the magazine in the front seat of the car Rob was in pertained to some gossip about Candice Bergen. Rob had always liked her.

As he looked outside, Rob saw three tiny little people scurrying out of Dr Burns' office, running down the sidewalk and turning into the alleyway. Nobody else batted an eyelid at them. Maybe the little people were taking over, and had selected this time to come out of their shoes everywhere. Rob could not be certain.

On the way back to the cells at the police station, the officers had playing a Chemical Bros song, vocals by Bernie Sumner...


Sometimes I feel that I'm misunderstood,
The river's running deep right through my blood.
Your naked body's lying on the ground,
You always get me up when I'm down.
And it always seems we're running out of time.
We're out of control.
Out of control.
Out of control.
It may be that I'm just scared of losing you,
or maybe it's the things you make me do.
It seems to me we both should hang around,
and raise the population of this town.
And it always seems we're running out of time.
We're out of control.
Out of control..
Out of control.
But it doesn't mean we're too far down the line.
We're out of control,
out of control,
We're out of control.
Out of control.

The record player keeps on turning round,
It could be stuck, or maybe it's a sound.
All this time I should be there with you,
or maybe I'm just searching for the truth,
or maybe I'm just searching for the truth.
And it always seems we're running out of time.
We're out of control,
out of Control,
we're out of control.
Out of control
But it doesn't mean we're too far down the line.
We're out of control,
out of Control,
We're out of control.

It could be that I'm losing my touch,
or maybe you think my mustache is too much.
Satellite is out of control,
But you and I are brothers of this sun.
And you and I will come down from the cold.
Out of control.
Out of control.
We're out of control,
Out of Control,
We're out of control.
Out of control.
Out of control.

Rob was put in the police car. The car began to move. Rob, still heavily sedated, watched out the window. And out of every window Rob saw an amazing thing. Out of every shoe on the street, little people were crawling out. Out of every window, little people lined the sills, rappeling down with dental floss. The world was full of these little people, and when he looked closer, he became terrified.

Row after row of these people carried guns, and bazookas, and flamethrowers. Little planes began to fly in the air, and he saw little missile silos that were clearly being loaded with mini ICBMs. Rob thought he was going insane. And then the first RPG hit the tire of his car.

Billy got a shock from the virtual reality glasses and had to take them off. Billy wished Rob was the crazy. She also wished little people controled the earth. No matter how much she put on the virtual reality glassess she could not get over her depression. Billy chewed off some of a shoe lace.

Billy got the shoe lace ready to hang her self with. There was no where in the shoe to hang the shoe lace. Billy couldnt even kill her self.

Billy slept for ten years. On the first day of the 11th year Long Pole came into Billy's shoe. They made love for 3 days. Billy had never been so excited in her life. Long Pole had to go back to his bitchy wife for a couple of days.

When Long Pole came back he heard Billy complaning about morning sickness. Billy was pregnant. nine months went by and Billy had a kid. The kids name was Pointy Rod. Billy, Long Pole, and Pointy Rod lived happily in the shoe for 5 months, untill Billy died. Before Billy died she told Long Pole to take care of their baby. Long Pole said he would look after their baby.
______________________________________




The End of part 1
I will make the opening post for part 2 tomorrow.

Great job everyone who contributed to the story. Everyone made the story so interesting. I hope colonel will contribut to part 2.

Billy slept for ten years?

How much she felt a Tom Thumb / Rip Van Winkle Cross when she awoke!

On the first day of the 11th year Long Pole came into Billy's shoe.

What an interesting contraceptive method was employed by the couple... and yet .... Billy was pregnant, nine months went by and Billy had a kid.

There came to be an alternate reality, the one in this dimension, our dimension, and not the one in Part 2 in ATS Never Never Land.

It all started when Rob, Billy and Long Pole went on the Springer show, in memory of In, and Ashton Gardner & Dyke...


Choose yourself a partner
From the middle of the floor.
Blow a little kiss
To the woman next door.
Step on the gas
Put your head in the air.
make a "V" sign
And you throw back your hair.

Put your hand on your hip
Now you let your back bone slip.
Put out your tongue
Put your head in the air.
Make a "V" sign
And you just don't care.
Now you feel free
You gotta lose control.
All Gods children gotta
Little bit of soul.
You don't have to think
You don't have to move
A muscle just do the brow beatin'
Heavy leather resurrection shuffle.

Think about nothing now
You're nice and high.
You're advocating love
But you don't know why.
Now you getting vibrations
All down to your feet.
That's the brow beatin'
Heavy leather resurrection beat.

Put your hand...




[Edited on 4-2-2004 by MaskedAvatar]