arranged marriages or love?

Well what do you all think.
Im indian and its in my culture for arranged marriages, its not forced, and not all resort to it.
I have though about it, not to say im thinking of having one. But it seems interesting.
Deep

i think marriage alltogether is stupid..

its only a piece of paper.. being with somebody is what love is about.. love has nothing to do with marriage..

Not for everybody....

Arranged marriages work in cultures where that's the norm...then the fantasy of true love is never really explored that much... Eventually, and especially after kids, most learn to love each other.... But of course, nothing applies across the board... Guess you'll know when the time comes, whether or not it's right for you... Try to keep an open mind about it...but also follow your heart...

Man, I can totally identify with you...I'm speaking from the UK and have and still do think about that subject. Actually, I will have to thank you for bringing it up!!

It's really strange, when you're at that age (late teens to late twenties) cos you see relatives and friends getting arranged marriages and you think how the hell can they do that with someone they hardly know. The fact is that many do manage to build a successful relationship from that. I wouldn't dare to say that arranged marriage success rate is alot higher, but despite being difficult both have the satisfaction of making the marriage work.

"The Blade Runner" say he thinks marriage is stupid, and I have to agree that in most cases it probably is. However, in indian cultures, and particularly Sikh and Punjabi cultures it's more about the bringing together of two families.

Another fact is that true love is very rare and the instant love in films etc is even rarer... all relationships require hard work, even those that start out as merely physical. Despite being a 'nice' way to start physical love requires just as much work.

The hard thing for us indians, and of course others, is that getting involved with someone else out of the norm can be quite destructive -usually leading to separation from the family. This is the ultimate dilema, whether to do what you think is best resulting in alienation from the family and a lot of heartache.

My view is the arranged marriages do work, and you get the bonus of support from both families. Love can fade quickly and constantly needs to be worked at. Wanting to get married to a non-indian can work with mutual acceptane, understanding and most of all the parents knowing that you won't be far away and your partner will try their best to be part of the family

After reading some of the posts in the relationship forum it might not be a bad idea for some of the posters here to have arranged marriages

if shes hot then go for it.

but seriously do what you want to do and makes you happy

Surely, arranged marriages can grow into love just as readily as meeting someone accidentally and getting to know them and falling in love can grow into love?

Except the arrangements are done by people who are not blind, and who have your interests and well-being at heart, and who know you and love you as family, or at least they ought to.

After reading some of the posts in the relationship forum it might not be a bad idea for some of the posters here to have arranged marriages

Hehe....

So true!

I think arranged marriages would be great as long as the parents have your health and safety in view when the choice is made. Looking for true love is a waste of time you find your true love about every two years...it's like disposable lighters, if the 'fire' goes out you throw it away...the standards are too high in the society I live in.

My marriage, was not arrange but my father really make sure that I got other alternatives to choose from that he approved.

Eventually I make my own choice after my mother step in and told him to stop the nonsense.

My father always claim that girls take the last name away from the family,
now my sister, to be nice and score points, married a guy that had the same last name as my father but they are not related.

One thing her marriage lasted 4 years my is going on 23. And not regrets

I think i have an arranged marriage lined up somewhere, coz everytime i bring up chicks in front of my mum (she's malay) she always says,

'you should marry a nice malay girl, there are many back home who are ready for you'

hmmm... and everytime i go there she's always introducing me to certain girls and their parents and man it really freaks me out. Dont get we wrong theres nothing wrong with malay girls its just i'm a little scared that she's told all these friends of hers about me and everytime i go everyone is wanting me to marry their daughter...

If your going to marry, do it on your own terms and make it your choice. Dont let someone else decide who you'll spend your life with.

Well, I married twice for love, not at the same time obviously, so I'm batting 500. Can arranged do better, or worse? 1st marriage at 20, WAY too young to know anything, lasted 3 years. And because of it I can confirm the existence of Hell. So, if you're getting married young, let your parents do the choosing. BTW, 2nd marriage doing just fine, 16 years and counting.

Have seen a lot of both . . . most from China and Taiwan there and some from India in Taiwan.

My PhD is in clinical psych. Have counseled both.

At 59 years old . . . I believe the following:

1. God knows best. Get close to Him; seek His will; follow His Holy Spirit.

2. IF loved ones, family members are keenly aware of both individuals' strengths and weaknesses and are matching them up discerningly . . .

matching similarities where similarities are essential--such as basic values; child preferences and practices; goals in life; spiritual values; etc.

and contrasts where contrasts are helpful--e.g. someone has to be willing to eventually clean the dishes up; someone has to know how to balance the check book; someone has to have an ability to hold onto SOME of the money etc;

and IF such family members are not gahgah over some shallow surface romantic idealism fantasy stuff because of family status or whatever . . .

THEN PERHAPS they can help choose better than immature young adults.

3. There's certainly no guarantee in this day and age that after the hoopla and excitement of discovery, conquest, and romps in the bed have mellowed out . . . that the commitment to marriage will be strong in either case. I THINK THAT HAS TO BE SETTLED AS A DEEPLY AND STRONGLY HELD VALUE REGARDLESS OF THE MEETING FOUNDATION. Otherwise, marriage is a torturous game cruel to all parties--especially children.

4. It has often seemed to me that when the individuals have a deeply abiding commitment to marriage and maintaining AND MAKING THE MARRIAGE WORK REGARDLESS--that arranged marriages can work well. But then, so do 'romantically arranged' marriages with such values.

5. Young people today are deluded into thinking that feelings are wonderful bosses. Feelings are tolerable servants and terrible slave masters. Sometimes, if it feels good--run from it--is better advice than DO IT! But youth are not taught that. Such youth make poor marriage partners from either type of start.

imho.

Came onto this dead thread tagging untagged threads

Cheers

ahhh.....if I was young agian.....

well, what can I say. I think maybe something in the middle of those two options would be probably better. ya know, where your parents are actively envolved, scrutinizing those who you find interesting, presenting you with those they find interesting, and well, you always respecting their advice as the words of wisdom only experience can give, and they respect your desires as to what you you expect, and don't expect.
for many people, at least in american culture, it seems that "love" really turns out to be more like infatuation, or maybe even lust....but whatever it is, it's not strong enough to last through the stess and demands of marriage.....that takes commitment. and well, in an arranged marriage, the one perk you would have that you might not have in the marriages us americans are accoustomed to is the commitment of family members to help and guide you to a successful marriage. they might manipulate, instigate, and well, in plain simple words break it up, just so they can have the joy of saying...."We told you so!!!"

whatever you dicide, try to have the approval of both sides of the family and a working relationship with them. they can be a great assett when the road gets rocky and rough.

I think arranged marriages work well in non western cultures where people have differnt expectations of marriage. If having a soul mate or love is a important aspect of marriage to you then an arranged marriage may not suit you.

Marriage isnt something that you to rush into even if your partner has been choosen by someone else.

[edit on 27-2-2006 by xpert11]

Zerodeep,

I for one being born in America believe you should marry whomever you want for your own reasons-not others.
Clearly this is an American attitude/mentality.
If I were born in India, I "MAY" have different feelings about it.
Being that I would have been brought up to think it is ok to what should be done.

But what is right-IMO- you must make that decission for yourself. Just because something is very different, culturely, does not make it bad or wrong, just different.