Why do you date? (curious about motivations)

- to feel special?
- to feel needed?
- to have someone to talk to/trust?
- to help someone?
- to show off when you bring your hotty to a party?
- to get some "action"?
- because it's what everyone else is doing?

I'm just curious about your motivations. I know what mine are, but I'll leave that till later.

Originally posted by Kruel
I know what mine are, but I'll leave that till later.

In case you haven't noticed, humans have an instinct to mate and reproduce. "Dating" is just a social arrangement that has evolved to test potential mates. We do it because unlike some societies where there is no dating and marriages are arranged by the different families or by a person specifically designated to do so, in this particular society, we are responsible for selecting our own mates.

So it's all pretty much an instinct that, like so many of our other instincts, has become formalized and ritualized over time, usually to avoid social upheaval.

[edit on 21-6-2006 by Enkidu]

Ah, so the only reason you date is because you're looking to mate? You must be a guy.

In case you haven't noticed, humans aren't completely controlled by instinct, unlike most animals. Perhaps some let themselves be, but not all.

Maybe its because we're social animals....I suppose for me its to try and meet someone,that if i feel its right,that i could hopefully spend the rest of my life with.With regards to your list you posted at the start Kruel i think the first 3 apply for me at least...

I think that dating (like many other things) needs to be taken seriously because the over al goal of dating is to eventually get married.
people say that dating is for a test run, kinda like test driving a car. yeah I can agree to a certain extent, but in my own opinion. you dont test drive the car if you dont even like the body style, or the way it looks. just like dating, you dont date the person if you dont konw them.
no im not saying that anyone here on this forum does that, im just saying that ive seen a lot of that going on in society today. these young kids get together and start dating and they arent even friends. they just jump into a relationship.
my sisters bf still thinks that dating is a way to get to know a person and then decide if you like them enough to date. and I think that its not right.

the way I see it. being friends first is good. getting to know someone first is good. after that you start talking about the whole dating thing and goals that each of them wish to accomplish in life with eachother.

to me dating is a big deal, I didnt see it when I was a youngster (im still pretty young , however ive been married had a kid and now divorced and now understand how much is involved in dating).

I just think that dating is overrated and shouldnt be just another thing you do in life just because. I think that dating holds a pretty big value, pretty close marriage, I think both decisions are important.

just my opinion, anyone agree/disagree. comments?

Ah yes Methuselah, I agree.

I make girl friends the same way I'd make guy friends. Friendship just happens... and then maybe things can go further. Perhaps then you'd start going out and then it could be called dating, but it's different than just randomly asking someone out because of a physical attraction. When it comes to romance, I only go there if I think I might be with that person for a long time.

Just because a car looks good doesn't mean it drives well.

I'd have to agree that it's similar to test driving a car. Most people, I think, like to know as much as they can about a person before marraige. Dating is a way to find out if you are compatible enough with a certain person, but ultimately it leads to marriage. Even if you date 30 people before you get married, it's all basically to narrow down what you do and don't like in a partner and finding one that is at least a close match to what you want.

Just because a car looks good doesn't mean it drives well.

But just because a car drives well, doesn't mean it looks good.

Originally posted by Kruel
Ah, so the only reason you date is because you're looking to mate?

I'm not just talking about sex. I'm talking about forming a pair-bond for the purposes of cooperation in the generation and raising of offspring.

In case you haven't noticed, humans aren't completely controlled by instinct, unlike most animals. Perhaps some let themselves be, but not all.

In case you haven't noticed, you can find an underlying instinctual motivation for about 99 percent of what people do, and most of that has to do with gaining status (wealth, in the case of humans) within a group to increase one's chances at successful reproduction.

Prove me wrong.

I don't date, I masturdate

well dating and sex (in my own opinion) arent supposed to be a part of eachother. i guess what I mean is, dating is not to lead to sex. marriage, sex and love are all very special and are to be kept pure until the right person.
the goal of dating is not to get into ones pants (as some people put it). and its not to get the next base (no matter what that base may be).
dating is for developing a special kind of relationship where two people have an interest in eachother and share the experience of getting to know eachother more, growing with and in eachother (if that makes any sense). sharing feelings and emotions. developing trust in eachother.
there are a lot of things that todays society overlooks when it comes to relationships. the sex part of the relationship is great and all, making love is a bonus we as humans get to experience, its not just for producing offspring, but its an experience that a couple gets to share with eachother. I think that many people in todays society dont see the meaning behind sex, they dont seem to see the damage it does to a future relationship when something as precious as that is abused or used in the wrong way. (this is just the way i look at it.)
do I think dating is like test driving a car? in a way yeah, but there is that thing called honer and respect that people need to have for eachother when is comes to dating. because without that, relationships fall.

overall, I think that dating should be for getting to know eachother from the inside out. this is something I cant really explain becuase I cant find the words to explain it. but its something I hope you all can understand. becuase im speaking from experience, (just in case you all need an opinion on this subject).

well, this post is getting kinda long so im gonna end it
questions/comments?

date to see if you are comparable with that person, dating is normally done to see if you can live with another person for the rest of your life, a life parner or many.

some people go for arranged marriages, and still go out for a romantic "get to know each other", outdoor dates. In this case it is also a bonding activity.

date : a social bonding activity for enjoyment and company.

The reason people date changes from different points in their lives. Like for example your average college male goes out to pull ass. I know that I wont be dating to find a wife until I'm out of college and have a career and all that. I'm not looking forward to those days.:bash:

dating can lead to many good and/or bad things.
if dating is for a true purpose, I see no problem.
but if its just to get a little bit of booty... thats just wrong.

I date because I'm still in love with her after a decade; and I know that she's still in love with the "me" she was dating back then.

It's also the only time we have together, away from the house full of kids.

thats good stuff.

all im trying to say is that you dont have to date to see if you are compatible. its not necessary. dating is for when you know you are compatible.

you pick a car you like and you read about it/check it out about it (getting to see if you are compatible) then you test drive it (date it) then you marry it (buy it)

Originally posted by Methuselah


all im trying to say is that you dont have to date to see if you are compatible. its not necessary. dating is for when you know you are compatible.

There are different KINDS of dates.

There are the sort of "getting to know you" dates. These are the ones where you pick some activity to see how she will respond to it. If you take her to see a comedy, does she laugh in all the right places?

Then there's the date where it's about HER. Taking her to a restaurant she's never been to, but has always wanted to try. Getting her tickets to the sold-out show on her birthday, when even the scalpers couldn't manage it. Getting her a personal tour of the basement of the Metropolitan Museum, when she's an art historian.

Then there are the dates where you share YOU. Like taking her to the opening night of the murder mystery you wrote for the local dinner theater.

There are "moments in time" dates: the blooming of your grandmother's century plant; the return of the swallows to Capistrano; the opening of Rausching, the waltzing season in Vienna. Being there with her when the Berlin wall came down, and letting some East German kid kiss her, taste the kiss of freedom . . .

If you think about it, ALL OF THOSE are "getting to know her" dates.

If she really is "the one," you'll spend the rest of your life on a "getting to know her" date.

.

Originally posted by Enkidu
In case you haven't noticed, you can find an underlying instinctual motivation for about 99 percent of what people do, and most of that has to do with gaining status (wealth, in the case of humans) within a group to increase one's chances at successful reproduction.

Prove me wrong.

Well, I have no link to provide, no magazine article from some scientific society.. All I have is my own experience.

And from my experience, you're wrong.

The man I'm with is not wealthy, in fact he's in so much debt it's not even funny. Fact is, I'm with him because I find happiness in his companionship. If we ever have kids, great; while my inner primate may be excited over his pheremones and genes, I didn't look at him and go "ooo.. eyes the same level, walks straight, all limbs are fully functional, Houston -- We're good to go!"... If we don't have kids, great; I'm perfectly happy with that.. simply because I am happy with him, in walking my path with him by my side. (And when our paths diverge, it won't be because his status fell.. or rose. It'll be because his path is moving him someplace different than mine.)

If status is all it's about, then I woulda been married about 4 years ago to a man with money who I liked as a friend, but didn't love and wouldn't touch (that way) with a ten foot pole.... what's the friggin' point in that??? Ooo.. I can go shopping and live in a big house! so what. Material wealth does not bring me happiness, and that, in my humble opinion, is what is truly important.

In short -- I disagree.

Besides that, what about those who get into relationships and do not want to have children? (be they straight or gay)


Back to the topic, the only dates I've ever been on were with people I was already with. Before dates, I hang out with them.. I've got to be comfortable with the person before I decide to put on a dress...
I have to know if I can trust someone before I reveal my inner onion..

[edit on 6-7-2006 by Diseria]

Are casual liaisons with prostitutes, dates? They call them dates, but somehow it doesn't quite seem like a date. Still fun though.
I don't think picking up drunk women in bars qualifies as a date either but that's about as close as I've gotten to having a date in years. Sometimes we go out to Dennys for breakfast; that's the date part I guess.

Perhaps the reason I date is because I'm real fond of "huevos rancheros."

After talking it over with this mornings "date" we came to the conclusion that romance, companionship, poignant moments and the cuddle time is all well and good but when you get right down to it, all the intellectualizing and rhetoric can't cover up the fact, that dating is really about the quest for an orgasm. Procreation is a hazard not a benefit just like STDs.

IMO, to think that talking monkeys can place sex into somekind of holy, mystical experience is just intellectual wanking and YES I am as guilty of it as the next person.

Erotica si, pensador no!

Originally posted by Diseria
Besides that, what about those who get into relationships and do not want to have children? (be they straight or gay)

People certainly get into relationships and don't have children. But the getting into relationships is still instinctually driven, even if it doesn't end with the production of offspring. Like a dog humping your leg. The dog is driven by instinct, does it, and likes it, even though it doesn't result in puppies. We're talking about the impetus, not the result.

:w: