Know Thy Enemy (Public Awareness Program)

Since the Americans have wasted no time, effort or expense to spread propoganda about Iran, the current hotbed of "terrorists" and "peace hating fundamentalists.

I have taken it upon myself to in turn inform the Iranian people and their allies a little bit about who they may be facing in the near future.

Official Name - The United States of America*.
Capital - Israel
Currency - The Dollar
Religion - The Dollar
Population - 498 People and 290 million drones.
Flag


*Sometimes credited as The United states of Amnesia due to the short attention span of its inhabitants. Example –

American – I have seen through the bull# about the War On Terror and/or Iraq and can no longer support this government.

Fox News – Today’s top story! Kitten found stuck in fridge after 6 weeks!

American – Awwwww… Kitty!!!!

The Country (A brief history)

America was “discovered” by the great Christopher Columbus when his voyages led him to a continent void of human life an abundant, self sufficient yet vacant land. (Some people argue that the native Indians lived there and that their lands were raped and their women pillaged. but that is all a myth because we all know that Indians were created in 1965 to play the bad guys in some old western movies)

Soon after there was A Civil War which although is thoroughly and comprehensively taught in the nation’s history books (and almost every other book) I personally find it a tad boring because there were a lot more greater wars before and after this particular one and I’d rather educate myself in matters other than those that are within the boundary of one country. Although I do not condone the government of spoon feeding them rhetorical crap because after all they have to mould the nation’s youth into the perfect consumer, patriot and soldier.

America is based on the idea of democracy (I mean just look at the last two elections) and freedom of speech (Fox news, CNN, NBC and all other government controlled media) and they are fond of rubbing that piece of information into the collective noses of the world’s other countries on a daily basis.

The People

The general population of America is known as Americans (derived from the word Americanusis Idiota) who thrive in their natural habitat i.e. McDonalds and Burger King. They are a very opinionated, outspoken and arrogant people and by that I mean close minded, self centered and ego maniacal morons. They strongly believe in their right to free speech which is quite a waste for most of them as they are incapable of stringing together a chain of thought to interpret it in a form of a coherent sentence.

Their main pastimes consists of Eating, watching sports no one else in the world watches, eating, buying stuff they don’t need, eating and bragging on a constant basis how they are the greatest country on earth.

Did I mention eating?

Political parties

There are basically 2 main political parties in the states. The Democrats (formed by Thomas Jefferson), The Republicans (formed by Satan) and then we have The Liberals, though they aren’t really much of a party.

The Democrats can be defined as a party of no ideas, whereas The Republicans are a party of bad ideas.

Note - The Liberals have a lot of ideas but no one listens to them because they are, well… liberals.

Geography

America, according to Americans is the only planet on this planet. We may think otherwise and discard it as ignorance but the Americans simply refute to anything on the contrary. They say “We have the world’s sexiest people, world’s most read newspapers, all the major sport world cups are held by us (American “football”, Baseball and Basketball) and 99.99% of the polls show that we are the only people here. Our history and Geography books have no mention of anyone else. So how the hell can you say otherwise?”

No one can argue with logic like that so I won’t (besides 100% of the surveys claim it to be quite futile an attempt)


The President -




The current president of the US of A is George Dubya Bush (nicknames - Dubya, Bu#, Gee Duh and Pretzel Boy) who currently enjoys the support of incesting hillbillies and a program that rigs electoral votes.

Regarded as the best leader to ever grace the oval office, he has by far been one of the the most inspirational, intelligent and rational leaders of our time. The Bush era has been a special time - for the national deficit (back, and larger than ever), for the countries formerly known as our allies, and for the English language. You can hear it all straight from the horse's, er, mouth. He has been acknowledged to be by far the most competent, compassionate and capable of all recent presidents.

A texan of origin (thus fully incapable of composing a rational thought) he shook the political world twice by becoming the head of state without actually being elected. Whether butchering the English language, choking on pretzels, smoking out evildoers, or strutting around in a flight suit he is what makes politics and the impending total world destruction interesting, if not humorous.

He is an orator of unfathomable capabilities and a few of his gems of advice are as follows

"I can only speak to myself."

True -- and yet we must listen. Sometimes his accidental wit speaks louder than any prepared statement.

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

(On invading Iraq) "I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome." —George W. Bush, defending Vice President Dick Cheney's pre-war assertion that the United States would be welcomed in Iraq as liberators, NBC Nightly News interview, Dec. 12, 2005

"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." —George W. Bush, Tucson, Ariz., Nov. 28, 2005

"Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction."

And a lot more can be found
here.

Vice President




Dick Cheney (nicknames - Elmer Fudd, The Tin Man) has been alleged to have lost his heart during a myocardial infarction in 1978 and currently survives by sucking the blood out of non suspecting humans. He was last seen shooting and then lapping the blood off the face of a 78 year old texas attorney in a southern texas farm. The attorney did however later apologize for getting his face in the way. Some sources say that he was drunk, while he said he had only a beer. So, as far as we can tell the ice president can neither keep his rifle, story or daughter straight.

Foreign Policy - The United States does not have a foreign policy to begin with because as we discussed earlier there is no one else to maintain relations with. However to keep things exciting the government occasionally pulls a random generated country name (Russia, Vietnam, Somalia, etc) out of a hat and declares war on them. The latest being a war on some country named Eyeraq (sp?) namely to prevent a nuclear assault, rid it's inhabitants of a tyrant ruler thus promoting freedom of expression, getting rid of aliens who want to take over our world and triggering the Armageddon.

Note - Two of those reasons have been proved to be false.

Natural Enemies - Now that we've confirmed that other forms of life do exist other than Homo Americanus (contrary to popular belief) it is safe to discuss a few of them (hypothetically speaking). The USA has had many enemies in their brief yet eventful history. Apparently everyone hates the country's freedom and right to free speech because we all know that their online "blogs" aren't being monitored nor their telephone lines tapped as we speak (The "Patriot act"). They are in continual denial that big brother is watching them and yet we all know what their favourite tv sitcom is.

Getting back to topic, in the past century or so America's most illuminated enemies have been Russia, Usama Bin Ladin, Limp Bizkit and most recently an apricot.

Law and Order - In the states the justice system is divided into 2 different yet equally important entities, the police who investigate the crime and the district attorney who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories (tin tin tin). The police force consists of Benjamin Bratt and some old guy and the prosecutors are made up of a hot chick and another old guy.

Other law enforcing agencies of this great country consist of the FBI (Fungi, Bacteria, and Invertebrate), CIA (Coup Inducing Agents) and other three letter abbreviated institutions.

The FBI's task is to appear at major crime scenes whenever the local police department isn't doing much progress, flash their badges real fast before anyone can get a look at them and then proceed to pretty much not make much progress either, but much more efficiently. The CIA however is the most secretive of all, so much as to no one knows what its primary functions are. Experts however suggest that their skills are utilized for initializing international coups to install pro US governments and identifying/killing the Al Qaeda's number 2 man on a constant basis.

Pastimes - It is said that Americans are a restless bunch, that they are a people who live to work rather than work to live, so it is imperative that they take out time from their busy schedules to have some fun. You know wind down, relax etc. Current popular pastimes include declaring war on sovereign nations, suing one another and searching the internet for Brintey Spear's porn.

Coming soon part II

Countries that border the US
Education
9/11
Economy
Human rights

As an American I should be offended...but its really kinda funny. You know us so well. You an American too?

Amazing how we can run with some stereotypes. The stab at Cheney's daughter was a little low. I give it a gonzo thumbs up....so long as no one takes this seriously.

Originally posted by AccidentallyOnPurpose
They say “We have the world’s sexiest people

As an American I definitely disagree with this remark.
The sexiest people in the world are the Italians (hands down).

Originally posted by DaFunk13
As an American I should be offended...but its really kinda funny. You know us so well. You an American too?

Amazing how we can run with some stereotypes. The stab at Cheney's daughter was a little low. I give it a gonzo thumbs up....so long as no one takes this seriously.

I'm an Arab living in the UAE. I love long walks on the beach, candle light dinners and political assasinations.

Originally posted by AccidentallyOnPurpose

Originally posted by DaFunk13
As an American I should be offended...but its really kinda funny. You know us so well. You an American too?

Amazing how we can run with some stereotypes. The stab at Cheney's daughter was a little low. I give it a gonzo thumbs up....so long as no one takes this seriously.

I'm an Arab living in the UAE. I love long walks on the beach, candle light dinners and political assasinations.

LOL! I think you're on the wrong site for personal ads.

Well done, I don't think I would ever have had the time to get such a longwinded satirical (or is it??) essay out on the current state of affairs. I am in agreement with ZeroTolerance about the most beautiful people though, my vote is Italy!! I wonder how many Americans you're going to anger with that truth?

I would suggest one of two things happen to this post:

#1 If its satire (who can tell), then it should be moved to the "Jokes" forum where it is better suited and maybe appreciated as such.

Or

#2 If this is as it appears (a sort of retaliation against Americans) and is a serious representation of the posters thoughts, then I suggest the post be trashed and the author banned due to blatant and excessive violations of the TOS.

As funny as the post is, I somehow think the author is serious...I wonder if I made a similar post regarding Iran would it be received as a joke? What if I made this post about Arabs or Muslims? I wonder how long it would last, joke or not...


[edit on 21-4-2006 by skippytjc]

Originally posted by skippytjc
I would suggest one of two things happen to this post:

#1 If its satire (who can tell), then it should be moved to the "Jokes" forum where it is better suited and maybe appreciated as such.

Or

#2 If this is as it appears (a sort of retaliation against Americans) and is a serious representation of the posters thoughts, then I suggest the post be trashed and the author banned due to blatant and excessive violations of the TOS.

As funny as the post is, I somehow think the author is serious...I wonder if I made a similar post regarding Iran would it be received as a joke? What if I made this post about Arabs or Muslims? I wonder how long it would last, joke or not...


[edit on 21-4-2006 by skippytjc]

It is obviously satire but I fail to see what has got you so worked up. I have seen a lot more disinformation being spread about Iran in not so light a vein.

Originally posted by AccidentallyOnPurpose

It is obviously satire but I fail to see what has got you so worked up. I have seen a lot more disinformation being spread about Iran in not so light a vein.

But your very response here indicates it’s not satire.

"...I have seen a lot more disinformation being spread about Iran..."

Your post, if meant as satire, is very funny. But my point is you don’t mean it as satire.

I take it personally because your tone, and your continued tone in your replies, doesn’t strike me as being satirical.

If it was plain satire, you shouldn’t feel the need to compare your post to what you feel are unjust references to Iran on these forums. It’s no longer satire when it’s motivated by anger, which is clearly the case here.

Skip...must we always piss on the bonfire?

Can't the post be satire and a wee-bit serious at the same time? I am glad we are actually getting some humor from that side of the world. I am so tired of the fact that the only arabs Uncle Sam wants us to see are the crazy ones. Nice to see there are some funny ones too.

AccidentallyOnPurpose, you are ok with me, man. I thought that was a hoot. Beware the "patriotic" Americans on here that will do everything they can do to twist your words from those of satire and jest into those of hate. I didn't get a hint of hate out of that whole thing. I look forward to #2.

Folks, if we can't laugh at ourselves who can we laugh at?

I laugh at America all day long. I pick on "us" more than anybody in RL, I am a cynic to the core.

But, my point is this is not a satirical post, nothing to laugh at. It’s a deliberate and well thought out insult. And to that end I don’t like it. If I made a post just like this targeting almost any other group or race of people, joke or not, id be in some hot water, regardless of my intent.

But make it about Americans and a admitted retaliation for posts about Iran and its OK?

Don’t be fooled here people, this post is nothing but a deliberate attack in the guise of a joke.

Jokes don’t start with:

"...Since the Americans have wasted no time, effort or expense to spread propaganda about Iran, the current hotbed of "terrorists" and "peace hating fundamentalists..."

And then follow up with a response like:

“…I have seen a lot more disinformation being spread about Iran in not so light a vein…”

Guys, it’s funny as heck when used in light, but that’s not how this is being used. I love a good joke, and this isn’t one. This is an attack.

Originally posted by skippytjc

Originally posted by AccidentallyOnPurpose

It is obviously satire but I fail to see what has got you so worked up. I have seen a lot more disinformation being spread about Iran in not so light a vein.

But your very response here indicates it’s not satire.

"...I have seen a lot more disinformation being spread about Iran..."

Your post, if meant as satire, is very funny. But my point is you don’t mean it as satire.

I take it personally because your tone, and your continued tone in your replies, doesn’t strike me as being satirical.

If it was plain satire, you shouldn’t feel the need to compare your post to what you feel are unjust references to Iran on these forums. It’s no longer satire when it’s motivated by anger, which is clearly the case here.

Thankyou for the Psuedo/Psycho-analyzation. IN retrospection my "tone" would have indeed applied that I was replying with some deep seethed anger. I mean what do I have to be angry about?

You have changed my life, for that I shall be eternally grateful.

Just post me the bill.

As an american I can proudly say I have seen through the bull# of the war on terror and 9/11...

now wheres the damn remote

I don't see why this thread makes people angry. I am an American and I agree with alot of what accidentlyonpurpose has said. I don't feel attacked by his words because I like to believe myself separate from the "herd" and if he was an American expressing the same things it would be accepted as good humored observation, but as an outsider we seem to automatically feel defensive and take it personally. I thought alot of things on this website seem to be of the same vein so what's the big deal. Whether it is humor or insultive is subjective. Sometimes i eat to much and watch TV, and sometimes I come here and other places to educate and entertain myself we are all of the human family, regardless of location. I am not identified as an fat, stupid, lazy american just because I live here, and I don't agree with alot of things political leaders are doing.............Do you?

My words exactly. Well I would have perverted it into a NWO rant because I am obsessed with the protection of the rights of all human beings rights. There is no reason for any atser to be offended by these postings because by going on this site and participating in discussion you are setting yourself apart from the fat lazy pocketbook obsessed american.

I don't see why this thread makes people angry.

If I came here after a long, hard e-day from the war on terror, conspiracy theory section etc to these "most sex0r perosn in teh world", " u r most favorite cars" and "t3h most stupid threads", I'd be pissed off with something that messes with my happy time too.

okay I did not understand a lot of that post...

On a lighter note:

Keep your friends close AccidentlyOnPurpose,

But keep your enemies closer.