Just for Colonel

Thought you would love these Colonel...

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 republicans.

Why is a republican like a scud missile?
Both are offensive & inaccurate.

How many conservatives does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They'll pass a law forcing school children to pray to God to take the dark away.

How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just 1, but first he'll have to spend $40 million in taxpayer money holding a congressional hearing on it, while complaining how everyone else wastes money. Then he'll have a special investigator spend another $40 million on it.

How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb at their national convention?
10,001. 1 lonely African American to change it & 10,000 white men to complain Affirmative Action is unneccesary.

Since repubicans want to go to the good old pre-1950s days when contraceptives were banned, what do republicans use for birth controll?
Their personalities.

Why should you never have anal intercourse?
Because that's how republicans are made.

Why don't republicans like anal sex?
They don't like their brains being screwed with.

What did the republican think of his new computer?
He didn't like it because he couldn't get the Pat Robertson channel.

What's the diference between a world war & a republican promise?
The republican promise causes more suffering.

republicans want to give fetuses equal or superior rights over women's bodies, even if it threats a woman's physical health--even when the fetus doesn't have a functioning human brain, or any brain at all. You only have to say one thing--republicans take care of their own.

For years, a young attourney had been taking vacations at a country inn. The last time he'd finally managed to have sex with the innkeeper's daughter. The next time he arrived, he was looking forward to an exciting few days. He dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap.
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learnt you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would've rushed up here, we could've gotten married, & the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said. "When my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night thinking & talking, & we decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a republican."

There was a town in Texas which was notorious for its pidgeon problems. The birds were carrying several diseases, & made a mess out of everything. Desperate, the town hired a pidgeon exterminator. He arrived, & explained that it would cost $100 to kill the pidgeons, plus $10 for any questions asked. The town agreed.
The exterminator releases a pink pidgeon, which flew into the air. Slowly, one by one, the town's pidgeons began to fly after it, mimicking its every move. Finally, when all the pidgeons were following its lead, the exterminator snapped his fingers, & the pink pidgeon flew into the side of a building, killing itself. The other pidgeons followed, & in seconds, all the pidgeons were dead.
The town was impressed, & gave him a check for $110. The exterminator looked at the check & said, "I suppose you have one question."
"Yes," the mayor replied. "Do you have any pink republicans?"
The pope & a republican were both killed in an automobile accident. The 2 were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the republican his name & looked it up in the Book. He then asked the pope for his name, & then looked it up in the Book too.
"Now if you'll come with me, I'll show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds & came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the republican & told him that this was to be his house. The pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like.
St. Peter & the pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the pope that this would be his dwelling.
The pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute! That other guy was a republican & he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic Church & this is all the reward I get???"
St. Peter looked at the pope & said, "True, you've done great things. But we have lots of popes in Heaven, & that guy was the 1st republican ever to make it up here."
A man found an old bottle, rubbed it, & a genie came out that offered him 1 wish. He said he was terrified of flying as well as boats but always wanted to go to Hawaii. The genie said that it was impossible because of the ocean depth & the length, & asked for an alternate wish. So the guy said he'd like all republicans to become honest & kind. The genie considered for a moment & said, "So, would 2 lanes be enough, or do you want 4?"

A local United Way office realised that it had never received a donation from the town's richest man & leading republican. The contributions manager cornered him after a Sunday service. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $50,000,000, you give not a penny to charity Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The republican mulled this over for a moment & replied, "First, did your research also show that my mom is dying after a long illness, & had medical bills that are several times her annual income?
Embarrased, the United Way rep mumbled "Um...no."
"Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind & confined to a wheelchair? Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident, leaving her peniless with 3 kids?
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the republican cut him off, "...So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?!!!"

Yeah, thanks. They were funny.....










(and true)

You guys are crazy.

its obvious that some poeple dont know # about #!

Originally posted by KrazyIvan
its obvious that some poeple dont know # about #!

I totally disagree, it's apparent the selected persons do not know crap about intercourse!

Here we are entering the last few months before the next presidential election, nearly 4 years since shrub stole the election and the rightys are still saying that everything is the fault of the previous administration!!!!

Wasn't the GOPr's screaming over Bill's 8 years about being responsbile for ones own actions yet in that last 3 and a half years all the Americans have heard are excuses that we would normally expect to hear from an 8 year old child.

I DIDN'T DO IT!!! ITS ALL BILLYS FAULT!!!!

YOU CAN'T BOOT ME OUT, I'M A WAR PRESIDENT!!!!

I WENT TO ALL THOSE STUPID RESERVE MEETINGS, NOW GET OFF MY BACK!!!!

IT WAS ONLY A LITTLE COCAINE AND JUST A FEW HOOKERS!!!

MY DADDY PAID THAT JUDGE OFF, WHERE DID YOU FIND MY CONVICTION PAPERS?

How much longer must the American people have to endure this whineyassed rich kid blaming everyone else for his screwups. Be a man you cretin, stand up and take your asskicking like a man and then go back to texass and crawl back into the bushcrimefamily hole.

YOUR DADDY CAN'T HELP YOU THIS TIME, ALL WE AMERICANS AND THE WORLD ARE WATCHING AS YOU SELF-DESTRUCT.

And for TC's expected reply: WHEN BILL LIED, NOBODY DIED!!! THE GOP SAW TO IT THAT BILL WAS IMPEACHED FOR LYING ABOUT BJ.
SO WITH SHRUB PROVING THAT WHENEVER HIS LIPS MOVE, HE LIES WHEN CAN WE EXPECT THE IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS TO BEGIN?

TAKE BACK AMERICA FROM THE TOP 1% ELITIST BUSH CRONIES AND CROOKS!!!!

VOTE ABBA - ANYBODY BUT BUSH AGAIN!!!!