Do I have social anxiety?

Dear friends,
Whats wrong with me? I feel so depressed now that spring is here and everyone is out playing and having fun, except me. Most of the time I spend my time in the house on the computer, but I dont want to do this anymore. I want to go out and make friends but its not that simple for me. The other day, I woke up and relized I dont have any friends, in fact I never did. Through out middle school I was always a recluse, leaving the house only to get to school and in school I never had that many friends only a few lunch table buddys.

But now Im in highschool an all guys catholic school. During my freshman year I was too scared to eat any food in the cafe because I would have to talk. So another year went by with no friends. Now this year during the beginning, perhaps fueled by the fact that I havent talked to anyone the whole summer, I decided to make some friends. At first I just walked thru the cafe to build up my confidence. Ocassionaly, I would be stopped by my buddy to talk to some of his friends, apparently I have some kind of speach impediment that makes me funny. And so because of my mumbling and weird sense of humor I become popular. Now I have a group of school buddys, but I still dont have any friends. Every week I ask my friends if they want to do something and they never do. I want a girlfriend also, but I havent even spoke to a girl in years, and rarely get out to even see them. I want to do so much, but I missed pretty much everything. I think itll be painfully akward for me to try to make friends now.

advice?

SAD info link

Almost everyone experiences some social anxiety now and then; it's normal. However, social anxiety disorder consistently limits the lifestyle of those with the illness, in some cases causing them to not participate in school, avoid making friends or miss important opportunities at work. Some people with social anxiety disorder avoid all socially related situations, severely limiting their life, work and social relationships.

Yeah, not having been to medical school and all, I would say this kinda sounds like you. You are on the right track to helping yourself by stepping in here and asking for advice. Congrats!

The good news is:

Fortunately, therapies already exist for social anxiety disorder, and there are more on the way. Effective treatments consist of medication, "talk" therapy or a combination of both.

Start with your general GP and ask him/her for their advice and help. If they prescribe a med, research it online first to make sure it is something that you want to ingest into your body before getting the RX filled. Start with the low doses and titrate up (increase the dose) slowly with the doc's help and just be patient.

Hang in there,

JDub

I would deffinately go against anything to do with pills and medication. You are not infected with a physical disease, you just need some help to become involved.

I would say start slowly, do not expect this to happen over night. Sign up for some clubs or extracurricular activities. Become involved in areas that are to your interest. Don't be scared to voice your opinion, believe me I graduated high school 4 years ago now, and the guys who are cool then, are the losers today.

Do not be intimidated by your peers, believe in what you have. If your athletic, be athletic. If its art or music your into, then make it your strength.

Do Not Try to Be Something your NOT!

Be who you want to be. You can create yourself, this is something many people your age which they can do.

Take your time, do not become discouraged.

Good luck and keep us updated. I truley wish you the best.

I have a younger cousin who never really socialized much when he was younger. I took him out with me one night to a bar and he had a few drinks and was scared to dance. I said look, go out and act like an idiot, stop caring who is looking and judging. You go do what you want and be happy with what you got. He went out and danced like nobody has danced before, people probably snickered under their breath. But he went home with a huge smile on his face and could not wait to go out the next time. Did not have to lay it on so thick next time, but atleast he wanted too. He is living on his own now and working a decent job.

Don't give up and keep working hard. Just be who you are.

Originally posted by chissler

Do Not Try to Be Something your NOT!

Be who you want to be. You can create yourself, this is something many people your age which they can do.

Well theres the problem. Its like theres two sides to me, one side wants to go out but at the same time the other side is persuading me to stay in. Its not that I cant do these things I know I have the potential, but the other side just doesnt want to do it. So its not that Im afraid of leaving its that I cant persuade myself to go out and make friends

cool i had the same thing but eventually i got over it by going to a boarding school and living in a dorm with some other students cuz living with them forces you to talk to them by 6 months i had 50 friends yay!

V..........
Fight that voice that tells you to stay in!
Force yourself to get out and do something. Go to a coffee house, bar, bookstore and force yourself to engage someone in conversation. If you even have an acquaintance, maybe not a friend now, talk to them and make them your friend.

Chis is right "be yourself" but sometimes roleplaying and "fake it till you make it"
can be good therapy to overcome shyness.

My personal crutch was a guitar, I carried it everywhere, Even though I couldnt play; it was astonishing how many people wanted to help me learn.

My shy friend got a dog and walked it around and got over his shyness almost overnite by women wanting to pet his puppy.

The www. is bogus interpersonal relationships. I seems real but it's just electrons.

zen happens

I wld hope that this is a place to be butally honest if not i apologize beforehand.
I once was stuck in between what I wanted to be and what I was becoming (good- bad) but I talked with a close friend my boss at the time and he gave me good outright advice he told me: "we chose to be what we want to be not by any other outside means telling us we cant , if u cant change then dont use the excuse 'I can't ' say 'i wont' or 'dont want to'......if u cant force urself to be want u want then its out of weakness nothing else, and nothing defines a man more then weakness or strength which one r u) so I ask u the same thing which one r u strong or weak?

Thx for the advice guys. This summer has been better than last summer, but not good enough. I threw some parties that some people came to, got invited to some parties, went to the movies with some guys, but I still feel left out. So now Junior year is starting and from what I can gather its going to be the worst year yet due to the social events. What with Ring Dance, Prom and all. These are things I dread, as far as I know I need dates for these things and I barely have any friends let alone friends who are girls to get dates. Also, Im going to learn how to drive this year, I need sixty hours of drivetime before I can get my license, but I dont have anyplace to drive to get these hours. And even if I did ever get that licesne I dont think I could afford it, gas is too expensive, so Im going to need to get a job, but getting a job is almost worst than anything else, Id have to talk to strange people have responsibilitys and it scares me to death to think Ill be judged. I dont even know where to start to look for a job.

Even thinking about it has got me nervous, as I typed this, I could feel my paranoia surge thru my body, the anxiety is often worse than doing it, but I still cant get out of the mindset of knowing that something bad will happen.

Man hey u and me are almost the for i to have social anxiety and another disorder. I tell you it pisses me off sometimes even when i want to make new freinds or just talk i get nervous. I remember last year in 11th grade i spent almost the whole year in the library at lunch time because i was afraid of being rejected at a table or there not being enough room for me and i would have to sit alot. Ofcourse i do have freinds but some just werent that good of freinds.Its a good thing that this year i found some people to sit with although i am preaty quiet.

social anxiety can really effect someone to an extreme. Every day in English i always worry that i will have to read aloud. Its not that i dont no how to read...hell i read perectly when i read to close freinds and myself...but something happens to me when i try to read infront of people i just get nervouse,shakey,my breathing starts to get real heavy and my voice just turns to crap...i basically have a panic attack and i just hate the fealing of fear and death that comes with it...Social situations like dances really bumb me out i mean i really want to go and have fun but i worry that people with judge me or i will be embarresed...some times i get real mad because of this..

After all that fear and anger is built up i just have to let it go and do something that i think will make me better. So i take all that fear and anger and use it to weight lift and train...and just get strong as a goal that if i am stronger, faster, i will be able to take anyone down that messes with me and give myself confidence.

Oh yeah reading out loud is the worst. Or when you can choose your seat and no one wants to sit next to you or be your lab partner, it makes me feel so dejected

Some advice for your troubles.

Readin aloud/being nervous in class:

- I find it best to talk to a teacher, dont neglect this advice it really does help and can make your year so much more better. Trust me even if you feel nervous about talking to a teacher you have to just force yourself, talking to your guidence counsler is also good because he might be able to send a letter to your teachers. Trust me talking to people about this and tlling them really makes life easier

Jobs:

- Alright it may seem hard but belive me its not, try to find a place were you can stack boxes (walmart), if you fear being on the cash register then dont get a job at a restaurant. I find that a job like say a comic book clerk would be good, i mean its sweat sit there read comics,stack them, and sell them...but also to to find a job were you dont have tons of people just going up in your face and stuff...trust me working as a cashier for a foodstore would not help you out.

Liscinse:

- Here comes the big one. You must get this i mean it would be a great way to meet girls. Practice driving, just find a way take drivers ed, steal your parents car when they are away and just try driving yourself (its what i did..worked out) but be careful not to get cought and just now how to work the car. Think of the joy and freedom you will have, you may even pick up a girl...no one wants to go on a date and make your parents drive you...

Girls:

- tuff one tuff one. You see its weird for me because i go to europe alot (we not rich just my parents dont spend any money until summer...lol..) in europe its easy to get a girl...over the span of 1 month on the beach i was with about 3 girls..each hot one was a model. I Guess nowing that the people who you want to date like say those girls, they didnt no who i was in america, who my friends were, and were i lived. This made it eisier for me to get some pus... i mean a GF because all they basically saw was a handsome american..one horny ass handsome american.

- anyway back to helping you out. I would say if you ever get that liscinse. Just go out one night like to the movies or something and hunt for a girl, find someone that doesnt go to your school...it may be eisier to get a gf that goes to another school because of the unkown factor that you have. Also try myspace...its cool to play around with some people and then find out that they think ur hot.


confidence:

- One more thing, i would say confidence is a major problem...belive me i now. If you think your weak, or have acne problems like i sopposidly thought i had then workout, clean your face, try to look your best it will bring up your confidence and you may even impress a girl. Make a goal like being a track star for your junior year or your senior year, then train your ass off..not with the team but at your own pace at home or in the gym...do sprints and stuff get fast...then go do your sport and kick ass and take names.

- find other people online that share your problems. Get involved in the school like sign up to do community service,join a club...you may think its stupid but trust me you will meet new people and make freinds.

Just because you may not be the way you believe you are suppose to be doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. However if you honestly desire more social interaction in your life merely go to where people are, put yourself out there. There is no need to force conversations, but if you are simply around people more frequently then you will become more comfortible being around others and in turn more comfortible interacting with them as time progresses. Perhaps join some after school activity.

I do understand where you are coming from though. I know a lot of people, but I would consider very few of them friends. Sometimes it bothers me that I don't have the closeness that others seem to have with one another, but I'm a very solitary person. It's just the way I am; I don't see anything disfunctional about it.

Girls? You did say that you are in an all boys school so that must be tough to meet women. Just put yourself out there and when you are in the right situation, it will happen for you. Don't push it, just be.

true true, well Im making great progress I think, In maybe a week Ill have my licence. Although my parents say Im only allowed to drive to and from school or to work if I got a job, which Im also working on, I now consider getting a job the hardest part of my resocialization project. and I met a girl at a party who I got the sn of and am talking to, hopefully Ill be able to seduce her. We'll see

nice things seem to be going well for you too. I for one am almost hitten this girl i met up, she hot as hell and i no she likes me...just gotta ask her out one day.

I have the same problem as you. Of the list of things that I have been diagnosed with.. :shk: Social phobia disorder is one of them.

I have been diagnosed as being mildly to moderately depressed
Social phobia disorder
Borderline personality disorder

and my psychologist said that she was tempted to label me, although she didn't, with schizoid personality disorder. For those who don't know what this is, here is a short analysis:

A pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships and a restricted range of expression of emotions in interpersonal settings, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:
1.neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family
2.almost always chooses solitary activities
3.has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person
4.takes pleasure in few, if any, activities
5.lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives
6.appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others
7.shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

Schizoid

Unfortunately for me,I do tend to display several,if not all, of the behaviors associated with this disorder. I suppose that it accounts for me being thirty years of age,still unsettled,unmarried,no career as of yet, et cetera.