Anyone ever loved a bi-polar woman? Any problems?

I have been dating this girl for about 5-6 months, but she also has bipolar. She is different at times. Sometimes she tells me how much she loves me and wants to be with me, then she doesn't know what she wants at times, and she breaks up with me, and then calls me back up/ or runs back to me. What should I do? Stay with her? I do truly love her and care about her, but it's kinda driving me crazy. On top of that she drinks alot, well not every day, but it's just when she does drink, I think it stops her medicine from working, and she gets a little cranky. Sometimes it seems like im dealing with 5 different women. Any advice? Also, sometimes when I call her she wont answer, but when I see her again, she will love me. One time she broke up with me because she said she felt like she has to answer to me sometimes, and I don't see how I have made her feel like that. But later on she will tell me it's because of her bi-polar. So I don't know if she uses that as an excuse or what.

[edit on 19-3-2006 by jca2005]

well, having personal experience with the depressive side of the bi-polar swing I would just say this: your friend needs to stop drinking, especially as this caneffect psychotropic drugs.

If she is drinking regularly, then there is a chance that she is "self-medicating" and that whichever drug she is on is not doing the full trick for her. She should probably see her prescribing doctor and be as honest as she can be about what is going on with her.

Alcoholism can also bring on these kinds of behaviors; however, she claims to be bi-polar, so...

I know one lady who suffers from severe bi-polar illness, but it is well controlled by a proper medication, diet, and exercise.

There is definitely hope for treatment of this illness, but extra patience is required. And the afflicted one has to want to get better.

I'm no doctor, just speaking from experience.

Yes im married to one now i take more meds than she does.:w:

Originally posted by skitzo
Yes im married to one now i take more meds than she does.:w:

Ha! I think my wife felt the same way when I was really going through it...

Also, im only 19, and she is 35.

Originally posted by jca2005
Also, im only 19, and she is 35.

well i would say that this additional piece of information is extreme importance in making any comments about your situation with a self professed "bi-poloar" woman.

I have no reason to doubt that she is "bi-polar" as, during manic phases, "acting out" sexually is not atypical. And believe me, I would not be alone in saying that the fifteen year difference in this case would amount to "acting out" in a sexual fashion. Also, since there is a on off off on sort of game being played, there is a likelyhood that she might also have what is called "a boderline personality disorder" as this sort of behavior is often a hallmark of BPD and is frequently comorbid with Bi-Polar.

I am not saying that this relationship could not be a good one but I would have to give my personal opinion -- an honest one -- RUN. Leave this woman and never turn back. I can certainly understand how the allure of sex would draw any young man into such a situation but you need to be realistic. Bi-Polar is a serious disease. Your lady is self-medicating with alcohol (ok, she's abusing it) and that is never a good idea with the drugs that she would be taking to help control her bi polar. Your lady is emotionally unstable (probably due to being a BPD person) and your chances for a warm and fuzzy life long relationship are seriously impaired by these facts.

Go and find yourself a woman who is more your age and certainly one who is emotionally stable. You owe that to yourself. That being said, there is no reason why you or anyone else cannot have a lifelong, fulfilling relationship with someone who has bipolar. However, this would mean that the person with bipolar must stay on their medication (typically Lithium or one of the newer SRI -- seratonin reuuptake inhibitors) and they should maintain a rigid schedule for their personal health care. Whatever the case, it is not always easy to live with bi polar disorder or a person who suffers from it.

My ex had all the symptoms of BP, and was NOT medicated. It was like one day she was one person, and the next day someone else took over her body. All the love just turned into hate for no particular reason.

Unless your woman is keeping up on the medication and it's working, I'd advise you to find someone else.

I just ended a 7 month relationship. It was a difficult descision; but it started getting violent. The person needs to get help and she is. Until they realize what it is they are doing; nothing will change. If you decide to tough it out: I recommend reading "Stop Waling on Eggshells" by Mason & Kreager. It helped me in making my descision. Best of luck.

Mark

Well, when she is on her medication she is alright, but she doesn't drink everyday, but when she does, she drinks to much, and her medication messes up, and she changes. Then sometimes, her medicine stops working and she gets it switched, and then she says it's not working right. There's been times, where she told me she truly loves me, and then their have been times where she will break up with me, and tell me she doesn't feel like having to answer to anyone, and she likes to be alone alot. Like right now we are broken up because she says she is tired of having to answer to me, and other people. But she tells me we can still be friends, and hang out, and do other things together. And this has happened before, but she comes running back to me. This is starting to get crazy, I don't know what to decide.

Originally posted by jca2005
Also, im only 19, and she is 35.

Well I don't know much, but I vaguely remember what it was like to be 19.

You got lots of changes comin' in the next few years; it might be a good idea to keep life as "uncomplicated" as possible for a bit...not that most people do.

Well, I'm bi-polar, and I certainly hope that my man loves me, and is telling me the truth when he says we'll be together forever. I take medicine, it works pretty well, but nothing completely stops the wierd feelings sometimes. He just takes it in stride.

Bi-polar is a very broad term, and could cover just about anybody, if you think about it.

Hi CyberKat,

If your guy sticks around and says he loves you then I would have to believe it.

I know my wife loves me, as she has stuck with me through 27 years of marriage, about 20 of which have seen me go through major bouts of clinical depression.

And my depression plus the anxiety obsessive/compulsive stuff is well handled by SSRI's + diet and exercise.

I just think that a young person considering getting involved with someone whose illness (if that is what it is) is not being effectively treated, needs to be aware of the necessity of a great deal of commitment and patience.

When I think about the real meaning of love and commitment I think about what my wife was willing to live through. Thank God she had the wisdom to find out how to set healthy boundaries for herself. That is a necessity for anyone wanting to survive in any relationship, I suppose.

I wouldn't worry about a non-BP person leaving their partner as much as I would a BP person. Non-medicated, their personality can change... and they will say that they were mentally ill before, but not now. It's very sad, and confusing.

I have to wonder why you would come to this site seeking advice on such an important matter. Who seeks the consel of anonymous strangers when dealing with mental illness and commitment issues?
Advice? Here's some: Get some help for yourself and leave the woman behind. You need to work on your self-esteem and learn to love yourself before you can really love anyone else. Have you asked yourself why you feel drawn to a relationship that is abusive? Is it the abuse that attracts you? We often put a lot of energy into relationships that require us to work for the other's approval while ignoring relationships where that approval is already there - its a "thrill of the hunt" thing. I'm willing to bet the sex is fantastic - don't let this be your guiding light, as difficult as that may be. But above all FIND SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP FROM A REAL PERSON WITH GOOD QUALIFICATIONS.

If you like being a yo-yo on a string and can deal with all the other crap, then stay.

BUT, you're questioning things now and so how do you think you will feel in a few years? Just from what I read, I would say dump her. You're only 19 anyway. Why do you need a girlfriend? Save that for AFTER you have a career and know what you want to do. Then have a girlfriend.

Originally posted by Thinker_1
I have to wonder why you would come to this site seeking advice on such an important matter. Who seeks the consel of anonymous strangers when dealing with mental illness and commitment issues?
Advice? Here's some: Get some help for yourself and leave the woman behind. You need to work on your self-esteem and learn to love yourself before you can really love anyone else. Have you asked yourself why you feel drawn to a relationship that is abusive? Is it the abuse that attracts you? We often put a lot of energy into relationships that require us to work for the other's approval while ignoring relationships where that approval is already there - its a "thrill of the hunt" thing. I'm willing to bet the sex is fantastic - don't let this be your guiding light, as difficult as that may be. But above all FIND SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP FROM A REAL PERSON WITH GOOD QUALIFICATIONS.

It's not an abusive relationship at all really. I think I can come to whatever mb I want to for advice. This is relationship forum.

Originally posted by MHRD
I just ended a 7 month relationship. It was a difficult descision; but it started getting violent. The person needs to get help and she is. Until they realize what it is they are doing; nothing will change. If you decide to tough it out: I recommend reading "Stop Waling on Eggshells" by Mason & Kreager. It helped me in making my descision. Best of luck.

Mark

Im gonna buy that book and make my decisions.

You're right, this is relationship forum - best of luck. I've been a counsellor for almost 20 years and I've seen this dozens of times and each time it ends with someone getting hurt. Its not abusive? How in the hell do you define abusive? Again, its a self-esteem matter on your part. Maybe you should go to church and find a nice girl. [that was a flaming arrow - let the reactions begin. I'll be standing over there]

YOU CAN DO BETTER!!

OK, I am not about to judge this woman, but I am judging your situation and the fact you have put up with the stresses of this relationship and her behaviour would lead me to give you the benefit of the doubt that you can do MUCH better. I am NOT saying better than her as a person, but have a BETTER relationship and be in a better SITUATIOn than the one you are in with this woman.

My sister is bi-polar and has been married 3 times now. Twice to the same man even. She has been suicidal, (nearly successful on her last attempt) has had electro-convulsive therapy, on all sorts of medications, and reactions to meds etc. She has been known to be self-abusing to degrees I will not even mention here...and certainly went through her phase of sexually acting out with young colledge boys in her town.

However she is functioning well NOW in a wonderful marriage to a great and understanding guy now in her late 40's and on the proper doses of lithium.

I love her. She's great. She is artistic and intelligent and caring-when not overly self centered and a real riot if manic...

But I would not advise anyone I know to be in a relationship with her. The man she has found-is a saint....and loves her like there is no tomorrow... and I thank God for him.

However he had been married to an obeesely overweight frigid and emotionally abusive woman for most his adult life and had two sons with her. Now his kids are grown and my sister's (who she lost custody of due to her illness and suicide attempts) are pretty much grown too.

So you have to ask yourself, not if you love this woman, but can you live with her and her illness? Forever? Especially if it doesn't get better, or gets worse?

Very few men are noble, and selfless enough to do it out of love, a few may out of codependant low self esteem issues, and most loved the women before their illness or diagnosis and stood by them, and even fewer are the few like my brother in law, strong enough to embrace the situation willingly from the begining

...but he already has his college education behind him, already has an established career and provides well for them, including medical insurance which she needs as her attempts to work end in being too stressful usually, and already raised his kids.

What do you want out of life? Can you see having it all with this woman? If not, then you need to cut bait NOW-let her go. You will BOTH be better off.

JMHO



[edit on 24-3-2006 by think2much]

Dude i know how you fell about this..well mostley..exept the drinking part i understand..Sometimes my girlfriend will get mad at me for the stupidest things and say somthing like she not ready to be comited or she cant handel this or that anymore then 5 or 10 mins later she saying sorry and trying to get me not to be mad about it....this happons not to much anymore but still dose from time to time....and its hard to deal with...and stressfull i know.....i hate when for the stupidest reasion she'll seem to be mad and be diffront and say things that hert my feelings but then few mins later shes normal agen and all loveing and talking about being happy togeather forever...

I hope we will be togeather for ever lol but she worrys me alot...i can relate to ur situation.......my advise for you dude is dont let it all get to you to fast...if it happons often like more then 2 times a week then you should start to eather talk to her about ti and between you 2 figure it out and find a solution or start to consider the fact that this might not be the best path for you.

For me this problem onley happons about 1 a month now...sometimes less sometimes a bit more...but not as often as befor...i talked to my girl friend about it we sat down i talked it out reconized wut was wrong and wut had to be done then we changed to make it better....if you havent allready done this then give it a try tal to her tell her how you fell and MAKE it eather work or start to consider other options...... if you really "love" and her "love" you then talking can make it work you should really talk to her about the drinking thing to thats really not to good/smart.....TALK my friend TALK thats the awsner...the outcoem can be good or bad but you will get the awnser from talking

Sry for bad spelling