Birth control/contraceptives

Hello all, this is my first post here, after wandering around this forum for a good while (2 years) i finally decided to join.

I was wanting to start this thread to discuss the different forms of contraceptives/ birth control products.

I have heard of femal pills, patches, spermicidical lotion with nonoxydle-9 or however its spelled, sponges, caps (for inserting into the vagina to block sperm from going into the uteris) and ofcourse condoms both for males and females.

I know that the most effective (after researching online) that the best conbination is to use a condom and a water based (not oil based) spermicide which according to research only shows a 1% chance of pregnancy if used together/correctly.

The reason i have been asking this is because i have gotten to that point with my current girlfriend who has a phobia of getting pregnant. She wants to have intercourse with me, and we have done it all except for it, but she will refuse to have intercourse even after telling her theres only a 1% chance of pregnancy if used like above. I asked her "well what do you want me to do, get surgery done or something" and she said "well that would be the only way i would do it".

She doesent want to get surgery, or take pills or anything, because shes an idiot....but thats not important lol

so i need to find a way to virtually illiminate my production of sperm. pretty much. Are there any pills out on the market which stop the production of semen (temporarily i hope) or any other forms that i might not have heard of?

I would like to hear some opinions, along with maybe some controversy/ conspiracies regarding the newest, types of contraceptives.

Thanks

Well for one, to say that she is an idiot for not wanting to contaminate her body with female "birth control" is not your place. Some women have adverse reactions to the pill, injections, etc... not to mention they actually do change the inner workings quite a bit. So for that she's not an idiot. I would also like to question your ages? Sounds to me you have a pretty smart girl. To me condoms and spermicide used together properly would be most effective. To get surgery would not be wise until you get older and married, not just so you can have some sex with your girl friend. I myself have never heard of anything you can take to shut off sperm production, maybe others out there have. Maybe the two of you just need more time, or maybe she would rather wait until marriage. I don't think there is anything that will guarantee you 100% effective EXCEPT for ABSTINENCE. No pharm company will take that risk.

Is the only concern here pregnancy?? What about STDS??

Good Luck with your search, and it would probably be wise to just wait.

i agree totally, if you dont want a baby right now you may want to wait. in my early years of marriage i too did not want to take pills so we just used condoms and spermicide it worked fine for me i did not get pregnat till i was ready.

About calling her an idiot, i really dident mean that, hope that dident sound degrading or anything, i just wanted to add some laughter to the post.

But anyways, age, we are young i am 19, she is 18, and we are both in college. Its not that she doesent want a kid, or wants to wait till marraige, shes SCARED to have a kid, she doesent plan to ever have a baby in her entire life, we have been together for about 2 years, and she is a virgin, and she has already made the decision she wanted to loose it to me, but the only thing stopping her is her phobia, she cant stand the idea of the trouble of having a baby, just like other people are terrified of sharp objects, or any other phobias, shes downright terrified to get pregnant. As a matter a-fact she is seeking treatment for this also, since she does not want to go her whole life without experiencing having a family. We are also thinking about marraige as soon as we get out of school (another 2 years) and so the first step to her getting over her fear, would be to go through with having intercourse, then she might even be able to get over her fear of having a baby, and we can have a family.

this isent just about me wanting to have sex with her, and her not wanting to, its about our future, as we both have made the decisions together, and have also promised a marraige together, as soon as schools over.

[edit on 12-2-2006 by Darkwolf777]

Hi,

I just want to say you sound like a lovely person, especially going to all this trouble.

Anyway, have you tried the rhythm method?

Basically, if your girlfriend has REGULAR periods, by that I mean exactly 28 days or exactly 25 or whatever, the method should work for you.

You see, there are only a small number of days per month when a woman can get pregnant, the idea is to abstain for those days. You'll find a wealth of info on the net.

Also, if you were to use this method as well as the condom and spermicide, I think you would be pretty safe.

Have you tried getting her drunk?? (just kidding of course)

I would most recommend speaking (or have her speak) with a doctor or health care professional (health dept if you can't afford it). Someone on a professional level to reassure her of the effectiveness of condoms with spermicide (or other methods she may not be aware of). The last poster mentioned the rhythm method, using this alone would most definetely not be reliable (they did not suggest this, I just wanted to point out for clarification). Maybe a counselor at the college, if you are religous someone at the church, anyone your girlfriend is going to feel comfortable (and trust) to get some more information. The main point being is your girlfriend needs extra reassurance on this subject and I doubt that she will get that from an ATS board. Now I know us ATSers are very smart (denying ignorance and all), but I'm sure she would trust some of the others I mentioned a little more. Also, have you tried other things (besides actual intercourse), maybe these things could also help and still be alot of fun for you both.

It sounds like the both of you are smart and have given this alot of thought. It also seems your girlfriend might have some issues that she needs to deal with (good thing your a patient and caring boyfriend) before she is completely comfortable with this. Just don't (in my opinion anyway)do anything permanent until you are both older, things can change and you may regret it. I wish you both the best, and I hope it all works out for you!!!

Originally posted by AmIMad
Hi,


Anyway, have you tried the rhythm method?

Basically, if your girlfriend has REGULAR periods, by that I mean exactly 28 days or exactly 25 or whatever, the method should work for you.

You see, there are only a small number of days per month when a woman can get pregnant, the idea is to abstain for those days. You'll find a wealth of info on the net.

Also, if you were to use this method as well as the condom and spermicide, I think you would be pretty safe.

I wouldnt go this route by itself. There is such a thing as a "spontaneous ovulation" that can occur at any time during a cycle, even on the so called "unfertile times".

IF you used it with condoms % spermicide you would probably be ok, but not by itself.

You both sound extremely 'young'. Too young to be
discussing having sex. She has mental health
issues (pregnancy phobia) and you call her an idiot
- which even in gest is something a potential husband
and/or boyfriend should know better than doing.

The PILL is poison in the female body. There are many
things it can do that cause damage. Also, the pill doesn't
always stop fertilization, but it does kill the newly conceived
child with the poisons in the body. Some estimates have
women actually conceiving a child on an average 2 times
a year just to have the baby die because of the pill poisons
- never knowing that she was pregnant

The Abortifacient Effect of the Birth Control
www.epm.org...
www.prolife.com...

Also, childbirth isn't the only way to have children in a family.
There is adoption as well.

My unsolicited advice .... you are way too young.
Don't have sexual relations until the two of you mature.





[edit on 2/13/2006 by FlyersFan]

I didn't know not wanting kids could be a phobia...I knew from the moment I got my period that kids were not for me. So, I got the Norplant when I was 18 and I had it for five years. My sis-in-law got it the same time I did and as soon as her's was removed she got pregnant...I was so pissy scared that I went on depo--which is the shot--and I don't recommend that crap it made me a even bigger BI than I am naturally. So it was back to condoms and spermicide which actually works, kids! I'm still baby-free, knock on every wooden thing is this room...I would suggest you get her some information on the Norplant or the IUD (which is what my sister got after she had her son--but it makes her periods kind of irregular). I personally suggest the Norplant. It works and I didn't gain weight or have any complications--neither did my sis-in-law or my baby cousin who got it right after I got mine out. It last for five years and by that time she maybe ready to be a mother.

Many things are said about birth control, but the fact of the matter is--most of it is completely safe--you just have to find the right one for you...and there is nothing to be afraid of...cept me on that depo--raving lunatic!

As for sperm-killers or blockers--I never heard of anything like that.

Originally posted by Darkwolf777
...I asked her "well what do you want me to do, get surgery done or something" and she said "well that would be the only way i would do it".

First, how old are you and how old is she?

Second, any woman other than your wife who wanted you to get a vasectomy, or would even hint at it, so you could have sex with her......................man there's something wrong with that!! That's usually because you still want to get freaky with your wife and not have to worry about her taking birth control and/or having more kids.

Peace

I can understand your girlfriend not wanting to get surgery or using birth control. I have been on both the pill and depo-provera (the shot) and well, I got pregnant on the pill and depo really messed with my already wild emotions and significantly lowered my sex drive. I have a friend who became suicidal while on the pill, and I have heard this happening to other women as well.

A 1% chance of getting pregnant with a condom and spermicide is extremily low. Have you actually looked at the ratio of chance that is? Like is it a 1 out of a million chance? Maybe if she saw it put that way it would be more comforting to her.

Good luck with your situation.

rhythm method!!!!
are you joking about that!
Telling teenagers that!???

Seriously if you are not ready for any and all the repercussions of intercourse do NOT have it!!! It is as easy as that!
From what you say, through I do not think you should be having it at all!
You don't have to have full sex to feel good.

mod edit: censor circumvention

[edit on 13-2-2006 by sanctum]

depo really messed with my already wild emotions and significantly lowered my sex drive.

True, true snowflake. I don't know anyone that has taken depo that didn't either gain a gang of weight or try to kill their boyfriend. Like I said it made me mean and angry all the time. I'd snap for no reason. My bf at the time was jittery for about two months after I got off the shot...he said it was like dealing with pms 24/7. Depo is crap.

rhythm method!!!!
are you (blankin) joking about that!
Telling teenagers that!???

to be fair, she said to use it with condoms and spermicide. some of the women at my church use the rhythm method because in our faith we aren't supposed to use birth control--needless to say there are a lot of crumb-snatchers running around the pews that were born of the rhythm method. I don't know the percentages but I wouldn't suggest it as the only means of prevention.

no patches, no chemicals no poisons etc for your girl...have to agree with that-you do not mess with the human body hormonal chemistry when not necessary...

so rhythm method is GREAT WHEN USED WITH A CONDOM AND SPERMACIDE...see that way if you end up with a rubberband instead of a condom when its over...and one slips by the spermcommando foam...then chances of it finding fertile ground are slim to none...voila...

BUT to me it is not going to matter one damn bit because she has a PHOBIA! Do you really understand that? SHe is likely to have a freakin panic attack and freak out and that is NOOOOO way to take a girls virginity...no....so what she needs is a good Cognitive Behaviour Therapist...not just a counseller or something but a real PsyD who specializes in CBT to help her with the anxiety/panic/phobia etc...

work on that because no agoraphobic woders out of the home just be you making sure everything is "safe" and "clean" and she will not likely havea satisfying sex until she gets over this...and since you want a family...this phobia is the bigger picture here NOT contraception...the 150% perfected method of birth control is not going to be what pacifies her phobia IMHO

however, aside from sterilization the best bet is condom+spermacide+rythym AND you CAN temporarily reduce your sperm count by wearing the ol whitey tighties (BRIEFS) and spending time in Jacuzzis and hot baths-the high temps do reduce sperm production

again, that would be useful in addition to the mentioned methods...heck take it one step further and have her wear a cap too...it's going to get rediculous though...and she will STILL worry

Good luck to you both-sincerely, she has a hill to climb, just stand by her and do all the other fun things you can do

Since you both seem to be comfortable with other forms of sexual stimulation, and your girlfriend is working on her phobia with a doctor, just enjoy each other without intercourse and let her get more comfortable with her therapy. Sometimes it takes a while for therapy to work and being supportive of what she is comfortable with is the best thing you can do. Since you don't want children right away, don't worry about it. Other forms of sexual stimulation can be just as if not more enjoyable and are sustainable over a longer period of time. It also allows your creativity and sensuality to be built into your relationship rather than the 2 minutes of stimulation with intercourse.

When you are 65 and can't handle viagra or equivalent, knowledge of other stimulation methods will be one of the things that will keep you sexually active.

It sounds to me like you have a very responsible young lady on your hands,

All people are different what is ok for one isnt necessarily ok for another,
you both must stand by each other in whatever descisions you make, if it takes her a little longer to have full on sex be there for her, I know your proberbly eager especially if it is your first time, but waiting and making sure you have made all the right decisions for both of you will make the experience a whole lot better for you both.

Its not going to be very enjoyable if one of you isnt completely ready,

And she is certainly not an idiot for wanting to get it right, there are to many young girls and guys hurrying to get the deed done without thinking properly about the out comes that may happen,

Here in england the % for young girls under 16 to have had a child is around 60%ish(not tottaly sure on this but there abouts) but before they know it they will be saying where has my life gone.

All im saying make sure your both ready not just one of you, it is a big step, make the most of your first time, make it special, make it something to remember and you can look back and say yes we did it right, other wise you could be looking back and regreting it.

My short answer is you need to skip the intercourse and find other ways of intimacy. I suspect she has other issues regarding "it," and this has become the focus of tension. I say, give it a rest for ninety days while you figure out all the angles.

Frau Dr. was a virgin when we married. She got on the pill because we didn't have kids right away. Since she lived so much of her life (early twenties) without fem chems, she definitely noticed what it did to her.

After two years, I encouraged her to get off the stuff. She did.

Part of the reason is that EVERY SINGLE ONE of my girlfriends from college took the pill (they also smoked), and everyone of them has had laser surgery to remove cervical cancer!!!!

We HAVE used the rhythm method; it has worked great for us. We only had the kids we were trying to have. Of course, we are married, and are together forever, so our love isn't in a hurry to bridge some intimacy gap.

The biggest problem we found is, frankly, that the female is most "in the mood" exactly when she was ovulating. And I will admit there have been a couple of nervous months while we waited to find out if we'd "crossed the line" on her monthly calendar!

It happened because, sometimes you come home from work and your feeling romantic . . . and then you get up for a shower and one of you says "OMG!!! It's day THIRTEEEN!! ARGGHHH!!!" Then you run and grab a calculator and start freaking out.

The nice thing is that we're "all natural." I can't stand condoms. Probably due to my "physique," if you know what I mean . . . . *ahem.*


Now, WE can do that (miss the day) because if we had one more kid, or a kid before we were really ready, it would not have been the end of the relationship.

On the other hand, Frau Dr is regular like an atomic clock. And we NEVER DID have a pregnancy except when she wanted another child.


I will say this. If this is such a big deal, you probably shouldn't be trying to force the issue. If "the big one" is a deal-breaker for you, then you should kiss and say good-bye. If she doesn't want to have kids with you, where does she see the relationship going? Marriage? Just a college thing? . . . I strongly suspect there are deeper issues about the nature and future of your relationship here.


Everyone: "Happy Valentines Day."

and go have some intamacy, instead of reading about other people's online!

Originally posted by AmIMad
Anyway, have you tried the rhythm method?

I heard on a radio interview a while back that there was a name for people who use the rythym method.............

'Parents!'... I laughed so much when I heard it...

Frau Dr and I are not catholic, and we mean no disrespect.

Sometimes, we refer to it as "Vatican Roulette."



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