Communication provides the foundation of a relationship

By Pierre Coda
A question often asked by women is how much private matters they should discuss with men and at what point. Some women are afraid that if they share too much/too soon they might expose themselves to abuse by the men. It is well known that when women have shared their innermost feelings and secrets to men, some men have taken undue advantage of this trust. The complaint that I have heard from men, though, is that if they do not clearly hear from women what they think and feel, they not only get frustrated but also confused. Many times they just leave the women simply because they do not know if their romantic effort is having the desired effect

I'm curious to know if this is actually true both from a man and womans perspective. I personally would want to know all there is about my significant other whether it's personal or not. I find that I feel more closely bonded and it makes me feel good to know that she has that much trust in me to reveal such things.

I would assume that it's hard for women to devulge that kind of information to a guy she doesn't really know all that well. I guess I'm wondering at what point and time in a relationship do you expect your s/o to let you know all there is about him/her ~ if there ever is a time. Would you still tend to hold back from revealing to much in fears of being treated differently? Or perhaps would you not even want to know due to the fact he/she will bring up something you don't really want to here?

Guessing it goes back to the saying ~ Don't ask a question that you aren't prepared to hear the answer for.

[edit on 4-2-2006 by TheDayAfter]

I'm not surprised to see this post has gone unanswered. I think the reason is that it is a complex topic. There are so many factors and I believe it is a case by case basis. Many people allow fear to control their actions and interactions with others. Fear is mostly based on past experience so it would depend on the individual and past experiences. I believe that the trust would have to be there and certain things will be reavealed by one another through the natural (not forced) course of the relationship at stages or intervals. Trust also goes along with comfort and rapport. The thing is that if you reveal something to another and you find this person reacts negatively to the information then you have to determine if you are even compatable. Pay attention to the signs. For instance, when I was dating my now husband, I revealed a fishing trip I went on with a male business associate of mine. I was friends only with this man and it was not a romantic trip at all. I feel I should have never mentioned it because my date (husband now) revealed to me that he doesnt believe men and women can be JUST friends with one another. Well we are married now and I am one less best friend.......and to top it off, I cant be away from my husband for more than a half hour at a time without him accusing me of cheating on him. I should have paid close attention to his hang ups in the beginning before I married him. Once again, fear plays a huge role in his attitudes toward men and women friendships and hangups about cheating....all fear coming from past experiences.

You're talking about opening yourself up to being vulnurable. This is a individual judgement call. I suspect that to some people opening themselves up like this is a type of intimacy...or moving in this direction. They dont often think of it as vulnurability.

If you are awake...and thinking ..you can tell certain things about a individual...without them telling you. The question one needs to ask is how important this information really is to you. You just need to develope certain "radars" and the ability to think things through.

Thinking can be difficult for many of us..some of us avoid it for a lifetime ..we would oftentimes rather emote.

Thanks,
Orangetom

This can be a major roadblock for some couples.

While one partner in the relationship may completely let go and allow themselves to be completely vulnerable Others may not allow for this.

For me allowing yourself to be vulnerable for your spouse, shows trust and dedication to one another. People who hold back on their spouse, for fear of what might happen if the relationship were to end, are only causing the relationship harm and will forever face this in any relationship.

Great thread!

I think the acid test only comes when you see the worst in someone else.
They may appear trustworthy in the light of love.
The real issue is how do they respond in their worst moments?
How do they fight back?
Its an awful lot to trust someone before understanding how they tick (and what lengths they will go to to get even!).

When you share a secret you are handing over a certain amount of power. It may bring you closer but what if that person one day becomes your enemy?

Good point and well stated.

hence vulnurabilitys..a individual choice ..a difficult call at times.

Thanks,
Orangetom

Oh this is something I always get in to,

See I'm the kinda girl who needs communication, I just want to know what your feeling (If you are my partner)

Its almost to reassure myself that I'm needed or that He needs me,

If I don't know whats on his mind then my mind almost takes whatever tiny bit of info he has gave me and my mind runs away with it,

So if he says I'm just unhappy, Then I'm thinking its something I have done, That he wants to leave me ect lol when really he could just be stressed out with work ect,

I guess its due to past bad relationships, I have mainly been with men who are very dominant in the relationship and them guys don't tend to talk much lol

So now I just look for that lil bit of communication it helps me understand how I can help build the relationship stronger and what I need to do to make it work better,

I guess this is just my incite, But agree that its a very complex topic, and there will be many views it,

but for me anyways Communication provides the foundation of a relationship

Having been in relationships where i was more open to communicating to resolve issue where as they were much more non verbal if you like,

And it drove me bonkers, i believe soul mates exist and if your lucky enough to find yours, then communicating is fundamental in keeping things healthy.

I will continue to look for my soulmate.