Breaking News: America Goes to War with Ikea.

BREAKING NEWS

Breaking Coverage on the War on Terrorism, the President is making an open speach on the airways of television and the Internet. Heres your Above Top Secret Exclusive!

My Fellow Ameriii---cans, as you know, we must fight tear-or where ever it happens. We must fight tear-or at the homefront, but also where they sleep. As of 10:43PM East-trun Standard Times, The U--nighted States of A--merica has declared war on Ikea. Far too long, has theyre rugs and carpets been sold to the A--merican peoples at overpriced costs. This is a Tear-or attack on A--merica, and we will not stand for Tear-or attacks. Our opening of this battle, Designated OPERATION ORECK, will be to directly CARPET BOMB Ikea Headquarters. Any A--mericans who have rugs or carpets, must dispose of them immediately. If you own a rug, you support tear-or. True Patriotic A--mericans use hard wood, or lamenated flooring. Thank you for your time, and May God Bless A--merica.

Abovetopsecret.com will be sending Journalists to the battlefront to update us with firsthand accounts as the war wages on, and we'll keep you updated with the latest news from the Bush Administration on OPERATON ORECK.

WolfofWar

BelowTopSecrets Senior War Coverage Correspondant

I'm here on the front lines of this new front. There is currently a lot of troop build up going on. I'm seeng tanks, and planes from all over the world flying around. There has been some shooting going on, and several soldiers suffered some nasty rug burns, but so far both sides are holding back, and appear to be in a wait and see attitude.

*joins the Ikea Liberation Front* Viva La Ikea!

This is a war!