Bookworm needs advice

OK I need some advice.

This is a problem for me in my relationship with my sig other.

I guess we are not the "normal" (whatever that is) couple.
There is a 29 year age difference,that has never been an issue with us.
I have never had a happier,more fulfilling,supportive,comfortable,loving relationship. We compliment each other perfectly.
We are happy and plan to be together for a long time to come;were talking of kids..so on.

BUT there is a kink. He is a life long sailor on lake Michigan. Racing and regattas.
He has many female "friends" he has sailed with for years. So with that and being a member of the yacht club, these women are in our life often.
I have no problem with that,I welcome it.
But they sure as hell do not welcome me. Where I have gone out of my way to be nice to them. They treat me like s***, there is no way around it. They talk about me (like we are still in high school) its horrid. All this behind "tims" back. With all the time we spend together its wearing me down. I have NEVER reacted to them. They call me names...come to false assumptions because of my age.Goldigger....it gets worse.

I'm not the typical 22 year old. I hold 2 degrees in European Sociological History and Advanced Psychics. I have studied at Yale & in England.
I'm currently working on my masters. As well as hoping for a PhD study grant from Northwestern University.
I have been on my own and taken care of myself since 17.

This wears on me because so much of our time is in, their company. Especially during the sailing season!
His kids love me, his ex-wife gets along with me!

What I want to know is. Should I just grin and bare it,not tell "tim"?
or say something to him and how do I do that?

Any advice would be much appreciated!

Originally posted by b777pilot
OK I need some advice.

This is a problem for me in my relationship with my sig other.

I guess we are not the "normal" (whatever that is) couple.
There is a 29 year age difference,that has never been an issue with us.
I have never had a happier,more fulfilling,supportive,comfortable,loving relationship. We compliment each other perfectly.
We are happy and plan to be together for a long time to come;were talking of kids..so on.

BUT there is a kink. He is a life long sailor on lake Michigan. Racing and regattas.
He has many female "friends" he has sailed with for years. So with that and being a member of the yacht club, these women are in our life often.
I have no problem with that,I welcome it.
But they sure as hell do not welcome me. Where I have gone out of my way to be nice to them. They treat me like s***, there is no way around it. They talk about me (like we are still in high school) its horrid. All this behind "tims" back. With all the time we spend together its wearing me down. I have NEVER reacted to them. They call me names...come to false assumptions because of my age.Goldigger....it gets worse.

I'm not the typical 22 year old. I hold 2 degrees in European Sociological History and Advanced Psychics. I have studied at Yale & in England.
I'm currently working on my masters. As well as hoping for a PhD study grant from Northwestern University.
I have been on my own and taken care of myself since 17.

This wears on me because so much of our time is in, their company. Especially during the sailing season!
His kids love me, his ex-wife gets along with me!

What I want to know is. Should I just grin and bare it,not tell "tim"?
or say something to him and how do I do that?

Any advice would be much appreciated!

If I was in your shoes yes I would tell your significant other. I'm surprised that he hasn't seen signs of this goin' on. I'm sure your attitude would alert him to the fact that something is going wrong. If he loves you as much as you say he does then he should be able to step in and bring a halt to all this drama these other women are causing.

When I first read your post I figured that it was a *age difference* issue but age is nothing but a number. I've seen young people act and carry themselves as if they were grown and successful and I've seen older people act like they were still in kindergarten. Since that isn't really the case it might be jealousy on the part of the other women. They're probably wonderin' why is a man of this character dealing with a little girl (*mindset of some women*).

So, to make a long story short it would benefit you to let him know what's going on behind his back. It can only get worse for you in terms of feelings if you continue to deal with this backlash on your own. Your gonna suffer, your relationship is surely gonna suffer. Hopefully he'll take the necessary steps to correct the issue. I hope that my little bit of input helped you and I sincerely hope that other people among ATS can give you their inputs on how to deal with the situation. Good Luck!!

He needs to know what's going on. Tell him everything, and don't leave out even the smallest detail. Don't go into "I think they did this", just leave it at things that you know they did, and that can be verified easily, but make sure he knows. If he knows, then he can do something about it.

And if you need a support group if things get worse before they get better, you're in the right place for it!

I would tell him about it, if it were me. A guy who loves you will stand up for you, even to his best friends! I wonder if his friends are "into" you and pull the high school act to try and hide their feelings for you or even their jealousy of your man....he was able to get you, but they don't have you!

hope that makes sense...

sounds like the hoes of xmas past.


29 yrs? wow love is a strong thing. guess i'm just mad shallow.


they call you names?

I've seen girls attempt to claw out eyes for less

Hey... Do you want to be like those snotty sailing beeetches? Keep it civil but tell them off next time they are snobby to you. Stand up... Find out what drives them crazy and keep grinding it to them until they squirm. Of course... That's probably not the best advice... But it's what I would do. Embarrass them with your intellect. They may end up respecting you for it. Well... maybe not women. Women hold grudges.

That's the code of the merchant sailor anyway.

i think its wonderful that u have found someone who you can feel like this about, if i was you id make your other half aware of the situation, cos he would proberbly be as hurt as you if he knew the extent of these women's behaviour towards you.

obviously they think they are better than you which im in no doubt that these women with there own heads shoved so far up there own backsides are not.
dont let some dried up old hags get you down and try to ruin something that they obviously havent got with there partners which puts it down to dam right jealousy.

Whatever you do, remember that you have got something pretty great that they are all jealous of. It is a lot easier for them to treat you like you are some bimbo that Tim got hooked up with for sex because if that was the case, there is no way for them to compete and it makes Tim just a bit of a shallow guy. however, if they had to admit that you are more than just a sex toy, that you are smart and articulate and Tim likes the mental and emotional comfort that comes from your relationship, those witches would have to look inward and see where they fall short....

I want to thank you all, for your advice and kind words!
I REALLY appreciate it!
I did tell "tim", I made no bones about it.
Things seem to be ok, so far. (We attended a party with these certain women on Friday) I hope things continue as such,but if not.
A light "accidental" shove when the sailboat is tacking...should solve the problem

Let's make it more realistic here. Wait till you Jibe, and don't say you're about to and let the boom whack em in the head and take em over. That just say "Oops. My bad."

Originally posted by b777pilot

A light "accidental" shove when the sailboat is tacking...should solve the problem

Ahhh.... The ol' mysteriously disappearing sailor trick. Never heard of this one before. *wink*
Another one is to accidently drop a wrench or other heavy object while climbing a ladder. But that's more of a marine engineer tactic. *wink* *wink*

Originally posted by LostSailor

Originally posted by b777pilot

A light "accidental" shove when the sailboat is tacking...should solve the problem

Ahhh.... The ol' mysteriously disappearing sailor trick. Never heard of this one before. *wink*
Another one is to accidently drop a wrench or other heavy object while climbing a ladder. But that's more of a marine engineer tactic. *wink* *wink*

LOL, well you did not hear it from me ;-)
The wrench is mighty tempting...BUT I could never justify it.
The shove on a tack...Im already acting my OMG face in the .

Originally posted by Zaphod58
Let's make it more realistic here. Wait till you Jibe, and don't say you're about to and let the boom whack em in the head and take em over. That just say "Oops. My bad."

I did not think of that!
If you could just see my lil grin!

Uh, sailing? Well heck use that to your advantage! Wait for them to go out on a boat, then shoot a gole in it, and watch them drown! Best not to tell your significant other about this plan...

Or seriously, tell them that it bothers you how they treat you, should be willing to listen.

I don't wanna be harsh, but if "love" goes above age differences, then why does it follows patterns of age differences, when there is significant difference of age? Why the young academic with the old bearded men? What got you so interested in an older men, to the point of ignoring all the other mens of your age around you? This looks like the typical near-incestuous pattern of the old man using his wit and long-developped flirting skills (storytelling, flattering, saying "wise", poetic comments, behaving like a men who does not assume his age, etc) to lure naive young womens in their bed. Perhaps you think he's not "like that" but what makes you so sure, after all? Ever came across the wonders of "linguistic magik" -or symbol manipulation as they sometimes call it- into your long, fascinating studies? That's why I still have trouble believing in this thing many people call "love" (which I'd prefer to define as the feeling rather than the relationship), as it's always based into somebody tricking sombody else into his/her bed, no matter the lenght or complexity of the process that it takes to get there.

b777, you might only be doing the wrong things with the wrong man, and not realizing what's really going on. Perhaps he's just that kind of phallocratic men, who's very liberal about getting laid with other womens there and there but does'nt make ot show very much, and you're just being blinded from that. This is a possibility... and that would explain why he also hangs out with all these other womens.

The other possibility, less depressing but nonetheless realistic is that these womens are just jealous of what they *could* have but don't, and that they hate you for being the young women that gains everything from the men they love the wrong way.

I think you should consider these two possibilities before doing anything.

But in both cases, expressing your superiority, both with these womens and with this "tim" of yours should be the right way to go.




[edit on 24/2/06 by Echtelion]