Do you want a reading, just ask.

Hello everyone I am back
I had to go to Kenya for a while, to attend a conference, but I am back with a new plan.

I am willing to give you all readings for free. This will help me to see how I can use this internet for my witchdoctering.

So if you want me to tell you about your future I have lots of chickens in the yard and I will be happy to kill once for a reading of their entrails.

Later on I will take orders for hexes and incantations as well.

So anyone want a reading?

[Edited on 4-10-2003 by Mala]

I'll take a reading please *hands coupon over*

AT LAST!!!!

HE RETURNS!!!!

I would like the ninth reading, please.

I would like you to enlighten me on where I should live for the next 40 years (city life is preferable, and I move in seven-year cycles), and with how many wives.

Also, as my friend Springer has recently apologized for certain misdeeds, I would like you to relieve him of the hex of constipation that he has recently suffered. (If you choose to replace that with something else, please do not advise me or other ATS members).

I place a personal blessing on your CPU, and give you sincere warm wishes to take to your own wives.

I would desire a reading as well. Should be interesting.

If you can do a reading for me without having to kill anything, then I would like one too please ... and thank you.

I could go for one too please whenever you have time.
Deep

Ah nerdling I thought you would be first. Indeed you are a brave man.

let me get my chicken,

buk buk buk bukacccck!

got him, hmmm lets see what we have..

my what fine entrails, you are a brave and honerable person nerdling. I see here that you have had an eventful life starting when you were sold to the gypsies at a young age and rased as a circus performer on the highwire. Pity about your vertigo though. You were fired from that for chundering over the audience during a swing act, and now you are working as a banana straighener for a 3rd world country.

Hmmm ... what lies ahead for you young man. oooohhhh, I see danger and chaos approaching. Don't take the blue pill when it is offered and don't answer any calls that are not for you. Also those boxer shorts you wear have an unsightly hole in them and your washing machine is about to explode dirty water all over your unit.

Take care young nerdling, next year will be a tough year for you. Make sure you have saved enough for the bail and deny everythign that will happen to you in december.

Originally posted by Nerdling
I'll take a reading please *hands coupon over*

I would also like one....my life is always up and down
need some prospect on how it will go

thanks asala

Very nice, a colourful mockery of the tarot post

Ahhh MA, I will be happy to read the entrails for you...

buk buk bukkkkaaaaacckkkk!!!!! Thump!! Thump!!
Tough chicken this one, it means that you are a tough old rooster MA.

Now what can I tell you about your future. Ahhh I see now, although you want a settled existance you will instead find yourself as a travelling salesman going door to door, selling do-it-yourself enemas. Hmmm, I notice that you will provide hands on training as well.

I suggest asking WOS for some instructions when you get this job. Your first customer will be Springer with whom you will offer the high pressure turbo charged enema free that also removes plague from his teeth at the same time. With the same instrument!!

I cannot see how you will do this but suggest that you invest in rubber gloves, as many as you can afford, you will need them.

Good luck with your future...

Originally posted by MaskedAvatar
AT LAST!!!!

HE RETURNS!!!!

I would like the ninth reading, please.

I would like you to enlighten me on where I should live for the next 40 years (city life is preferable, and I move in seven-year cycles), and with how many wives.

Also, as my friend Springer has recently apologized for certain misdeeds, I would like you to relieve him of the hex of constipation that he has recently suffered. (If you choose to replace that with something else, please do not advise me or other ATS members).

I place a personal blessing on your CPU, and give you sincere warm wishes to take to your own wives.

MixedUp Annie you are indeed lucky that I provide a versatile service for vegetarians as well. I will read the entrails of this marrow I am going to have for my dinner.

Hmmmmm ... you had an uneventful childhood... yes, VERY uneventful, ... you were locked in a closet for the first 7 years. That must have been traumatic for you.

After that you had a big step upwards being locked in the broom closet for 3 years, and developing some imaginary friends called Mr brush and Miss bucket.

I see that now you have been locked in the cellar for the last 3 years without any means of excape.

In the future you will move upstairs and spend your 20's being locked in the attic at least you get a better view. In your middle years you will be locked in the toolshed and finally will spend your declining years trapped in the outside long drop toilet.

Well at least you get to travel a bit.

I suggest you get a broardband internet connection, immediatly and an extra large game of solitarie.

Originally posted by MessedUpAnnie
If you can do a reading for me without having to kill anything, then I would like one too please ... and thank you.

[Edited on 3-10-2003 by Mala]

How's the fish here?

still biting lol

Thankyou kindly Mala

I will continue in my current profession of enema marketing then. I will probably have to do some more competitor analysis on the enema enemy.

You have inspired me to look outside the current scope of enema technology, to develop the painless psychic enema as well.

Thankyou again for accelerating my reading to be your second. I trust you will also perform the ninth for me as well, in order to accommodate my polite request and to prove your numeracy is at the prescribed ZZWDTA* levels.

* Zimbabwe & Zambia Witch Doctor Trade Association.


(NB If the ninth reading in a ritual reading session is not performed on the one who requests it, then the seventh and eleventh readings become reversed, and the fourth, fifth and sixth readings are synergistically combined to create a super-reading which gets imposed on the Site Administrator. Or at least that's what I'm told about Witch Doctor cyber-readings).

[Edited on 3-10-2003 by MaskedAvatar]

LMAO


Those are so close to real its scary!
I cant wait to see what the Doc has in store for me
please if you could be so kind your Witchyness.


Mark

Asala, I have run out of chickens but just wait while I kill this rat...

THUMP!! THUMP!! THUMP!! THUM - SQUISH!!

Got him with my shoe.

Oh good I don't have to disect him his entrails are laid out over the sole of my shoe.

Ahhh I see that you have had a quiet life so far alasa, Raised in Northern england you were rained on for the first 10 years of your life. You moved to London and were rained on with the particularly miserable london rain for a further 5 years. These were the highlights of your life to date.

What comes up? Hmmmmm I see you talking to a big fat Jamacan momma soon. She takes you back to Jamaca where you will raise many small children and live in a grass shack smoking weed till your fingers turn green.

Eventually you find the mythical weed that gave Bob Marley his power and become a famous Reggae artist.

This will create a major life crisis with you as until this time you only like Country and Western. Your songs will incorporate this mix by singing about how your dog died and your wife left you but hey the ganja is great man!

Roll one for me

[Edited on 3-10-2003 by Mala]

OK Mala, lets see what you have. Do me, but keep it basic. If you give out my name address and phone number, I will do a 12 card spread on you and tear you up.

Hey thats great so true my friend so true...
i can rest happy knowing my future lol

OOH OOH! PICK ME! PICK ME!! Could you send me the entrails when your done? I'm out of sushi and am starving....

I can reimburse you for sending them... of course it will be with thought patterns...

wow Mala, thats AMAZING ... it's so accurate!

the closet wasnt so bad, i learned a lot .. it prepared me for the broom closet. my future looks pretty good. Thanks again for taking the time to do my reading much appreciated.

And leave the chickens alone .. theres this netchicken here I'm quite fond of