I've just had a relationship epiphany

I have recently had a major epiphany. I now understand the women issues that men are always complaining about. And I can’t believe it took me this long.

A little background--- I have always been considered one of the guys. And while I am 100% a girl, 100% straight, and I 100% love it, I have always managed to get along better with men than with women. Maybe it has something to do with my love for football, my willingness to spit, and the fact that I can beat a guy at arm wrestling without an issue, but nonetheless, I’m considered one of them. Even when it’s the famed “Man Night,” an event held when one guy in our circle of friends gets dumped and they feel the need to be manly, I am always invited. I am an honorary man.

I’ve been around the guyest of guys for so long now, I’m even starting to think like them to a certain degree. I don’t want to be spoken to when there’s a sport on television, I think that beef jerkey is one of the greatest inventions ever, and the fact that I think action movies are awesome. But I never did understand what was so hard for them to understand about women. They never get it, and I didn’t see why not.

One of the biggest complaints I’m always hearing is that “She wants me to just know. How the hell am I supposed to know if she doesn’t tell me?” And normally, my immediate reaction is “Duh, stupid. She tells you; she just doesn’t say it outright. Take a hint, loser face.” I vow never to drop a subtle hint and expect full results ever again. Men of the world, you may thank my mother for this one.

My mother is not considered a friendly woman by any meaning of the term. She can, by all means, be friendly, she just more often than not chooses not to. And in my family, we have come to accept this and are very aware of moods. As soon as my mother walks through the door, we can tell what to say or to say anything at all. Lately she’s been in “I’m the only one who ever does anything” mode ((which, by the way, is untrue-- I have people who can vouch for the contrary)), and has come home every day expecting things to be done that she did not ask for. When she asks why the dishes were not washed, and either my sister or I respond with a “You didn’t ask,” her immediate response is, “Well you should have known.” Yes, if there is a sink full of dishes, I agree that one should know that they need to be washed. But I have, on more than one occasion, assumed that this was so, and ended up being fussed at for not waiting until after dinner. Am I supposed to be a mind reader and know which days it’s okay to wash and when it’s not? It also is of no importance if three loads of clothes were washed, the bathroom scrubbed, and the house vacuumed. It’s those damned dishes we were supposed to know to wash.

So now that I’ve thought about it, I agree with the men--- We women are out of our minds if we think that they’re just going to know. When the hell did God give them the powers to just know, and why didn’t He give them to me too??? Sure, it would be really nice if they could know exactly what we want and do it, but alas, we are all human. And when I think about it, I realize that I assume a man should know things all the time. He should know to call me at this time, and he should know that I’d rather green than pink, and he should know that I don’t like peas. But how is he going to know if we don’t tell him??? I’m baffled at the thought that I’ve done this so many times and never noticed. I’ve always scoffed at the men when they complain and told them that they were crazy- Women don’t do that! But we do! And then we expect the world in return. It’s another example of “you get what you pay for”--- Only give a small hint to what you want, only get small bit of what you want. And so many guys I know say that if their girlfriends would just tell them, they’d be more than happy to do what they ask. They just don’t know what we want.

Either I’ve been enlightened or corrupted. Men will say enlightened, feminists will say corrupted. Pick your piece. I am not taking the men’s side by any means-- I still agree that we women are right on just about everything else relationship wise. But this has been a revelation among revelations for me.

One of the best posts I have seen in a long time! Way to go, sister!

I too enjoy men's company more than women's. I was never able to have a realization, though. Soon enough, perhaps.

Party on!

[edit on 29-12-2005 by Rouschkateer]

You have voted Alcor for the Way Above Top Secret award. You have used all of your votes for this month.

If all women read Alcor post us men would have a fewer angry women to deal with. Alcor post should be required reading before couples get married.

In your reply about a month or so ago on the board here in Relationships...titled " I cant stand it" I made a reply to Miranda. Apparently you werent impressed with my answer. No problem with this.
I started to give a snappy comeback but decided against it. Im glad now that I chose this course.

Your post was pretty much right on ..but it goes further. To me men can be some of the dumbest creatures to squat between a pair of shoes to take care of buisness. Pardon the crudity but I see it so often. The thinking of men is often so one dimensional to me. Sports ,Sex, Food. Sports , Sex , Food. Oh ...and not necessarily in that order.. but this kind of triangle. No wonder they cant pick up on the indirectness of women. Most men are pretty direct creatures. They cannot fathom the subtilty of women. They cannot concieve that many women operate with a radar frequency mostly undetectable to the average male. Sort of a stealth frequency. Its just the way many of them are. I dont even think many women notice it. It just comes natural. It is the tool used in how they percieve the world around them. Conversely men percieve the world differently too and from their perspective which is sometimes foreign to many women. Most women dont really care as long as it is useful to them when they need it. But try to figure it out..not going to happen. Same with the average sports illustrated male...figuring it out isnt going to happen. Hey..how about those Cowboys... How about that race in Martinsville???!!
By the way ..I never read sports illustrated or the swimsuit edition. I dont watch sports either. Well thats not entirely true..I do occasionly watch certain events in the olympics but most of them ..not intrested. The sports section of the newspaper is the first part I discard.
I have made this statement to other women on ATS/BTS and wonder if it sometimes applies to you? Do you sometimes find that in getting along better with men than women ..that other women consider you competition ...sometimes visciously for getting along better with men?? I ask this because I am aware that women are much more competitive and competitively conscious in certain arenas than most men even have a clue is possible. Ive often said..what a dumb bunch of creatures men can be. It is very fortunate for most women that this is so. Otherwise they would be called on thier core beliefs and entitlements much more often.
I have posted this many times in different forums here on ATS/BTS. This is a mans fault for being dumb about the nature of many women and not being able to hold them to account. You dont spend alot of time worrying about reading their minds..or picking up on thier clues and cues for you to perform more and increase their value ...among themselves or other women. Dont be ignorant of this ..a tall order for many men..but also dont spend alot of time jumping through hoops either. What happens to alot of men before they know it ..is that thier sense of Peace and order in their lives is substituted with her value system or entitlements.
This kind of thinking is way to multidimensional for the average sports conditioned male to grasp. Even many guys with college degrees..Hey ..how about those Cowboys..How about Martinsville??? Those Lakers??? What a dumb bunch of guys. Not much hope for them ..most women run circles around them..especially when they go all emotional. The guys just turn to jelly.
Well, Alcor, I could take this further but glad to see your post on here. Its about time something like this was written by a woman. Most men cant seem to get this far. Well done!

Thanks,
Orangetom

I'm glad you didn't give a snappy comeback--- I don't think I actually said anything that showed that I disagreed with you. I did read them and actually agreed with parts. My only reply was to the spelling of truck-- But anyways.

In response to your question about other women seeing me as competition, I find that more often than not it makes me LESS competition to them. Being one of the guys tends to make them see me as more of a friend and less of a "dating figure," if you will. There's a quote from the movie Eurotrip that they use to make fun of me all the time- "You're not a chick, you're just a guy with really long hair." Most of the time I end up adopting guys as brothers of a sort--- Making me one less girl the others have to jump over to get a guy.

I have had one or two occasions where other women have made a snooty comment or decided that vicious competition was a good idea, but I don't tend to be much to compete for--- It doesn't take much to beat me at the dating game.

And xpert- Thank you very much, but I'm DEFINITELY not an authority enough for that kind of... erm... job... But I'm glad you enjoyed my thoughts and thanks.

Rouschkateer-- I'm waiting on a better realization. While this epiphany was lovely and all, I want a good one, like what it takes to get the right guy and what the hell am I doing wrong? Haha... If you realize before I do- Let me know!

I want to remind you of something about men.

Being a man is not a matter of buying more manhood in a squeeze tube or a spray can. Or buying a certain kind of car because a man thinks it will get him the women with the phattest yams and he never saw a ugly woman get out of one.

Neither is it this way in finding a real woman through buying more product to appear to be more woman than one actually is This is often more acceptable of a conduct to women than it is to men. Men can be really dumb here because their basic expectations of women are so low...and they often have to struggle for miles to get even these low expectations met. Astonishing.

My point is that real womanhood and manhood are internally developed ..not external. It takes a rare woman or man to understand this line of thinking. This is very difficult today when so many are raised in the fast food lane of thinking and believing. This is going to be one of your problems in finding a good man. You are breaking out of the fast food lane type thinking. Well done!!

One more thing about men...many of them today are raised primarily by women...they have womens thinking processes ..values and also expectations. They cannot often defend a mans position on things even when they may be correct. This means that these men also have consumption rates like women. This will not do when a woman is looking for a man who can provide a type of safety net. She is not looking for competition in the consumption rate arena...understand.???
So when many women complain ..."where are all the real men?" they are correct. Its just that many dont understand why. Neither do the men?? It is often a lose lose situation without either side understanding why.
I dont see many men in the future being able to think thier way through this one. However ..this is another story..
I seem to sense where you could get tired of being some guys sister. Dont let this get you down...and dont put yourself down for it either...learn from this and build on it with more epiphanys. Teach yourself to take this knowlege to the next step for your benifit. This can be difficult at times. Building a good usable BS filter can be very difficult. You are taking a trail for which most people never know of its existance. Congratulations.
Thanks for your post,

Orangetom

You know Alcor,

As I hit the "post reply" button It dawned on me..the irony.

That is one of the purposes ..of ATS/BTS isnt it?? To begin many of us along the trail of learning to build our own BS Filters to filter out much of the BS that surrounds us ..daily. I believe this falls under the expresion used here "Deny Ignorance." Even in our personal relationships.

I suppose that is what makes your initial post on this thread so appropriate..once again ..congratulations.

Thanks,
Orangetom

Orangetom- I have found a new friend. I totally agree with your internal/external point--- Too many people tend to rate a person's man or womanhood on cars, looks, partners, etc. Fast food lane thinking, eh?... I like the concept!

As for the sister issue, it doesn't generally tend to be that big of one. Most guys deemed brotherly are those that aren't "dateable" as it is haha. The issue comes in when the brother's friends start thinking that I'M not dateable because I'm the sister... When did I become EVERYBODY'S sister???

I can honestly say that I have great BS filters for relationships... That's about all the BS filter I have, but I can catch boy bs all over the place.

Denying ignorance, denying BS.

Thanks again,
Alcor.

When I say something, that is what I mean, though sometimes I could be clearer. I used to always hear, ' but you really meant...' No, I didn't. It has always been impossible for me to pick up a ladies subtle hints. Go right over my head every time. Women can do it with each other, sisters especially, the eyebrow, nudge, smirk, etc. I am lost in that area.
I have now decided that that is okay, and I am not an idiot for it.
I agree with all the above posts, women are usually right, and men won't admit it usually. But the unspoken message is one thing I can only understand from one person, luckily she's my partner now.

Originally posted by Alcor
....my willingness to spit....

That's funny!

I've always been one to read a woman's body language before anything else. Body language never lies. Knowing a woman's body language can keep you out of trouble (saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time). It's really not that hard. It's a man's responsibility to do this because we need women more than they need us, or at least that the way it is with me.

Peace

Dr. Love... I'm glad you laughed... I do agree that body language tells a lot though.

Black Guard--- I'm totally with you on this one. I hate it when people tell me that I really meant something else--- No, if I meant something else, I would have SAID something else.

My best friend and I actually have the smirk, nudge, eyebrow thing. And it scares the hell out of everyone else. We were at a party about a week ago with 15 or so other friends. A particular song came on and we were immediately speaking in half sentences, doing the point, the eyebrow, and ended up on the floor laughing--- Needless to say the men thought that something was medically wrong... They sat on the far end of the room, staring in amazement that two people could communicate in such a way.

But it's amazing the results you can get just by SAYING what you want, instead of HINTING. If he asks which restaurant do you want to go to, tell him instead of assuming he should automatically know which one you'd rather go to. He's not going to be able to just know-- He's a MAN.

And while I have the highest respect for men, as I am apparently an honorary man, they tend to do more ridiculous stuff than women, in my opinion. It's just that I happened to pick up on this insanity in women. Just don't get me started on what the problems with men are.


EDIT for spelling---

[edit on 12/30/2005 by Alcor]

Cuz they're pigs.
George Carlin said men are stupid and women are crazy. The reason women are crazy, is cuz men are stupid.
I think he pretty much summed it up.

Exactly my point.

We women wouldn't be such nut cases if you men weren't so stupid...

But it's not exactly true.

But it sounds good.

I'd tell you my whole opinion on it, but I'm going to have to do it in eyebrow/wink/nudge language... Is that cool with you?

this reminds me of women complaining about men putting the seat up. Why dont they check to see if it is down before they sit in it?