Girl problems...

I can't quite remember if I posted about this girl before. It happened around february, if anyone cares to search for it. Anyway, she's back again and I'm kinda stressed out about this. Let me start from the very beginning.

After I quit my last job in february, I said my goodbyes to everyone who worked there. I exchanged numbers with a few people, one of them being a pretty attractive girl who was a manager. About a week after I quit, I got a text message from her wanting to "hang out". Well after about 2 weeks of "Are we going out or not?" deliberation, it was basically confirmed that we were a couple. It was just then that a bunch of stuff went wrong. She stopped calling for a week. I tried calling her, but got no results. Finally, she text-messaged me (That's kind of her thing) telling me that her phone was broken and stuff. Anyway, I forgave her and we agreed to hang out. Then she disappeared for 2 weeks! She finally called me saying that she was on a cruise... It was at that point when I finally just gave up and let the whole the phaze out. See, we were never "officially" a couple, meaning I hadn't officially asked her out, and we hadn't kissed or anything yet. For that reason, we didn't need an official break up. I thought it was over. We've kept in contact over the past 6 or 7 months, but haven't gone out again.

Then the other day I saw her at the theatre (where she works). We talked for a while, and kinda agreed to hang out sometime. She text messaged me the next day (yesterday), and said the normal "Hi how are you" etc. Then all of a sudden, she came right out and said "Whatever happened to us dating?"... I replied, basically saying that I was kinda wondering the same thing. So she asked "What should we do about that?" (In a sarcastic way. It's obvious where this was going). And I agreed that we'd go out for coffee or something again. And this is the point we're at right now... The problem? Let me explain.

I know it sound like typical teenage drama, and I guess it is. But this is the place for "relationships", so I doubt you're still reading this if you're not at least somewhat interested. See, she seems like a great person. She's pretty. She's a Christian like me, and also agrees with me about waiting for sex until you're married. She doesn't drink, just like me.. She doesn't smoke. All around, she's a good person! But I just....can't see myself with her. We just don't seem compatible as far as dating goes. And to be honest, although I'm not bad looking (Judge for yourself...I've posted my picture somewhere on BTS if you really care), but I'm really inexperienced. This pretty much stems from the fact that I'm not seeking sex, thereby negating basically the whole point to dating (As far as people my age are concerned). And from what I've heard, although she's a virgin, she's pretty experienced in the dating field. And I've always said that the ideal woman would be someone that I could just hang out with, and it wouldn't be awkward or anything at all. Someone who you could just "chill" with and be happy. I really can't imagine sitting down and discussing politics with her (She's more of the cheer-leader type), let alone the Misfits with whom I'm obsessed! (Most people get turned away from the Misfits because don't understand them and think they're Satan worshippers or something, not to mention a Christian!) I just have that uncomfortable *Let me out!* feeling already, although I know she's a good person. And I was never really actively "persuing" in the first place. I kinda only wanted a girlfriend if it just sort of happened naturally. Like we were friend, I liked them and they liked me... Like I said, someone who I could just chill with. I dunno... Argh, devil thy name is woman!

Sorry if I bored you to death, or wasted your time . Any replies or advice would be appreciated.

Youre gut is pretty right on this one,and yeah Its been awhile since I was a teenager, but the drama never leaves. I COMPLETELY COMMEND YOU
For the fact you are waiting until marriage to lose your viginity, far too many times relationships are made out to be more than they are with the confusion of sex. The feelings of Lust versus Love are very easily confused.

I'm prime candidate for that one. Trust me. I do think the old saying goes there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just remember, the better looking they are, the crazier they usually are. Don't waste your time, I honestly think she was being nice by asking to what ever happened to you guys. And you seem truly sweet, don't become one of the staticstics most of my guy friends are. Besides, you can't look for love, it just happens, chances are, she isn't ready to have a boyfriend yet.

TextI know it sound like typical teenage drama, and I guess it is.

no dude..youre cool...dont worry about that at all, i really respect what youve written here in your post, your old before your years, thats a great thing but it can also be a pain sometimes.

If i could be a pal and offer some free advice, dont forget that its all supposed to be fun, your at such an awesome age for having fun...try and not read into stuff too deeply, dont be afraid to get hurt....if youre willing to bite the bullet and go out with this girl, who knows what may happen?

ive followed a few of your posts and your a great bloke in my opinion, go with the flow and have a crack at dating this girl....dont worry about whats wright or wrong dude....youve got a level head on your shoulders and im sure it will continue to serve you well.

Good luck mate with whatever you decide.

Peace out. Optimus.

Thanks a lot for you replies and compliments guys . And you're right, optimus, about being the perfect age for having fun. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and go out a few times and see how it goes...again! haha.

For the fact you are waiting until marriage to lose your viginity, far too many times relationships are made out to be more than they are with the confusion of sex. The feelings of Lust versus Love are very easily confused.

Yeah, not many people do that anymore! But that's another thing about her, she plans on waiting as well... That's one of the worst things about it. I've always wanted a girl that would agree with me on these things, and she does, but there's just something not right... I guess it's just like I said before.. She's a little immature, and she just doesn't seem like my type. Oh well, guess I'll just see how it plays out and hope for the best. I'll update here and tell you guys how it's going along.

Thanks again for the kinds words!

I refer the right honorable gentleman to the reply I gave some moments ago.

In the thread called "what's with women."

Seriously. It is the distilled basics of how I learned to connect with the dames.

Now, I'm gleefully married, and have no more use for my accumulated wisdom, so I'm GIVING it away to anyone who has the sense to see it for the pure GOLD that it really is.

[edit on 28-9-2005 by dr_strangecraft]

1. Your not looking for premarital sex (congratulations!) So you really have nothing to lose, other than some tense moments either way.

2. You aren't looking for "the" one right. So spend effort on her until it gets to the point of diminishing returns.

3. No offense dude. And free advice is worth every penny. But I swear, part of the problem is your generation's desire to "just hang out." You don't know whether you're "together" or not, 'cause you've never taken her on a real date. You don't need a car. you DO need creativity. Take her someplace she'd never otherwise go. A museum. A political party rally. Church. A farmer's market. Ethiopian food. Frisbee golf. Just something new and entertaining.

4. Treat this whole thing as a sociology experiment, one in which you get to practice your people and "gentlemanly" skills. You're goal is to learn about yourself and women. Not necesarrily to get a life-partner.

Originally posted by dr_strangecraft

*SNIP!

You're goal is to learn about yourself and women. Not necesarrily to get a life-partner.

I am veery impressed!:applause:

[edit on 9/28/2005 by denial28]

Mod Edit: The goal is to ONLY use as much of the person's quote as needed. Not the whole quote...especially for an "ata boy" type statement.

[edit on 28-9-2005 by ZeddicusZulZorander]

Originally posted by dr_strangecraft

1. Your not looking for premarital sex (congratulations!) So you really have nothing to lose, other than some tense moments either way.

You've got a point. But do I want to go through the money spending and such when I don't even really like the girl that way? Dating is expensive! And I almost always pay...

3. No offense dude. And free advice is worth every penny. But I swear, part of the problem is your generation's desire to "just hang out." You don't know whether you're "together" or not, 'cause you've never taken her on a real date. You don't need a car. you DO need creativity. Take her someplace she'd never otherwise go. A museum. A political party rally. Church. A farmer's market. Ethiopian food. Frisbee golf. Just something new and entertaining.

That's also a good idea . I dunno if she'd go for it though... See, that's exactly what I want! A girl who's free-spirited enough to go for stuff like that. Who knows though, she might be!

4. Treat this whole thing as a sociology experiment, one in which you get to practice your people and "gentlemanly" skills. You're goal is to learn about yourself and women. Not necesarrily to get a life-partner.

And that's definitely true.

Dr_Strangecraft? Dr_ladies man.

Originally posted by Herman

But do I want to go through the money spending and such when I don't even really like the girl that way? Dating is expensive! And I almost always pay...

Spend only as much you're comfortable with.
Even if you don't "like the girl that way", you're still getting useful experience and perhaps finding out the hard way what NOT to do, so it might be justified to spend some money and consider it to be tuition

But the bottom line is that it's only money and nothing which is really important in life can be bought with money.

Sex can be bought. Love can't. Making love most definitely can't.

This pretty much stems from the fact that I'm not seeking sex, thereby negating basically the whole point to dating (As far as people my age are concerned).

Is THAT what you think dating is about? Since sex is something you've put off, make it about what YOU want out of it! Sounds like you want a relationship, not a roll in the hay. From your description, seems like you're looking for a girl who wants the same. This may NOT be the girl. She's what we call "flighty", in other words, either she has no idea what she wants (the most likely case), or she's lying through her teeth and is shagging left and right... Sorry, but I'm not going to sugar-coat it, hehe...

Now, she rightly might be as confused as you are about what the whole dating thing should be about if it's true you both want to wait for marriage. The hard part is, biology is a tough beast to tame... Mother nature will be messing with both of you to get it on, and awkward moments are going to be a given while staving it off... It's just as simple as that. My advice...before a date, take a pointer from "Something About Mary" and don't go out with a loaded pistol, mate. You gotta flush the pipes first. That'll take some of the tension out of it...

Since she sees it as "dating" too, TALK about it, talk about what you're both looking for out of this thing!

Originally posted by Gazrok

This pretty much stems from the fact that I'm not seeking sex, thereby negating basically the whole point to dating (As far as people my age are concerned).

Is THAT what you think dating is about?

Well, the subtext I got from Herman's post was that they're so compatible it's simply boring. Nothing to chase, no conflict, no all night discussions and no interest. Sure, she's GREAT! Like a sister. But...

Eh, maybe that's just me. Honestly, I would take her issues of disappearing and coming back like YOU abandoned her (in light of her "experience") in a whole different light. She wants to be chased by bad boys (and probably is) but likes knowing the fall back plan is there just in case too.

Screw that IMHO. (Plus I think she's telling you what you want to hear my friend.)

Well, I'm married to a gal who's kind of like a sister...we've been friends for years before getting together.

So it can work...but I'm not so sure it's workable until one is older and wiser....

The bad boy comment may be right on the money...

Well the ingredients to a great marriage are many common interests, the more the better really, but it definitly helps if you have different interests as well, it can be very stimulating to discover you actually DO like something you never thought you liked, that was exactly the case with my wife.

I agree with both Rant and Gazrok, but perhaps this girl just wants to do something naughty, maybe she just wants to be suprised or something.

I know my ex wanted no sex before marriage, but later on she kinda persuaded me to do it anyway, from that nature pretty much took over, I regret doing it, I wish I could have gaven my self to my wife, but at the very least it was fair, my wife had somebody before me as well, I wish it wasn't so, but it just seemed to be meant to be.

I'm not a Christian, i'm not you, so it's hard for me to give any good advice, just relate to you somewhat, I know being a teen sucks, I haven't been one for 4~5 years.

Originally posted by RANT

Originally posted by Gazrok

This pretty much stems from the fact that I'm not seeking sex, thereby negating basically the whole point to dating (As far as people my age are concerned).

Is THAT what you think dating is about?

Well, the subtext I got from Herman's post was that they're so compatible it's simply boring. Nothing to chase, no conflict, no all night discussions and no interest. Sure, she's GREAT! Like a sister. But...

Well I dunno about that. I mean, we're compatible in the sense that we're both religious, we both believe in waiting for sex, and we don't drink....but that's pretty much the only think I can find that we have in common. I hate to stereotype people in this way, but she's more of what you could call a "preppie" (Again, hate to say that stupid word) type of girl, and I think she thinks I'm the same. Because honestly, I kind of look like I would be! But inside I'm really not. I like discussing politics, listening to talk radio (I'm kind of like an old-man in that sense haha...or that's how one of my friends describes me), and listening to bands like the Misfits...I really doubt she'd be too into that. In fact, she'd probably be scared of it and think I was a freak or something haha.

Thanks a lot (again) for your advice guys. I think we're going out really soon (As soon as we both have a day off). So I'll definitely update and tell you guys about it.

Until then...wish me luck!

Good Luck!