Halliburton Gets Contract To Pry Gold Fillings From New Orleans Corpses' Teeth, page 1

Just when you thought you had heard it all. It seems that Haliburton has slipped even further from the realm of reality that we know. I knew that they were coordinating with the Bush administration to steal money from the Iraqi people, but I never thought that they would stoop to robbing the poor people that have just been through a devastating hurricane. I suppose that's why they won't let reporters into the area. They don't want anyone to see the madness that is happening.

The Onion - Halliburton Gets Contract To Pry Gold Fillings From New Orleans Corpses' Teeth
HOUSTON—On Tuesday, Halliburton received a $110 million no-bid government contract to pry the gold fillings from the mouths of deceased disaster victims in the New Orleans-Gulf Coast area. "We are proud to serve the government in this time of crisis by recovering valuable resources from the wreckage of this deadly storm," said David J. Lesar, Halliburton's president. "The gold we recover from the human rubble of Katrina can be used to make fighter-jet electronics, supercomputer chips, inflation-proof A-grade investments, and luxury yachting watches."

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*The Onion is a parody site.