Insomniatic Ramblings

As the light of the noon-time sun, I let the soft brilliance of the stars bathe my face in that special way that only a true insomniac could understand. I find myself staring at the sky searching for new stars I've never noticed before, as I concentrate harder and harder a feeling overtakes me, I feel like I'm trying to listen to a faint whisper in a crowded room. The heavens above are beautiful, peaceful, surreal, and a powerful example that there is more to the universe then the everyday grind of modern life. On nights like this, when I've been chasing that narrow spot between a racing mind full of thoughts of great things to be done and amazing knowledge to gain or the head full of memories of things done wrong and regrets and lost opportunities, a walk in the dark and some time with the night sky help relax me. There is a special place between grandeur and self loathing where my mind slows just enough to fall asleep. A good nights sleep is something I've never truly known, not even as a child.

I stay near my house and walk quietly so as not to disturb the crickets and the frogs, I'm just a tourist and the dark of night is their native land, it feels almost like being in the middle of a strange festival with all the sounds competing. A thought I've often wrestled with creeps in, am I the only one who finds such amazement in the night, am I different somehow because of all the sleepless nights I've ventured out of doors to see the dark and its secrets? There must be plenty of people who can not sleep and for whom the night is an always vigilant companion. But where are they, are there so few of us that we might never pass on a star lit stroll? It's just then that I catch it, my mind has begun to race again and the purpose of my walk is in jeopardy, time to stop and take in a large breath of cool air and listen, look, observe. Glancing up I catch a quick glimpse of a shooting star and marvel at how clear the sky is on this night.

After an hour or so I start to realize just how alone I am out here. I've walked a little farther than I had intended so I begin to head back, it's not terribly far, I turn towards home and hopefully some sleep before morning. I notice that it seems a little quieter now, a little darker, and a lot lonelier than it did earlier. It's hard to tell if there are less crickets or frogs or if something besides my soft foot steps have startled them into near silence. The stars seem no where near as bright and there is no moon. I pick up my pace a little, I'm not scared but I realize I've told no none I've left, if something were to happen would anyone know where to look for me? The air has become still, the sky a bit darker, nature has quieted down, and I am all alone. Suddenly I realize, I do not know all of the nights secrets, god knows what's out here when humans should be sleeping. On this night I could learn that the night belongs to more then an insomniac out for a stroll. That's not what I want right now, I have no interest in being confronted with something strange, something bizarre, something frightening, or worse, something dangerous. Thoughts of every freaky thing I've ever been terrified of flash thru my mind. Monsters, werewolves, demons, psycotic killers even the possibility of an alien abduction. Just as I reach my back yard I find that I have been near running in a panic. How did my mission to relax turn into a pulse pounding scare? What went wrong, I was feeling so tranquil, how did this fear get a hold on me?

Stepping into my house I flick some lights on and check on my family. Peeking thru cracks in the doorways I can see everyone is comfortably asleep. I still feel a bit on edge and find it hard to even consider laying down and trying to sleep. In fact the thought seems almost absurd. So what do you do when you can't sleep, when you can't go outside, when there is nothing to put your mind to rest? I know there is nothing on the TV, I've read most all of the books in the house, and no one is awake to engage in some conversation. I've calmed down now but I feel a little angry that I was so frightened earlier, I almost felt like I did when I was a pre-teen and first snuck out to be with the night, I am not ten years old now however, I shouldn't have overreacted. So what do I do? I guess I'll just turn on the computer and find something interesting to read up on, something to research, something to keep my mind busy.

After logging on I remember a forum, a collaborative fiction forum they call it, on that fun fascinating site called ATS. I pull up the site, find the right forum and click the "post new topic" button, I let my fingers fly and type up a story about an adult insomniac whose afraid of the dark. It's not a terribly interesting story but it's keeping me occupied and passing the time until morning and a new day full of the same old things. The story I spill onto the screen is both true and fiction, it's both a little me and a little fantasy. I guess I've answered my own question from earlier: "So what do you do when you can't sleep, when you can't go outside, when there is nothing to put your mind to rest?". You type up a story on the ATS collaborative fiction forum that way you can say "at least the night wasn't a total waste, I got some more points on ATS and a little off my mind".

[edit on 7/4/2005 by looking4truth]

I am a life long sufferer of insomnia. I thought it would be fun to write a couple of short stories about it and include ATS in them somehow. This is the first one and I want to make up some more.

Anyone else who would like to add a story or a poem about insomnia should definately feel free to add it here.

[edit on 7/4/2005 by looking4truth]

You have a very beautiful way of writing my friend, your loss of sleep is our gain in short stories. Keep up the good work

As for me, i've never had insomnia. I sleep 10 hours a night, every night and if I don't get all 10 hours of it i'm grumpy as hell. I hope some day you will be able to sleep as much as well.

Wupy

I know your serien silence, as you walk through the empty street, the wind is your only companion, and it helps you to think, no ditractions exept yourself. The chill, refreshing, you can express yourself how you want and no one will care. Lie down on the sidewalk and stair at the stars, you see mars. The night, without people it is not a blind darkness, filling the gaps of light. And the leaves, yes the night is very, diferant than our day rutine, a differant world, and that is how you know a differant side of life, new opportunity arise. I find it best to write late at night.

Late night Adult Swim is enjoyably as well, dont take me wrong, its just Anime, not that kind, its, nevermind.

I can relate, I think, I mean Im not an ensomniac but I usually dont go to sleap untill 6am and sleap untill 2:30pm.



[edit on 30/7/05 by The Surrealist]