Life is a game that no-one wins, so give yourself a headstart and end it now.

My life SUCKS.

As some of you know, I am 19 years old.
I know for a fact that I have more wisdom and experience on my back than that of most 40 year olds.

I grew up in a harsh environment, my family having no money whatsoever.
When kids were given 10 bucks a day for pocket money, I was given 10 bucks a week for food.

Whether you may or may not think it, 19 years is a long time. And all that time, I spent saying to myself, "Keep your head up, your suffering will be worth it when you finish school and get a good job."

Now that I finished school last year, I've only just realised.
This is it.
This is the prime of my life.
It can't get any better than this.
And guess what? My life is still a harsh existence.
So what is the point of going on?
In hope of something better to come?
BULLCRAP! I've been doing that my whole life and it got me nowhere.

That is my rant.
Thankyou.

Originally posted by Gear
My life SUCKS.

As some of you know, I am 19 years old.
I know for a fact that I have more wisdom and experience on my back than that of most 40 year olds.

I grew up in a harsh environment, my family having no money whatsoever.
When kids were given 10 bucks a day for pocket money, I was given 10 bucks a week for food.

Whether you may or may not think it, 19 years is a long time. And all that time, I spent saying to myself, "Keep your head up, your suffering will be worth it when you finish school and get a good job."

Now that I finished school last year, I've only just realised.
This is it.
This is the prime of my life.
It can't get any better than this.
And guess what? My life is still a harsh existence.
So what is the point of going on?
In hope of something better to come?
BULLCRAP! I've been doing that my whole life and it got me nowhere.

That is my rant.
Thankyou.

I have a lot to say to you. First, I greatly empathize with your story. I am 35 years old and what you say is not new to me. Everything you said is on the mark. Life is not easy and never will be.

I had a lot of problems in life, but from the sound of how your life has been - even at a young age - I will come out and say that you sound as if it is probably harder than most people's lives are. Personally, I wish things could be different for you, but I also know that since life is always difficult, that we all have a choice to make in going on or giving up. I wanted to give up many a time. There are many ways to end it. It still takes a lot to do so and I would not pass judgment if you did. However, there is much to be said of your character when you find it within yourself to know that you made the decision to carry on despite the harsh world.

I am not one to say that life will get better. Sometimes, even though your personal experiences may be more difficult than everyone else's, it is still within your capacity and maybe even your purpose to overcome these things by changing your attitude. You may not be able to achieve your hearts desire in life, but you can probably learn to be content with the cards you are dealt with.

Some of the things you said is not entirely true. A lot of 40 year olds may be stupid, but they do have a lot of life experience that you don't have. In other words, by the time you are 40, you will find that you think and act way different than you do now and you will probably think that 19 year olds are generally stupid, naive, and have little life experience. There is a lot you prbably don't understand yet so give your elders a little credit, even if we seem obtuse.

Also, 19 years is not really a long time. Much of your early years is wasted away having fun and being a kid. As you have more responsibilty, the years seem longer and longer. The more fun you have in life, the shorter time seems to be, and vice-versa.

Hopefully, what I have said makes a little sense, but the most important thing I would want you to think about is this; life is what you make it. No one knows the turns life will take in the future. Your decisions can be good or go south and is marginally predictable to the outcome. You will always have to fall back on taking lemons and making lemonaide. Life is a gift of sorts, in that it is a form of opportunity for learning. By ending your time here, you are denying yourself a possible future that you would otherwise regret in losing if you had the hindsight to see ahead. Think of yourself and what you have to offer others. Think of the relationships, love, and experiences you could have if you spend the time to engage in them. Life is not about working, paying bills, and cutting the grass - these are only routines that you must do just like bathing or going to the bathroom. Real life is about all the moments and experiences that are possible and how you will react to them both between you and others. Make your little part in life have meaning to both you and putting yourself in others shoes, knowing the impact and difference you make . It doesn't have to be a lofty agenda that needs to be fullfilled or making a lot of money or curing cancer. Find a nice girl and work together and having kids is probably one of the most enhancing experiences you could have, by raising kids and becoming an example of how to endure and live life.

Not much more I can say than ben above has already said well.

I am not long off turning 30, so hardly enough life experience to give any sage advice, but close enough to 19 to know where you are coming from. I was lucky to come from a family that while not being rich, always had 3 hots and a cot. The reason was I had parents who grew up in a similar situation to you. They knew poverty but they put their heads down and worked, not at any high-filuting job, but enough that myself and my siblings had a chance to notch the family up another level.

There is a long road ahead, life isn't easy, you probably realise you are not going to be a movie star or some other unattainable fantasy, but you are 19 and the world of life and choices is at your feet. You will find a way. Just remember to live a little from time to time. Nothing that costs money is truly worth it.

Thanks for the concern guys,
I know life is hard, and it's not worth ending it.
I know that there are ALOT of people worse off than me.
I'm not considering ending my life at the moment, I was just getting somethings off my chest. (Having a rant, lol).
But thanks anyway.

BTW: Living in a third world country, and having a dad who commited suicide. I had to 'grow up early.' I don't mean I had to go out and get a job, but because my mother had to, I was left to look after myself.

Hi Gear,

First - thank you for coming here and sharing that rather than acting on it. Sometimes just speaking your hopelessness can move you to look back at your words and see a gap in the hopelessness that could be possibility.

I'm sorry that every single child on earth can't be given their childhood as (in my mind) it should be - with no worries, just wonderment and love and security. Some how it continues to slip away.

I would like to also share with you that 19 was not the prime of my life. In fact - it may have been one of the more suckier times of my life. Primarily because it is the point where you have been given your right to your own decisions, but still lack direction on how to apply that right. That power, in combination with that weakness, causes feelings of getting overwhelmed, of not being able to achieve.

Please, whenever you get overwhelmed remember this - there is only one decision that can keep you from achieving a life - giving up. And there is only one decision that can never be reversed. There are a lot of decisions you can make as long as you're still breathing.

Please continue to vent when you get overwhelmed. We'll be here! And feel free to u2u any time you want to talk.

Getting back to your thread, maybe you should find or tell us what it is you want to find in life and maybe some of us can push you in the right direction towards what it is you want to do. Life can become a crapper, but you can always find something to do that you enjoy. Go for it.

There are plenty of people who have/had it a lot rougher than you have.....trust me! That's not to be mean.....just fact. Ending it is not the answer. For one, it's a permanent solution, to temporary problems. Not to mention that, you will have to learn the lessons you are supposed to learn in this life....so you will just be reborn and go through similar situations till you make it through....may as well just do it once through this one. Life has a way of taking drastic changes a long the way, and also outlook and attitude, play a "big" roll. If you expect negativity, and that is the energy you put out...that is what surrounds you...and that is what you will attract.....be positive. Some of us has survived sexual abuse and worse....and have ended up with good life, happy, content. Never think of ending it over rough times of the "moment" a month from now...you could be signing and walking on air!

What country do you live in, Gear?

Valhall
Thanks for the kind words, I'll keep you in mind when I feel down.

Ben
I have no dreams or aspirations in life. The closest thing to a dream I have is to be a pilot for a commercial airline. But that is out of the question, as the course alone costs $16575 (AUD). (That’s $12,728 in American dollars.)
I know that the Armed Forces do sponsorships for it, but the chances of being accepted are extremely low.

LadyV
I know that people have it worse off. I stated in the first post that I have had a positive attitude, but I’m sick of it, as it's not taking me anywhere. ( And in the second post I said I wasn't considering ending my life.)

Herman
I live in Australia, but only for about 6 years now. The rest of my life was spent in South Africa.

Originally posted by Gear
I live in Australia...

...yeah, I can see how that would get anyone down...

...just kidding with ya, I'm a Kiwi...one of your loutish neighbours to the East.

Keep on keeping on...its true life can be a total b-arch and at times its like the universe turned you into a litter-box and gave all the cats diarrhoea...but damn, had my fair share of shyte too, if theres one thing I can take from this 33 years so far its - "The hottest fire tempers the strongest steel".

You'll be cool....sweet as, keep rockin'.


Peace,
ALIEN

I hope you don't mind me throwing in my two cents; I--like I'm sure a lot (if not most) of the people here and elsewhere--have felt the same many, many times. I came quite close to punching my own ticket a long time ago, and there's still days where it sounds much better than the alternative. I personally have a hard time discussing things like this with other people when I need to, so you have my respect for trying to vent instead of taking the other route.

The main reason I am posting this is because of your response to Ben--no dreams, and the closest thing is the airline pilot school that you can't afford. Now, I'm not much older than you, but in my short amount of time on this planet I've learned what I consider to be one of the most important lessons in life. Forgive me for possibly pointing out the obvious, but it seems like it might need to be done. This lesson has two parts:

1) The most important thing anyone needs in this world is a dream, something to set their sights on.
2) The only obstacles one cannot over come are the ones they set up themselves.

You say you don't have any dreams or aspirations. I say that you either haven't discovered what you want yet or you feel that everything you want is out of reach. If it's the former, then keep looking. Make that your goal if you need to: find out what your goal is. If you feel it's out of reach--like the pilot school is--then you need to reevaluate if it's something you really want or not.

The most important psychological advice I've ever heard is "Be honest with yourself." Me, I'm lazy as hell. There's lots of things I want, and I could have just about any of them--if I could pry myself off of my video games long enough to pursue them. But that's me, and I've saved myself a lot of stress by admitting to myself that I just don't want something bad enough to go through the hassel of trying to get it.

$12K (I'm US, that's what I'll work with since you gave that figure) is a lot of money. I don't know anything about your situation, where/if you work, how much you make, how much you have to shell out every month, but for me that's over half my annual salary--there's no way I could manage that and still survive at the standards I've set for myself. But if it's something you really want, then you start working towards it. You save a buck here or there, you stop eating out, you quit some of the more expensive habits you have.

If there were something that I personally wanted that I'd have to make significant lifestyle changes for I'd have to sit there and thing a long time about whether it's worth it or not. If it's worth it, then you go for it and you don't stop until you have it. If it's not, then you move on to the next idea, and keep that one in mind until its easier on the pocket book.

If nothing else though, remember that your life is only as good as you let it be. True, there are many things that can really screw you up and that you have no control over, such as what happened with your dad. But general day-to-day living is as good or as bad as you want it. Money doesn't equal happiness (I forget who said it, but one of my favorite quotes is "Money just gives you more time to see how miserable you are.") Love and relationships don't always equal happiness either. Happiness is almost entirely dependant on your view of what life hands you--is that car crash bad because now you have to walk everywhere, or is it good because you now have reason to look at the scenery on your walk to work?

Anyways, I've rambled enough. Hope I helped out some, or at least that this made sense. Good luck.