How do you all get relationships???

Hey dude,

Your not a loser! Just give it time, and be yourself. Also, get involed in activites that girls are doing too, join a club at school or start a job with girls at it. Then just act normal, and don't fear the women!

This may You need to be able to present yourself, which is one of the hardest things for me to do. Like was said a post ago, be in places with them. One great place to meet women is in a youth group at a local church if you're in that age group, or else a small group there. It's a very non-gender oriented arena, and people can just be themselves. You get to know one another, and who knows, you may hit it off with someone. If you're not a Christian, and even if you are, I would not recommend, if they ask you why you came, saying "to pick up women". You can still be honest in your reply, though, just say "I'm curious".

I date waayyyy too much after i was 19... during higschool i was invisible... but after things changed a litle... but i never met anyone that really interested me...and finally i met my hub online.

a bit of advice...dont try to be anyone who you are not... whomever will like you will love you for whom you are

[edit on 17-7-2005 by BaastetNoir]

You know, life gets strange when you're out of high school. Suddenly all the things that were so important in the pecking order mean nothing. I've always been a nerd, a dork if you will. Heck, I'm the guy, when someone asked us to post random lies, posted "No, Piccard, there are 5 lights" while others were putting things like "I'll still respect you in the morning."

I had always relied on my personality. I believe I have a good one; I'm usually very happy, and even if I disagree with someone at work, I can understand where they're coming from and express that to them. However, I had never though I had any physical qualities worth squat. That changed when the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, took an interest in me without ever having talked to me. I mean, we're talking supermodel beauty without having to rely on makeup or angles and light to make her beautiful. She is absloutly gorgeous. Never seen anyone better looking. Unfortunaltely, our personalities clashed, as did our goals in a relationship (I'm looking for a wife, she was looking for a good time). So, as a result, nothing happened. However, I really had to reassess how I saw myself. If the most beautiful woman I had ever seen was interested in me, ugly, dorky little Jake, my self image had to be severly lacking.

I tell you this because I read your "loser" comment. You have a negative self image. This is in part due, I'm assuming because you're on such a cool site as ATS, because jocks and bullies targeted you for being a "dork" throughout school. As a result, you developed a negative self image, and don't see the fantastic qualities to yourself that others see. Chicks dig self confidence. Since I had realized Keri had an interest in me, my entire outlook has changed, and women have been displaying an interest across the board. I haven't found anyone that complements me, and I'm still single, but the playing field got a lot larger after that.

I am sure you're a fantastic person. You have your weaknesses; we all do. However, you also have your strengths. Right now, you're feeling pretty down on yourself. That's normal for people in school. Even the most popular people, I found out recently, are really miserable and thinking there is some major flaw with themselves. Usually the most popular people in school think they're worthless and they have to be just like the crowd. Some learn otherwise after they get out, but others do not. On the surface, they appear to have the perfect lives, but inside, they're dead. You need to focus on what you're good at, what your strengths are, and for now ignore your weaknesses. When you feel better about yourself and think you're da man, that's when you can address your weaknesses and try to fix them. Right now the only weakness you need to focus on is the fact that you focus on your weaknesses as others percieve them.

Like I said, chicks dig confidence. It's probably related to that whole hunter and gatherer thing. If you can display confidence, you won't need to worry about finding relationships, they'll find you. Just focus on your strengths, and keep your eyes open.

Finally, you want to focus on what you know are your strengths. I would imagine that, since you're on this site (I can explain this reasoning if anyone asks) you're a pretty intelligent fellow. Focus on that. Don't focus on what you think might be your strengths, you'll lose sight and start to question yourself. Focus on what you know are your strengths. Your entire demeanor will change. You'll walk a little taller, you'll address people with assertiveness, and people will notice. They'll think, "wow, sweatmonicaIdo really has it together. I should talk to him and find out more about him".

Most people in this world are lacking in self confidence. I know I am. That's normal. When someone appears to really know their stuff and be sure of themselves, people want to get to know that person, to find out what it is that makes them so great, even if it's in their own mind. There are exceptions, of course, some people are arrogant little punks. But arrogance and self confidence are two different things. An arrogant person thinks they're great and lets you know. A self confident person knows they're cool and lets their actions speak for them. Think back on your life, I'm sure you've known self confident people. Haven't you wanted to get to know them, find out more about them, and shoot your ideas off of them? I know I have. Women seem to adore that mentality. Someone who isn't arrogant, but they know they're them. They know who they are, and they don't have a problem with that.

That's about all the advise I can give you. I've been learning that over the past 4 months, and it's been incredible. I have never felt better about myself, and people see that. I know I have weakness, and I'm working on that now that I don't think I'm worse than the stuff my dog leaves on the sidewalk. Yet I focus on who I am. Damn it, I like me, and you need to learn to like yourself. If you don't like you, why would you expect anyone else to? You'll be focused on the negative, and say so, and as a result you'll bring other people's focus on your negative qualities instead of your positive ones. When you do that, women will go out of their way to get to know you. You can just sit back and enjoy it.

JungleJake is onto a lot of good advice for you there man.

Confidence: Like I said- don't be afraid to talk to people.
Also, body language is something that hasn't come up much so far, although JJ did mention it a little, but it's something to pay attention to.
Stop and take notice of the way that you walk. Do you look away from people, to you keep your head down? You can change a lot about the way you see yourself and the way you are seen just by looking ahead and casually glancing at people instead of looking around.

Emphasize your strengths: You're probably an intelligent guy, so when you get into a conversation, talk about what interests you and what you're good at. If a friend or acquaintance asks me what i've been up to, I'll tell them a bit about what i've been reading or thinking about lately, or maybe what I've been doing with my writing (that last one has been a real winner for me). You'd be surprised how many people don't really see that as nerdy at all, even when you're still in highschool.


Last thing- you never know well things could really go for you if you took a few chances. Great example- my last day in high school, i'm hanging out with some of the guys from my ROTC class and this girl who I just barely knew walks up and slips a note in my hand. I knew her, but never talked to her- I was scared of her. You should have seen this girl- I don't think anyone was completely secure talking to her.
Well the note said she wished we'd hung out more and she was gonna miss me, and she hoped I'd call her sometime. Who would have thought that for two years that a girl like that had just been waiting for me to get over the teenage insecurity and say something to her.
Unfortunately I ended up working with her father after highschool and it would have been over his dead body that his daughter went out with a white boy- but that's really beside the point.
At any time I'd liked during highschool, if I'd just gathered the confidence to "do something crazy" (like simply saying a few casual words to somebody I already kind of knew) I probably could have had her.

I guess the moral is that you've got things going for you that you may not even realize- and there are people who see it. All you've got to do is make the decision to take a few chances and refuse to be ashamed.

Originally posted by sweatmonicaIdo
Yes, it's a very stupid question. But when I wonder why I don't have any relationships, I realize that I have no idea how they begin.

So post, how do you all get your relationships???

Luck. Or as we call it in Scotland, pure jammyness.

I met my girlfriend by walking into her house uninvited at half past midnight and "introducing myself"...you know how it goes at these wild teenage parties.:-P I had no idea what I was doing that night, wandering around drunk with a group of friends, and we heard word of a party...we staggered in the door, and a few hours later a stumbled out again with the girl's phone number. We've been goin out for about 2 months now, and I still can't believe how lucky I got that night. You just have to be in the right place at the right time.

Make yourself available.

Yes you want to be confident, but you don't want to be fool hardy.
thats not what really makes a person, it's their appeal which includes a sense of humor, unique characteristics, their mind, of course you need to be confident because you need not be afraid to approach whoever you like, and you need to carry that confidence through your rendezvous.

the more you make her smile and have good conversation the more she's going to be turned on to you.

it's not fun being around someone who is drab, negative, and quiet.

You want to stimulate her, not put her to sleep.

well...if your in highschool like me, go to parties. people go to parties just to hook up. so when im looking for a guy i go to a party, toss back a beer or two (to boost my confidence) and just find a hot guy and hit on him and see if hes interested. if not, i go drink some more beers alone. haha jk.

but seriously, i met my boyfriend of 6 mos at a kegger. thats pretty pathetic sounding but hes a great guy.

You know, breaking up isn't so hard when you keep in touch.

Yesterday she sent me the email saying we should break up, and for the rest of the day I was really sad. Until I went on MSN with her and started talking for a little while which made both of us feel better.

I guess it would've happend anyway, considering we live 100 miles apart and I can't drive until next summer.

Sounds gargantuan, at least for me. LOL

Let me you all. I'm really impressed by you all and you must all be truly extraordinary for someone to really care about you or even notice that you exist.