My aunt kidnapped my father.

Ok, so it may not qualify as an actual kidnapping, but to me and my family that's how it appears to be.

So here's a bit of backstory...

My father suffers from dementia. It's been several years now since a neurologist diagnosed him.

In a moment of lucidity, my father had my brother sign documents to be his legal representant due to his own inaptitude.

My mother is in recovery from breast cancer, and is in a weakened state.

She cared for him as long as she could, maybe longer even, until a recent episode where he almost attacked my mother in a bout of confusion, and her blood pressure went through the roof.

We almost lost my mother. So my brother intervened.

They live in California while my sister and I live in Canada.

So my brother flew with my father to us, so my sister and I can care for him temporarily while we try to find an adequate and affordable place for him.

After some time, my aunts, his sister's, offered to help us out.

My apartment was closer to my aunts so I could settle some personal affairs whilst caring for my father. Furthermore, he has many brothers in the area who were eager to see their brother.

So it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I was to move in with my aunts temporarily, in care of my father, until we found a place for him.

My niece who is a student in nursing school was also going to help.


Unfortunately, the situation fell apart....

My aunt had a falling out with my sister, which made my niece (her daughter) uncomfortable with the situation and back out.

I myself had several displeasing arguments with my aunt. I was also freshly out of medical leave, and not in an ideal situation to be in care of someone with dementia, which i had been for over a month.

My psychiatrist strongly advised I remove myself from the equation, which I reluctantly did, leaving my father in the care of my two aunts.

I had to take care of myself first.


So a few weeks go by with little to no news from my aunts.

Come to find out, the two aunts had a falling out as well, and the problematic aunt ran off with my father.

Important to note, the aunt that backed out is a head nurse with 20+ years experience who stated her falling out was due to a disagreement on my father's treatment.

She said it was against her personal and professional ethic.

The problematic aunt refused contact.

She claims we all abandoned my father and he no longer wishes to speak to us.

That's insane...

My parents have been married 50 years. My father was constantly worried for my mother and wanting to speak to her 4,5 times a day while in my care.

Why then would he suddenly not want to speak to his wife!?


My aunt threatened to sue for harassment if we try to contact my father.

The whole thing is a mess and infuriating...


Needed to vent off.



I have since gotten implicated again to support my mother and brother through this, got a social worker involved, found where my aunt and father were hiding, and continue due process with authorities.

a reply to: BrotherKinsMan

Be prepared for a very long legal fight.

In a moment of lucidity, my father had my brother sign documents to be his legal representant due to his own inaptitude.

If those papers were signed in the US, they may not have legal standing in Canada. Different country, different laws.

My sympathy, as I had to go through a similar situation that tore the family apart. Where the patient's sister ignored everything her brother wanted, even questioning the power of attorney he had given to the notary years before, for exactly that moment.

Why then would he suddenly not want to speak to his wife!?

Could it be that money or your aunts living standards ares involved? As you've probably already found out yourself, your dad's condition depends on his mood on the day. All it takes is someone to rush him.

For example, my father lost his mailbox key. My wife was with him in the morning and the key was still there. At lunchtime, in his mania, he wandered around the house and left it on a windowsill. I was there in the afternoon and he was already looking for it. Then his sister was there...

In the evening it was my wife's fault because his sister convinced him that it could only have been my wife, with malicious insinuations. And even though his sister knows full well that her brother was demented, she did it on purpose. Money or even standard of living can quickly make morally questionable people very ugly, in terms of character. She then got several thousand euros for a week of cleaning. It doesn't matter, her brother immediately forgot about it.

I'm not saying that it's like that for your dad, I'm just telling you about my experience and hopefully you can do something with it.

All the best to you.

a reply to: DAVID64

Thanks.

That's exactly the problem we're having, she's gone ahead and initiated what's needed to have legal charge of my father in Canada.

a reply to: BrotherKinsMan

My mother died a few weeks ago from Dementia. I cared for her since 2016. She had a power of attorney, both legal and health care, written up naming me as her representative upon her being declared incompetent, which happened in 2020.

If you have his power of attorney or can act as his representative, then your aunt is on very thin ice legally - provided of course the documents were drawn up in the states and they are physically still in country.

Here's the thing: at the mome t of his death, any and all powers of attorney cease to exist and you'll need a written representative powers in place. If you haven't gotten that then you'll need the court to appoint you as such.

In short, if he dies withoutmyou as his representative, you'll be shut out if she petitions the court for it. Ace NOW to prevent this.

a reply to: BrotherKinsMan

Sounds very sad.

If your father wants to stay with your aunt, I’m not sure there is much you can do.

I tried separating my sister and law from her toxic boyfriend, who made implicit threats, and couldn’t get much help from authorities.

They are now both dead from murder suicide.

A tactic we tried but didn’t work, was to have a welfare check done, and showed up during the welfare check to try to convince her to get away from him.

I am convinced my aunt manipulated my dad.

My father dedicated his life to his wife, my mother.

My father loves my mother dearly.


The only way I can see him not want to see her is if someone convinced her she no longer wants to see him, or is dead.

He is easily influenced in his current state.



I remember one time my aunt was trying to remove his marriage ring.... He never took that thing off in 50 years, why would she do that?

She said he told her his finger hurt but when I asked he said he was fine and didn't know why she was trying to remove it, but he trusted her.

The whole thing was weird...


She told the cops my parents were long separated, which is a lie...

And that we abandoned him, which is also a lie.

We'd been trying to contact them for weeks!

He can't use a phone anymore, so we have to go through her, but she refused contact.

If I can give you a tip as a stranger, maybe you need someone to give you that push... Take action, now.

This all sounds very, very familiar. I can't give you any advice on which authority you should contact, but a lawyer would be a good place to start. They know the law and the options.

It can be expensive, but if it's worth it for your father and you're not sure that he's OK with his sister, there's not much you can do at the moment other than explore the legal situation.

a reply to: BrotherKinsMan

Sounds so sad. My sister in law was also manipulated by a crafty suicidal creep.

She accused her sisters of abandoning her, meanwhile her boyfriend threatened to shoot or maim anybody other than my wife for approaching his property.

IMO it is a matter of free choice. I don’t believe there is much the law can help you with unless your aunt makes an explicit overt threat, or your father clearly shows he is a danger to himself or others.

a reply to: BrotherKinsMan

I can't offer much advice though my dad had a form of dementia and I know how hard it is to be the person watching someone you love really become someone you don't know or who doesn't know you.

But I'm giving you a big hug (.......................) and my hope and prayer that you are able to get in contact with your dad and get him away from the problem aunt something doesn't sit right with this.