What's on your mind today?

What's on my mind today?

Finances. The cost of health care and nursing homes that we are probably going to have to deal with. My husbands Bladder cancer and all that comes with that. My husbands Parkinsons and all that comes with that. My Sjogrens and all that comes with that. My Kidney stones and all that comes with that. My Arthritis and all that comes with that. Protruding disk in my back and back pain. My own mental health over this and other stuff and all that comes with that.

Getting our wills updated. Paying the bills. Figuring out how to pay the bills if my husband has to stop working (he wasn't supposed to retire for another 3 1/2 years).

Also on my mind ... God and life in general. Why God set up a system that we all suffer so much. That seems to be the purpose of life ... suffering and what we do with it. I know what the major religions all say about suffering. They all have a different take on it. But still ... I can't help but think about it. Questions that I won't get real answers to until I'm dead ... if even then.

I'm thinking about how I've prayed nearly every day for almost 40 years but I haven't been able to pray for the past few weeks because of all the stress and anxiety and real life stuff going on. My mood is generally ... anxious and pissed off.

And I'm thinking about how I can't turn on the TV without seeing unending political ads, and they all lie, and people believe the lies. Pretty disgusting.

That's what I'm thinking about.

And I'm pissed off about it all. So I'm thinking about that as well. Trying not to be pissed off and disappointed with life ... but it's not working.