If someone turns a compliment into an insult, is that Anti-Social?

I'm going to start this off with - I'm a guy.

I was reading up on a couple of ideas that seem to be pushed around a lot lately.

There's a musician I like who is Divorced and some media website did an article about her getting back into the dating scene. The musician herself called it 'Circling the Buffet'. And I thought that was a great way to put it. And I wouldn't mind knowing if I was on the Menu. But that's a story for another time.

But then I thought - if some guy in the U.S., like myself, made the same comment, some women would be screaming MISOGYNY.

This attitude of not looking good to the opposite sex is nuts. And if you find someone attractive, you're automatically a bad person.

I have been told I have a nice ass, nice legs, and pretty eyes (and something else positive about my body) by women. It doesn't bother me for a single second. I like being told I look nice. I like being told I'm handsome. Even was told I was 'Hot' once when I was younger.

But in this climate, if I said the same thing to a woman, people would be mortified! And say that I was objectifying and demeaning women.

It's crazy that this society has turned complimenting someone into insulting them.

Some people really need to look up the legal term 'in public view'. And you can tell that some people have never been to a Hooters.

To me, this social climate has become anti-social. And detriment to relationships in general.

I never had a problem being thought of as a sexual object for the female gaze (which is what is considered 'objectifying'). On the contrary, it gave me a thrill of excitement and I felt complimented.

Should I ever feel insulted, you have my permission to slap the sh!t out of me.

Please tell me why other people don't feel the same way.

a reply to: GotterDameron23


Gotter *slap pow Sh!T slap slap** Dameron23

Kinda like that you mean?

Sure. That'd do it.

a reply to: GotterDameron23

Please tell me why other people don't feel the same way.

Technically nobody feels the same way given that no two people are completely the same and we are all individuals.

As to whats "Anti-Social".......whats not anti-social these days? LoL

I would not worry about it, and just dont sweat the small stuff, if you know what i mean.

After all the thing about offense is that it generally has to be taken rather than given.

And the world is full of double standards.

Water is wet, the sky is blue........such is life.

a reply to: GotterDameron23

Everybody is different i am a woman and I can tell you I get creeped out by a lot of comments guys make to me I guess its because I'm short. "Oh you're fun size" "I wanna see you spin" stuff like that. I get compliments on my hair which is cool, but a lot of times it's sexual type comments. It isn't just compliments. I had a random drunk guy rub his entire body against me while I was looking at paper towels at the store the other day and he said he literally said "looking at paper towels, are you wet?" The sexual comments make me uncomfortable.

a reply to: Shoshanna

I hope you slapped the creepy thud square in the coupon for those antics.

Because that amounts to somewhat more than a cattle call or wolf whistle.

originally posted by: Shoshanna
a reply to: GotterDameron23

Everybody is different i am a woman and I can tell you I get creeped out by a lot of comments guys make to me I guess its because I'm short. "Oh you're fun size" "I wanna see you spin" stuff like that. I get compliments on my hair which is cool, but a lot of times it's sexual type comments. It isn't just compliments. I had a random drunk guy rub his entire body against me while I was looking at paper towels at the store the other day and he said he literally said "looking at paper towels, are you wet?" The sexual comments make me uncomfortable.

you didn't need to be so rude to me. And I wasn't drunk. I only had two beers.

I don't like crude women and I don't like crude men.
That said, there is still a difference between men saying sexual things to a woman or women saying these things.
Please as a woman, let me explain

The other day in Germany a 14 yr old girl was raped by 5 males, granted they were uninvited guests, but they were still males. As she escaped she was found by two more, who callwd their friends. All in all it was 11.

Yes, thus is an extreme example but when you are female you are literally prey, all the time.
From young ages onwards, we have to be careful, look out, not walk alone in the dark etc.
Top that with the FACT that EVERY woman you will ask has a near miss or not so miss story to tell.
Because not only are we prey to males, who are stronger and have a sex weapon they (too many) can't control by nature, but we are weaker physically.

To round this up easily. It's the same as if a lion talks to a gazelle about how tasty it looks, compared to a gazelle saying this to a lion. (I know gazelles don't eat meat, but women can like sex, but the gist should be evident).

Men are an actual danger to us, whilst generally and overwhemingly women are no danger to men.

Also compliments are usually accepted by most women if they stay nice and don't infer sex.

a reply to: GotterDameron23

I never had a problem being thought of as a sexual object for the female gaze

Therein lies the difference between the two genders. Sex is a physical connection (for the majority of men) and an emotional connection for women.
Women like to know they look good-in a politie way. Yelling "nice azz" and "great hooters" idebtifies the person as someone too shallow to care about a womans' need for emotional connection; a man-child hoping to score.

There are mature ways to let a woman know you find her attractive and more than just a 'park-and-ride".

I never minded being whistled at, when I was younger. Wasn't a fan of crude talk, and usually replied with, you want someone saying that to your mom or sister?
Usually shut them up.

Hubby works construction. Back in the early 2000's is when they started really cracking down on the guys, telling them they could not even stare at a woman walking by.

Still had their codes for telling the crew a hot girl was walking by, like "the grass is really green to the east" LOL

Those who are aggressive, or worse, deserve everything thing they get and more.

a reply to: GotterDameron23

i personally take offensive at being looked at like a slab of beef cake. i mean just because i'm ripped and my large package shows up well in my speedo's doesn't give bimbo's the right to droll over me and make lewd and lascivious comments. less talk and more action

originally posted by: GotterDameron23
I'm going to start this off with - I'm a guy.

I was reading up on a couple of ideas that seem to be pushed around a lot lately.

There's a musician I like who is Divorced and some media website did an article about her getting back into the dating scene. The musician herself called it 'Circling the Buffet'. And I thought that was a great way to put it. And I wouldn't mind knowing if I was on the Menu. But that's a story for another time.

But then I thought - if some guy in the U.S., like myself, made the same comment, some women would be screaming MISOGYNY.

This attitude of not looking good to the opposite sex is nuts. And if you find someone attractive, you're automatically a bad person.

I have been told I have a nice ass, nice legs, and pretty eyes (and something else positive about my body) by women. It doesn't bother me for a single second. I like being told I look nice. I like being told I'm handsome. Even was told I was 'Hot' once when I was younger.

But in this climate, if I said the same thing to a woman, people would be mortified! And say that I was objectifying and demeaning women.

It's crazy that this society has turned complimenting someone into insulting them.

Some people really need to look up the legal term 'in public view'. And you can tell that some people have never been to a Hooters.

To me, this social climate has become anti-social. And detriment to relationships in general.

I never had a problem being thought of as a sexual object for the female gaze (which is what is considered 'objectifying'). On the contrary, it gave me a thrill of excitement and I felt complimented.

Should I ever feel insulted, you have my permission to slap the sh!t out of me.

Please tell me why other people don't feel the same way.

When you have a pretty dress on, you want to be noticed..

a reply to: GotterDameron23

The younger crowd have taken to calling themselves "snacks". I imagine "buffet" is just the plural form of that vernacular. Although snack does bring to mind a temporary gratification that doesn't quite dignify the values and priorities of a relationship like it should.

originally posted by: Hecate666
Men are an actual danger to us, whilst generally and overwhemingly women are no danger to men.

While I wholeheartedly agree with what you’re saying, looking at it from a mere physical aspect. A woman can absolutely destroy a man mentally, emotionally and financially in various ways.

a reply to: Kaiju666

Yeah, some people are assholes, however it's not a purely female trait.
Also rape isn't "purely physical". It is mostly mental torture, humiliation, feelings of disgust and often can totally destroy a person. Of course when women get murdered during or after a horrendous rape it's physical.

I am aware that sometimes, some women destroy men with fake accusations and other means, but that comes still under asshole and bitch. I.e a bad character.

In the same way thieves and fraudsters and politians are.

Women having to fear men has always existed and there arevery good reasons for it. We put this fear away with men we get to know because nature needs it that way and when we chose well, we'll get a lovely, protective soulmate male.

But our weariness of men never leaves us apart from when it does and we become even more vulnerable.
It's a lifelong way of existence for women.
Whereas you don't have to constantly measure every situation for potential bitches.

You can't compare the two even if the outcomes hurt badly, because they are two different things. It doesn't add much to the OP, who wondered specifically why some women don't take certain sex filled banter too well.
🤷🏻‍♀️

a reply to: Hecate666
There was a study where researchers asked men ''what concerns you most about women?'' and the men said ''we worry they might laugh at us''. Researchers then asked women ''what concerns you most about men?'' and the women said, ''we worry they might kill us''.

I think the study does not really tell us anything we did not know. The resourcefulness of women, that despite this knowledge, we continue to survive and even thrive in a man's world might inform men's insecurities that they would be so worried about being laughed at.

originally posted by: covent
a reply to: Hecate666
There was a study where researchers asked men ''what concerns you most about women?'' and the men said ''we worry they might laugh at us''. Researchers then asked women ''what concerns you most about men?'' and the women said, ''we worry they might kill us''.

I think the study does not really tell us anything we did not know. The resourcefulness of women, that despite this knowledge, we continue to survive and even thrive in a man's world might inform men's insecurities that they would be so worried about being laughed at.

This study tells me a lot.

4,970 female victims of murder in 2021

There are about 300 million people in the U.S. This means that approximately 1 in 60,362 women were murdered that year.

1 in 60,362.

1 in 60,362 is about one person in the city of Des Plaines, Illinois. A suburb west of Chicago. Which is about 10 times the population of the little farming town I grew up in.

Would you ever bet money on a 1 in 60,362 chance of something happening?

1 in 60,362 chance.

Should I stop riding my bike because there's a very very small chance of getting killed?

No, I just need to be careful.

You understand that women feeling like this is a massive Phobia?
And one aggravated by the News media?
And one they should be speaking to a professional about?

This is called an irrational fear.

I think you can understand why I think there's a problem, right?

And the problem isn't Men.

Thanks for the info.

a reply to: GotterDameron23
Any man can easily kill any woman with one punch and most women are aware of that. We can all think for ourselves thanks and even one woman killed by a man, usually known to them, is one too many. It is of course a very good thing that many men choose not to kill women. But I bet many of them know they can, easily.

originally posted by: covent
a reply to: GotterDameron23
Any man can easily kill any woman with one punch and most women are aware of that. We can all think for ourselves thanks and even one woman killed by a man, usually known to them, is one too many. It is of course a very good thing that many men choose not to kill women. But I bet many of them know they can, easily.

You're really misunderstanding.

Being afraid of something that statistically will never happen is pretty delusional.

You think I'm telling people what to think?

I'm telling people what not to think.

This will be a test when I go on a date again.

a reply to: GotterDameron23
I wonder how quickly your date will pick up on how your view women are delusional.