Total heartbreak, advice please

I saw this girl for a year, everything was great. we were the most in love couple i had ever seen. we had this whole attitude, if it wasn't her for me and me for her, then it was no one.she brok up with me about a month ago. she says that she just wants some alone time, and i know for a fact that she isn't dating other people. we still talk everyday, just as friends. i can't stand this though.i want her back so bad. she says she wants the same, but that she is afraid, then she says that she just wants alone time, back and forth. i really don't want anyone else, and she says she feels the same.i just can't help but get depressed over this. i'm losing sleep, example, it is now 2 am, i have to go to work at 9. someone please give me some advice, i don't want to kill myself at all, but sometimes i feel like i don't want to be alive. insights please.

[edit on 16-4-2005 by Space_CowBoy33]

right dude....

firstly....chill a little....this is a tough situation,ive been through it myself.....things do get better...it will be the hardest thing for you to do and you may have to pertend but ring the girl and tell her nothings changed about your feelings for her but you cant hang in limbo waiting for her to decide if she wants you.....dont go out and sleep with the first thing you see..but make it quite clear that you have a life and your self to look after.

lifes a laugh dude...and youve only one, so every day you spend hanging around things and people pass you by....stop calling her and take life by the horns...or at least apper to....you dont get back lost days and weeks....your clear about your feelings...she isnt...leave the ball in her court...promise yourself to go out with pals somewhere new and enjoy yourself.......

its a cliche but you dont miss what youve got until its gone.....remove yourself from the equation.....and let her decide wether or not she wants you or something else......the real sign of love is having the heart to set someone free.....if she comes back shes yours...if not.....she wasnt yours in the first place.

right now she has the comfort of knowing your hanging there waiting......dont.

AND IF YOU MENTION KILLING YOURSELF AGAIN,ILL FIND YOUR HOUSE AND BITCH SLAP YOU HARDCORE!....

PEACE OUT...good luck.....and laugh a little.....lifes not over.

regards fett.

To be honest chief, just let the girl have a little time to herself.
I would imagine that this is the longest she had been in a relationship from what I can gather and she probably nervous about your relationship getting too heavy (by that I mean more than she would have thought she would beleived to have been involved in) which is believeable if it has been going well between you both and all of a sudden she has a change in attitude.
If she said "it's not you, it's me.." and your thinking "yeah.. 8ull 5h17!" trust me... it really is her not you.
Let her get her head straight and that come to terms that the relationship is good and should she need some space to herself then to respect her. Leave her be... sounds like she is missing you as much as you are missing her which is all good, let her think about how much she appreciates you when you proove that you can give her some space otherwise that will be the end of things for good... she'll call you when she's good and ready.
Do that and things will be cool, and if not... well it's not the end of the world, and think about this.. you met this girl your talking about.. you'll meet many more like her
(even if you were the "most in love couple you had ever seen" so will the next one only that one will probably have matured a bit more by then.)

For real!

Quote by optimus fett
AND IF YOU MENTION KILLING YOURSELF AGAIN,ILL FIND YOUR HOUSE AND BITCH SLAP YOU HARDCORE!....

Yeah.., I'd have to put the smack down too! That would make your family feel real good wouldn't it? No relationship isn't worth killing yourself over.. I guarantee the people closest to you don't want that for you.

Chin Up, Puff Chest and Stay Slick!

thank you both very much, moving on seems to be the hardest thing to do right now, but also the best thing to do. the honest truth is that i feel like i don't want to, well, i do, but i don't. it's hard. and i think you may have mis understood me, i said i didn't want to kill myself, i've always believed that suicide was never the answer to anything. in my mind, i see a difference between wanting to kill yourself and not wanting to be alive anymore, but then, i'm weird. so what you are trying to say is, (just want to make sure i understood) i should move on, maybe date other people, and, if my ex and i were meant to be together, then we will get back together. is that right? the only real problem i see with that is what if i am in a relationship with someone new? i hate the feeling of wondering what could have been. so if i am in a new relationship, and my ex want me back suddenly, i'll either wonder what i missed with my ex, or what i might be missing with my new beau. this is hard, and i hate it, a lot. girls make me very angry, because they don't seem to make sense. i can't help but feel," i treated her better than anyone ever did, made her happier than anyone ever could, and she did this. as you said, 8u11 5hit. thank you both. any other insights are welcome. oh and also, i should stop talking to her?

[edit on 16-4-2005 by Space_CowBoy33]

Space cowboy.

What is your age? If you don't mind me asking.

I pretty much agree with what Optimus said..
especially the part about "waiting around "..don't do that.

And yes there are plenty of great girls around..Date some!

Originally posted by spacedoubt
Space cowboy.

What is your age? If you don't mind me asking.

I pretty much agree with what Optimus said..
especially the part about "waiting around "..don't do that.

And yes there are plenty of great girls around..Date some!

I am 18, but please don't give me that crap about being too young, seriously. i've heard that way too much, the fact is, i'm not like 18 year olds i know. i know what i want, i don't have promiscuous sex, i don't date a girl for sex, i want marriage, i want children. i honestly feel like i'm in my 30's. 36 to be exact. sorry, i got a little angry there.

and yeah, the more i think about it, the more waiting around seems like a retarded idea. but then i don't know what to do. should i date other people, or should i just stay alone for a while?

Originally posted by Space_CowBoy33
and yeah, the more i think about it, the more waiting around seems like a retarded idea. but then i don't know what to do. should i date other people, or should i just stay alone for a while?

Two things you won't understand adequately until much later but I suggest you do anyway...

1) Yes date. Date like an 18 year old. Date like you're never going to ever in your life have it so good again, because you won't.

2) That chick is lying to you anyway. Don't be a sucker all your life.

okay, I would say give her the space she wants. By that I mean don't talk to her everyday, try to talk to her as little as possible, and I know that may be extremely hard. But if you want this girl back, this is how you do it. She will realize that she isn't happy without talking to you, and being with you, and will try to re-establish something. If you talk to her on the phone everyday, it is going to make it easier for her to break up with you, but maintain you as a friend, and date other guys. Now, if this is final, I am not saying don't be friends with her, you will need your space regardless. Also, you should date, and if not because you want to, do it because it could help your chances of getting back with her. Jealousy and competition could be the motivater for her. And most importantly, no matter what, just keep on trucking.


P.S. The dating thing may not work, it may push you guys further apart. It is up to you to determine which it is going to do for you because you know her so well.

Originally posted by RANT
Two things you won't understand adequately until much later but I suggest you do anyway...

1) Yes date. Date like an 18 year old. Date like you're never going to ever in your life have it so good again, because you won't.

2) That chick is lying to you anyway. Don't be a sucker all your life.

How true RANT..
Especially number 1..
You don't to be 18 again.
If you wait around now...
Someday, like at 30yo.
You will be kicking yourself. (how could I have been so stupid?)


Space cowboy, I wasn't going to give you crap about being so young..
Just advice..
You only "think" you feel like 36.
Kinda funny that you pinpoited it to be exactly 36.
When you finally get to be 36, you'll see that you had miscalculated!

yeah, i'll try to set some space between us, you're right though, that'll be hard as hell. but it seems like it could work. and i want to date around, a little anyway, but i think it would just breed jealousy, which i don't want to do. well, lots of good advice here folks, thanks very much. weird thing is, this whole us being friends thing was her idea, i don't know, we'll se what happens, i'll let you golks know how this turns out. many thanks to all.

Originally posted by Space_CowBoy33
yeah, i'll try to set some space between us, you're right though, that'll be hard as hell. but it seems like it could work. and i want to date around, a little anyway, but i think it would just breed jealousy, which i don't want to do. well, lots of good advice here folks, thanks very much. weird thing is, this whole us being friends thing was her idea, i don't know, we'll se what happens, i'll let you golks know how this turns out. many thanks to all.

remember, if you feel uncomfortable with you guys being friends than just tell her that you don't feel as though you are ready to be "just friends" quite yet. Although that may be a lie, or it may be true, you shouldn't stick around because she wants to feel less pain, even though it is at your expense.

i hope you dont mind me joining in at this point sapce cowboy.

Once reading all of the above posts i can feel that you do love her deeply, your never too young for love, Love can hit you when your young, old or middle aged. It can hit you once, or many times. You may not feel like there is no other girl for you, i mean maybe there isnt, i dont personaly know you.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, all im saying is dont surround yourself in sorrow, keep your eyes open in the next couple of weeks, dont let any situations that will 'hit' you go amiss.

Blessed Be

hey folks, just wanted to say, we've decided to be friends, and it's working out quite well. we're just..friends, and i actually like it, not as much as being in a relationship with her, but still. we've put in a little distance too, we don't call everyday anymore, now it;s more like, i'll call you when i call you. i have a feeling that things will be ok though. thanks very much to everyone for their insights, you've helped me quite a bit.

Many Thanks, Rock

no problem. And everything will ALWAYS be okay!

My advice is to get busy so you're not having time to dwell on it. Young women are fickle as they're still figuring out who they are etc. Was your relationship exclusive like you only saw each other and didn't have friends or other activities? If so, maybe she felt a little smothered. Too much togetherness isn't a good thing. And if you end up with just her friendship, please realize friendship is like gold--treasure it!!! Talk, talk, talk to people--your friends, and others you work with, get it out, don't hold it in. See a counselor if you need to. Give her space and time. and if it's true love, you'll connect again.

You give her or any woman your dating time and space if she asks for it. The reason for doing this is nothing noble.... because if you are able to get over your emotions...and think ... your time is a valuable commodity in the marketplace. You do not have time for a womans insecurities. You need a woman to be secure in herself and your relationship. Dont settle for second best from a insecure woman. Especially if you are seeking a long term relationship...or marriage. You dont need such baggage in your life. I've told this to many women to their shock.
Agree with most of the posters on this board...go ahead and date others. Also be very careful of your emotions. They can decieve you ...as turned out to be the case here. I'm not saying dont be emotional..I am just saying be very careful about your emotions and what they really mean.

Thanks
Orangetom

our relationship wasn't exclusive, we had time to our friends and ourselves, she just wasn't sure if she wanted a long term relationship, as i eventually wanted marriage. she's just taking time away from relationships. i really don't want to date other people though, maybe taking some time out of the game would be good for me too.

Thanks again, folks

Dude, if I got depressed over every girl who left me for a man, or woman, or because I caught them in bed with a friend or two, I'd be on prozac 24/7. But I don't cause I don't care. Reason I am able to get away with things like cripple black jokes and gay jew jokes, I don't care one way or the other.

I feel for ya man. I know this seems so super important and it would be easy for me to tell ya to chalk it up to experience and move on or that you're too young to be so serious but the fact is, no matter how many of us old fogeys lay that on you (its the truth by the way), you aren't going to feel any better about it for a long time.

I'm 36 and I can still remember what 18 was like and how impending relationships were, so even though my experience now allows me to place priorities on other things such as my child. In some ways, everything seemed so much more important and like the end of the world when I was younger. It takes time and experience to see that this to will pass.

On a related subject that might help lend some comfort. Do you know why the winners of the most eco challenges are mainly over 40? Its because the experience they have allows them to more easily see past a bad situation and that in itself makes them less likely to make a mistake out of panic or despiration. Its nothing that you are expected nor have the ability to do yet. it comes from time so I say, your feelings are completely normal so don't feel bad about feeling bad. Its natural. Don't worry, later in life you're going to face issues and problems that will make this seem like a walk in the park. Wait until the first time you see your child sick, injured, or in the hospital. Perspective, we gain it all the time.


I don't mean to sound holier than thou as I know I still have a lot of it to gain as well. The issues I deal with like work seem all important now but later on down the road, when I'm old and mobility becomes my chief issue and my kid's problems too....I'll likely look back on the worst day I ever spent at work as just being a day when I could walk or type or breath without pain or difficulty as I now look back on being 18 as a time when I could take a weekend and just do whatever without worrying who else I would let down or what work won't get finished. True, I had my heartaches too but I think we can always look back on how good we had it and wish we could have just taken full advantage.