I've pretty much decided

I've pretty much decided that the best marriage is: To 'oneself'; Despite all the people throughout life and any "beyond" trying to tell you what you are; Or force you to be someone you're not...As well as any changes to that self as they come along as the individual has accepted that as a self whether it has evolved or devolved progressed or regressed in the practice of it.

If you think about such a thing; For a minute in the purely subjective and not in a personal sense... Anything else has that maxim on all sides of "good intentions pave the road to hell" as well as the "you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't" Experienced people in such a thing likely have nothing to say in recognizing that living in such a manner either for against such a notion is the very birth place of wisdom.

Some people know that I have said: "I hate life" That fact honestly; Will not change and I am O.K. with that...

a reply to: crowf00t

I've pretty much decided that the best marriage is: To 'oneself';

Good decision.

I had a fiancé once. We were partners in crime.
But realistically, she was criming
and I was driving.

Made me an accomplice in crime.

Just an accessory
among accessories.

Instead of going through with it
for a wife of my own
I got a life of my own
A life that I own.

a reply to: crowf00t

Too many people marry the wrong person.
They marry for looks, or money or lust.

If you are going to be with someone for years, decades, you need to marry someone you like.
Sounds simple, but it really isn’t. It is very easy to Love someone, but it is much harder to like someone…..

When you marry the right person, they will not change you, but they will be there to support you becoming the best version of your self. In those years, they will see the worst version of yourself, but they won’t abandon you. They will lesson the sorrow.

It is better to be single than to be with or marry the wrong person…..but if you do find the right person…
There is a sweetness, a calm, a stillness that is almost indescribable. Unless you’ve been in a relationship like that, hard to understand. I’m not talking about 5, or 10 or 15 years. I’m talking people being together 25, 30 50 years.
You really see some stuff together.

a reply to: JAGStorm

100000%

a reply to: JAGStorm

Of course everything you say is true,

but,

What about the poor slob in "the friend zone" with the absolute muse of his life?

And she's all: "No. I don't want to risk losing what we have."
While she chases what she can't get
and is in the sack with a low life creten
who won't take no for an answer.

Then what?

(this is academic at this point since that ship sailed 14 years ago)

a reply to: FullHeathen

Wanna know something weird? While sitting Zazen in a Vietnamese temple on a full moon day the entire service in Vietnamese one side packed all females one child too young to be a monk dressed in robes I donated to another temple sitting in the middle of the floor and one what those too young robe monks would call a: Bhante. While the recorded fish drum beat a tone a confession broke as clear as day in English from the loud speaker where the one confessing was too ashamed to admit defeat said: "She got me drunk and stole my robes"

At that moment I stood up and walked out yet another temple I will be a never returner too.

Just something to think about as it without any self attached sounds the same as what you said... In my experience such a thing should be seen as selflessness if one can separate guilt and share it as being responsible leaving the other to simply die of their own karmic involvement wholly separate and in no way ever equal even if it were the same "crime".

originally posted by: FullHeathen
a reply to: JAGStorm

Of course everything you say is true,

but,

What about the poor slob in "the friend zone" with the absolute muse of his life?

And she's all: "No. I don't want to risk losing what we have."
While she chases what she can't get
and is in the sack with a low life creten
who won't take no for an answer.

Then what?

(this is academic at this point since that ship sailed 14 years ago)

We all know what………
Those are the ladies that were something back in the day, but Father Time spares none…
When she is old and wrinkled and very cold in her bed… she will think about the one that got away..
With so much regret.. She will think about those she gave her precious moments to, for what, a fleeting jolly?

As for the poor slob… I hope he realizes his worth and moved onto a more worthy chase!

a reply to: JAGStorm

The elements are a love it cant leave it situation... The point of letting go of them even with awareness of it on the atomic level is left in: not knowing who let go and who is still clinging.

When some presence or other entity appears uninvited there is no reason to be afraid or concerned as they are a hungry ghost that cannot be satiated no matter how much anyone feeds them... The usual term for them is a nimitta as they typically take many forms in the abuse of powers gained, boons etc. to torment others with, sort of like that ex that keeps calling and saying how good the appetizer was as the only good thing about the date before creeps-ville and leaving the date early..

a reply to: crowf00t

I suspected that it wasn't about bats.

a reply to: JAGStorm

She will think about those she gave her precious moments to, for what, a fleeting jolly?

Friend zone. Remember? I heard all about it.
It was no jolly. She didn't think that she deserved better. Not jolly.

I just hope that she sees herself better than that. More like I saw her.

The poor slob is fine as he is.

a reply to: FullHeathen

If it was the thread you authored about them? Indeed it would be.

Giving refuge to any life other than one's own is a risk to ones own personal health, safety, and over all happiness. I am not joking... I inquired to find out somewhere in the world where humans do not "pray" over food the inquiry came back as no where as even if the restaurant does not the ingredients may have been.

I don't want to say what the experience of that praying is as it ranges from the smell of dog food to feces and it's like people expect me to pay for this? Keep the prayers off it and then it'd be worth eating. On the bright side I don't mind skipping it for weeks at a time until too weak and needing to eat in avoiding such "foods" even though I'd rather not be skipping any and you know being open and honest about it only exacerbates the issue.

By all means if any one wants to send their god angry at what I say? Feel free... I wont mind killing them for you.

Marriage is not an acquisition, but an a agreement to compromise.

If you can't muster the latter, you have no business getting married. Save yourself and the other person a # ton of grief.

originally posted by: loam
Marriage is not an acquisition, but an a agreement to compromise.

If you can't muster the latter, you have no business getting married. Save yourself and the other person a # ton of grief.

My older sister and BIL only got married after 10 years of living together.
When they mentioned that they might make it official, I laughed, and said,
"Well you're already married IMO, but I'd go to a ceremony if you had one."

They wound up just going to a justice of the peace and signing papers, then they went on a long motorcycle roadtrip as a honeymoon and got marriage photos taken at the Jesse James house, dressed in 1800s Western attire, with bolt action rifles.
I thought it was more beautiful than a conventional marriage, as it seemed more personal and more true to them.

a reply to: TheValeyard

They should have posed with shotguns.

a reply to: crowf00t

I probably won't be getting another partner any time soon either, because I'm a loser scrublord, and I became this mostly voluntarily! I'm conventionally attractive and have skills and talents, but I have no desire to get my life "in order", because I don't want what most people want. Some people just don't.

I had goals earlier in life, but they weren't monetary, but more like bucket list items.
Now I feel I've done everything I cared to do and having a cohabitation or a family life isn't on any list of mine.
A girlfriend could be nice, but relationships have drama too. Why have extra random drama when you are okay without it?
You get used to being alone, and eventually it seems pretty nice.

The younger generations are falling away from the concept of marriage and having kids,
so it's bound to become less common. I doubt it'll go away though.

Me, well, I'm just eeking by killing time, and trying to enjoy a few random things here and there until it's my turn to die,
and I don't see it as a bad thing, because when I go I'll be leaving behind a lot of music for people I knew to remember me by.

There's no set in stone, "correct" way to live. If there was, there'd be nothing left to learn!

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: crowf00t

Too many people marry the wrong person.
They marry for looks, or money or lust.

If you are going to be with someone for years, decades, you need to marry someone you like.
Sounds simple, but it really isn’t. It is very easy to Love someone, but it is much harder to like someone…..

When you marry the right person, they will not change you, but they will be there to support you becoming the best version of your self. In those years, they will see the worst version of yourself, but they won’t abandon you. They will lesson the sorrow.

It is better to be single than to be with or marry the wrong person…..but if you do find the right person…
There is a sweetness, a calm, a stillness that is almost indescribable. Unless you’ve been in a relationship like that, hard to understand. I’m not talking about 5, or 10 or 15 years. I’m talking people being together 25, 30 50 years.
You really see some stuff together.

I disagree. The pain of "being with the wrong person" is probably less or equal to the pain of being alone.

There's a reason why Extended Solitary Confinement is one of the worst punishments and literally classified under Psychological Torture.

You can always end a relationship.

What can a lonely person do. Besides...

a reply to: TheValeyard
If it is a common wealth state; Then they would have been under common law. Many people not knowing that; Trying to avoid marriage are like yeah sure lets move; Then... Out comes the shotgun.

Commonwealth states see such co-habitations as tax evasion.

a reply to: TheValeyard

Oh that consciousness with a desire to learn will drag you, drag you, drag you... What? You wanted to learn. What takes too long to find out? is that consciousness is an infinite not self and will drag you as if you are not flesh, blood and bone through all sorts of things as consciousness really has no form and yet has given birth to form and yet ignorant of it... form being the same way as consciousness? It just keeps going, feeling being the same in the multitude of beings known and unknown how would it know which one and keeps going. Perception of course was occurring but it too is infinite so: Sinatra!

a reply to: 3n19m470

Getting rid of the lies one tells oneself starts with the lies one is telling another as if that person isn't there for the same reason "attraction".

What does that accomplish? You can then at least start hearing the person... instead of; A bad repetition of talking oneself into the wolves den cause you cant state your true wants needs and desires and just going through the motions.

Alone is like *click* no need to state any wants, needs and desires.

Sad part is when someone gets into baby regressive mode and goes out looking and moping just looking for someone to do all of that for them.

originally posted by: crowf00t
I've pretty much decided that the best marriage is: To 'oneself'; Despite all the people throughout life and any "beyond" trying to tell you what you are; Or force you to be someone you're not...As well as any changes to that self as they come along as the individual has accepted that as a self whether it has evolved or devolved progressed or regressed in the practice of it.

If you think about such a thing; For a minute in the purely subjective and not in a personal sense... Anything else has that maxim on all sides of "good intentions pave the road to hell" as well as the "you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't" Experienced people in such a thing likely have nothing to say in recognizing that living in such a manner either for against such a notion is the very birth place of wisdom.

Some people know that I have said: "I hate life" That fact honestly; Will not change and I am O.K. with that...

You are trying to say something important here.