I need some dad advice.

A few months ago, my estranged 20 year old son decided he wanted to move in with us temporarily. His primary drive was his mother, my exwife, was moving across the country and he didnt want to be in the state he was in by himself and to be with his 4 year old half brother and watch him grow up. I said cool, what an opportunity to finally spend time with a kid i rarely got to see because of the wonderful Washington state family court system. I set up a few rules when he got here. No smoking weed in my house, get a job within a month, and dont fail a piss test. Everything was cool for a month or two and then he turned into a real turd.

Well, its been 4 months, he sits on his ass all day playing video games, has smoked weed in the house and, lo and behold, today i get the news he failed a piss test for his first Job. I'm torn between booting his ass out and sending him back to WA to be a loser up there or keep him here cause i haven't seen him in years and make him the house/farm slave for punishment. I suspect he didnt have the greatest life with my ex and her husband.

What would yall do?

a reply to: InspectorE7

Who pays for his internet connection, power and weed?

If it's you, I'd start there.

If it's not, then get your cut.



Should he not be agreeable to those measures, the boot and let him figure it out is warranted.


IMHO of course.

a reply to: InspectorE7

tough love. Kick him out. If you make rules and he breaks them, and you don't follow through, he will own you. He can't get a real job and fail a piss test, at least right now, so it's a lesson he has to learn.

I pushed mine to join the military. It's what I needed when I was doing about what he is now. My son joined, and has a much better perspective on life and his future now. I felt like a total dick when I kicked him out, but it seems it was the right move now.

But also, never take advice from anonymous internet folks. We have no idea what we are talking about.

Good luck!

a reply to: wAnchorofCarp

Well, i pay the internet cause its my house but he brought a stash with him. I cant smoke weed cause my job will do surprise piss tests.

a reply to: networkdude

I wish i could send him off to the navy like i did but he has a severe milk allergy.

a reply to: InspectorE7
Tell him to stop calling himself Malvo and stop fixating on the schlong.

a reply to: InspectorE7

the army will take him. They take everyone.

a reply to: networkdude

They used to, im not sure thats true anymore.

a reply to: InspectorE7

Take my advice, do something SOON!

If you don't, you'll end up like me, Our son is at year 7 and he's FINALLY getting his own place.

a reply to: InspectorE7

Remind him no money, no weed. Failing a piss test sucks, but there are jobs that do not require them, or they need employees bad enough that they do not ask. That is no reason he cannot find work. He may not like the job, and maybe that should help him decide what he needs to do to get a better one and that may include not smoking weed.

Talk with him, I’m not saying you need to be his friend rather than a father, but explain how you feel this needs to go down. Remember he has probably had no direction, he wasn’t his stepfather’s son so he probably didn’t try to relate with him, so help him out with some fatherly direction. Explain what has and has not worked for you, but allow for some mistakes.
Remember he is part you so find that common ground. Let him know you want him to be better than you and then lay out a plan to help him do that.

a reply to: InspectorE7

You give him one more chance to get his # together.

One month and you better be working full time or I evict you.
The best thing to give a kid is expectations.

On a side note..
I hate family court..
Best interest of the kids my ass..🤬

a reply to: TheLieWeLiveAgain

Thanks, probably will go this route as much as id like to plant my boot up his ass. I think his step dad was a douche canoe, so that didnt help. His mother wasn't a peach either, she left me when i was going through chemo.

a reply to: networkdude

, never take advice from anonymous internet folks. We have no idea what we are talking about.

My thinking exactly, especially now.

Have a joint and play some video games with him for a bit. Get to know him while you can. It's getting too late to be all ra ra on his ass. Sounds like he is feeling a bit lost in life at the moment.

The job market is getting tougher these days, try and find out what he wants to do and help him in that direction.

20 yrs old?

lol #in zoomers.

Take him to MickeyDs, take his phone, and text that hiring code.

Then make him walk home.

And smoke his stash while he's walking home.

a reply to: InspectorE7

He is a full grown adult and it sounds like he needs to realize this.

The 30 day ultimatum someone posted above is a good start . Not much you can do about the weed or gaming, but at 20 years old , he will either wake up or tough it out.

I would give leniency to the job in 30 days, but only if he is trying. As far as I know, fast food places don't UA .

Just my 2 cents.

originally posted by: Darkblade1971
a reply to: InspectorE7

He is a full grown adult and it sounds like he needs to realize this.

The 30 day ultimatum someone posted above is a good start . Not much you can do about the weed or gaming, but at 20 years old , he will either wake up or tough it out.

I would give leniency to the job in 30 days, but only if he is trying. As far as I know, fast food places don't UA .

Just my 2 cents.

They don't. Most restaurants in general won't UA.

originally posted by: InspectorE7
A few months ago, my estranged 20 year old son decided he wanted to move in with us temporarily. His primary drive was his mother, my exwife, was moving across the country and he didnt want to be in the state he was in by himself and to be with his 4 year old half brother and watch him grow up. I said cool, what an opportunity to finally spend time with a kid i rarely got to see because of the wonderful Washington state family court system. I set up a few rules when he got here. No smoking weed in my house, get a job within a month, and dont fail a piss test. Everything was cool for a month or two and then he turned into a real turd.

Well, its been 4 months, he sits on his ass all day playing video games, has smoked weed in the house and, lo and behold, today i get the news he failed a piss test for his first Job. I'm torn between booting his ass out and sending him back to WA to be a loser up there or keep him here cause i haven't seen him in years and make him the house/farm slave for punishment. I suspect he didnt have the greatest life with my ex and her husband.

What would yall do?

Life is tougher these days, but it sounds like he's not even trying at all, I agree with the ultimatum idea.
Look, I'm all for people smoking weed. IDC, but it should be common sense to abstain while on a job search just in case.
But I also agree that a heart to heart about life and why we're here might be helpful, if you're up for it.
Maybe he thinks life is ultimately meaningless. Or maybe he's just seeing how much he can get away with. IDK.

Ultimately, it sounds like you already had an agreement that he broke. Maybe he didn't know they were gonna UA?
If he knew, then that's the same as intentionally botching it because you just wanna look like you're trying when you're not. Either way, you've no reason to feel bad about setting a final deadline.

So, yeah, I'd let him know it's 30 days and you have a job or you're out of here.

originally posted by: dbcowboy2
a reply to: InspectorE7

Take my advice, do something SOON!

If you don't, you'll end up like me, Our son is at year 7 and he's FINALLY getting his own place.

My uncle has been living woth my grandmother for 30 years.