Road Rage - BYO2023 - Writer

My eyes opened.

Which was strange as I didn’t remember closing them in the first place. I could only remember a weird sound with a light blue glow. And then nothing.
I was standing in a barren field … and I was naked.
There were no trees, rocks or structures of any kind. Just naked people aimlessly wandering around.
The wind was whistling through my legs and it wasn’t a happy tune.
I was scared.
Slowly I looked around and I couldn’t believe my eyes.
There were hundreds of people in this barren landscape. As far as the eye could see. They were all adults of different shapes and sizes.
The ones that were closest to me were either crying or muttering, but all of them wandered around aimlessly.
A few walked into an invisible wall after which they promptly turned around and began walking in another direction.
To be honest, they reminded me of those robot vacuums.
Quickly I closed my eyes and thought desperately “what’s my name”? WHAT’S MY NAME”!
“Cal is my name” I thought. Cal. Cal Brooks.
I re-opened them. No good. Everything was still there … and so was I.

1 Hour Earlier

It was 5:30 p.m. in Detroit and I was stuck in traffic on I-275 near Ann Arbor. If you lived in Ann Arbor this wouldn’t have been a bad thing but I needed to get all the way to Canton, about 60 minutes away with this traffic. And I would be late.
Again.
Late for what someone may ask? Well … to my very own birthday party.
I was turning 50 this weekend and tonight (a work night) my wife had planned a birthday party for me.
I mean, who does that anyways? Plans a party on a work night?
The last thing she said to me this morning was “Cal, if you can’t make it on time, just keep driving”. Yeah, there’s a lot to unpack there.
With her saying that; I thought I had a silly choice to make, but it looks like that choice was made for me.

15 Minutes Earlier

I had an epiphany that I was going to make it! In 10 minutes, I’ll be pouring the old Johnny Walker Black into a tumbler and toasting the big 5-0!
Beastie boys were playing “ Sabotage” on the XM radio and to be honest, I was feeling pretty good with the endorphins flowing.
Flowing that is until the idiot in front of me decided he would do the speed limit as traffic opened up. I was less than 5 miles from that drink and this guy decides to do this.
Well, I think not I said to myself.
I straightened in my seat like a formula 1 driver, gripped the wheel with both hands and laid on the horn in Mad Max fashion.
Someone had to teach this life destroyer a lesson and as fate would have it that person was me and it would be right now.
But incredibly, the driver had no reaction … just continued putting along at 55 miles per hour (MPH).
That really pissed me off.

10 minutes Earlier

In my rage I sped up and hit his bumper. He was going 55 MPH now and I hit him at 65 MPH.
That certainly got his attention. I was so close to his vehicle I could see his face in his rear-view mirror.
His eyes caught mine and I swore I saw a cruel, thin-lipped smile.

And then.

There was a crackling sound with a light blue flash and things went dark.

That’s all I could remember.

Present Day and Time

As I studied my surroundings, the shock began to wear off. I realized that we weren’t naked but were wearing flesh colored one-piece suits. Weird.
The sky (if you could call it that) was a translucent light grey. It was at that moment an image appeared.
I couldn’t believe it! It was the guy from the car I bumped. Just then his voice boomed from nowhere yet everywhere at once.
“Welcome to all” he said. And with a drawn out pause he stated “and welcome to your new home”
He continued “I’m guessing that you’re all wondering what you’re doing here. And that would be an excellent question. But first, let me tell you where you are”.
I could hear wailing from all around me as fear and uncertainty set in. A god-awful sound.
Until I realized that the wailing was also coming from me.

Transgressions

“You’re in a place that’s suspended from space and time as you know it”.
“While you’re here, you’ll age but those you know on Earth will not. While time passes for you, it will not pass for them”.
“Let’s get to the fact of the matter, you’re in an artificially created dimensional bubble. Don’t worry by whom, it’s not important”.
“You’re covered by an environmental dome. The total area under it is about 50 square miles.
“And within that bubble, you’re in the reception area”.
“I’m sure you’re wondering the reception area of what, but we’ll get to that shortly”.
“Anyhow, a short distance from here; at the bottom of the hill, is a small town where you’ll reside”.
“Your expected to work on your personal issues that resulted in your transgressions.
“The town is on the shores of a bountiful lake and each of you will have your own cabin. You’ll be very comfortable”.
He continued ominously. “Should you not progress in a timely manner, you’ll be sent to Bubble 2. You won’t like bubble 2.
With a laugh he said “any questions? Just kidding. You’ll notice you don’t have a mouth”.

I sat down and put my head into my hands.
I cried for a very long time.

On Earth, his party hadn’t even started yet.

The end.

a reply to: ArcAngel

Very nice! I love that you left room for ones' imagination to continue in whatever direction it chooses to go.

a reply to: ArcAngel

Go to purgatory just for tailgating and an aggressive tap?

That's harsh. Must have been a cumulative thing.

Abandon all hope at that point.

This is cool though. It leaves you wondering if this time dilated atonement bubble isn't the end, and you have only a certain amount of time before you actually truly die from the gunshot to learn your anger lesson, have am NDE, and get sent back.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my short story. I'm open to constructive feedback if you're willing to give it. TY again

a reply to: nugget1

Thank you for reading my story. I read yours and am humbled. Feel free to give me direct feedback, unrestrained in a PM if you want. Based upon your work I could probably learn a few things . Truly.

Now your questions/ comments.

"Go to purgatory just for tailgating and an aggressive tap? " - Nope. Not purgatory. He's alive where he's at. He may even get to enjoy his party.

" It leaves you wondering if this time dilated atonement bubble isn't the end, and you have only a certain amount of time before you actually truly die from the gunshot to learn your anger lesson, have am NDE, and get sent back". - Nope - This is much, much bigger than that.... it's the start of an earth changing event that will affect everyone.

a reply to: Degradation33

a reply to: ArcAngel

Oh cool. I interpreted it as seeing an apparition of Satan in the face of the person you were tailgating right before he shot you and then going to purgatory to atone...

I was on a completely different page.

That's even cooler sounding. Look forward to followup.

a reply to: ArcAngel


I cheated by reading your other responses.

So theoretically, the protagonist can make it to his 50th birthday party at age 55 or 60. Maybe his wife likes older men. Then maybe she will gloss over whatever problem she had with him.

a reply to: pthena

I did too with the responses lol. Went back and read!

Maybe. But it's certainly the right way of thinking.

a reply to: pthena

originally posted by: ArcAngel
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my short story. I'm open to constructive feedback if you're willing to give it. TY again

a reply to: nugget1

I can't think of anything to improve on what you've written; I think it's perfect just the way it is! My favorite stories allow reader participation by leaving room for imagination.

a reply to: ArcAngel

That's a fascinating story, ArcAngel.

Switching between different timelines is always risky as it can be confusing for the reader. In this case, you handled it very well. The beauty is that your logical progression and regression through the events bring us to the conclusion that this domed precinct is illogical. Tme, relative to the real world left behind, ceases to exist... and vice versa.

Also, I liked the initial whistling that turned out to be the wailing at the end.

Best of luck with the novella, it should turn out to be compelling, and mind-blowing.

Nice story, well written and I do have a question...how did he wail if he didnt have a mouth

Thank you for the kind words. Your analysis was spot on!

I'm glad you enjoyed this.

a reply to: Encia22

Ty for reading my story.

I've been waiting for someone to ask this. Good job! There's a line of dialogue that alludes to what is happening. Think about it. And, this isn't a continuity error.

a reply to: redbackd

a reply to: ArcAngel

That was a refreshing deviation from normal story telling, I liked how you played with time in this one.

Thanks you for reading my story. Ty also for the feedback.

a reply to: TDDAgain

a reply to: ArcAngel

Loved it!

Little ditties like, "The wind was whistling through my legs and it wasn’t a happy tune." really engaged me. I wonder if the place your protagonist ended up is called "Karma City". Really interesting and thought-provoking story

Thank you for reading, really. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Your concept is close, but imagine Karma hit all over the world at one time.


a reply to: argentus

Folks can still read this and flag if they wish.

Nice and a well thought out purgatory. I am sure some others reading such a thing? Would be like most watching a silly invention on an infomercial? Why did I not think of that? In a; Lamentuitous tone.

It also reminds me a bit of the Japanese Buddhist Zen tradition having a; Hell simply named: Naraka where 'it' is many. many, 'bubbles'.