Study Says Opposites Do Not Attract, Birds of a Feather do Flock Together

A study of interest to those who like to read up on psychology and sociology. The old saying 'opposites attract' is untrue. The opposite saying 'birds of a feather flock together' IS true. I would think this is common sense. If you are going to be in a long term relationship with someone, you have to have things in common, stands on important issues in common. Otherwise there is friction and dissolution of the relationship. You could take this a step further and say that birds of a feather flock together in groups outside of romantic relationships as well.

Study Says Opposites Do Not Attract, Birds of a Feather do Flock Together

Our findings demonstrate that birds of a feather are indeed more likely to flock together,’ said author Tanya Horwitz, from the University of Colorado Boulder. Her team in the US combined data from nearly 200 previous studies dating back to 1903 with their own analysis. They examined dozens of traits in couples including parents, those who were married, engaged and partners who lived together.

They discovered traits such as political and religious attitudes, level of education and certain measures of intelligence were strongly similar between the pairs. Partners were also likely to share traits linked to substance use – with heavy smokers, drinkers and teetotalers tending strongly to couple up with those who had similar habits. There were also links between height, weight, medical conditions and personality traits, the researchers found.

But from their analysis the team said there was ‘no compelling evidence’ on any trait that opposites attract. Overall they discovered that for between 82 and 89 per cent of those analysed, partners were more likely than not to be similar. For only 3 per cent of traits did individuals tend to partner with those who were different than them. These included chronotype – whether someone is a ‘morning lark’ or a ‘night owl’.

‘These findings suggest that even in situations where we feel like we have a choice about our relationships, there may be mechanisms happening behind the scenes of which we aren’t fully aware,’ Ms Horwitz said. The team, whose research is in the journal Nature Human Behaviour, said couples could share traits for a range of reasons. Some people are attracted to people who are similar to them, while others grow more alike the longer they are together.

a reply to: FlyersFan

Men marry their mothers, girls their daddies. Good or bad upbringing, it's our first experience at this thing called 'love'.

Single parent households screw things up quite a bit.

It is known.

a reply to: CoyoteAngels

There is some truth to that i suppose.

We are indeed the product of our parents.

And kids do better in life for the most part with both parents being around to instill proper values and show them love and attention.

a reply to: FlyersFan

I had a fiancé once.
We had differences in word definition.

Engaged, def.

Me: Practically married.
Her: Still single.

Yeah, that didn't work out.

a reply to: FlyersFan

the last person I'd want to be in a relationship with is me.
I want someone who is the opposite.
The flock thing is maybe right for friends and wider social circles. But to death and beyond love: I want someone complementary and not a rival or mirror image...

it maybe depends on your own personality, I guess. Narcissists can't get enough of themselves and there are plenty of those around.

This is why I always I have a healthy degree of skepticism with studies.

Of course there will be similarities with people, no matter what, when they pair up. Does anyone really think that people that DON'T HAVE A SINGLE COMMONALITY between them would be in a relationship?

It's stuff like this that really makes me question researchers and their infinite knowledge.......

There's healthy relationships with people that have more similarities than not, and like comfortability. Likewise, there are those that are pulled to someone more their opposite (but still having some similarities) in a sort of healthy balance.

originally posted by: Peeple
the last person I'd want to be in a relationship with is me.
I want someone who is the opposite..

I have more in common with my husband than I don't.
We get along great. Known each other for over 50 years. Married for 33 years.

a reply to: Peeple

But to death and beyond love: I want someone complementary and not a rival or mirror image...

I was in this tavern that I occasionally frequented. A couple of the regulars had just gotten engaged, a grand celebration.

When no one was paying attention, the guy looked to me with terror on his face
"We're both alcoholics. Neither one of us knows the first thing about house holding."

Sad to say, I had no helpful advice to offer.

Narcissists can't get enough of themselves and there are plenty of those around.

Narcissists are getting a little too much of a bad rap these days. "Murderers, Narcissists, Child Rapers, and all the other scum of the Earth..."

Look at the categorizing there. I'm going to have to rehabilitate narcissism. Think of it like occasional drinker vs alcoholic, there's a spectrum like autism has a spectrum.

a reply to: pthena

I don't think a single label can define the complex entity that is a human being anyways, so I don't really see an issue in it.
As general idea of how peeps tick it is useful.
But just as altruistic do-gooders can be the most annoying and damaging person one ever came in contact with so too can a narcissistic psychopath be the best friend you always wanted.

not that I should talk as if I got a clue how realtionships work... lol

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: FlyersFan

the last person I'd want to be in a relationship with is me.
I want someone who is the opposite.
The flock thing is maybe right for friends and wider social circles. But to death and beyond love: I want someone complementary and not a rival or mirror image...

it maybe depends on your own personality, I guess. Narcissists can't get enough of themselves and there are plenty of those around.

I mean this is outside the scope of the study.

I'm pretty sure if you're bad at math, and she's good at math, that's a good thing. But like -- if you're a conservative with traditional values, and she's a liberal as they come; that's destruction waiting to happen.

a reply to: Peeple

I wrote a story for you
www.abovetopsecret.com...
and here's a song I heard a few days ago.

originally posted by: FlyersFan

originally posted by: Peeple
the last person I'd want to be in a relationship with is me.
I want someone who is the opposite..

I have more in common with my husband than I don't.
We get along great. Known each other for over 50 years. Married for 33 years.

My wife and I share the same views on most everything and I for sure didn't marry someone like my mother (closet on again/off again binge drinker)- 39 years together/36 married.

And she's hot