a reply to:
andy06shakeLet me tell you why I have a certain amount of compassion for the mentally ill? 20 years ago a judge sent
me to a really tough shelter in the hardest part of Toronto. Spoiler alert Canadians are not as polite as you might think across the board. So here I
find myself in a jungle of addict's, alcoholic's, criminal's, the unwanted and the mentally ill. I was the first 4 on that list. So a judge sent me
there to straighten me out. Judges don't seem to know that, this is not how that works. You become more of the same of what you are, and worse. Well I
watched my surrounding's and it was pretty much jail house rule's, and with the mentally ill on the very bottom of that hierarchy. I watched them
being manipulated, used, and ripped off. Nobody was there to protect them at all. Even though that animal side of myself had to exist, so I was the
best/worst of those first 4 things I mentioned above, I alway's thought that the mentally ill were off limit's. They weren't like the rest of us, and
it wasn't a fair game for them. I decided I would do what I could to protect them from people like me, without upsetting the balance, because still I
had to operate by the rules that I existed within my ''class''. I got to know quite a number of them. So there was the Time Cop, the handwasher, the
russian ninja, the crazy eyed posing guy, michael the arch angel, there were a few I could only explain in full sentence's, there was the government
is whispering in my ear guy. So I would go rip up the streets for a bit, and come back broken. I would hang out with them as much as I could
throughout 2 year's. Some together but mostly me and 1. I would try and keep them in order so I knew each would have my attention in course. Thing was
I was safe with them, and in turn they learned they were safe with me. Never once did i take, and I would never allow them to be taken in front of me.
I also taught them that some of thing's they were doing, were getting them treated unfairly. I learned their stories and was fascinated by them. I had
a certain way to operate within their world, while also keeping them in this world.
So learning about their habit's cigarettes, weed, beer, vodka food, candy etc all luxeries for them I took note. I would go out and be a criminal to
feed my habit for day's on end till I knew I couldnt go any longer. So I would always do one more criminal thing to get some of those things to bring
for them. In turn I had their company, away from the animal's so I would be able to turn my animal self off. They noticed that whenever I came, I was
probably bringing them something, because everyone else only seemed to take and never pay it back. It came to the point when I was done being an
animal, their eyes would light up to see me, but it was because they were so delighted to have some of those things I brought them alot, and wanted
to share with me. One time it was a 100$ bag of ''weed'' that I could see ten feet away was grass clipping's. He wanted me to smoke with him. I said I
can see from here thats just grass clipping's. ''Well no they werent because it cost 100$'' So I said you will see and I rolled and smoked the first
bit of the grass clippings. Told him yep, grass clippings, here. He smoked it. Poor guys face, I said man, why didn't you ask me? It was adorable but
so sad. He preobably had the least to lose. A few of them asking me, mike, I wanna have some danish lager's I have money will you go get them?
absolutely estatic he could by me those danish lager's. I couldn't even count how many time's I heard danish lager's as if I didn't know and hadnt
brought many a time. He was wild haired, trench-coat, crazy guy that looked super weird, but could get caught posing at his reflection for hour's. Im
sure every angle posed in, none had is good angle. Picture flasher weird, but not. I was told he took so much acid at one time he never came back and
was stuck in the condition I met him. Still could hold a conversation.
Each one oof them in some way tried and waited for me to come around because this time they got to treat me. It wasn't often, because I wanted make
sure I was not on the predator side, I was still protecting the pray and I didn't want anywhere near that line.
In the insane world I was in, I went to the insane people to escape my insanity. Make that make sense? Sometime yes, I could be pulled in and find me
slipping. But I didn't fall into their dellusion. I can't say a part of me didn't believe them. They could make things that real. Had to be carefull,
but also not be desructive, nor accepting of their reality. I had to show them that they were hearing their sickness talking, and would guide them
back.
I loved those guy's and they loved me. In that world nobody really is loved. They made me human again, when everything required the animal. They never
let me get so completely down the animal road that I could never recover. They showed me that I am holding on to the humanity a bit and so Im not lost
into absolute life of being those first 4 things. They helped me, slowly work my way to becoming more human so I could escape, and recover. They saved
my life.
When it was time to go back to being a member of society, I would miss them, and I really worried for them. A few times after I would run into them,
and of course it was hugs like I had never left. I would stop what I was doing and take them for lunch and beers and keep them out of that place, and
back into society with me. Just for an afternoon. So I took them from the insanity, and brought them regular life, just like they brought the human
out, from the animal in me. I could rejoin society, but I couldn't do that for them, so an afternoon it was. I always thought, that if I could stand
to live in toronto again, I would go back there and create that same thing I did with them as a paid job for me, always knowing that if they said no,
I would really do it for free. anyway. As far as I was concerned I was rewarded already by them helping me get enough normal to escape. I was rewarded
still, for friendships with people nobody has the passion for dealing with. They were lonely, and we truly were loving friend's. Somebody that
genuinely really was there just because Iwanted to be. It wasn't hard at all, I don't see how they didn't have anybody else willing to keep them,
especially if it meant sending them to that place. Not seen, not heard, and largely forgotten
Oh! and one guy did things with his poo and finger's in his bum, building pyramids etc. yeah he was on his own. Nobody seemed to bother him anyway.
lol.
These people have stories, they are human's and human's have to have connection in order to survive, or even if possible thrive. I know for a fact
that I could say take ten of those guy's put them all in a house and have it operate as close to normal as can be. People say do it!! I say yah ok I
will, but you gotta get the money from the government, cuz it doesnt seem like a priority. It isn't, and that is so shameful. Believe me, if I had the
money I would do it in a second, make it break even. Then operate smoothly, and then thats when the government might give you money. Im taking
donations.
They would probably just go on thinking that we were great friends, but never really understanding that they actually saved my life. That...I wish
they knew.