Microwave Burrito - YSM2023 - Non Writer

Cold, as long as I can remember, I have been cold.
The bright lights have been the only thing to hold my attention with each passing day.
I lay awake, no end to the aching, piercing, stabs of this subzero wasteland.
One day the lights turn off, but still, the cold persists.
The endless dark holds on for, what seems like, an eternity.
But still, the cold remains.
I have begun to give up hope, as I begin to frost over, never knowing what could have been.
The light returns, although, it seems different than before. Almost ominously so.
I, finally, begin to feel a sense of warmth, though it sends my head into a spiraling fit.
The heat increases, with a low hum that seems to pierce through my body.
Spinning, faster and faster as the hum gets louder and echoes through my soul.
The heat takes over, as I can no longer bear the pain.
Finally, a loud ring that breaks the cacophonous roar pounding in my ears.
The ringing subsides as my body is lifted and pulled, once more, into the bright lights.
And then, nothingness.


The end

a reply to: PorkChop96

Not sure I will ever be able to eat another now that I think they might be sentient.

a reply to: PorkChop96

The personification of a burrito... Excellent, PorkChop96!

a reply to: SprocketUK

And what of the burritos already lost from sentience?

a reply to: Encia22

Much appreciated!

I am open to any and all feedback on this story, as it is my first time.

Thanks to all in advance!

a reply to: PorkChop96

Nothing to criticise about the story. You keep us in suspense, with a crescendo of apprehension. The only thing I would have changed is the title; you're giving the plot away right there.

Honestly, I read your story without noticing the title, just clicked the link too fast to notice. In that way, the story was enthralling and had me second guessing as to who or what was the subject.

I've used the personification of non human subjects before and always try to keep the reader guessing until it becomes obvious or I smack them across the face with the unveiling.

You should be proud of your first attempt.



ETA: Sometimes it's easier to give examples of what I mean.

Apart from my entry for this contest, if you have time, read one of my earliest stories...

www.abovetopsecret.com...

a reply to: PorkChop96

That was incredible, PorkChop! I loved it!

a reply to: PorkChop96

That was good. A dramatic existence for a microwave burrito.

a reply to: nugget1

Thank you!

a reply to: Degradation33

Very much appreciated!

a reply to: PorkChop96


well for them I might say a prayer to the nacho gods...

a reply to: PorkChop96

Only PorkChop could writ so well about a Burrito! Nice

I am very grateful and appreciative of these comments, flags, and stars.

You guys are great!