My father passed away Thursday night.

Sadly, my father passed away Thursday night due to many health complications. My mother she passed in 2017 from cancer (her fifth time). I am working down in Arizona on the Intel job (I’m a union ironworker) and my dad (we are originally from the Keweenaw peninsula) was in Wisconsin in the hospital. After my ma passed he just gave up on life and stopped taking care of himself. He had bad diabetes complications. I spoke with him on the phone on Father’s Day and told him I would be home soon to see him and that I woke cook him his favorite meal (spaghetti and meatballs which I make really well) and I got a phone call 1045 Arizona time telling me he had passed. I saw it coming but, he was my dad. The last parent left. I hopped in my rig and put some blues on and took a drive in the warm Arizona evening. I woke up in the morning to a call from a close family friend (funeral director) and my room was pitch black. I turned the lights on and they began to flicker like crazy. I got it on video. It’s wild. Anyways I guess what I’m saying it’s a stranger feeling being the only one left. Everyone back in Montana where I live, call me the high plains drifter lol I just drift from town to town work the high steel. Now I search for good conversations and meals and the occasional high dollar scotch. My long time girlfriend who knew me best, she passed away a few years back.
I love working high steel being an ironworker and traveling to new places. I feel as if I’m chasing a feeling of being alive constantly. I think I’m gonna take a spontaneous trip to New York for new years. Always wanted to try the pizza and Italian food out there.

Check in on your family even if the relationship is strained. Life is short.

There is such a thing as too much loss. Too much has been taken from you both - taken and taken and taken, until there's nothing left but hope, and you've given that up because it hurts too much. Until you would rather die, or kill, or avoid attachments altogether, than lose one more thing.
N.K. Jemisin

Always forward, never back,

Liquidiron

a reply to: Liquidiron

it’s a stranger feeling being the only one left.

You are never the "only one left"
Peace be unto you .

Big sympathy hugs. It's never easy losing those we love. Whether it's expected or out of the blue, sudden or drawn out, there is always the same pain along with the unique pain of every passing.

When my mother passed, I became acutely aware that all of my elders were gone. I could no more rely on their wisdom and experience and humor to get through life. It's been very strange recognizing myself in the position of "elder" for my (adult) children, and even my nieces and nephews.

Be good to yourself. Treat yourself to all the happy and loving memories you can. And talk to your loved ones. They'll know. They'll hear. And maybe -- just maybe -- you'll hear them answer you.

a reply to: Liquidiron

Sorry for your losses and thank you for the reminder that our time here is short, and there's always a reason to reach out to family.

Sending strength your way!

My father died when I was 24 years old. It is definitely a horrible thing, hard to get over. But over all these years, 30 to be exact, I have developed nothing but good feelings for my pop. I miss him very much and shed a tear here and there when it strikes me.

My apologies talking about me, but I guess I am trying to say that loss like this is horrible, but when your memories start remembering all the laughs and talks you had, occasionally instead of feeling like crying you might feel like laughing.

An old friend of mine's father was a cool old guy. Used to call me "dumbass," 'cause that was how he talked to people he liked and trusted. If he was polite to you, meant you were on his sh1t list.

The old guy passed years ago, and my buddy told me a while back that when his uncle passed (the uncle was the last of his father's generation), his cousin called to tell him the news. It felt sad, but then his cousing dropped the hammer.

"You know what this means?" he asked.

My buddy said, "No, what?"

"It means that now we are the old men."

Life goes on. My condolences, for what it's worth.

This was the song that prompted that story from my buddy. I don't know if you like country music, but it shook me to think about my own mortality. Stumbled on it one day and it made me realize that I'm one of those old men, dammit. Don't feel it, but here we are.

originally posted by: Liquidiron
...
Check in on your family even if the relationship is strained. Life is short.

There is such a thing as too much loss. Too much has been taken from you both - taken and taken and taken, until there's nothing left but hope, and you've given that up because it hurts too much. Until you would rather die, or kill, or avoid attachments altogether, than lose one more thing.
N.K. Jemisin

Always forward, never back,

Liquidiron

Thanks, needed to hear that. My connection with my son is strained. I'm inclined to back off from him as he's pretty much made himself a pain in the ass, but I need to lean in.
:

a reply to: greendust

I didn't see my old man from the tieme I was about 10 'til my 49th birthday. We met, reconciled, had a good few days together. Got a phone call about 2:00am a few weeks later, he'd passed.

I don't have much in the way of memories, but that's cool. I've had a good life and I'm glad we had a chance to reconnect before he passed. He was apologetic for having been the cad he was.

Nice, though, to have those good memories, even (especially) if they bring a tear to your eye now and again.

Oh wow …I’m very sorry for your loss . Losing a loved one is hard , but losing a parent is an especially hard one . It leaves us with an orphaned feeling .. my advice to you is this : …. Get a notebook and keep a journal of all the memories you are reflecting on . Wrote them down . All the details … this may sound silly , but as time passes , our memories fade aliittle . And when you want to you can re read them and smile ….. Please know I am sending you many hugs and condolences .

Well put; your heart and message are clear.

My pop is 98 and I'm his caregiver. I'll be so lost when he's gone, so thanks for sharing that and hopefully we can share a bit of ATS love back.

Sorry to hear about your father. Where in the Keweenaw did you guys live, I grew up in the copper country and knew a lot of people up that way.

a reply to: rickymouse
I was born in Laurium and was raised in Mohawk (30
mins nort of Houghton) I’m 32. I’ve been away from there for sometime pursuing a personal mission. I quit my field Ironworkers apprenticeship when I was 19. I became a union shop ironworker but, it wasn’t the same and it slowly ate away at me. I moved to Montana about 4 years ago as they paid me (the shop that hired me) and I had a chance to switch unions and join the local 732 Ironworkers out of Helena. I pursued it vehemently. At 30, on the appearance outside I look very fit but, I had a lot of fun racing when I was younger and I’m paying for it now. Anyways throughout my apprenticeship I was the hardest working apprentice out there. I didn’t let anything get in the way of it during those years. I graduated May 15th and became a journeymen. I spoke with my dad as I had moved him back to the Keweenaw (since he moved back he was in and out of the hospital and I had a difficult time getting ahold of him) I was able to finally talk with him and had told him I graduated and that I was working down in Phoenix on the biggest structural job in the United States at the moment with the worlds biggest crawler crane as I was very excited. I think he knew right then and there that I was going to be just fine and he started to let go. Shortly after he passed away after that conversation. Over this last winter I had a lot of tough conversations with him. Things he didn’t know about me, terrible things I have done the people I use to roll with and it felt good. My dad and I had a different relationship. I loved him nonetheless regardless and he had a hard time accepting that.
A thought had crossed my mind and it happened to be about evolution. Something we know is true is evolution is about the process by which species adapt over time in response to their changing environment. creatures have gotten rid of things they have found either useless or detrimental to their survival and they observed those things or used them and realized they didn’t need them. Millenia ago, I think humans, animals learned to mourn loved ones and must have witnessed something extraordinary after their loved ones died. This continued up until current day. They witnessed something so profound that, they found it necessary and useful to do in order to cope and live with. They saw that their loved ones didn’t die permanently they went onto another plane or dimension. It continued with evolution and while I may be a red neck in my eyes that’s a sign of divine intervention.
My memories exist with my father, mother, my girlfriend , brother and many others on a different dimension or plane somewhere out there and we just cannot see it or comprehend it yet. I’ve help guide both my parents and prepare them for death. It was important to show them there was nothing to be scared about. Something my dad always told me when I was a young kid was “don’t be upset we didn’t get to say good bye because we will always be in each others hearts”

Always forward, Never back

Liquidiron

a reply to: The GUT
It’s a tough thing and if I had to give you any advice, have conversations you find hard or uncomfortable. Ask about things that make you uncomfortable or nervous. Don’t regret not asking anything you might have questions for after it’s too late. Be strong for him and your family. When my mother passed I buried her and I said the eulogy. Many people commented on how strong I was and how light hearted I made it feel. I cried afterwards but, showing strength as a man during those times shows the changing of the guard and strength to loved ones.

Always forward, Never back


Liquidiron

Im so sorry hearing of your loss.

I understand completely!

My dad will be 97 this year. He still lives in my childhood home he had built in 1959. He lost my mom 10 years ago. A couple months ago dad called me and said he was going to stop driving, due to reaction time and leg strength. So I began taking him shopping and talk to him every morning. It kind of feels like the slow goodbye.

PS retired Steel worker here. High carbon rod, wire, and stranded steel cables. 41 years, 3 months, and 8 days. Some of my welds are in the Oakland bay bridge, and also under the north side of the Golden Gate bridge

a reply to: incoserv

I do love me some country and I reckon I better check that out ! Yes, I know how you feel to a degree. My role was reversed as I was the son and my father. This past winter I had some tough conversations with him. Told him things about my former life and what I use to do who I was involved with etc. my pops lived a tough life before he married my mom. Our relationship definitely wasn’t traditional he provided me with everything I needed and could’ve asked for it’s just, he was older when I was born (40) and I was very good at being on my own when I was young and I almost wanted it that way. We shared some great times when I was an innocent child but things changed when my mom got cancer the first time in 97. I was six and when the doc told me my mom had six months to live this primal survival response kicked in and I became aware of stress and the feeling of loss and I grew up quick.
Anyways before I go on a rant, father son relationships can be tough because one of us may not want to share somethings that we’ve done or may be mad about. But before it’s too late it’s best to just sit down and talk about the hard stuff over a couple beers. I would instantly regret not doing that if I hadn’t with my dad and he passed. That may not even be good advice for you but, what I found helpful was, removing myself as a son and looking at my dad as my best friend whom I was hiding things from or frustrated with. Maybe remove yourself as a father and be a best friend first.
Thank you for the reply.

Always forward, Never back

LiquidIron

a reply to: visitedbythem
Sometimes a slow goodbye is best. It gives you time to enjoy the small moments and reflect on this strange thing we call life. The old timers like him are leaving this earth along with their wise knowledge.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

- Dylan Thomas

Always forward, Never back

Liquidiron

a reply to: Liquidiron

I am sorry for your loss.
It is an odd feeling when your second parent passes.

Time heals.
And life is short.....

a reply to: Liquidiron

Thanks. Good word.

Sorry for your loss, both my parents have gone as well, it’s a lonely feeling knowing they aren’t there anymore to talk to.

a reply to: Liquidiron

I went through a very similar situation when my father passed. He had inoperable cancer and after trying all the treatments there was...even some experimental ones he finally said enough. So I knew he didn't have long...but I did what I could to spend time with him as much as possible. When the time actually came I was in Seattle for work...was a little hard to process at first but I remembered something he started telling me near the end. Don't mourn my death celebrate my life. I ended up down in the hotel bar drinking rum, which was his typical drink, telling stories about him and carrying on. Ended up back in my room...still not sure how, and when I went back by the bag then next day I was sure I had walked out on my tab because I didn't remember paying and didn't see it on my account. Turns out all the random folks I was telling stories and carrying on with had paid for every single drink I had after the first round. Its exactly what he would have wanted and its exactly what I needed to deal with the loss myself. Sadly my little brother and him were not talking at the time and he never made things right with our dad despite my father reaching out many times. I know that is something that he will regret forever...and warned him that would be the case...so yes its always a good idea to at least keep trying to keep the relationship and communication up.

Like you I am a bit of a drifter and tradesman. I am a production master electrician and sometimes lighting designer and I typically go out of town once or twice a month for a week or 2 it a time. Couldn't ask for a better job and something like I am sure is the same for you that I can actually take pride in. If you're ever in Vegas feel free to PM me...I love good whiskey and good food...its the most common thing I splurge on.

Celebrate his life I am sure he would appreciate it.

a reply to: Liquidiron

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