A Day In The Life Of 'Jak's' The Mod.an extract from his diary.

Dear Diary,

Today I... dammit, one sec.

zzzziippp

Ahh, that's better. I can barely breath in the thing. As long as Gazrok doesn't see me without it on I think I'll be ok.Anyway, Dear Diary.

I forgot to add that my besse bud Optimus has some fantastic news that really cheered me. I won't add it here, as it is not mine to elaborate, but I think he has been secretly reading and forging entries anyway. So I'll let him, just wanted to publicly say what a great chap he is, how happy I am for him and what a warm smile it brings me to think of the fantastic future he has in front of him.

That's all for now dear diary, time to zip up. I think I heard Gazrocks footsteps...
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Sorry? Tea. Ok, one sec. Dammit. Zzzzziipp

Jak

Dear Diary,

Sorry its been so long since ive written in you but i have reasons.

I was recentley delayed at the "southern England Drinking championships"

i entered 3 of the catorgries availble and came out as winner in all!!

they were as follows:-

1. CHAMPION OF THE LARGER WITH A SPLASH OF LIME CONTEST.

2. DOING THE 'YARD' WITH BAILEYS CHAMPION

3. CHAMPION OF THE 'BABY CHAM' CHALLENGE.

it was a whirlwind of drinking, high jinks and talking with a 'cockney' accent exstravaganza!!

i heard that my pal optimus went to the "NORTHERN ENGLANDS 'HARD MAN' DRINKING CONTEST" .....which was running at the same time....i think he won the following catorgries?...

1. DRINK 3 BOTTLES OF CHEAP RED WINE AND SPEW LIKE A MUTHER CHAMPION!

2. DRINK 8 PINTS OF VERY STRONG PORTUGUESE BEER CALLED 'SUPER BOCK' AND THEN SPEW UP WHILST FIGHTING CHAMPION!

3. DRINK A BOTTLE OF BRANDY AND THEN DRIVE INTO A PARKED POLICE CAR CHAMPION!

4. DRINK WHISKY AND FIGHT THE GYPSYS AT THE FAIR WITH ONE HAND TIED BE HIND YOUR BACK TO IMPRESS YOUR MATES CHAMPION!

i think hes a legend but i have to be honest it did look a bit tough and un-couth for us southerners to go up there and contend....i think i ll just leave the drinking contests to the northerners in future.....im just going to stick to 'buck's fizz'.

well dear diary...i have to go....im going to an A-HA tribute night in the local wine bar....."mines a blue nun bar tender".....

night,night diary.xx......

p.s heres some pictures of the 2 contests.






THE SOUTHERN DRINKING CONTEST HELD IN 'JOLLY NICE UPON THAMES'




THE NORTHERN CONTEST HELD IN 'FECK IT UPON COME N HAVE A GO IF YOU THINK UR FECKING ARD ENOUGH'

This has to be one of the funniest threads on BTS..........Good Show opti...er......Jak's!

Dear Diary!

i was super excited the other night when optimus told me he was going to see a really cool and popular northern band from Manchester.......he said it was awesome and everyone enjoyed themselves!

i decided to see what the south had on offer and found an absolutley great group to see....it was no other than 'Chas N Dave'.....the cheeky duo who have been entertaining many a crowd for years!.......i heard that one of their concerts in their hayday (1970..ish) attracted a crowd of nearly 13 people!!!

apparentley Paul Oakenfield is doing a remix of their anthem "run,rabbit run" which is going to take the pop world by storm!

I was amazed when they banged out their all time classic "snooker loopy" and had jimmy white on stage live with them!!!......fortunatley hed found time out from his busy coke snorting hobby to appear!

What can i say!!!...its Awesome down south...........mines a Shandy barman!




The Famous Duo!!!




Crazy Nutters!........Rock n Roll Baby......Rock n Roll!!




Giving it the 'Large' on top of the pops!......."Evening Ladies!!!"

Why not visit their website??..(coz no other fecker else ever has!!)

www.chasndave.fsnet.co.uk...

night,night diary!

[edit on 14-7-2005 by optimus fett]

[edit on 14-7-2005 by optimus fett]

Dear Diary......

its coming up to the time when i need a holiday........ive been thinking of travelling back to Miami for a couple of weeks (where i spent most of my 20's) although im a bit concerned the fashion there may have changed a bit?......will i fit in?......

although ive got to admit...my hair is looking super fly!!




.....perhaps Miami isnt such a good idea?....instead i think i will go out to Portugal and visit my good friend Optimus.......fortunatley dress code shouldnt be a problem as he has sent me some pictures of the 'cutting edge' fashions out there!


This is optimus and his friend Gonzale.....out for a casual drink...



or the casual 'Man about town' look.....




i am soooo looking forward to this holiday......"Optimus?....Get the Martini's in"

night,night diary!...

[edit on 29-7-2005 by optimus fett]

[edit on 29-7-2005 by optimus fett]

Optimus Sweetie!

Your mind is a wonderful thing to waste.

Hi everyone. I felt it would be interesting to liven things up with all the unfortunate bickering and drama problems that have been ongoing recently.

So in what I think is the first time I've hosted a contest here on BTS, all of you crazy kids need to keep those eyes open!

Over the next two weeks, my avatar is randomly changing to show things that for some reason/in some way relate to my life.

On midnight GMT September 5th I will then post 10 questions about me. I will leave the contest open until midnight September 7th for all entries. The first person to answer all ten questions correctly or the person with the most correct answers at the end will receive 10,000 BTS POINTS!

Please feel free to post whatever comments you have about my added pictures, but just bear in mind you may be given other people hints!


1. Any edited posts are automatically rendered void. No re-submitting!

2. No comments or replies will be considered an entry until I post the ten questions on September 5th.

3. In the event of a draw at the end of the competition, I will post another image and the finalists must submit their interpretation of what the image means. The best entry get's the lot!

Good luck all!

and heres some pictures to be going on with.......

Guess away!!!????
















regards Jak's.

What I want to know is how long until JAK's Diary is sold to a tabloid newspaper for a couple of thousand.

Brilliant thread I'm going to miss it

Dear Diary,

ive just come back from a great holiday in Portugal with Optimus...it was awesome!!!

first he picked me up in one of his planes and we landed on his ship.....the landing was a bit dodgy though......




then we sailed round to his house....




and then he introduced me to some of his guests that were staying there.....
















unfortunatley i didnt get a picture of lord Lucan as he was playing Croquet the whole time i was there.

The dinner parties were a suave affair.......




and i was impressed by optimuses drinks cabinet....




Optimuses hosptallity was fantastic....he was always knocking up some quick food for me when i was hungry....




and i just loved what hes done with the gardens....




his little lake with its fishing hut is cool!




it was also really nice to meet his girlfriend and her mates....




Well...Diary...ive had a great time.....Night,night diary.

Hey Optimus! Why wasn't I invited? :bash:

I'll remember that.

TextHey Optimus! Why wasn't I invited?

sorry princess, i'll make sure your guest of honour at the next bash...i promise!

Dear Diary,

with optimus's first child due i decided to pop out and see how he and his baby were getting on!

at first i was a little shocked to see the birth in process.....




fortunatley i was in the wrong delivery room so i moved onto the next one....




i wasnt having much look there either....so i kept looking.....




nope...not that one....




not this happy couple either.....




cute...but no cigar....




no,no,no....

it was starting to become a bit of a fruitless search......i wondered if i was in the right place?....i went out side the hospital to check if it was the right one....fortunatley a few well wishers had gathered to wish optimus well...




SUDDENLEY....over a tannoy system i heard the his gf had given birth to his daughter.......i had missed the birth but i was invited to the small after party....it was a quiet affair as optimus doesnt like to make a scene...




it was nice to see the grandparents there as well...




after hours of searching though i still couldnt find optimus and his child......

then i heard they had boarded optimus's plain to take a short break away....




i will have to catch up with him when he gets back...

night, night diary!

So is this the official announcement?

Congrats Optimus!

*Wonders about the implications of Optimus bearing children and the future of ATS and the world*

Dear Diary.......its been quite a while since i graced your pages with an entry.....so long actually that "A day in the life of 'Jak's' the mod.an extract from his diary" nearly dissapeared of the first page of "BTS Members"......tut,tut...that just wouldnt do......

well diary......it is with great pleasure and joy i can inform you of my latest news...

"OPTIMUS HAS BEEN CHOSEN TO BE THE NEW JAMES BOND!!!!!"

imagine my suprise the other night when we were sipping a martini on the back of optimus's yacht out in San Tropez and he told me the wonderful news!!??!!

the newspapers and film companys have done well keeping it a secret by pertending it was to be clive owen....the crafty monkeys......

Optimus gave me a basic run down of the script....(as follows....)

A small duo of naughty midgets steal a nuclear weapon.....









then they hide it in their secret base and issue demands......




there demands are for all 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars.....or a years free pass to Alton towers amusement park in staffodshire.....!!

WOW!!...a years free pass!!!



the pace hots up when James (aka optimus ) gets some new gadgets from 'M'

a fly new car....




an awesome secret plane,....




and loads of other cool secret thingys.....

i dont want to spoil it for you all so i'll let you see it when it comes out....but just so youre not all disappointed...i can inform you know that there is a scene with a baddy midget with a cat sitting on his knee that spins round in a big black leather chair......night,night dear diary.

Dear Diary.....

as another year draws to a close, its time to review things.....

its been a busy one to say the least......

theres been some great partys ive attended as one of the ATS envoys....




although a few drunken idiots did turn up.....




i made lots of new friends......







i got to meet simon gray...aka...GOD!!




i have had plenty of fun at numerous partys hosted by my mate optimus....






i got an ATS company vehicle from the motor pool.....




a secretary.....for paperwork and menial office tasks...obviously.....




a transfer to our 'out of town offices'.......




it was also nice to spend some time relaxing in the ATS staff pool.....




and the gym......although me or any of the other mods dont like to over do it.......






some people over did it in the sauna though......




and i hated cleaning out the staffroom fish tank.....




even though gazrock gave me a safety outfit???.....




all in all though its been a great year!!......im looking forard to the xmas party and some egg nog!

night,night diary.

Dear Diary!

well,well,well.......this is my first entry in you this year, ive been so busy that i simply havent had the time, and imagine my suprise and horror when i realised youd been relagated to the 2 page!!!!!

Ive spent the last few months moving into my new house....its nothing flash but it will do for now.....




and then i spent some time off enjoying the 'Midget throwing championship of sweden"




It was nice to see 'Biggy' retain his title...and hes sooo stylish with those clothes!

Then i called into see optimus in Portugal.....yet again hes wearing the cutting edge fashions!




he showed me a map off some of the land hes just purchased...its highlited in red....




so as you can see the last few months have been hectic...i promise to write again soon.

night,night diary.xx

Well, well, well...I leave ATS for a few years and look what happens?...tut,tut...there is deffo going to have to be some diary updates soon...possibly a film