Thoughts? Need insight (long)

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I would get the hell away from the verbal abuse; your kids should not be subjected to listening to her degrade their parents. It can result in a lot of problems including up to your kids not respecting you because of how they have heard that women speak to y’all.

If your husband can be mobile with his wood services if he trims trees and removes fallen wood; in central texas we just had a major ice storm which caused SEVERE (some would say apocalyptic) tree breakage and fallen limbs absolutely everywhere. People are needing massive help with that right now and might put some good money in your pocket quickly if done right.

originally posted by: CaptainHook
a reply to: FamCoreyes, i think i can leave with the small space. we don't really own furniture other than a bed set.

Thanks for your insight

So you are living with MIL and complaining about her? You're an adult. She raised her kid already, your husband I take it. Her job is done. By all means leave. Neither of you owe each other anything.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Most everyone has at one point in their lives realized that "other peoples' baggage will be the end of me."

I don't know you, or your mother... so it would be unfair to cast aspersions or make judgments ... but I can confidently state that my completely subjective "knee-jerk" reaction was this:

1) Be very careful about "One time I was debating suicide or my moms house switch..."

With all empathy and sympathy, I have to make this warning. References as yours' above, while casually interpreted as "being at a point of exasperation about the lack of possibilities" could be misconstrued or miscommunicated by others for whom the word "suicide" is a trigger. It can lead to "bad" consequences simply because it can be so used. As a parent, you are currently exposed to "the judgment of others."

Between family, friends, and even acquaintances, it shouldn't be a big risk... online however... I would recommend NEVER exposing yourself this way... "someone" could abuse your utterance - and spitefully break you or your family as a result.

2) I have faced your scenario, and came away suffering great loss. I had to divest myself of precious irreplaceable property to move from a large family dwelling (5 bedroom home... it was a dump, but it was MY dump, kept livable by sheer force of will and love.) I moved into a 1 bedroom - shedding my 4 children, most of whom weren't really ready to 'live on their own' - as most simply can't in our "new" Millenium.

I still feel the heartbreak.

But, we are surviving now... all of us (thank God.) And the relief of shedding that is appreciated every day.

Try not to fear the change... in the end, the increase in the peace in your heart will fill the new challenges with light, and somethings you may not have expected will provide you with consolation...

3) I am familiar with personal psychological abuse. Most frequently, it is undeserved and more an indication of the abusers' defects than the subjects'. Clearly, a daily presence in your life that demonstrates derision and disrespect toward you is something a parent MUST remove from the lives of the children. I know that sounds impossible... and it is. Because in their burdening you of their emotional baggage, they will NOT refrain from somehow "projecting it" onto your children. Such damage, if not directly countered, can be lasting.

In short: Get the hell away from that woman - move away, make sacrifices, figure out what is going to "hurt" and either accept it, or labor to make it tolerable enough to endure.

it's up to you as a parent to make a home for your children (no one else can do that.) This woman is undoing that. She presents with confrontation, derision, mean-spirited observation, and undermining what should be a safe loving home. Do NOT teach your children to simply tolerate that as a condition of 'life' ...

4) The woman who is central to your urge to move nay have a problem of her own. AS we age and grow, things change in our minds... we become "programmed" a certain way; some people are mean because they think that is the way they are supposed to be. Some people express their dissatisfaction, some hide it (which can make things worse,) some rail against with barrages of words that are made mean and harsh to attract the only kind of attention they recognize is affirming.

It might be sad - in the final analysis - when she realized that she has alienated family. But maybe not, she might not really be the kind of person who values that presence in her life... I know some are that way. But in the end don't "hate" her ... she is a different thread in the same quilt you're part of... she either doesn't or won't appreciate what she is doing... but it is HER that's doing it.

LAST NOTE: I'm only "some guy" on the internet. I haven't the massive body of training others can apply to the problem. I can offer this idea: fixing big problems is NEVER about working on the big problem... it's about finding the little problems that come from it, and one by one making them better. The "big" problem usually just seems to untangle itself ...

I hope I haven't overstepped any boundaries; but your story reached me.

Best of luck always,

MM

a reply to: CaptainHook
Rough situation, but you will all feel better once moved out and away from that, regardless of the downsize. It will feel like a weight off you'r shoulders, and possibly a little invigorating, like an adventure. I also wish you the best of luck.

No, seriously it sounds like you need to get away for some time alone. Possibly permanently away.

For me, it is all about the kids.

Think about what you will be teaching your children by staying.

Think about what you will be teaching your children by leaving.

Then decide which lesson will you teach them.

Once an adult, never live with family. Especially a parent figure. Their house, their rules. Always.
Move. Find a cheaper place to live. Period. Even if out of the area. You, your husband and kids need to be on your own.