Thoughts? Need insight (long)

Well, my husband and i decided to move out but unfortunately we would have to live in a trailer due to high cost of apartments.

Reason why we are moving out is because mother in law likes to go off and it effects our mental heath. One time i was debating suicide or my moms house switch i called her up and she took me in for a few days. Her house isn't big enough for us (2 adults and 2 kids) as her house is only a 2 bedroom house. My mom said to park the trailer at her house and hook up to her house so we can get hydro in the trailer. Of course living in a trailer is temporary until we find a house that is suitable for 4 adults, and 2 kids switch isn't anytime soon. We be living in the trailer for probably a couple of years until there decision made that's feasible for all (whether to extend the present house or buy a new house).

Presently, we are living in a 4 bedroom house, 1.5 bathroom, dining room, living room and downsizing to a small area in a trailer (whatever trailer we choose).

I am not sure if it's the right idea but we are sick and tired of his mother going off on us. I have talked to her about how it effect me when she goes off but she cares less and told me she won't sugar coat anything. Clearly she won't change or talk to us in a better way.

Cons of leaving:
-lost of spacious room
-Having no neighbors other than mother in law and her partner
-downsizing drastically

pro of leaving:
-sparing our mental heath
-no longer have to maintain the outdoor furnace for both houses
-easier access to buses for my daughter (here it's a 30 minute walk to the bus stop and the bus won't go up the private dirt road that i am on)
- in town where i can walk to a store or a park

When i got pregnant with my son (unintentional) she freaked out on us (mostly me) meanwhile she had 4 out of 5 kids she had was unintentional. She basically # talked about me to her family and saying i was going to kill her grandson because my house wasn't up to pare. She even joked about "cps phoned. They want there kids back". The last major freak out is when i didn't have mittens on my son. Ya, he should've had them on but i couldn't find them and i was running late for my daughter bus. If i didn't take her. She will freak out on me. Sometimes i get a lecture on "when i was younger i took care of 11 kids and brought them to school" speech or "i don't have time as i am trying to make things for myself" speech.

She also constantly states how my husband needs to find a place for me if i miss a day because i don't have the engery to walk 30 mintues to the bus stop and back, especially in winter.

She bought him a processor (he didn't even ask) and keeps threatening to sell it on him. If he moves out he has to leave all the equipment behind (2 trucks, wood splinter, stumper, and the wood processor. One truck isn't in his name and the other it's shared co-owner. He didn't asked for this second truck. They just randomly bought a truck to say they gave him it but won't transfer the name to him so it wasn't really his. She likes to pull all the equipment on his head when she doesn't get her way or something happen)

What do you think? do you think living in a trailer at my moms would be the better option?

a reply to: CaptainHook

It does not sound like a healthy environment at the mother-in-law's. Do you think you could realistically get used to having your family unit live in a much smaller space and making that work? If you budget & plan accordingly, perhaps it could just be a stepping stone before "graduating" to a larger space down the road.

Staying in the current situation as you've described it doesn't sound sustainable.

That being said, you do have some options before you and should go into either decision fully committed & prepared for both the good & bad that come along with each route.

Best of luck to you

I'm sorry you are going through this mess. Sounds unhealthy. Sounds like she has borderline personality disorder. What does your husband thing of the situation? I'd live in a trailer if I needed to. If she wants to withhold things, I wonder how she would feel if you withheld her grandchild. A husband is to cleave to his wife and leave his parents. That is scriptural.

Even if your mother-in-law was not a narcissist (they will cross over being unreasonable), the adage is true:
"There can only be one Queen in the castle." Also, peace of mind is priceless when you can run your own household.

Speaking of which, current housing and living costs are horrorshow. I pray you and hubby will be inspired to have more than enough to suffice. Make the best out of your new home until the next one.

My two mites.

a reply to: FamCoreyes, i think i can leave with the small space. we don't really own furniture other than a bed set.

Thanks for your insight

a reply to: visitedbythem

it was actually his idea to live in a trailer. Right now we are keeping it a secret between us and my mom and brother.

a reply to: CaptainHook

I am really sorry you are going through this. Your children and your mental health come first. I am concerned, however, that you are leaving your mom's house (which it sounds like you should definitely do, and never go back) to living in someone else's house/trailer? That could be like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. Unless you are absolutely certain that the people who say they are willing to provide you a roof are going to maintain their civility long-term, I'd go looking for a third option.

a reply to: CaptainHook

If you do the trailer at her place, definitely expedite finding more permanent arrangements.

As far as his stuff, do you think she would have him arrested if he just took it and left? if so. Then definitely bug out of the situation.

You got kids to take care of, and being in this situation can't be good, but they need a better situation than camping in a trailer no more than a month or 2 maximum.

a reply to: BeNotAfraid

thanks i feel better knowing people think that leaving is the better option even tho it's not the most ideal for us to live in a trailer. my mom and i looked at one today. Cost 29,000 CAD$ used with big bed, 2 bunk beds, fridge, oven, sink, built in tv, 2 bathrooms. We would have to finance it switch is at a reasonable price for us (522$ a month) but husband wants to look around more.

a reply to: putnam6
his mother in law holds all the cards on the equipment as it been bought threw her and her partner. With the truck he might be able to get away with it as his name is on it with hers.

a reply to: CaptainHook

My opinion,

Get out.

I see all your pros or cons are how it impacts you but I am sure they want their house back and are not enjoying your family's full time presence in their house. Time to pay your own way and not be reliant on his parents.

Give them the peace they earned.

a reply to: putnam6

100% agree the trailer isn't the ideal situation but our choices are limited. Apartments go to high to afford it. The trailer would only be used as a sleeping area. During the day, we would be in the house.

a reply to: CaptainHook

When you are under someone's thumb you are subject to their toxic behavior. Freedom is a grand thing.

As a little advice, get out as soon as possible and never get to a position where you will be drawn in again.

You and your husband are in agreement. Go for it. It won't be forever. Your husband has shown his wisdom already. You will be fine. Be prepared for some type of revenge tactics from the mother-in-law. Her behavior has been foolish, so I would expect more nonsense from her direction. My ex-wife's grandmother was trying to bully her mom. Mom got a restraining order and flexed it. It stopped mean granny in her tracks.

a reply to: infolurker
we are renting a house next to her. We are not living in the same household.

It's more giving her partner the peace as he is the legal owner of the property and houses. She doesn't own any legal property where we are living. Her partner doesn't mind us living in the house. When she left him. He allowed us to stay and there were no problems until she decided to come back within months.

We are escaping her, not her partner. They're not married (used to be). Don't get me wrong, there is a good side to her but her faults are slowly over turning. It just pushes people away (only my husband and her oldest talk to her. Two others won't have a relationship with her. One passed away). I think her way of things are caused by unresolved trauma (bad childhood, life issues she had, and passing of her son) and some emotional stress problems. She even flips out on him and the oldest child. Wished she would seek help on how to manage. When she is happy. She is the kindest person you meet. When she is miserable. She the worst person to meet. That's when we get the freak out. When she hates life.

a reply to: Bluntone22

thanks

a reply to: visitedbythem

originally posted by: CaptainHook
a reply to: putnam6
his mother in law holds all the cards on the equipment as it been bought threw her and her partner. With the truck he might be able to get away with it as his name is on it with hers.

So it's his work equipment that he uses to make money and support you and her grandkids, and she would stop him from taking it if you leave living with her?

If the equipment is essential start saving up to buy replacements, you got to end the dependence. It isn't easy I know, it's not easy living with extended family when you get along.

originally posted by: CaptainHook
a reply to: infolurker
we are renting a house next to her. We are not living in the same household.

It's more giving her partner the peace as he is the legal owner of the property and houses. She doesn't own any legal property where we are living. Her partner doesn't mind us living in the house. When she left him. He allowed us to stay and there were no problems until she decided to come back within months.

We are escaping her, not her partner. They're not married (used to be). Don't get me wrong, there is a good side to her but her faults are slowly over turning. It just pushes people away (only my husband and her oldest talk to her. Two others won't have a relationship with her. One passed away). I think her way of things are caused by unresolved trauma (bad childhood, life issues she had, and passing of her son) and some emotional stress problems. She even flips out on him and the oldest child. Wished she would seek help on how to manage. When she is happy. She is the kindest person you meet. When she is miserable. She the worst person to meet. That's when we get the freak out. When she hates life.

Yea try and fix this ASAP and get out of there for your kids' sake. If nothing else.

a reply to: CaptainHook
That trailer don't sound bad. Could also find a nice surprise with extras before the end of the week. Check out local area plans for growth, byways and so forth. Positive outlook.