Should Grandparents have RIGHTS to Grandchildren?

originally posted by: Sookiechacha
a reply to: JAGStorm

So much for parental rights.

I moved to another state to keep my parents away from my daughter.

Sorry, but this is not a problem of relationships between your children and grandparents, but you personally with your parents.

a reply to: RussianTroll

It was about the values and respect I wanted instilled in my daughter that my parents didn't respect.

originally posted by: Sookiechacha
a reply to: RussianTroll

It was about the values and respect I wanted instilled in my daughter that my parents didn't respect.

There are no other values than the love of a father and mother for their children and grandchildren. Except for the love of God.
I only realized this when I became a grandfather myself.

a reply to: RussianTroll

My parents tried to force me to abort my daughter. They disowned me when I didn't.

Still think their love overshadows their faults?

a reply to: RussianTroll


Unless the grandparents put your child in danger constantly and ignore your requests to keep them safe.

My ex/mil who I nicknamed Napoleon, actually took me on a picnic once and told me that she had lots of money and knew lots of lawyers (clerk magistrates to be exact), if I ever tried to leave her abusive son!

I stayed longer than I should have because of this fear. Now knowing some of the other atrocities my son suffered because of “Napoleon and her family”, if I could turn back time, I’d have set her house on fire with all of them in it!

a reply to: JAGStorm

I'd say no rights. Can be for many reasons.

I'm surprised my son has a great relationship now with my parents, by his choice as an adult. When he was about eight my dad woke him up in the middle of the night and shook him by his coat calling him an "F'n gypsy"! That was the end of overnight visits. He had been wearing his coat to bed because my parents keep their house so cool and my drunk dad wasn't impressed. The kids had also overheard him say "I hate those f'n kids." I was disgusted but of course, once sober, they denied it all.

My mom picked a fight with my other kid and drove him home late night, forty minutes to my place, so drunk she barely made the corners on the highway plus she was needing cataract surgery and shouldn't have been driving in the dark. Never even called me to come get him, he just showed up at the door.

It was my responsibility as a parent to protect my children so no more unsupervised visits. No more rights.

Editing to add, these events were a massive eye opener for me as to how I was raised!

originally posted by: Sookiechacha
a reply to: RussianTroll

My parents tried to force me to abort my daughter. They disowned me when I didn't.

Still think their love overshadows their faults?

This is tin. But every person changes with time, it is not for us to judge. When I was a child, I was a rebel. And sometimes my father beat me with a belt. It was more embarrassing than painful. I took offense. But then, when I became a father myself, I realized how right my father was. He raised me to be responsible for my actions. I also sometimes beat my daughter with a belt, it didn’t hurt, but it was insulting. She was offended. Now she has a son, and she is grateful to me that I did not allow youthful fantasies to develop in her.
My daughter left my care and became an independent person only when I finished paying for her education at the University, she left for Moscow and became responsible for her own life. She was then 23 years old.
Now I respect her choice in raising her son, my grandson.

a reply to: JAGStorm

To my mind to answer the title of the thread it depends on a case by case matter.

What is best for the Child should ALWAYS take precedent.

But in general it is nice for kids to have grandparents assuming they are GOOD or at least decent enough people.

But parent's sometimes have reason to protect there children from there grandparents, secrets a husband or wife may have heard from there spouse for instance that may make them believe they were abused as children and after that spouse has passed away leaving just the one parent to raise the kid's those possibly abusive parents of there deceased spouse trying to gain access to the children, if the abuse did not exist then it is rotten not to let them see there grandchildren as they are then all they have left of there lost child BUT if the parent of the child or children fears for there safety then you can understand them NOT wanting them anywhere near to there child.

But what about a case were both parents are killed in a car accident leaving the children and perhaps TWO set's of grandparents that BOTH want to raise them?, then it comes down to a custody argument but in such a circumstance were abuse or other factors are not part of the equation then the child or children should be with one or other set of grandparents, I would argue that the maternal grandparent line is the stronger and has the stronger bond but try that argument in for instance an Islamic country or China and they would believe exactly the opposite.

But when all is said and done, whatever is best for the children, Parents should NOT penalise there children and deny them loving grandparents just because they have had an argument with there parents however as that is both selfish by the parents and just plain nasty and also potentially very harmful to the children by denying them that natural older generation of there family.

a reply to: RussianTroll

But every person changes with time

You didn't know my parents. Sure, once she was born they couldn't force me to abort. But, they could and did make her feel ashamed, dirty, unsafe and unloved.

it is not for us to judge.

It's not for YOU to judge. It is up to parents to judge who their children spend time with and are influenced by.

originally posted by: KTemplar
a reply to: RussianTroll


Unless the grandparents put your child in danger constantly and ignore your requests to keep them safe.

My ex/mil who I nicknamed Napoleon, actually took me on a picnic once and told me that she had lots of money and knew lots of lawyers (clerk magistrates to be exact), if I ever tried to leave her abusive son!

I stayed longer than I should have because of this fear. Now knowing some of the other atrocities my son suffered because of “Napoleon and her family”, if I could turn back time, I’d have set her house on fire with all of them it in!

The problem here is deeper - it is in the mentality. Extreme individualism in the West versus extreme collectivism in the East. Russia is in the middle.
Do you know that there are no pensions and pensioners in China? There, children have to take care of their parents in their old age.
I understand that this is extreme. But there must be a golden mean. One of the goals of the Devil is to destroy family ties and family continuity.
From the point of view of a believing Orthodox person, I will try to explain to you.
The main goal of the Devil is not to destroy the soul of man, but to destroy the human race. If for 7 generations no one will remember and commemorate their ancestors in prayers, then this family, this branch will die. This is the geniological work of any Christian Church. Remember and honor your family at least up to the seventh generation.

originally posted by: Freeborn
a reply to: JAGStorm

Some times the best place for children is away from their parents....and far too frequently parents aren't fit and capable enough to determine what is best for their own children.

My 11 year old Grandson lives with me and my wife.
It was simply the right thing to do and in his best interests.....he loves it.

I know my last post was about no rights for my parents due to their behaviour toward my children but I feel this so much as well.

To this day, people say I talk about my own grandparents as if they were parents and I know my life would have been better if they had fully taken me in. They did what they could to protect a brother and I, even following us to canada. Will always treasure their love.

Wonderful you can do this for you grandson!

originally posted by: Sookiechacha
a reply to: RussianTroll

But every person changes with time

You didn't know my parents. Sure, once she was born they couldn't force me to abort. But, they could and did make her feel ashamed, dirty, unsafe and unloved.

it is not for us to judge.

It's not for YOU to judge. It is up to parents to judge who their children spend time with and are influenced by.

We are different - parents and children. everyone has their own situation. And everyone finds a way to live in love and peace. I'm not judging you, I'm just arguing from my point of view and my life experience.

a reply to: RussianTroll

RT dear heart, I appreciate and understand what you’re saying.

This people are not my family!

If you knew the actual psychological and physical damage they did to my son you would understand I would hope! He has chosen to cut ties when he turned 19.

I would have loved to have good grandparents, unfortunately my parents are dead, and my sons paternal grandparents are the devil incarnate, and I don’t say that lightly.

I don’t care what they did to me, they systematically abused him! Matthew 18:6.

a reply to: RussianTroll

And everyone finds a way to live in love and peace.

No, not everyone finds a way to live in love and peace. My parents never did.

originally posted by: KTemplar
a reply to: RussianTroll

RT dear heart, I appreciate and understand what you’re saying.

This people are not my family!

If you knew the actual psychological and physical damage they did to my son you would understand I would hope! He has chosen to cut ties when he turned 19.

I would have loved to have good grandparents, unfortunately my parents are dead, and my sons paternal grandparents are the devil incarnate, and I don’t say that lightly.

I don’t care what they did to me, they systematically abused him! Matthew 18:6.

Thanks, I really appreciate your attitude.
I, too, once was very offended by my parents. Then I realized that the problem was with me. I just forgave all their shortcomings, all their claims against me. And I immediately felt better. I'm glad I made it to my mom's death, she died in my loving arms. Now I have only dad left, and I forgive him everything, absolutely everything. We love each other and we are happy.

originally posted by: Sookiechacha
a reply to: RussianTroll

And everyone finds a way to live in love and peace.

No, not everyone finds a way to live in love and peace. My parents never did.

Sorry, I'm just giving you advice. Forgive them, forgive all offenses and all their shortcomings. You will immediately feel better. This is my life experience.

originally posted by: RussianTroll

originally posted by: KTemplar
a reply to: RussianTroll

RT dear heart, I appreciate and understand what you’re saying.

This people are not my family!

If you knew the actual psychological and physical damage they did to my son you would understand I would hope! He has chosen to cut ties when he turned 19.

I would have loved to have good grandparents, unfortunately my parents are dead, and my sons paternal grandparents are the devil incarnate, and I don’t say that lightly.

I don’t care what they did to me, they systematically abused him! Matthew 18:6.

Thanks, I really appreciate your attitude.
I, too, once was very offended by my parents. Then I realized that the problem was with me. I just forgave all their shortcomings, all their claims against me. And I immediately felt better. I'm glad I made it to my mom's death, she died in my loving arms. Now I have only dad left, and I forgive him everything, absolutely everything. We love each other and we are happy.

I have had to do the same in forgiving my elderly parents because I realized I was the only one holding the hurt. They don't remember much due to alcoholism. Forgiveness was my only option to healing. They will continue to challenge me and I will need to stay strong to enjoy what is good in them. As an adult I no longer have to indulge or endure the bad, including that I held in my heart.

a reply to: RussianTroll

Forgive them,

That's not what this thread is about. It's about parental rights, and DeSantis wants to force parents to allow grandparents access to their children.

That's the opposite of parental rights.

a reply to: Freeborn

Good for you mate.

My gran and grandpa brought me up for the most part and depending on what day of the week it was.

Sometimes Freeborn the grandparents can provide a more stable environment for a child.

Im sure the little fellow is well looked after.

a reply to: LABTECH767

To my mind to answer the title of the thread it depends on a case by case matter.

I agree with that, does there really need to be an act?