The Secret to Giving and Receiving Attention

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I see society as unique in all the different places of the world, making it uneasy to generalize things. "Strangers" give each other respectful and good attention in certain places of the world, in other places it is the untold culture to keep your head down at your phone or to the ground and give nobody attention.

How many people want attention from whom they see and cross paths with every day? Since everyone is unique I can only relate to being raised in a place that everyone gives everybody attention, and more importantly everybody encourages everybody to be free in their decisions and self expression. There are other places that are biased to specific unharmful expressions of self.

Attention receiving and giving can be difficult between the sexes because of the factors involved: one-way reciprocation, man's unattractive sexual appetite, respectful demeanor and wariness of distasteful past experiences. From a man's point of view, what encourages a woman to want to speak to a man? What encourages a woman to speak to a man in general? Is it that the man will need to start the conversation when only friendly exchange is desired? The communication I am referring to in this post of the lightest of general chit chat.

During the last 4 years I have had little attention from the ladies. What makes wonder further is that even at their places of work it is still hard to gain their attention enough to speak to me. For example, the other day about 4 ladies were behind the counter at a store and I was next in line so I said "Hi ladies" and I was ignored by all, so I said it again then one of the ladies helped me purchase something. At my gym it has been 8 times that the ladies at the front desk were silent when I entered, they don't say a word to me. The first 4 times I said "hi" and smiled but they didn't say anything, and the last 4 times I didn't say anything and both them and I were silent. I don't want to think it is a code for the new generation to ignore people in public. I know the world has been going through many changes but I am one who believes small things can be done every day to help people through, to help us feel happy.

a reply to: MatterIsLight

I am unsure: Do you only want to hear men's thoughts, because for me it reads like you only ask your fellow men.

Before I type a lengthy reply I wanted to make sure it's also a question towards us.

This is why I think the way I do:

From a man's point of view, what encourages a woman to want to speak to a man? What encourages a woman to speak to a man in general? Is it that the man will need to start the conversation when only friendly exchange is desired? The communication I am referring to in this post of the lightest of general chit chat.

originally posted by: MatterIsLight
How many people want attention from whom they see and cross paths with every day?

It's the way people complement each other and feel good about themselves with strangers.

You could throw in co-workers too I guess. It's a reciprocal sub concious thing. If someone partakes in time consuming effort, often expensive, to achieve an appearance, it's to get attention because it makes them feel a certain way.

The same people who go to extremes to do this have some of the lowest self esteem, requiring it to feel good about themselves enough to offset a deep depression. They get addicted to it and live in a bubble like an ignorance is bliss.

a reply to: MatterIsLight

At my gym it has been 8 times that the ladies at the front desk were silent when I entered, they don't say a word to me. The first 4 times I said "hi" and smiled but they didn't say anything, and the last 4 times I didn't say anything and both them and I were silent.

Mate you need to take a deep breath and stop worrying about what other people think , Also don't count how many times people ignore you that seems a bit how can I say this ' Mental ' .

Perhaps you should see a psychiatrist .

originally posted by: MatterIsLight
For example, the other day about 4 ladies were behind the counter at a store and I was next in line so I said "Hi ladies" and I was ignored by all, so I said it again then one of the ladies helped me purchase something. At my gym it has been 8 times that the ladies at the front desk were silent when I entered, they don't say a word to me. The first 4 times I said "hi" and smiled but they didn't say anything, and the last 4 times I didn't say anything and both them and I were silent. I don't want to think it is a code for the new generation to ignore people in public.

They see men who go there everyday to perfect their physique. They do it to get attention from females, see my previous reply. They also sought out that job for this explicit reason; judging people and giving attention to the ones they like.

If you find that you're one of these people, you just have to stay dedicated to doing it until you get the attention from strangers too. 😂

a reply to: Thrumbo

Still waiting for an answer from the OP but I can reply to you. You're right, partly.

There's nothing wrong with men going to the gym to work out, but hear me out completely: It has a certain taste and implies superficial traits. How I see that? Well, if they also go to the tanning bank, you have your answer. Because that's visible when they were tanning artificial or under the real sun. This means they are not sun-tanning with all the benefits and joy and relaxation, it implies they want the result only.

That feels like a shortcut as well as it feels like a shortcut pumping up the body, because most of us with some dignity want a partner that also has smarts and not just muscles. Muscles are something one can loose or gain, intellectual skills are harder to train.

However I don't think the greatest part of us apply at gyms for judging people and getting or giving attentions. Your comment might have been in jest though and it went over my head.

The real problem I see with the OPs post but I am holding back a bit for the big reply, how he seems to perceive us. Speaking in troves about the "ladies". Doing that works in a familiar environment, where one knows the people already and say sentences like "will the ladies also join?". Very few will be receiving this well from a total stranger, IMHO. For that to work, the delivery and tone has to work as well as your appearance. A guy being overly charming is also creepy, at least to me, raising Giggolo flags, especially someone going to the gym.

Also, gym muscles are weak. It's just optics through repeating. I know guys working construction with thinner arms with real power behind. Muscles that had to do real life work over years. That's how I could beat that 18 year old pumped up guy in vehicle mechanic classes in arm wrestling. They all laughed at him but it's easy to explain: I do actual work with those arms for years, he's been to the gym for three years. Yeah for sure he could push more kg in a repetitive motion, but I can do more work (and know how to angle my hand ).

So we know that too, at least I do. Such muscles may not be well defined like from the gym but they pack heat.

Strangers trying to hard to initiate a connection is a huge red flag for most people, and will put you on the 'avoid' list. It's pretty hard to get off that list once you're on it, and your 'he's a weirdo' reputation grows as women share their experience.

First impressions matter, and someone who doesn't respect healthy social boundaries is going to have a hard time establishing any kind of relationship with a stranger.

We live in a society where the wise are suspect ( and rightly so) of any stranger who comes on strong or looks suspect in any way.

a reply to: MatterIsLight

This is REALLY simple. You want attention from ladies? Be secure enough in yourself that you don't need it. Don't try too hard.

Being good looking and charismatic obviously will help. Even though that can have pitfalls of its own. As will paying for things in hundred dollar bills and parking your Lamborghini out front.

Maybe the best way to get attention from girl A though is to get attention from girl B. A catch 22 for sure but it is tried and true. As soon as you start getting affection from someone else even girls that rejected you in the past will have second thoughts.

And just be honest with yourself, stay in your own league. Visually are you a 4? You might not get a lot of attention from 10s and that's ok every shoe has a mate.