Not having anything in common with anyone almost ever

Can anyone relate?
Looking back at my life , I feel so alienated from everyone.

It's just so depressing and feels more depressing the older I get!
I feel invisible , I feel alien, I feel alone , I feel old
I feel I'm ugly and just ugh . I don't know just needing to reflect as this site is the only social media site where I post anything at all ever.
At times I don't feel human, why am I so awkward in social situations?
I sound silly for someone my age, but my life also hasn't changed in more than a decade.
I'm at a standstill and a dead end.

I have nothing in common with anyone I know , except my ex but that's not very useful.
I don't have pet though I'd love to get some fancy rats again circumstances have prevented me so far.

I don't know , just another lonely weekend ,fading away.
blah.

Here I feel I can be myself at least. Elsewhere I'd put up a front but here I feel accepted

a reply to: ancientlight

Don't worry about it. As Krishnamurti said, "it's no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.*

A little pain and loneliness won't kill a person. The achin' and the breakin' is the makin' of the soul.

a reply to: ancientlight

Go learn to dance, it’s a great big world out there
Perseverance

originally posted by: ColeYounger
a reply to: ancientlight

Don't worry about it. As Krishnamurti said, "it's no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.*

A little pain and loneliness won't kill a person. The achin' and the breakin' is the makin' of the soul.

True, but I have had my fair share of loneliness I'd say. My book I read going to sleep is my company at night

I've always been the loner & "odd-ball". From a child I spent much of my time researching & self teaching myself, rather than asking someone why or how something works. Although now with the internet, it's WAY easier than looking things up at the library! Like you I have no other social media acct's other than this & I sure don't feel I'm missing out on anything from those other "look at me" social media's. I am a member of a hurricane forum, but that's strictly for weather info, not socializing. I wouldn't feel silly at all, or compare yourself to others! Not everyone was born to be a social butterfly. You are you, and I'm sure there are a number of unique & interesting aspects to your life, even if they are "different" than most!

a reply to: ancientlight


I feel you. And don't really have much to say about it. Just...waiting here, myself too. There are many of us just being/ suffering patience lately. We're not alone...but thinly scattered, I think.

originally posted by: ancientlight
Can anyone relate?
Looking back at my life , I feel so alienated from everyone.

It's just so depressing and feels more depressing the older I get!
I feel invisible , I feel alien, I feel alone , I feel old

I feel I'm ugly and just ugh . I don't know just needing to reflect as this site is the only social media site where I post anything at all ever.
At times I don't feel human, why am I so awkward in social situations?
I sound silly for someone my age, but my life also hasn't changed in more than a decade.
I'm at a standstill and a dead end.

I have nothing in common with anyone I know , except my ex but that's not very useful.
I don't have pet though I'd love to get some fancy rats again

circumstances have prevented me so far.

I don't know , just another lonely weekend ,fading away.
blah.

Here I feel I can be myself at least. Elsewhere I'd put up a front but here I feel accepted

A lot of negatives packed in there.

And far too many of them are self-referential.

Are you sure have so little in common with others? Or are you "wearing" the distortions you think fit you because that has become the way you experience your commonality with the rest of the world?

When you are unique, when you recognize the power of your own uniqueness, the Universe "pushes back against you" to test your perception. It tells you that you cannot be unique, you are just part of the whole. If you were unique, you would not "accepted".

But of course, everyone IS unique; that is one thing we all have in common.

Most just haven't realized it yet.

Because, as you are experiencing, it can be uncomfortable.

a reply to: ancientlight

In today's world, surely there's a support group for that. Look up all the names of all the support groups in your local area and see if you fit in to one of them.

Everything you're describing you have in-common with every single person on the planet.

It's normal to feel invisible, alien, alone and ugly. I think it's something everyone experiences at some point.

At the end of the day, what other people think of you doesn't matter. It's not worth living with constant anxiety in order to please or relate to others.

Liberate yourself from the expectations weighing you down, stop caring what others think, and focus on the things you enjoy in life.

While there's a lot of doom and gloom on this forum, the world is a magical place, full of amazing things to see, do and experience.

I'm sure there's people who can relate with you.

I'm one of them. Nice to meet you ✌️❤️

a reply to: ancientlight

Don't focus on what you do not have, instead, focus on what you have. You have a ton of interesting topics in your head for sure.

why am I so awkward in social situations?

Ah me too sometimes, just own it and wallow in it. Enjoy it

The basics how to be seen by others, I managed to decypher... Don't look down on the ground, look around. In new environments, just stop walking and observe for a few seconds. Be open for what the day brings to you. Unlearn any sentences like "if that day already starts # like this"... Be aware of the smells, the wind, all your senses when you're out.

Embrace the day and you will see, it radiates naturally. Go to the grocery story for a try. It changes the way you interact with the world and people and other's will pick it up. It changes the way you walk and your statue, the way your spine erects changes your whole aura and perception other's get about you. I don't take myself too serious, so if it happens I am wonky and do mishaps, I just take it with humor and laugh about myself. Establish balanced eye contact.

Suddenly you will find yourself noticed and even dragged into random conversations. Also talk with cashiers, not only does it bring casual conversation that has a fixed end, it also may drag others into the conversation, most of the times with a joke. I also bring it up when there was a rude asshole in front of me and comment on that with a joke to brighten up the cashiers day.

You might not know them but next time they will remember you and if you make eye contact again, there might be a smile coming your way. The eyes tell most about a person. And you can be whoever you want anywhere, it's just in your head

Not trying to tell you what to do though, just trying to provide examples that helped me.

*hug*

I agree with your appraisal of the OP

To the op, I wake up every day and praise God that I have another day to observe and perceive the creation.

You are God’s extension into his creation. Glory in every breath that fills your lungs and every pump of your heart.

I also have rarely felt like people are worth interacting with, it seems the concerns of most people are petty and irrelevant.

ATS being the only place I frequent online for intellectual interaction. What can I say? This place is the warm blankie for my interests.

a reply to: Mantiss2021

the wind　can be your road map in your life

originally posted by: ancientlight
Can anyone relate?
Looking back at my life , I feel so alienated from everyone.

It's just so depressing and feels more depressing the older I get!
I feel invisible , I feel alien, I feel alone , I feel old

I feel I'm ugly and just ugh . I don't know just needing to reflect as this site is the only social media site where I post anything at all ever.
At times I don't feel human, why am I so awkward in social situations?
I sound silly for someone my age, but my life also hasn't changed in more than a decade.
I'm at a standstill and a dead end.

I have nothing in common with anyone I know , except my ex but that's not very useful.
I don't have pet though I'd love to get some fancy rats again

circumstances have prevented me so far.

I don't know , just another lonely weekend ,fading away.
blah.

Here I feel I can be myself at least. Elsewhere I'd put up a front but here I feel accepted

It's boredom, isn't it?

Look at it as another day you do what you want to do. From perspective, there are probably millions of people who you would love to have their social lives, yet they would kill to have the solace and the time for just themselves that you have.

Im not a loner I enjoy my friends and family,

but I can be perfectly fine by myself too. Hell, I probably prefer it, it's about occupying your time. Not gonna lie one place COVID stuff helped me cause I obviously was too immersed in work, taking that away helped me rediscover time occupiers I hadn't really used since the 80s.

"Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy" I believe were the thoughtful words of Professor Glen Frey and Jackson Brown

Don't obsess with your position in life, find things that are immersive, and take your maximum concentration and/or physical effort.

I love reading find something to get lost in, find a long book series to read, there have got to be some great works of literature you haven't read yet. Movies? binge-watch a season of TV shows. But do something that exhausts you, if not mentally just from the sheer time you spent doing it.

More of a physical person, find a project to improve your living space, even if it's really just cleaning and organizing stuff. LOL clean your windows I spent a day and a half cleaning my windows during COVID and it's made me feel better every time I looked out of them.

LOL, Some adults will enjoy spending the whole weekend working on a LEGO STARWARS project, and that's perfectly fine, it's why they are called pastimes for a reason. There has got to be something that you can throw yourself into and power through the boredom.

Most importantly don't overthink stuff either, pardon the pun, you aren't alone in feeling this way.

Why else would I be up at 5 on Saturday morning and be on a message board?

Because let's face it some people would say spending so much time on message board is ridiculous, but for me, it's a timewaster and mind occupier

I have always been socially awkward. To this day, I have a difficult time carrying on a conversation with someone I've just met. One trick I learned while researching solutions on the net was to get them talking about themselves. Works like a charm, and you sometimes discover you have a thing or two in common!

During my working years I had to pretend to be 'normal'; no off-the-wall conversations like we have on ATS. That scares the poo out of people!

I suffered from some pretty dark depression in my younger years, and learned some valuable things through research and determination.

In order to have a happy relationship, you have to be happy with yourself first. No one else can 'make' me happy, and if I'm not happy with who I am, I can't expect to create a happy relationship with anyone else. 'It's better to be alone and lonely than with someone and lonely' is a lesson learned the hard way.

Another thing I finally figured out: happiness is a choice , and I am the only one responsible for my own happiness. If I'm unhappy, I need to figure out why and work on changing it.

On days that weren't great, I'd go to work and fake being in a good mood. No reason to drag others down, I thought. I discovered an important fact: I can be in total control of my thoughts and emotions. If I'm determined to have a good day, I usually will. If I let piddly things upset me, I probably won't. My choice.

'No matter how bad things are they can always get worse, and no matter how good things are, they can always get better' is an adage I remind myself of if the universe tries to rain on my day.

There is always something to be grateful for each day, even if it's just hearing a bird chirp! It's a lot easier for me to be happy when I have a thankful heart. I am very mindful of my internal dialog; when one has a history of depression, allowing negative thoughts to remain for log can start a downward spiral that can be hard to get out of. 'Where attention goes, energy flows' comes to mind. I found feeding the 'happy' part of my brain makes for a better outcome.

Laugh. Laugh a lot! Then laugh some more. Watching a funny movie works really great to get me out of my head, and the feel-good chemicals it creates in the brain are free! (And legal. lol)

An active life sure helps; there's always a need for volunteers, everywhere we look. I can no longer be around people, so I keep busy doing what I can. I made masks for all the kids in school and anybody who wanted one. I make 'fidget guilts' for patients with dementia, wheelchair quilts and covers for bedrails for people in assisted living. That's about all I can do to stay relevant in this world, and I'm so thankful I have that!

I learned not to compare myself to others. There will always be people far greater than me, and people far less than I would want to be. I learned to accept myself for who I am, warts and all; I have the option of learning how to change anything about me I don't like, and a computer that's more than willing to tell me how to do it! lol

Research 'how to be happy' and you'll find unlimited reading material. I hope you create your 'happy place' in life; it sucks when everything seems so dismal. I'm rooting for team Ancientlight!

a reply to: nugget1

In order to have a happy relationship, you have to be happy with yourself first. No one else can 'make' me happy, and if I'm not happy with who I am, I can't expect to create a happy relationship with anyone else. 'It's better to be alone and lonely than with someone and lonely is a lesson learned the hard way.

Words of wisdom, one of my daughters told me the same thing about 12 years ago. LOL, she was so right, the little chit. She said and I quote "Be happy with yourself, other people want to be with happy"

LOL living with 4 daughters in a blended family you hear "lonely" and "relationships" a lot.

But perhaps the best thing is I probably learned more from them than they learned from me.

a reply to: ancientlight

I have nothing in common with anyone I know

Oh, I've had that all my life.

Someone you've known a long time will suddenly do or say something that just doesn't make sense. This tells you that the person you thought you knew is different from the reality.

Parents are dead, rejected by my siblings apart from one sister who emails me at Christmas and birthdays.

To top it all, the cherry atop the # sandwich, I'm now forced to work my final years before retirement with foreigners. All I hear are indecipherable African voices.

The cosmic jester's final middle finger.

a reply to: nugget1

What a beautiful post

You wrote a lot I agree with, but the part that rang true with me the most was: Learning to love oneself. It's important to treat oneself good. The soul and the body. I do believe it also changes our chemistry, as in, hormones that other's can subliminal smell.

It's visible in the eyes, because once we stop looking inside, stopping to deal with things we do not like about ourselves, stopping getting distracted by oneself... we can focus 100% onto the outside world and receive all the input. It comes down to awareness a lot.

In terms of relationships, or finding one, we could walk past the perfect soul mate every day but not notice! Sometimes we also just need to grab our heart and do it, speak to a total stranger.

Like for example, a few weeks ago I was buying groceries. There was that guy, mid 20s probably. We had the same pace during shopping, so while we progressed through the store, he was always around me, or I was around him. Waiting for each other to leave the spot so the other one can get there. Probably just by chance. Always looking into my direction and when I picked it up, he looked down. So I just waited for the next eye contact, smiled, walked by, turned around a few meters later and saw him watching me again. I nodded, laughed about the stupid situation and said like "See you at the frozen goods!".

There, he just approached me, said hi and we had a small conversation. Just casual. Turns out we've seen each during from training a few years back, but never talked.

Was it awkward first? Hell yes! I see him now there, sometimes. He's still watching me, so that means he might have interest getting me to know better.

If I wasn't aware about my surrounding, this conversation would never have started. Like for example if I'd just do my thing and mind my own, I would not have noticed him.

'Where attention goes, energy flows' comes to mind.

Love that sentence! It's speaking out of my heart, so true about so many things in life.

a reply to: ancientlight

Many people feel as you do, so you are not completely alone.
If you can't have your rats right now, how about a beautiful betta fish? Cheap and easy to care for. Get plants to nurture.
How about a hobby to keep busy with? There are tons of inspirational vids on youtube for crafts, gardening etc. There are also some fascinating documentaries and movies and books to take you away to different times and places.

You are a unique being in all the world. Never compare yourself to others or feel less than you truly are. Shine that little light of yours out into the world and embrace your uniqueness.



If all else fails...ride dragons.

a reply to: ancientlight

I’m glad that you are you Ancientlight. I have nothing to add because everyone already said things far more eloquently than I could have.

I am sending you love for you to have a wonderful day. ❤️

a reply to: ancientlight


In a world where lonely loners do horrible things.....think about what just happened in Uvalde Tx........this post feels like an invitation to spill one's guts and then have a red flag visit from the authorities .