Things Have Gone Badly

a reply to: SwampFox999

There are 2 Sides to every story.
Did you slap her around?
Have you berated her?
Do you also do drugs?
Did you cheat on her first?
Are you married to your job and never home? - Leaving her depressed and Lonely.

Everybody here just says "Get rid of her' without knowing her side of the story.
She's been Tried, Convicted and Sentenced without the opportunity to defend herself.

ATS Crime Scene Investigation - You're Fired.

a reply to: Jamie2018

Everybody here just says "Get rid of her' without knowing her side of the story. She's been Tried, Convicted and Sentenced without the opportunity to defend herself.

Too bad for her.
They were engaged.
She cheated.
I only gave advice that came through experience.
I have been through it and have watched it happen to others over the 59+ years that I have been alive..

a reply to: SwampFox999

Oh vent away! I always vent my relationship frustrations here.

I am sorry for what you are going through but it's good you found out now instead of after you were married. You deserve so much more than that. You deserve someone who truly loves you and won't go behind your back.

originally posted by: Edumakated

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk

originally posted by: visitedbythem
Once you understand why pizza is round, comes in a square box, and is eaten in a triangle, you will begin to understand women.
...

LOL!! I'm stealing that one!!

That's a perfect analogy!

Because a square pizza won't fit into a round box... triangle is easier to hold and eat. Unless you in Chicago which cuts their pizza in squares and then require a knife and fork.

Knife and fork? Fekking caveman it like any other slice variant, it's pizza XD

a reply to: jerich0

These kinds of people are everywhere!
Since my divorce I have made one of my purposes to teach my kids how to spot red flags and to drop them when they arise. I don't know if that will help them avoid becoming entangled with these disordered people, since experience seems to be the best teacher. However, I am hopeful that they won't repeat the mistakes I made and will listen to their gut when it tells them something is "off".

a reply to: Nyiah

"Deep dish" pizza in Chicago is closer to lasagna than pizza imho. It ain't real pizza.

a reply to: Jamie2018

Trial??? We're ATS! We don' need no steenking trial!!!!

Off with her head!!

Place her head propped up on a pike outside the castle moat for the villagers to mock, the birds to peck, and the sun to rot!

Off with her head, I tell ya!!

a reply to: Jamie2018

Ummmm. no, just no.

Incels united is another forum.

originally posted by: SwampFox999
a reply to: yuppa
After a long night of no real answers, or anything really for that matter. That's what I'm planning for today.

Yeah. sorry for your heartbreak man,but sometimes silence is the answer. shes prolly shacking up with the drug dealer,and prolly gonna become a ho for him.

Your not trapped in anything with them. If you want to work things out, try and find out why she’s not happy. If your unhappy try and figure out what you need to get there. If she’s the reason you’re unhappy then you’re one step closer to fixing the problem.

Suxs to have lies fester in a long term relationship and trying to build on a rotten foundation will not make for a happy home. Best of luck.


a reply to: SwampFox999

Be careful not to project your own experience onto them- they need to live their own lives and learn from their own mistakes.

a reply to: chelsdh

a reply to: SwampFox999

I MARRIED someone like this. Its much better you found out when you did. Trust me. My experience involved ruined credit, losing my apartment, being cheated on and lied to. It started to get better the DAY she left. about 4 months later, I met someone else, who has ended up being the love of my life, we are married 21 years now. Forget her and find someone better, they are out there trust me. When I was going through that ordeal, a good friend of mine, who was a musician, played this somg at a Christmas party. He has since passed away, but I had never heard the song, and never forgot it.
www.youtube.com...

a reply to: Skepticape

You’re absolutely right. However, it’s really hard to hold on to the mentality of “we can get through anything”. I clung to it for far too long. But OP’s situation isn’t what mine was. And it is foolish to think that warning another will prevent them from the same hard earned lessons. We tend to learn beat via experience. If someone had tried to open my eyes to the truth of what I was living before I was ready to see it, I’d have just dug in deeper and alienated myself even more.

Given that, OP should do what he feels is best.

Double post

a reply to: SwampFox999

It does get better but I sure hope its a small bump in the road for you. As other's have already suggested. I too suggest that you terminate the relationship immediately.

Doesnt matter what you built up, what you own, what you need, what she needs, bla bla bla. You have been betrayed, end of story.

Terminate the relationship and salvage anything possible that is deeply personal to you. Let the whole lot go if necessary (it is only stuff, you will probably lose it all anyways) and start again with the correct person.

The correct person being yourself.
Spend a long time alone, get to know who you are and what you want. Develop skills, discover new interests and heal. Learn from it, then begin anew and don't ever let your ego tell you that you are a failure because of any of this or you will just waste a portion of life, far too precious enough.

Trust me on this, you won't even need to look for the right person in your life, they will arrive when you are ready.

Unfortunately until it happens to them, most folks choose the stay together option, it doesn't work long-term unless you are not in a monogamous relationship.

Just chiming in with honesty from my point of view and wish you well regardless

originally posted by: Jamie2018
a reply to: SwampFox999

There are 2 Sides to every story.
Did you slap her around?
Have you berated her?
Do you also do drugs?
Did you cheat on her first?
Are you married to your job and never home? - Leaving her depressed and Lonely.

Everybody here just says "Get rid of her' without knowing her side of the story.
She's been Tried, Convicted and Sentenced without the opportunity to defend herself.

ATS Crime Scene Investigation - You're Fired.

No the point being. Either the OP or the partner is full of sh*t.

Someone has broken a promise and betrayed the other.

Betrayal does not lead to stronger love

Owning a house for years together or owning joint stuff means nothing if one half of the relationship is not in line with the other. Keeping on at trying to fix a broken thing like this is just insanity. It will only lead back to the same problem because one party is lying.

Clearly communication is an issue as well because if someone is not getting enough attention or similar, communicate. No communication, no relationship.

it does not matter who did what...



At least that's how I see it

a reply to: SwampFox999

I saw your thread today so my response is dated. I had a similar situation with my first wife decades ago. I found out she was going to leave me for some guy with the Billy Ray Cyrus band. Her girl friend at the USPS where she works blew her in to me and told me much much more.

So I found the dudes phone number and called him. I offered to pay for her plane ticket ad fly her down to him the next day. I forgot his name but the street where he lived was a Winchester Drive in Tennessee. Well he got spooked and dumped her and I did the same.

You need to do this.

Hey it's the trifecta showing itself again.

Physical abuse... check
Sexual abuse... check
Mental abuse... check

Not a very good healthy situation... if physical abuse goes more than the drugs and trading her body for drugs... what does she expect you to take the mental abuse or be her "pill" or rehab?

I would slowly and calmly make a nice break from the entire situation; before things get even worse. The no matter how attractive someone is or desperate for company you may find yourself in? Don't go or fall back into the trifecta.

I wasted quite a few years with irredeemable(in their own eyes) women that only wanted to hurt themselves and drag some one else down with them no matter how bitter an end that may be.

Hopeless romantic sort in those days; some new drama always raising it's head trying to save a woman their physical, sexual, mental insanity at the cost of my sanity... I stopped one day and realized, I never had any real friends just winos, junkies, pimps and whores looking to make and break dollar bills all day long for another rush of whatever it is they get off on.

Don't be that guy and you'll get really strong willed, not like stubborn, resentful, a-hole will... I mean no one is going to move your heart's will to fall for the tricks of it that minds like to play, over time even the one's you played on ones"self" as an excuse to fall into those situations any more.

Number one cause of death probably even higher than covid? Affairs of the "heart" making people go out of their heads and never to return unless they are lucky and see it before it's too late.

Consider that "finding out" a bullet proof vest and get the hell out of that situation.

a reply to: SwampFox999

You can't find happiness by clinging to another bipedal entity, and this is just life's way of waking you up to that realization.

No matter what you have with someone, and how good it feels to hug that someone, you are not a 'unit' together with that someone, and things can go south any second, no matter how happy you think you are.

Relationship is just another form of materialism desperately used to try to get spiritual satisfaction. Obviously, it's doomed to fail. It has a strong allure and powerful, albeit short-lived rewards. The long-run misery is usually not worth it, and thus, the juice is not worth the squeeze.

If you compare people that are married, and people who are not married - either can be completely miserable, but I would bet that the married people have the ability to be just that much more miserable, because in addition to their deeper loneliness, they also do not have time to figure out who they are, or learn anything important about themselves, because they were fear-motivated when they decided to cling to some other bipedal entity, that has their own weaknesses and faults.

People come to this world alone, and leave this world alone. It's a good idea to get familiar and comfortable with being by yourself without anyone else's distractions. You can't do inner exploration or meditate if there are constant distractions and interruptions.

Solitude is valuable.

Most people are afraid to be alone, because they know they will be in bad company.

If you look at the biggest geniuses of this world, you will find one thing in common; they were not married.

Relationships can be a fun ride for awhile, and give valuable experiences and insight, but in the end, you have to be OK and comfortable in existence by yourself without clinging to anyone else. Only then you can even have healthy relationships.

You can only have true relationship and be balanced in a relationship, if you are ready to let go and leave that relationship every second, because you don't need the relationship, you are enough by yourself.

It's a lovely idea that you can have a romance, 'us vs. the world', to together explore the world and face and discover all kinds of things together. Sadly, it almost never happens (I don't know about same-gender relationships, though), because women and men have very different interests in the end, and pursuing an interest that you are not interested in, is not interesting, and it shows.

I know this probably doesn't help in the short-term emotional turmoil, but in the long run, if you can internalize this wisdom, it can help in a profound way.

'You will die alone' is something some people say when they want to hurt someone maximally. Ironically, we all die alone, even if you die simultaneously with someone, your experience will be unique and individual, not shared. It's like if you fall asleep together with someone, your experience won't be shared, it will be individual.

So no one can really die 'together' - why would anyone even think this would be possible? (Not that death exists for more than the body)

Let's think about the opposite; you die in a massive crowd. How is that better?

Also, why would it matter 'how you die'? It's like 'how you fall asleep', you are going to be dreaming anyway, what difference does it make whether someone was near you at the moment of falling asleep?

I would much rather die alone in a doghouse than die on some fancy bed surrounded by 200 people.

Do some people dream of dying on some concert stage observed by 10000 people? I don't see this as a fun way to die. To me, death is private, intimate, personal, like going to a toilet.

(Yes, it's a toilet, not a 'washroom', not a 'bathroom', not a 'restroom', not a 'powder room')

Why would anyone want to, excuse my crudity, 'take a dump surrounded by people'?

No words can help with the pain, but if you can realize the pain is like fire that burns away the unnecessary and you will emerge from it later like a Phoenix, maybe it will help psychologically to endure it.

Just don't try to 'fix it' by clinging to another bipedal entity, it will not help - alcohol will also only worsen things. See your true self and walk in the nature, and learn to realize your self-worth without anyone else, you don't need someone's encouragement to know you are valuable.

Maybe you can learn to live your life respecting yourself and having fun by yourself instead of trying to bury your true self by clinging to someone else that eventually will just cause you pain amidst brief moments of illusory pleasure.

a reply to: SwampFox999

Man I am sorry for you. Its my duty to comfort you as I wish I had some people when I went thru something 1 month ago.

First of all, if she is addicted, it could be for buying etc. But be ready for everything. Its not an ending its the beginning of your resolution and getting saved from something in future which can be quite worse. I know it sucks and mind loving.. Get back to any other one night people if you have some, start talking to girls, start going out and cut your money from the main house pool immediately. In future you will feel very lucky to have done it asap. You are a powerful man sharing it here, it will be a little tough ride maybe for 3 weeks, but then your new lifestyle will kick in. Call friends, go to trips with them if you have people. If not, install a dating app. Go to bars like james bond and drink a couple whisky on the stool. Do not spend time with tv or sitting.

For me this situation is an immediate walk away. I know it hurts. It will. But stay sane, and please know there is someone who is better hearted, more fun, even better looking all at the same time. Trust in the process. You are never alone buddy.