Maybe a few will make you smile

A few of these are pretty good IMO

PHILOSOPHERS OF THE CENTURY

Jean Kerr...
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

Prince Philip...
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Harrison Ford...
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.

Spike Milligan..
The best cure for Sea Sickness is to sit under a tree.

Jean Rostand...
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.

Arnold Schwarzenegger..
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.


Cheers WH Auden..
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea���

Johnny Carson...
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

Steve Martin...
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

Jimmy Durante...
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

Betsy Salkind...
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them for thirty years.

George Roberts...
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.

Jonathan Winters...
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.

Robert Benchley...
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

John Glenn...
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

David Letterman...
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

Howard Hughes...
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Actually, I'm a billionaire.


Old Italian proverb...
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box

a reply to: 727Sky

Very good...thanks for sharing. You know what else makes me laugh like every single time I see it? Your avatar. That damned cat cracks me up...

I'm very religious. Now if by 'religious', you mean that I go to church every Sunday and read the bible faithfully, I'm not religious in that sense. But if by 'religious' you mean that I love others and try to help them whenever possible... again, no.

originally posted by: ColeYounger
I'm very religious. Now if by 'religious', you mean that I go to church every Sunday and read the bible faithfully, I'm not religious in that sense. But if by 'religious' you mean that I love others and try to help them whenever possible... again, no.

Hahaha...as long as you do it religiously.

a reply to: 727Sky

I chuckled over those for a good 15 minutes.. Wish I had something to contribute but for the longest time my credo was (and was stolen from Buckaroo Banzai); " No Matter Where You Go... There You Are!"

Thanks for the "smile".. it's much appreciated


Johnny

originally posted by: JohnnyAnonymous
a reply to: 727Sky

I chuckled over those for a good 15 minutes.. Wish I had something to contribute but for the longest time my credo was (and was stolen from Buckaroo Banzai); " No Matter Where You Go... There You Are!"

Thanks for the "smile".. it's much appreciated


Johnny

That's interesting. I've logged my hours in the halls of AA, and that's a very common saying there. A lot of time people think that they can overcome their problems by changing their location/situation, but no matter where you go...there you are.

"keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting"
Anonymous


"What did i spent my millions on? I spent it on co caine, booze and women. And i blew the rest."
George Best

Something I actually heard a local say with my own ears while up in Maine.

Ya kaint get theah frumm heah....


a reply to: 727Sky

A small one doing the rounds.
If I have $50 and my wife has $10, how much do we have? Answer, My wife has $60.