Cigarettes or ice for your child

This morning I was witness to something that still kind of bugs me.

I was shopping with my child and we were already bagging our things, when the next customer, a man with his son, had trouble paying the goods they put on. Two packs of cigarettes and a popsickle. He could not pay and the cashier told him, he has to either leave a pack of cigarettes, or the ice.

He didn't think a second and said "the ice". At that moment I looked at his son, looking up to him in complete dissapointment. He started like "But you promised!" and that broke my heart. So I started to unbag the bag with the frozen stuff, opened the pack of water ice and gave the little guy one. He said thank you, my daughter got one too and he was happy. I ignored the father completely staring at me while I bagged the stuff again and became a little inconvenience because I was not fast enough for him. I ignored.

Outside, we were putting the bags inside the front trunk and the father approached me on the parking spot, his child was in his car I think, could not see him. He started how degrading that was to him and the only thing I said to him was that he degraded himself all alone without me. In front of his child and everyone inside that took notice that his nicotine addiction is more worth than bringing a smile to his child.

Then he said it's easy to talk like that with money in the pockets. I ignored him and then, out of the backseat of my car, my daughter said to him like:

"You promised!" he turned to her but I let the windows up with the keyfob before he could say anything and looked at him with eye brow raised. He finally turned around and walked away, I stood there watching him until he reached his car. The guy turned around and showed me the bird.

Am I the idiot here?

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain
An idiot ? No.
But being a Southern Gentleman (one of the last of the breed) I would have paid for the Popsicle .
Perhaps one day , the child would have thought back on that one act of kindness and may have changed the little one's life for the positive.
Ya never know.

a reply to: Gothmog

I paid with bank account card if I had change I would have laid the 35cent on the table without a word or look and left.

Nooooooo!

You are not!!!!
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️



a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

Omg, like...I'm speechless at how rude and ungrateful some people can be. There was absolutely nothing wrong with your gesture and he feels degraded because a real man would look after his child. Low lives love to point out quite verbally how you make them feel beneath you too. Well if he didn't act like $#!? on a shoe maybe he would get some respect.
This story just fires me up.
Don't worry about his reaction. ..It's only the kid that matters in this situation.

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

Am I the idiot here?

Nah, You were fantastic all the way imo.

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

You did good. Damn good.

You set an example to that child.

The father appreciates it. Somewhere deep down.
But a mans pride and ego can be devastating factors to ones own life.

I know...

Once i was at grocery store and there was woman with her about 5 years old son, kid was having a tantrum because he wanted ice cream. This woman had about 10 beers in her trolly and nothing else, she said to her son that she doesn´t have enough money.. and tantrum went on and on. I couldn´t help saying " Just take one beer back and make you kid happy ". She blushed and did what i suggested her to do. I hoped that she learnt a lesson

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

Yeah I would say you did a good thing but....

(Not trying to be an asshole here)

You kind of put your nose into somebody else's business. I got seven kids and sometimes they are disappointed about the things they can't have. I buy stuff for myself and no matter how big those puppy eyes get, they have to know that they are not always entitled to having their feelings or comfort placed over mine.

You may not agree with what the dad did in the supermarket but it is his way of raising his kid. Not yours.

It was nice of you to give the kid an icecream but you should refrain from judging other people and how they raise their children.

a reply to: keukendeur

I get what you mean and I do not intervene normally. Show me where I judged please, you're often reading into things that are not there. I did not write the father was a bad one, I questioned the priorities.

However hopefully he was embarrassed enough to hold his future promise. It's not about a kid wanting to have something, he promised him this ice allegedly. And smokes were more important, two packs he could have just left one on the counter?

Kid was about to cry, it was young enough to not understand. Also, I crouched down on eye level and said like "no problem, see I have one left over" and gave it they little guy, and one to my daughter to not make it awkward. In German. Not once did I imply in front of the child that it's the fathers fault or anything.

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

Good on you pal, the world needs more acts of kindness. I hope her father chokes on the cigs.

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

Awww...that makes me sad to read! Poor little kid.

Am I the idiot here?

Absolutely not!

I might have gone about it a little differently, but it would have depended on how short the guy was for money. If he was like .25 short I likely would have just slipped the cash to him without a word. On the other hand, if he was like 1.50 short, then I likely would have (rather loudly) suggested he put one of the packs of cigarettes back. Then I guess we would see where it went from there.

I probably would not have left him with a parting shot inside the store that he could engage with outside the store. Engagements which go from inside an establishment to outside often don't end well. Risky business, so be careful there. If somebody wants to take up unfinished business with me in a parking lot, and they do it aggressively inside my personal space, there's probably a pretty good chance they might wind up arguing with a 9mm shoved in their face. Then again, I don't usually get into confrontations with people, I'm more of a SMH and move on type of guy.

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

his nicotine addiction is more worth than bringing a smile to his child.

Maybe this guy has a dead-end job, 6 years of unresolved burnout issues and the only thing keeping him from driving his car of the bridge on Monday morning is the fact that he can calm his nerves with a cigarette.

Maybe his wife just died...maybe....etc

Should he quit if his monetary means are low...yes.

Should he stick to the promisses he makes to his kid...yes.

But maybe the circumstances in his life, at that moment, didn't allow for him to make that choice.

Did you ask him?

originally posted by: keukendeur
a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

Yeah I would say you did a good thing but....

(Not trying to be an asshole here)

You kind of put your nose into somebody else's business. I got seven kids and sometimes they are disappointed about the things they can't have. I buy stuff for myself and no matter how big those puppy eyes get, they have to know that they are not always entitled to having their feelings or comfort placed over mine.

You may not agree with what the dad did in the supermarket but it is his way of raising his kid. Not yours.

It was nice of you to give the kid an icecream but you should refrain from judging other people and how they raise their children.

I have 9 kids, and I buy myself stuff as well, but if I make a promise I keep it. I do understand your perspective, but in this scenario I would have done the same thing. Sometimes it takes a village to raise a child, and know that there is kindness in the world too.

a reply to: AccessDenied

...it takes a village to raise a child...

I absolutely LOATHE that saying! UGGHH!!! Just hate it to the very core of my being! I don't even think I could list all the reasons why without hitting the ATS word limit in a post!

Other than that...9 kids? WOW!!! That's awesome. That's a whole 'village' in itself! Maybe I should reconsider the 'village' thing!

ETA - I had a guy who used to work for me who had 14 kids! **GASP!** He retired and went on a mission for his church.

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

Nope just a projection of the guilt he felt. Someone else had to be the bad guy to ease his concious.

a reply to: AccessDenied

I am in the unfortunate position that my wife and I both have ex partners that make a habbit of breaking promisses to our children weekly (both are alcoholics).

We have to make it a principal to always keep our promisses, so I know what you mean.

And I am not saying what ThatDamnDuckAgain did wasn't noble or good.

It's the judgement past on the dad that gets me.

I know lots of fathers who have failed to turn up to a basketball game or balet preformance because the boss made them work late. I got my own opinion on that but I am very reluctant to judge these people.

a reply to: keukendeur

What judgement dude? I don't think he is a bad father, just don't make promises to your child so it's a the verge of crying. Seems that guy has a habit with it.

He could be the most caring dad otherwhise, just his priorities are really #ed up. If he did not approach me, I would have said nothing at all.

originally posted by: ThatDamnDuckAgain
a reply to: keukendeur

What judgement dude?

well...

his priorities are really #ed up.

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
a reply to: AccessDenied

...it takes a village to raise a child...

I absolutely LOATHE that saying! UGGHH!!! Just hate it to the very core of my being! I don't even think I could list all the reasons why without hitting the ATS word limit in a post!

Other than that...9 kids? WOW!!! That's awesome. That's a whole 'village' in itself! Maybe I should reconsider the 'village' thing!

ETA - I had a guy who used to work for me who had 14 kids! **GASP!** He retired and went on a mission for his church.

I'm not a fan of the saying either but seemed appropriate. Religion was obviously not involved in my baseball team. 😂 And 8 of them are adults ,some with children of their own, so I'm not auditioning for my own reality show, lol. I actually know of a family not far away from me that has 14 children. Wild little creatures,all of them.