info needed on Schizophrenia

I've only contributed one tiny post to this thread, but I've been following it all along. I hope you don't mind.

I was doing fine up until page 10 when Majic comes barging in with tears and poems and such. Now you got me crying to. Now quit it! Both of you.

And Infinite, you should really listen to these good folks and take your meds.



[edit on 3-6-2005 by Belgarath]

Miracle drug

But I swear before God and everybody that if I had found a drug that helped me, even if it was Seroquel, which I hated, I would be taking it today.

Majic,
Sleep is the miracle drug that you speak of. Have you ever tied it: you should.

also, i found a bold gramatical error in one of your posts. To drive you crazy, i will allow you to find it yourself. Good luck!

Hi,

I can here the scoffers now ready to pounce, but I am writing only to those who are really suffering and searching for a cure to this illness, not just the next big drug to cover it up.

I have a friend who was my pastoral counselor in Pasadena, CA who is both a pastor who engages in spiritual warfare against spirits who demonize people (possession is a mis-nomer) and with people who suffer from other non-spiritual types of mental illness. He will be the first to tell you that not all mental illness has a spiritual component to it, and if that is the case, he will refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist. But...sometimes, the illness, in my case severe chronic depression, has a spiritual component to it and he can help.

When God said in the old testament that he would curse a man for his sin to the 3rd and 4th generation, He was not kidding. Sometimes, the demonization and persecution suffered by a person are the result of his parents sin. This was partially true in my case as one demon whose assignment was "lust" was attached to my family line going back two generations to when my grandfather cheated on my grandmother. Nevertheless, I suffered from his harrassment also. My friend took charge and used the powers granted him by God to force the disclosures out of my mouth things I did not know myself in order to fight and ultimately rid me of these things. I was delivered in 1999 from all of it.

I tell you all this and risk the scoffing and laughing in hopes that a few might believe me and find genuine help.

The bottom line is this about Schizophrenia: My friend says he has observed many different illnesses play out and many have not had a spiritual component. He has worked with 100s of sufferers of schizophrenia. HE HAS NEVER FOUND ANY THAT WERE NOT SEVERELY DEMONIZED. He has always been willing to help the person who was genuinely willing to turn to Jesus for help as the woman who touched Jesus cloak in the gospels.

I tell you I was demonized and I was delivered and my mental illness was cured. Those who believe there is no God and who live under that assumption will find other excuses and give you another pill when the last one didn't work either. There are many in this culture now who would rather suffer and die than turn to Jesus for help. Anything but Jesus who Himself is "the Great Physician".

The reason you are asking this question is that this malady is illusive. There's no set pill you can take. There's no single surgery. People suffer, commit suicide, kill family and friends.....and still the scoffers laugh and find new exciting phrases to debunk what they call "religion" while the dying continues. Don't listen to them.

I'm not talking about religion either. Religion by definition is what man does to reach God. My story is about how Jesus reached down and saved me when I could not help myself and restored my mind and soul when I was lost. It wasn't about what I did. It's about what He did and does for me.

I revealed my own problems in the past so that you may listen and know that I do have some personal, real experience to share so that you can get genuine help. This understanding of the world behind the scenes was not easy to accept at first as an electronics engineer with an MBA. Everything is supposed to be "scientific" and "rational" and all that exists must be felt by the senses, etc. You know the mantra. Yet, I cannot deny a very real experience that proved what was really going on. The devil's best weapon is to have people believe he does not exist.

I am not going to engage in debates of minutia on points by those who just have to get their digs in.

I will answer questions to people who are genuinely looking for help.

Perchance To Scream

Originally posted by Tom Sawyer
Sleep is the miracle drug that you speak of. Have you ever tied it: you should.

Sleep is only effective when you can do it.

When I lay me down to sleep, I spin the wheel of things that will disturb it.

Assuming I'm not in a manic phase with adrenaline being poured into my bloodstream like a vat of nuclear fuel which repels me from my bed like a force field, I still suffer from a cornucopia of sleep disorders.

The most common are the so-called “night terrors”, in which I wake up -- sometimes screaming -- wondering what the hell is going on and thinking I'm going to die because I have a 200+ bpm pulse.

And that's not even the beginning of it.

On the flip side of that, when I'm depressed, I sleep like a bear. Sometimes I sleep for days at a time.

The longest I have gone without waking up is about two days, the longest in bed without getting up (excluding brief bathroom calls) is four days.

I have also gone that long several times without being able to sleep, so I guess it balances out somewhere.

Hyperinsomnia

When I can't sleep, it's because I can't freakin' sleep. Normal sleeping pills? I can eat them like candy -- but they make me puke.

One time my psychiatrist tried to send me on a “Klonopin holiday” and, under his supervision, I started munching the pills. Several hours and 21 mg of Klonopin later, I was still bouncing off the walls, and we deemed the experiment a failure.

I subsequently declined an intravenous injection of Depakote and rode that episode out.

Don't get me wrong. I like Depakote, just not in that way.

I have tried every drug my psychiatrist -- who is excellent -- could think of, on or off-label, to treat my mania and depression. So far, I get nothing but godawful side effects from most, and only dismal results from Depakote.

Depakote is nice because I don't drink while I'm on it. Don't even feel at all interested. That's about all it's good for, and it seems to deepen my normally light depressive phases, which is why I went off it.

Sorry, long digression.

Short answer: I sleep when I can, and I love sleep.

When I can't sleep, I try to make the best of it.

That's all I can do.

Typo-Cast

Originally posted by Tom Sawyer
also, i found a bold gramatical error in one of your posts. To drive you crazy, i will allow you to find it yourself. Good luck!

I say: let it stand as mute testimony to my enduring imperfection.

Ha!

managerie, i am a Christian and i am skitzophrenic and have often thought about the possibillity that i was demonized and i prayed to God and asked for help and nothing has changed for . . . . any ideas?

I think the whole "God will make it better" is a difficult option to pick because its create false belief and hope. Its better to beat things on your own and feel proud about it.

Btw, in the end, me and my girlfriend have broken up, im not sad or heartbroken to be honest. Its probably for the best

Originally posted by hak3r_13
managerie, i am a Christian and i am skitzophrenic and have often thought about the possibillity that i was demonized and i prayed to God and asked for help and nothing has changed for . . . . any ideas?

Hi, Mere prayer will not do it for the typical christian. There is a myth out there that Christians cannot be demonized. Wrong. Jesus has always been a total gentleman and does not intrude where He is not wanted. The reason a demon can still hang around is because of several factors:

1. Previous generations gave him permission and sort of "title" to territory in your life and body. Your own sin also gives territory to such entities and can only be removed by removing and renouncing those specific practices and break the generational curses that were imposed to these beings. The questionnaire I filled out revealing all my dirt was quite frank in order for my friend to understand what has happened and what place has been granted to these things.

2. The spiritual realm is incredibly legalistic in ways that I did not understand before. I verbally gave spiritual authority over my soul and being to my counselor which gave him power of attorney to act on my behalf.

3. He then had permission to take over, cause demonic entities to "line up", prevent damage to myself or himself in the process, and are forced to answer questions about where they came from and what permission they have had to be present. I tell you I am a highly educated guy, but as soon as I had started to answer questions, I started twitching and giving answers that I do not know myself to the questions asked. My own mind was able to observe what was happening and I was amazed at what was going on. It went against every myth of bring a Christian that I had believed up until that point. When I would not answer, my friend brought angelic pressure against those beings that refused to provide information until all was known. The demons, one was "death" (these are not unique names, but deal with their assignment). My friend determined the heirarchy of influence within me to discover who was in charge.

4. I verbalized my renouncement of those specific acts and practices, generational curses (yes, they can be broken). I also had to think back anc ask the Lord specifically what Vows I have taken as a result of past hurts. God will help you remember so you can write them down. Many people have hidden rules they have said openly to themselves where they say" I'll never do this or that again". These are vows taken to avoid future hurts, but they also place a stake in the ground that says "I will not change from here" and will prevent the person who invokes them from being changed by the Lord into His own image and retards any further spiritual maturity. I had my share which had to be itemized and renounced. Also, people make global "bitter root judgements" against people as a result of hurts which also must be renounced.

5. There is no healing without turning with your entire heart and soul to Jesus. This changes you from the inside out. You will not stay the same, but will be changed further into His image as a person. There is no healing independent of Him.

6. Once the ropes of vows, judgements, sinful practices, generational curses were untied by my own renouncing them, My friend cast them out. I felt them leave me, pulled out of my chest (at least that's what I felt). They were sent to the feet of Jesus (be careful here) for judgment. There are beings named Jesus designed to fool the novice at this. The one true name of Jesus to the demonic realm that cannot be confused is "Jesus Christ of Nazareth who came in the flesh". There is no way to confuse this one. Demons are required to follow commands made by human agents TO THE LETTER, not the intent, the essence of legalism. This means that if you can have other demons with similar names, you can send a demon to another demo without knowing it and that one is still in play.
Most are confused by the the concept of following to the letter of the law, not the intent of the law.

You see, it is a process that took a little time, but was quite successful.
There is hope here. Not every one knows how to do this.

The best books I have read on this are:

1. Defeating Dark Angels, by Charles H. Kraft

2. I Give You Authority, by Charles H. Kraft

3. The Rules of Engagement, by Charles H. Kraft and David M. Debord
Thin book, but a great read to understand the legalism involved here.

4. Deep Wounds, Deep Healing, by Charles H. Kraft

These books will truly help you understand what is going on here better than I can tell you here. If there was a way for us to confidentially get in touch without telling the world here, I can put you in touch with people who have trained with Charles Kraft on these issues to learn the authority that Jesus gave us to act has his Human agents in this war. I don't know how to do that without putting at risk to the general scoffer those people who are the real deal whose trust I have earned.

If God made me this way, then I should believe that it is for a reason. Maybe someday I'll be on a bus or a subway (unlikely in ND) I'll say something profound during a moment of clarity.

And maybe that person next to me was going to kill themself that night.

And maybe that person didn't do it.

Then maybe that person lives on with their life, has three wondeful kids, who then have their own children.

Then maybe one of those children may develop a cure for cancer.
Or maybe they'll find a way to save the world from greed.

Who knows? I'll be long gone and in Heaven (hope hope) when I get to see the events unfold.

Because I ask God "WHY?" all the time. His own son asked him the same question as he was bolted to the cross. The answer to his son's question was answered even today. So that people can have faith and hope.

The answer to my "WHY" may be different. It might be a single sentence I say randomly, or a person I try to help, or a nanosecond of time that changes everything.

For now, I stick with the answer "BECAUSE."
I'm not going to kill myself over His answer. That idea is long gone. He'll take me when it's time. It is God who put my doctors in my life. They gave me a life, which is all I prayed for when I was at the bottom of my barrel with burns on my wrist and arm. All I wanted was to live again. To feel alive. I hadn't felt alive since I was a child.

And my prayer was answered. Meds, a good team of doctors and social workers, and a wonderful person to walk beside me.

Even when I was too sick to walk alone.
Dot.

Originally posted by infinite
I think the whole "God will make it better" is a difficult option to pick because its create false belief and hope. Its better to beat things on your own and feel proud about it.

Btw, in the end, me and my girlfriend have broken up, im not sad or heartbroken to be honest. Its probably for the best

That's fine. When the rich man came to Jesus and asked what He must do to be saved, Jesus looked into his heart and saw his love of money and wealth. Jesus told him he must sell all he has and come and follow him. When the man could not give that up, he walked away sad. Jesus did NOT chase him to negotiate a better deal. This is the standard. This is the way, I have told you the truth, and many will not believe, calling it a "false hope." And yet, the rest of your life is showing the damage. You use the word "better". The term "better" has to have a reason and a beneficiary. Who is it "better" for and why?

In your case, if I read your reply correctly, you hold pride very dearly in your heart. Pride, the very sin that God hates as He says directly that He opposes the proud. The very pride that brought about Lucifer's rebellion before the fall of man - that statement that says we do not need God. The very sin that brought about the chain of events that brought curses of sin upon generations that now suffer from a variety of maladies.

Pride is often a covering for fear. Fear of hopelessness, fear of rejection by others, fear of emotional hurt, fear of being let down by others you allowed yourself to rely upon. There arrives a need to do it yourself when so many others have let you down. It is important to understand the real emotion driving this rather than the thinly veiled do-it-yourself pride which is a secondary emotion, not primary.

If you are looking for a solution that allows you to hold on to your pride, God will not help you. If you can allow yourself to feel the hurt and fear and turn to Jesus, He will help. He promises He will.

For the woman who had a hemorrhage for 14 years where nothing else had worked to heal her felt that if she could just touch Jesus cloak, she would be healed. She was an outcast with her problem, no pride left, begging for a solution. When she did touch Jesus cloak, Jesus felt the healing flow out of Him and He turned to face her and He said, "your faith has made you well." She left her pride there at the roadside and took her now whole body with her with a smile on her face, having met the one true hope of all mankind.

The issue of hopelessness in illness is huge. When nothing else has worked, one will either decide that Jesus is his last resort or that nothing will work to help him. There are two different general outcomes that match the path chosen as well.

I came to Jesus on my knees with no pride left, only tears. All I wanted to do was die. I couldn't take the suffering any more. As you read the gospels, most all who were healed came to Jesus the same way. Maybe they didn't realize fully who He is and was at that time, but they had nothing left and no other hope and Jesus still honored it.

[edit on 4-6-2005 by managerie]

Originally posted by dotgov101
If God made me this way, then I should believe that it is for a reason. Maybe someday I'll be on a bus or a subway (unlikely in ND) I'll say something profound during a moment of clarity.

And maybe that person next to me was going to kill themself that night.

And maybe that person didn't do it.

Then maybe that person lives on with their life, has three wondeful kids, who then have their own children.

Then maybe one of those children may develop a cure for cancer.
Or maybe they'll find a way to save the world from greed.

Who knows? I'll be long gone and in Heaven (hope hope) when I get to see the events unfold.

Because I ask God "WHY?" all the time. His own son asked him the same question as he was bolted to the cross. The answer to his son's question was answered even today. So that people can have faith and hope.

The answer to my "WHY" may be different. It might be a single sentence I say randomly, or a person I try to help, or a nanosecond of time that changes everything.

For now, I stick with the answer "BECAUSE."
I'm not going to kill myself over His answer. That idea is long gone. He'll take me when it's time. It is God who put my doctors in my life. They gave me a life, which is all I prayed for when I was at the bottom of my barrel with burns on my wrist and arm. All I wanted was to live again. To feel alive. I hadn't felt alive since I was a child.

And my prayer was answered. Meds, a good team of doctors and social workers, and a wonderful person to walk beside me.

Even when I was too sick to walk alone.
Dot.

Hi Dot,

I really appreciate what you write here. There are some people who have asked God for healing of something for whom God has said, "no", who wants them to be that way to be able to reach others in that condition.

However, when Jesus and His disciples came across a blind man after Jesus had described the nature of generational curses to them, they asked, "Is this man blind due to his sin or that of his parents?" Jesus said, "Neither, but that the power of God would be demonstrated in his healing."

Jesus Himself is saying that there are several reasons different people have different maladies and sometimes, it is to demonstrate the power of God in healing. It is up to the Lord to tell you:

1. If you can be more effective in reaching others as you are in illness in showing how to lean on the grace of God is coping with each day while still with the illness.

2. If you can be more effective in reaching others having suffered similar illness and demonstrate the power of God to heal. You demonstrate the goal of healing and restoration, demonstrate its possibility as someone who does know what it's like and does understand.

Only He knows the intricacies of choreography of why He deals with one this way and another that.

What is sure and simple is this:

1. There is no cure without Jesus. Period. Drugs and therapy can help you cope with symptoms and have certain control or covering up of the symptoms, but no cure. He is the only hope of a cure, but control is possible through known medical technology. By the way, I would never stop taking my medications until I had fully explored the process I described in a previous post. Always, always, always take your medication until you have fully gone through the healing procress.

2. The Apostle Paul was given some physical malady (some think it was a particularly distasteful oozing from his eyes which partially blinded him) and asked the Lord for healing three times. The Lord said, "no, my grace is sufficient for you." because He had a higher purpose in Paul's illness. These were two major reasons:

a. Paul had received revelations that were uncommon to mankind and the Lord must keep him humble in order that the power of the gospel would be shown in the sharing of Jesus, not the power of Paul.

b. The gospel was always shared by those afflicted and less attractive or of humble means so that the world would clearly see the power of God, not the power of men in the message. This difference is the key to understanding how to be reconciled to the Lord.

The Lord may decide not to heal you from this and will have a definite purpose in your illness. BBBBBBUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTT......

I would never stop asking Jesus until He says "no". Paul asked three times and got a definite answer. He did not assume that the Lord would not heal him, he asked earnestly and did not give up until he got a definite answer. And then the Lord granted him special grace to live with his malady and retain hope in the Lord who will ultimately heal all of His sheep at His return, the blessed hope of our redemption draws ever nearer.

[edit on 4-6-2005 by managerie]

Originally posted by Majic
When I lay me down to sleep, I spin the wheel of things that will disturb it.

Assuming I'm not in a manic phase with adrenaline being poured into my bloodstream like a vat of nuclear fuel which repels me from my bed like a force field, I still suffer from a cornucopia of sleep disorders.

Short answer: I sleep when I can, and I love sleep.

When I can't sleep, I try to make the best of it.

That's all I can do.

Ha!

I am going to allow my above post stand.
It was an accident, well, i lack responce ability.
Responce to my own post: ATS really is making the best of not sleeping.

I obviously need some sleep myself.

Did I miss something? I slept for four hours earlier, and now the topic is about somniatic behaviour. The post you are allowing to stand is a quote? I'm confused here...

But that's nothing new.

Dot.

Doors Of Perception

Originally posted by dotgov101
Did I miss something? I slept for four hours earlier, and now the topic is about somniatic behaviour. The post you are allowing to stand is a quote? I'm confused here...

I think Tom saw that he quoted but posted too soon and just decided to post again with a comment.

“Letting it stand” was letting the posting error stand.

Sleep has come up in the dialog, and that's a great topic.

Religion has also come up, and I have loads of opinions on that as well.

We're really stretching the topic of “info needed on Schizophrenia”, but in a way it's kind of nice to have it all in one big, bulky behemoth of a thread.

Speaking of sleep, my sleep situation is also really weird right now, as I am still winding my way through a depressive phase. Heck, I just woke up a few hours ago and now I'm tired again. *Yawn*

On the bright side, it's been a couple of weeks since the estimated beginning of this depression cycle, so I may be able to swing back to mania soon, finish up my epic story and maybe record some songs before next weekend, when the election results will be in.

Boredom? Not a problem.

Originally posted by Majic
We're really stretching the topic of “info needed on Schizophrenia”, but in a way it's kind of nice to have it all in one big, bulky behemoth of a thread.

Since my first and only post in this thread, I have been following the discussion and I have to interject here..........volumes of books could be written and debated(indeed, they have) and the subject would not be even close to being stretched thin...........sleep is a variable in schizophrenia(as in an average life) precisely because that is where memory is transferred and physically compartmentalized by the brain into the brain, a process that undoubtedly important in the emphasis that constitutes OCD as well as the other scenarios.........but I must say that it is definetely a positive to have a thread dedicated to this subject.

infinite..........You know yourself better than anyone. I cannot overemphasize this fact. Your doctors can give you the benefit of their professional experiences and observations, yet, ultimately, you are the only one who can combine the information they give you with your own analysis of your own experience.........the meds may or may not work for you, just make sure that you are aware of the reason the drug exists in the first place(what neurotransmitters does your prescription induce/inhibit?....What is the purpose of the impacted neurochemicals?...etc.) and how it relates to your experience. You're going to have to do a lot of legwork and become a sort of neurologist and psychologist.......and why not? It's your life........don't let an overwhelming social stigma; cause that is the worst aspect of it; define how your life evolves.......

dotgov101.......your story is truly an inspiration.......I respect and admire your decisions and coping skills and endeavor to read anything and everything you post.


I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and actually had a psychologist term me psychotic after a two minute session in which all I expressed was the fact that I hear voices every minute of every day........I immediately realized that the only person I could trust for actual help was myself because I was the only one emotionally involved......I was prescribed Respirdal and quickly stopped ingesting it because a)It was horrible and b) my own research into the chemical composition and it's physiological impact is such that it induces a "controlled depressant state of being," a conclusion I arrived at based in the drugs interaction with the brain chemical Seratonin. Knowledge truly is power, indeed, the pursuit of which has at the very least provided me with a distraction that allows for more tolerable experience. Maybe some day I'll detail my story, but it is too much for me at this point because of some complexities in my life and my relationships..........suffice to say that I have had a life chock full of people who have taken it upon themselves to interact with me on levels I'm just becoming aware of on a "conscious" level.......I don't call myself SubVolitional for nothing.............

Originally posted by dotgov101
Did I miss something? I slept for four hours earlier, and now the topic is about somniatic behaviour. The post you are allowing to stand is a quote? I'm confused here...

I think Tom saw that he quoted but posted too soon and just decided to post again with a comment.

Oh...I thought he'd posted something he didn't want to about schiz or sleep, then edited it. Duhr...maybe I took too long of a nap.

Sleep has come up in the dialog, and that's a great topic.

It is. From living with a Norm for almost five years now, I've realized something odd. Though our waking thought processes are the same, my dreams are no different than his. Or anyone I've met who talks about their night dreams. Yes, some of mine come true...but that happens with many...

Isn't that odd, though? My brain functions differently only when I am awake. When I was a teen-child I was given an ECG. I was in a private hospital in Atlanta, and wires were glued to my scalp with a toothpaste-looking goop. I had to wear the darn thing for exactly twenty-four hours. I wasn't made fun of in the children's ward because everyone had to undergo the procedure during their first month.

We were not supposed to sleep while wearing it. Staff had to do everything they could to keep me awake. No meds were administered, either. It was intended to read my brain in its "normal" state. Come 10AM, when it was time to come off, I fell asleep as they were removing the wires.

In the children's ward, it was strongly advised not to diagnose a person with schiz until they finished puberty, as puberty can produce similar symptoms. So, my symptoms and ECG reading (at that particular hospital) were interpreted as Dissociative Personality Disorder. Laymens terms: I'd go into my own world, and they didn't know how to bring me back.

Religion has also come up, and I have loads of opinions on that as well.

I was expecting that. Whenever science (if you can call psychology a science) is brought up, religion usually follows. I find nothing wrong it, as long as a schiz engages in scientific treatment as diligently as they do their faith. It is a scientific fact that people who believe in something/someone live longer than those with no spiritual beliefs. It is also a scientific fact that Eastern Medicine has its benefits as well.

Yoga calms me more than a Valium. It's a shame I can't do yoga in the car, or at work, or at the store. LOL.

We're really stretching the topic of “info needed on Schizophrenia”, but in a way it's kind of nice to have it all in one big, bulky behemoth of a thread.

My belief is that the kind Mods realize the seriousness of the illness, and the dangers of it when left untreated. It is also a complex illness with LOADS of opinions (as we can see by the page number above). Some people think it's a gift, others a curse. I am really grateful the mods see the illness as a MEDICAL ISSUE. I am really grateful that it hasn't been moved to BTS. ((((thank you))))))

On the bright side, it's been a couple of weeks since the estimated beginning of this depression cycle, so I may be able to swing back to mania soon, finish up my epic story and maybe record some songs before next weekend, when the election results will be in.

You're lucky you have a timed schedule. Yesterday I was severely depressed, today I'm happy as a clam. Okay, for this hour. Good luck with the election and your work on the epic.

Dot.

Originally posted by MemoryShock
dotgov101.......your story is truly an inspiration.......I respect and admire your decisions and coping skills and endeavor to read anything and everything you post.

*blush* Thank you, Shock. I try my best to write about the good and the bad. It's hard to admit the bad because it seems humiliating to me. However, the point I want to get across is that we are not mentally ret. We are all very good at certain activities, and challenged in others. It's a shame that the challenging aspects get more "press" in the media than the remarkable behaviours. This is why the movie "A Beautiful Mind" was critically-acclaimed. Ted says that it was the best representation of schiz that he had ever seen since he met me. I'm sure that others will agree.

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and actually had a psychologist term me psychotic after a two minute session in which all I expressed was the fact that I hear voices every minute of every day

Psychologists can be absolute monsters. No offense. . . my father once became so angry with one that he told the guy, "You'll never get over the fact that you're not a 'real' doctor, and that makes you an utter acehole." Some are nice...but my current psychologist is pathetic.

I immediately realized that the only person I could trust for actual help was myself because I was the only one emotionally involved......I was prescribed Respirdal and quickly stopped ingesting it because a)It was horrible and b) my own research into the chemical composition and it's physiological impact is such that it induces a "controlled depressant state of being," a conclusion I arrived at based in the drugs interaction with the brain chemical Seratonin.

As you might know by now, I was forced to ingest Risperdal while pregnant. It was awful. I only remember a few things during its invasion of my skull. I (author's note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR) have read about my Serotonin uptake inhibitors, and how they're jilted. But finding the right medication to fix the jilt was my key goal.

Knowledge truly is power, indeed, the pursuit of which has at the very least provided me with a distraction that allows for more tolerable experience. Maybe some day I'll detail my story, but it is too much for me at this point because of some complexities in my life and my relationships

It's the complexities that make us U-neek. The good and the bad. For me, getting those details out of my head and onto the screen helps take them away. Infinite (the King Creator of this invaluable thread) writes his woes. I write my woes. Perhaps you might find it helpful?

..........suffice to say that I have had a life chock full of people who have taken it upon themselves to interact with me on levels I'm just becoming aware of on a "conscious" level.......I don't call myself SubVolitional for nothing.............

Alright, I admit. I have absolutely no idea what subvolitional means. Hold on (Dot goes to American Heritage© Dictionary Definition of Volitional).

Are you saying that your decision making is jilted?

Dot.

This is the 2nd most replied-thread in this forum.

Is it due to so many of us schiz. and our friends and family have somehow landed on ATS? Maybe we feel comfortable here because conspiracy-minded people seem to be more open-minded. Maybe it's a sociological anomoly that we are responding and writing here.

Or is it a mere public fascination?

I believe it will soon become the 1st most replied-thread in this forum.
Dot.

Originally posted by dotgov101
I try my best to write about the good and the bad.

That's what good expression is all about.

Originally posted by dotgov101
Psychologists can be absolute monsters.

Agreed.
I think that people need to realize the possession of a piece of paper stating one to be a psychologist doesn't necessitate them being a good one. There are several different ways to learn, but by and large, the educational norm is the memorization and recognition of details and then a prescribed action that happens to have been established in a classroom, rather than with the best interests of the patient, though I'm sure personal factors can be included dependent on the doctor. With that in mind, you have to consider the main motivation for their decisions. To make well(read: unimpactive) socially abnormal behaviour. Respirdal is there to control the Serotonins ability to control the perception, and thusly, the physical reactive inclinations of the patient. It puts prescribees in a controlled depressant state that makes it highly less likely for them to hurt themselves or others. In a professional sense, that is a job well done, because the goal is to insure noone gets hurt. In a personal sense, that is not necassarily the best course. I ditched Respirdal because my well being centered more on the needing to know what was going on so I could make informed decisions rather than allow others to have that control. It turned out that my motivation levels dropped(big surprise, huh?) and my ability to assimilate information was highly impacted.......unacceptable for a drug that is supposed to make me better........

Originally posted by dotgov101
Infinite (the King Creator of this invaluable thread) writes his woes. I write my woes. Perhaps you might find it helpful?

I shall and will..........my life is a series of "one place to another' metaphorically and literally...........I wanted to establish a few aspects of myself before I dove into my biography........

Originally posted by dotgov101
Alright, I admit. I have absolutely no idea what subvolitional means.

Are you saying your decision making is jilted?

SubVolitional.....action or thought enacted in the subconscious mind that bypasses conscious cognition. It's the first word in my miniprofile under MemoryShock. The second line of my mini-profile details a type of subconscious influence; indeed it is one of the factors that has contributed to my condition.

My decision making skills are functional.......but I find that I am in a constant battle in trying to understand the motivations for my decisions and inclinations. I have developed an acute awareness of my phsyiological state and find that this awareness gets in the way of 'normal' socialization......lamentable to me, but a fact of life I can deal with.

edit to add:

Originally posted by dotgov101
So, my symptoms and ECG reading (at that particular hospital) were interpreted as Dissociative Personality Disorder.

A note to anyone reading........DID, or Dissociative Personality Disorder, is very important in this context.......it is implicated in autism(dissociation at a very early age becomes the default social attitude) as well as many schizophrenic cases......much of the paranoia comes from a mild compulsion to analyze circumstances of any sort and abnormalities arise as a result of not having enough information to accurately interpret in tandem with not enough social interaction on that level. Moral of the story......we as humans sharing a world should NOT feel ogligated to omit the negative and humiliating aspects of our life experience.....that's repression and psychologically unhealthy.

[edit on 5-6-2005 by MemoryShock]

Not to change the subject, but being the only thing i am good at, i have to. I don't want to make anyone angry, but i started my own thread about most mild mental disorders (all except really rare ones)
I know alot about them, so i will be answering ?s. The link is in my sig.
The topic of this thread can not cover alot of things, so that is where i made my thread. No, they are not the same. thanks, and you guys rock.

Stressed!