What is narcissistic Ghosting?

Ever been at a music festival and next thing that "friend" is no longer talking to you?
Wondering why, what did I do?

Did I say something or do something?

No, chances are you are being "ghosted".

It can take months or years, but you could be "hoovered" up again by that person.

If they're borderline and narcissistic and you don't make a point of apologizing to them, they will actually tell everyone you discarded them.
Yeah they turn the whole scenario around.

But the people who tried this with me lately, I've ghosted them back.

But make no mistake, "ghosting" is horrible, and the person who does it means you evil.

"Ghosting" or the "silent treatment" is a form of abuse.

a reply to: halfoldman


Once you feel like you are avoided by someone, never disturb them again.

Ghosting can be tough.

a reply to: halfoldman

If you are a half old man, why do you care?
Guess what? In a few years you will have no friends at all.
Your old pals will die or disappear and all your new friends will be half your age.
It's ok though, 'cause your young friends will help you with your chores and make sure nobody messes with you.
Wait... Did you once say you are gay?
Nevermind. I got nothing.

If ghosted by a narcissist, can I go "Gray Rock".

So you ghosted the ghoster, fine.

Suddenly it's "our war".

I never declared no war, but now I'm not invited to parties.

Meanwhile she's borderline and gets violent.

No but don't invite Halfoldman to parties anymore, because she will get violent, and when she tries to scratch his face off, and he defends himself and rips her head off - you know, we don't want # at our house.

Well, the thing is this about the dramatic Narcissist discard, always.
It always comes at the worst time.
Yeah they like kicking you when you're down.

They've got another "supply" lined up when they do it.

They also don't see it as permanent.
When they want to hoover you back, be it months or years, they count on you being around.

Narcissism 101: Ghosting.

Even in a long term-friendship circle, or social group, what is the point of "ghosting"?

It's really an act of power.

It is supposed to make you fall in line to the central narcissistic person who thinks they run your social group.

Yeah, be it a barbecue or the cricket club, it's a message from the "cult leader" that you should fall back in line.

Now you caused a narcissistic injury to them, and like a kindergarten baby they are raging.

Or maybe they just embarrassed themselves, but a narcissist will never apologize.

So they want you to kneel and take responsibility - as long as they are in charge.

But now some adults aren't going to do that.
They think if you stuffed up, you should take account.
I'm not apologizing for something I never did.

Now that threatens their control.
If you won't kneel and worship them, they will start a smear campaign against you.

The most disturbing thing about narcissistic abuse is that only the abuser and victim knows about it.

Therefore it is often useless to try and tell anyone about it.

By my experience they ghost because you're on to them.

Whatever they're accusing you of, you can rest assured they're doing it.

And maybe they just created an argument so that they can go see the other supply.

What, I brought pizza for supper?
Unacceptable!
You're the worst housewife ever.
Gonna get in your car and come back tomorrow morning, when I've cooled off.

Yeah, pretty typical things narcs do.

originally posted by: TheMadTitan
a reply to: halfoldman


Once you feel like you are avoided by someone, never disturb them again.

Seriously...this is dumb. Just dump that fool. He or She is obviously NOT a friend.

Ghosting? Sounds so.....Millennial.

originally posted by: halfoldman

... "Ghosting" or the "silent treatment" is a form of abuse. ...

How about a different perspective? It's not "abuse." That is poor-me victim language. It grants power to others. Stop it!

By just calling it abuse you are granting it power over you.

It's not "abuse". It's simply someone being an arse hole. I have no place in my life for such people. And I won't allow such to have control over me. They can't abuse me.

One cannot effectively "ghost back " One must simply exclude arse holes from one's life, refuse to allow them power.

"Ghosting back" draws you into their game. It is you allowing them to make you a victim, to abuse you. It means that they have succeeded in manipulating you into subjecting yourself to their paradigm. You are reacting, therefore they are in control. Your are validating their sickness.

This very post that you wrote proves that you are allowing this person to have power over your life. You are validating their behavior. You are feeding the beast

Don't "ghost back." Just realize that the individual is a P.O.S., walk away, be grateful they are no longer in your life and get on with the business of living.

End of story.
:

Good grief, I hope I haven't been diagnosed by clicking a thread link!

On the other hand...sometimes my extrovert has gone introvert, hermit even, and shame on you for not leaving messages checking on me until I finally answer back.

Plus, maybe you ain't as good a friend as you think you are anyway if you check that mirror a little more closely, eh?

Having said that, I'll have to think about this. I do reserve the right (narcissistic?) to drop off the face of the earth for awhile and drop back into orbit with little ruffle & great cheer.

At the same time I extend that right to those I'm fond of. So?

So, being ignored by a friend has now got an official diagnosis. Narcissistic Ghosting.

I remember how simple life was before the internet.

originally posted by: CJCrawley
So, being ignored by a friend has now got an official diagnosis. Narcissistic Ghosting.

I remember how simple life was before the internet.

I remember how simple life was before [nearly] everybody became a whiny-ass, poor-me, victimized cry-baby who has to blame everyone else for their own issues. I remember when people used to, by and large, take responsibility for their own lives, attitudes, issues, and we're willing to get on with life without playing the victim card.

Now the universe is expected to hand out participation trophies to everyone who has a pulse and people get their knickers all wadded up when that doesn't happen.

a reply to: halfoldman

My sons’ paternal grandparents did this to my son after he explained why he was not always texting back.

They are truly sick in the head. They have tried to control, manipulate, brainwash my sweet boy; but he’s smart and won’t play those games.

My family unconditionally love each other and no matter what we do not hold grudges.

Ghosting of your grandson had got to be the worst, especially when the grandson was abused by all of them, whether it be psychologically, and violence, threats and actually physical harm.

They will NEVER be welcomed back!

Hell awaits them all!

As far as your girlfriend?, she’s not you’re people! Run far, run fast!

Just to add, narcissistic abuse (including behaviors like initial love-bombing, then devaluation and finally the discard, gaslighting and rages) are not new. I used to discuss these with my granny before she passed in 2016, and it was already going on in the early 1900's. It's just we didn't have these clinical names for it.

If you haven't experienced it it's almost impossible to describe, so I understand some responses.

Until I turned about 40, I never knew what it was, or I considered it a part of the patriarchy and gender-based violence behind closed doors. Nowadays I'd say it's more females doing it in a social way, with all kinds of malignant smear campaigns. Not to get in a gender war, it's probably both in slightly different ways, and it's also prevalent in the lgbt scene. Some commentators like Sam Vaknim say that there is an immense increase in this behavior these days, and a side effect of this abuse is to make the victim temporarily "toxic" as well. However, most normal people will revert to their empathic selves once no contact with the narcissist is maintained for a while. But yeah it can be infectious.

By the way, I don't have a "girlfriend" in a romantic scene, what happened at the music festival was actually with a married couple, and on the phone the next day he told me she'd done it to all his friends, so in hindsight this was actually part of the abuse and isolation of him, in which I was just a pawn.

Then the issue of "ghosting back". This is really a misnomer, which means that the narc wants you to come crawling back to them with apologies for stuff you never did so that their mistake can be covered up and their grandiosity is supplied. It merely means you ignore them back. But beware, a narc who doesn't get supply can fly into physical rages, because for them any attention is supply, which they need to regulate their emotions. So methods like "gray rock" at a barbecue, for example, can be dangerous, experts warn.

But for those who doubt this is abuse of the highest order and can even drive victims to suicide, I leave you this clip.
If it hasn't happened to you yet (and narcs get worse as they age and fail to find new supply easily after the previous discard) thank the Lord, or your lucky stars or whatever.
It's very difficult to expose narcissism to those who haven't been targeted, and individual narcs should always be left to expose themselves. Don't even try with their enablers or "flying monkeys" (an old term for narc enablers taken from the film The Wizard of Oz).
But for those who feel affected - knowledge is power!




P.S. And what I've described is very limited as an introduction. Ghosting happens in friendship circles, in marriages, amongst siblings, parents and children, in workplaces, in universities and colleges, in military circles and yes, sadly even in churches and activist communities. Virtue signalling fits the narcissist's "mask" or fake persona perfectly, and it's no accident that most destructive cults are based around narc leaders, and employ similar techniques. "Ghosting" is essentially an intended form of "shunning". In fact, you could call it secular or non-religious "shunning". It's just even with religious groups who've done this for ages, the "shunned" will usually know why. The narc on the other hand is very thin-skinned and in their delusions they make up all kinds of rules they think should apply to everybody, but never themselves consistently. They may just do it for drama and attention (supply), and ultimately to watch you suffer and squirm.

Just to again disambiguate between religious "shunning" and "ghosting".
The effects may be very similar, but ghosting from a narcissist (narc) will have no sense of closure.
In fact, keeping you guessing why is part of the anxiety they want to induce.
If you hang with these people, it can be anybody at any time.

So it's very abrupt, and has no clear reasons or sense of closure.