Question for the birthing persons of ATS

Well I guess the dudelys can answer as well.

SooOOOooo.

I have a friend. I consider him my best friend in the whole world. He's like a brother. I have a serious man-crush on this person too.

We actually continue to shoot the sheet on fb messenger almost every day and it's been this way for 15+ years. We don't live in the same state, but have met in person several times. However, I KNOW this person.

Well he's given up his bachelor ways in the last couple years. I'm happy for him, even though his wife is a bit of a spaz sometimes.

Anyways to the point of the topic. They have just had their 2nd child. It was a planned inducing. The night before, he and I actually watched a movie together before he was like "Uhhh oh yeah! I should get some sleep since my wife is going to birth a human in the morning."

He is really sharp and on the ball, and has a great sense of empathy for others. So I was a bit surprised that he didn't mention it before. Like, maybe that wasn't a good night to hang with the bros or something. I kind of felt weirded about that.

For their first kid, he mentioned that he hung out in the smoking area and chose not to witness the birth. I was also a little weirded out by that too. I thought it was a little old-fashioned for a father not to witness it. It also didn't seem like a choice he'd make, I don't know--. The other thing is, she is very passive with him, so I doubt she had any grievances, or would even voice them.

I really don't meddle in other peoples' choices and I haven't said anything to them about it. This is just my take on something that doesn't concern me, but I can't ignore my assessment of it.

I know he loves her very much, and I know he's a good person. I don't have kids or a wife, but as an outsider his choices seemed kind of ambivalent, and he never struck me as an ambivalent person with the people in his life.

I'm mostly curious how the women and mothers of ATS feel about that. Would you want your baby-daddy or husband to witness the birth, be there with you? Would you be okay with them chillin' with the homies instead? Just wait for them to bring the car around?

It just seems to me it would be a very important moment to be together. And yet, he chose not to be with his wife during those moments.

If I ever had kids, I think I would insist on being there.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Yeah not to say anything for the entire 9 months is really weird but I would have to unfriend him forever if he actually said those exact words...”My wife is going to birth a human in the morning”

originally posted by: RazorV66
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Yeah not to say anything for the entire 9 months is really weird but I would have to unfriend him forever if he actually said those exact words...”My wife is going to birth a human in the morning”

Can't tell if you're serious or sarcastic.

I knew she was pregnant beforehand, yes. And those were his exact words, yes.

I just figured if he knew that she was going to be induced the next morning he would have mentioned it and turned down my invitation to watch a movie.

I'm just curious what others think. Is it weird? Is it normal? It doesn't seem normal.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Well, everyone deals with situations differently, BUT his primary job is to be there for his wife and to welcome his child into the world. He is half of the baby making equation - he should have been there (if it were up to me). When we had our child I wanted my husband there and he was under the strictest orders (from me) to follow our baby everywhere - he was not to let our baby out of sight. And he did outstanding! I had a c-section so was stuck to a bed flat on my back and not in control of anything so it was absolute peace of mind to know he was with our baby when we were separated after birth.

Very strange, but that's just my take on it, re: your friend. I have known two women in my life whose husbands had no interest in being there for their child's birth, and they did not attend any of the births (one friend had 3 children and it was the same case each time) - they eventually divorced.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Not sure where you are located but it could be a matter of regional expectations. I just had my first kid and our families reactions though mostly positive have surprised us. Being the dad and the oldest of a bunch of siblings I've had diaper duty and babysat for years, so I'm fully involved with all care aspects and even helped brace my wife during the delivery so she could push. We've had reactions not believing I'm very involved because "men don't do that sort of thing", that I am too involved because "men shouldn't do that sort of thing" and thankfully a lot of "well he better be doing that" and " it's great he's taking an active roll". It really does seem to be split due to region and generation though.
Our family in and from the south ( I'm west coast USA), is very much the incredulous group about me helping at all especially those of boomer age and up. They sound suspicious and dismissive when either my wife or myself mention me helping or sharing responsibility. The boomer generation also seem to have a high number of disapproving "the wife isn't doing enough" " the man shouldn't be doing that" type attitudes though that mentality seems to be present in every age group to some extent especially on certain family branches.
Familial roles are no way static and the myth of the nuclear family is just that, a myth. Families have always varied due to life's hardships and culture and roles within those families are just as varied depending on the skills someone possesses and the way people are raised.
I couldn't imagine not being their for the birth, but I've got a lot of country in me and blood, # and natural order just aren't something that get to me. IT's possible your buddy just wasn't raised to fulfill that role or has some good reason why he doesn't think he should be there. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Doesn't mean he's a bad father or that he's messed up some how. Just that he's doing what comes naturally and what he thinks is best.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I misunderstood you, I thought you didn’t even know she was pregnant.
I really don’t think it’s weird now, he just wanted to chill and watch a movie I guess.
But I do still think it’s weird to say it like that.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Thoughts from a Dad...
My wife would have throttled me if I'd bounced the night before one of my kids were born to hang with a friend. Not sure on the induction side of things, but when the projected delivery week hit with my kids, my wife and I took some old school advice from her doctor... sex can induce labor, and good Lord did we ever do our best to induce those labors. Good thing, too, because there's a month to a month and a half afterward of recovery for mom plus total fatigued parenting from both mom and dad that makes together time a time for catching an hour or two of uninterrupted sleep rather than more entertaining bedroom pastimes like building a pillow fort or anaerobic exercising.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

10 points for using the word spaz!

From a Dad here; our first kid was induced labour and a traumatising experience for us both...took a good 12months for the healing both mentally and physically. Third degree tears, being helpless while my wife was screaming, seeing a few litres of blood hit the floor, a placenta and the whole support process post-birth and trying to keep the household running on a single income which was not a huge sum then.

Funnily enough I’m now sitting beside my wife’s bed in the hospital gazing at my darling little second daughter who was deliver by c section not but 6 hours ago and it all went perfectly! Still saw more than I’d like to see but was not a traumatising experience. This time round feels polar opposite and is such a healing feeling.

I say each to their own but I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I cut the cord both times too.

You’re not a man til you’ve seen a placenta! Haha

a reply to: IAMALLYETALLIAM

Many congratulations and well-wishes!

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Thank you!

Very happy, thankful, relieved and proud Dad right here

Nothing is normal in a houshold with a pregnant wife
If he's such a good friend I'm sure he wouldn't mind you asking him like you did here... In the end you are just trying to understand...

a reply to: IAMALLYETALLIAM

You're not a man till you have eaten the placenta

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Is he the baby daddy?

originally posted by: Terpene
a reply to: IAMALLYETALLIAM

You're not a man till you have eaten the placenta

Haha then I shall remain a boy and gladly so!

If I ever had kids, I think I would insist on being there.

That's exactly what I thought 45 years ago.
I still wake up in the middle of the night screaming...

My best friend walked in there , and came out being pushed in a wheelchair.
Still out of it.
Toughest guy I knew , other than me.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Why be politically correct about "birthing a human"...while still using the word "Wife"?

Shouldn't your PC friend have said: "My human partner is birthing another human."?

I don't know. I've been present at most of my female friends deliveries. I was actually surprised at how many of them didn't want the father to be in the room. Heck, a few of them told the guy to get out and wanted me to stay.

I think that's weird.

originally posted by: AutomateThis1
I don't know. I've been present at most of my female friends deliveries. I was actually surprised at how many of them didn't want the father to be in the room. Heck, a few of them told the guy to get out and wanted me to stay.

I think that's weird.

Is it your knuckleball catcher's mitt?

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I'm not quite sure how to interpret that. lmao

originally posted by: AutomateThis1
a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I'm not quite sure how to interpret that. lmao

He's suggesting you're a Catcher...rather than a Pitcher.