NN2021 Today

originally posted by: Lumenari
a reply to: argentus

I am trying break out of my routine but it is still too... early.

And you are ENTIRELY correct that I am not giving up a single memory.

However, I realize that I also have to make new memories.

I just can't do that yet.

~shrug~

I had a dear friend that I grew up with since childhood. Donnie, Donnie was a laid back no bs kinda guy. Different he was, loud presence in appearance yet the most gentle soul.

Donnie got divorced and ended up back at his sisters house which is adjacent to my backyard where I'd just moved back to Pittsburgh and back at my parents. ( breathe in pheww )

Living back at his sisters house which was their parents. He had 2 neices named Stormy and Autumn. Well he and I took to help raise those sweet kids. Parks, Zoo's, baseball games and HOCKEY.

Donnie was a Harley Davidson guy and a mechanic. Met a lovely lady with a daughter the same age group as Stormy and Autumn. So naturally they set a date.

Fast forward...

One day coming up, he and his fiancee left his sisters on a 85' Harley Electra Glide deep red to black.
Southbound on Route 8. Just 2 miles down was a long flat bed tow truck parked on the far right lane of a 4 lane state route.


As Donnie rounded the bend, the flatbed just then decided to make a "U" turn taking up 3 and a half lanes on a semi blind bend where the bed platform was a the right height to crush the heart on impact. But not before Donnie realized in a split second to throw her off the bike. I was home here at night... when I suddenly was overwhelmed with pain, sadness and uncontrollable anger.

R.I.P. My good friend.


So closer to the present, back to Stormy. I have a brother whom has taken to Stormy. During these loving times, Stormy's grandmother died from breast cancer. After that Stormy's mom and dad split up and Stormy's mother died from breast cancer... just She and her sister are left and they no longer speak.

Surprise, Stormy is pregnant! It's a girl. My goodness, my flesh and blood.

"Hey Donnie, we're family now... Donnie? Donnie?" Oh right, no one left to share this moment.
Looking around for faces.

Lumenari, I wont even begin to know what you're going through. But I have felt empty at times.

I pray for an easy passage for you. 😔

Bigburgh


Edit: The creep factor to all of this though. Donnie had a saying. He always said this phrase...

"Live fast, Die young, and leave an ugly corpse"

Never have I ever seen such a prophecy.

a reply to: Bigburgh

I'm a person with a horrid and despicable past that was given the opportunity to live a real life.

She set my goalposts, she gave me hope in humanity.

The dark part of my soul she balanced out.

I'm going to keep being good in her memory.

She was the best part of both of us.

a reply to: Lumenari

Love.

You're a strong persevering individual.

You'll never not think of her.

You will decide at a moments notice, to challenge yourself to a "What Would She Say". You'll set that goal post for yourself.

And yes it's early still. Do you have other friends you trust and can get some human contact time?

a reply to: Bigburgh

I'm thinking about going back to guys....

But that has absolutely nothing to do with my writing entry.

You can stop psychoanalyzing me now.

I am also known as being "Vexing"

a reply to: Lumenari

You're one helluva writer.
I felt your ennui...I lost a wife as well.

a reply to: Lumenari

I'm "Fustilarian"...

Blue

a reply to: IAMTAT

I remember you telling us.. it was Cancer I believe 😔

originally posted by: Bigburgh
a reply to: IAMTAT

I remember you telling us.. it was Cancer I believe 😔

Yes.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: Lumenari

You're one helluva writer.
I felt your ennui...I lost a wife as well.

You are further down the path then I am so I may want to talk you sometime about that if that is OK with you.

There are times that I am lost as to where to go next.

You've already been there.

originally posted by: Lumenari
a reply to: Bigburgh

I'm a person with a horrid and despicable past that was given the opportunity to live a real life.

She set my goalposts, she gave me hope in humanity.

The dark part of my soul she balanced out.

I'm going to keep being good in her memory.

She was the best part of both of us.

I'm at a loss for words. Sometimes a silent nod of understanding is all that is required. Thank you for sharing your story.

a reply to: Lumenari

That's a poignant and heart-wrenching story. As I read it I was hoping it was fiction, but I soon realised it was your own experience. The wording and nuances, especially the lavender, could only come from a hurting soul.

The beautiful comment you posted later in the thread should be added as an epilogue to your story.

I'm very sorry for the passing of your wife... I hope that each day will get easier and you will find solace, and the memories that you now find painful, will eventually become your anchor in this life and that you will truly carry on the path you both walked together, be it the garden or any other endeavour.

Take care,
Enzo

originally posted by: AccessDenied

originally posted by: Lumenari
a reply to: Bigburgh

I'm a person with a horrid and despicable past that was given the opportunity to live a real life.

She set my goalposts, she gave me hope in humanity.

The dark part of my soul she balanced out.

I'm going to keep being good in her memory.

She was the best part of both of us.

I'm at a loss for words. Sometimes a silent nod of understanding is all that is required. Thank you for sharing your story.

~nods back~

a reply to: Encia22

Oh, I already know what to do.

Just keep going and someday the world won't be as grey, the skies will be brighter and I will continue living.

It is waiting for me.

I just have to get there.

Thank you for your kind post.

a reply to: Lumenari

a reply to: Lumenari


💙💙💙

originally posted by: Bigburgh
a reply to: Lumenari

Oh stop it... I'll be fine.

As a writer I wanted to attempt to convey my emotions through words and see if my writing got a response from the readers.

Because at the end of the day, that is what good writing is all about.

Transporting the reader into the writer's mindset.

My OP wasn't a call for help.

It was an attempt to make the reader feel like I did, if only for a minute.

a reply to: Lumenari

You succeeded, in all of your endeavors. That's the point, imo, about writing: to evoke interest and emotion. Well done! I will always be interested in your offerings. :'up:

Sad Sorry for your loss Lumenari, it’s brutal.

originally posted by: Lumenari

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: Lumenari

You're one helluva writer.
I felt your ennui...I lost a wife as well.

You are further down the path then I am so I may want to talk you sometime about that if that is OK with you.

There are times that I am lost as to where to go next.

You've already been there.

PM me anytime.

a reply to: Lumenari