Funny one-liners, two-liners, and short jokes

Let’s class up these jokes a little

What’s the difference between the Folies Bergere and a circus?

A circus is full of cunning stunts and the Folies Bergere is in Paris.

(Use your best inner Irish accent)

An Irish university student walks on to a job site.

Right said the foreman what’s the difference between a joist and a girder?

Well, the Irishman said, Joyce wrote Ulysses and Goethe wrote Faust.

I recently took a poll. 98% of the people were annoyed that their tent collapsed.

I saw a movie ad for Mission Impossible III the other day. It's not really impossible if he's already done it twice. A more realistic title might be "Mission Difficult."


What’s better than Ted Danson?
Ted Danson and singin’!

originally posted by: UncleReamus
What do you call a cow that has had an abortion?

De-calf-inated.

And a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

What do you call a man with no legs? A low down bum. The oldies are the best.

originally posted by: TheAlleghenyGentleman
(Use your best inner Irish accent)

An Irish university student walks on to a job site.

Right said the foreman what’s the difference between a joist and a girder?

Well, the Irishman said, Joyce wrote Ulysses and Goethe wrote Faust.

At least he knew who wrote them, unlike an American.

originally posted by: SecretKnowledge

originally posted by: TheAlleghenyGentleman
(Use your best inner Irish accent)

An Irish university student walks on to a job site.

Right said the foreman what’s the difference between a joist and a girder?

Well, the Irishman said, Joyce wrote Ulysses and Goethe wrote Faust.

At least he knew who wrote them, unlike an American.

Cmon. That’s jokes so high brow funny. It like nips at my people but shows an intelligence. I was born over seas.

At least he knew who wrote them, unlike an American.

I take umbrage to your remark.

There once was a mama who made sammies,
while dressed in her night time jammies.
The Three were made sad when the mayo went bad,
and they threw up the sammies on her jammies.

originally posted by: TheAlleghenyGentleman
(Use your best inner Irish accent)

An Irish university student walks on to a job site.

Right said the foreman what’s the difference between a joist and a girder?

Well, the Irishman said, Joyce wrote Ulysses and Goethe wrote Faust.

Hahahaha too heady y’all??? If you can’t pronounce Goethe the joke doesn’t land.

I would like to credit this response to gin.

a reply to: TheAlleghenyGentleman

Speaking of gin...


There was a smart fellow named Sweeny,
Who spilled all his gin on his weenie,
But he still remained couth,
He just added vermouth,
And then offered his wife a martini.

originally posted by: TheAlleghenyGentleman

originally posted by: SecretKnowledge

originally posted by: TheAlleghenyGentleman
(Use your best inner Irish accent)

An Irish university student walks on to a job site.

Right said the foreman what’s the difference between a joist and a girder?

Well, the Irishman said, Joyce wrote Ulysses and Goethe wrote Faust.

At least he knew who wrote them, unlike an American.

Cmon. That’s jokes so high brow funny. It like nips at my people but shows an intelligence. I was born over seas.

C'mon man, its called a burn..

a reply to: SecretKnowledge

Dude, c’mon. It’s called a bern’

Hahaha. Salud

Double bern’
It’s the classic

A few drinking jokes:


I'm not hard to shop for. Almost everyone knows where a liqour store is.

Hangovers are temporary, but fun drunk stories are forever!

I know I'm getting drunk when I start to understand Ozzy Osbourne.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.


Me: "This apartment is fantastic! I wonder what the rent is like here?"
Clerk: "Sir, this is a liquor store and you're in the whiskey aisle."

a reply to: TheAlleghenyGentleman

Buzz Aldrin 2nd person to walk on the moon.

Neil before him.