Feeling the pressure..

With all the outside insanity, covid, shutdowns incoming tax increases while small buisnesses are collapsing across the nation, just started my master thesis trying to make a career change at middle age, potential hiring freeze which could scupper that, and this change is key to providing for my family into the future.

still working 40+ hours a week in a job I hate to pay the bills and handle the present, dealing with a high energy 2 year old the wife wants a second kid.

My sister due to my fathers age and health refuses to go to him for anything (even advice) so I have to be the one she dumps everything on, I raised her two girls for their first 8 years and so they look at me like a father I still get fathers day cards from them so they bring their problems to me because their mom is stressed.

And I cant afford to do the 1 thing I want to unwind, pack a bag drive to the appalachins for about 3 days in the mtns, dont have the time or the extra scratch. Because I will either be buying a house local or have to pay for a move to start a new job which is all vital and I still have to not muck up my masters degree graduation.

on a scale of 1-10 my stress levels are at about 100.

I have caught myself snapping and realized it when my son ran up to me wrapped his arms around my leg and started saying sawwy, which made me feel terrible nothing going on is his fault an I am terrified I will instill bad behavior in him from my stressed out issues.

To top if off the local med group at my base is TERRIBLE, they have effectivly closed their doors since covid so I cant even go talk to someone even if I was active duty.

Class ends on december 24th, and then a lot of stress will be released, I just got to make it there and hopefully I can start knocking other issues out with new energy, so close and yet so far.

Thats enough of this, wife will be back soon she already feelss terrible about my stress and she doesnt need to see this blog type post.

Peace!

a reply to: Irishhaf

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with all this stress. So many of us are overly stressed for one reason or another and it's horrible. I do hope that things change for the better. In the meantime, I wish you strength and courage in your path forward.

a reply to: Irishhaf

You sound like me 20 years ago.
I shed a lot of my burdens since then.

You will find it amazing how fast people that are so reliant on can find others to lean on.
Try helping people when you die from stress related issues.

That sucks....but that is the way things go some times. I look back and remember times like that, they lasted a couple of years usually, but times were different back then. Rona has changed things. With Rona around it makes it more difficult to change jobs and go to lower seniority on a different job. Plus a business may not make it through this mess, making a choice under this kind of thing happening is much harder.

originally posted by: Irishhaf
With all the outside insanity, covid, shutdowns incoming tax increases while small buisnesses are collapsing across the nation, just started my master thesis trying to make a career change at middle age, potential hiring freeze which could scupper that, and this change is key to providing for my family into the future.

I understand. I am usually able to handle stress fairly well but this year has really put me to the test. Eight years ago at 49 I was forced out of a job I had been at for 18 years. Five and a half years later the axe was taken to the department I was in at that job and nine of us were laid off. Two years later we just barely got under the cut line. I'm 57, house-rich & money-poor and no way to get out from under it right now. I also have a huge student loan that my former school employee said I would get a nice raise if I got my degree, which I did and got the boot two months later from them. Nothing in writing, couldn't go back on them for it. If I were a drinker I'd be an alcoholic by now but my only release is music. My wife is stressed to the max with her job, having to face the public handing out food because "the parents shouldn't be worried about feeding their kids through this" bullsnt. Not to mention the POS department manager who conveniently can't be around because she "might" have been exposed. That's excuse 93,305 for her not being around her staff on any given day.

Yeah, I get it. Hang in there, that's all we can do right now.

originally posted by: Irishhaf
With all the outside insanity, covid, shutdowns incoming tax increases while small buisnesses are collapsing across the nation, just started my master thesis trying to make a career change at middle age, potential hiring freeze which could scupper that, and this change is key to providing for my family into the future.

still working 40+ hours a week in a job I hate to pay the bills and handle the present, dealing with a high energy 2 year old the wife wants a second kid.

My sister due to my fathers age and health refuses to go to him for anything (even advice) so I have to be the one she dumps everything on, I raised her two girls for their first 8 years and so they look at me like a father I still get fathers day cards from them so they bring their problems to me because their mom is stressed.

And I cant afford to do the 1 thing I want to unwind, pack a bag drive to the appalachins for about 3 days in the mtns, dont have the time or the extra scratch. Because I will either be buying a house local or have to pay for a move to start a new job which is all vital and I still have to not muck up my masters degree graduation.

on a scale of 1-10 my stress levels are at about 100.

I have caught myself snapping and realized it when my son ran up to me wrapped his arms around my leg and started saying sawwy, which made me feel terrible nothing going on is his fault an I am terrified I will instill bad behavior in him from my stressed out issues.

To top if off the local med group at my base is TERRIBLE, they have effectivly closed their doors since covid so I cant even go talk to someone even if I was active duty.

Class ends on december 24th, and then a lot of stress will be released, I just got to make it there and hopefully I can start knocking other issues out with new energy, so close and yet so far.

Thats enough of this, wife will be back soon she already feelss terrible about my stress and she doesnt need to see this blog type post.

Peace!

Seems you are not asking for advice here, so I apologize if this is out of line, but I want to say this:

Take care of yourself first!

This is not selfishness. This is wisdom.

You know how when they give that speech at the beginning of a flight and they tell you that if the oxygen masks drop down, you must put yours on first and only afterward take care of those around you? Why? Because if you care for everyone else first and then you succumb, you won't be there when they really need you.

That is all.

a reply to: Irishhaf

I bet a lot of us parents are commiserating with you. And your wife, or even your sister.

All you can do really, is do less whenever you can. If you dont and everyone gets overwhelmed, it's a road to a breakdown. Of you, your relationships, something will go.

Everyone needs that time to themselves, and they deserve it. I'm also a hiker, and when I had my first and post-partum set in, it saved me. I couldn't go on the big hikes I wanted to, like yourself, but I could get out everyday in the woods and local trails, put on the baby backpack and feel independent for an hour while he was sleeping.

I hope everything eases up for you soon.

a reply to: Irishhaf

prioritize, make a list, knock out things as needed. Be sure you have solid goals and you are able to meet them.
And remember, don't stress over anything you don't control. Be sure you remember that one.

You got this, only a few more weeks and things will start to click.

a reply to: Irishhaf


I’m so sorry to read this. I hate to see people struggling so hard.

I know this is going to prob sound strange to you; but I wanted a second child, my ex refused. I was my sons buddy for his childhood, which I didn’t mind but the thought of him having no siblings if his parents died haunts me to this day.

Also, a sibling who play with him and give him a sense of purpose (break for you).

Financially, I get it man.

I would hang with the cat late at night and catch a tv show I liked to de stress.

I wish I had some money to send you, or some sage advice, but all I have is this:


The most important thing in the world is your son, I will pray for you. Do what you can do, start a gofundme maybe, you need a break. Peace be with you, and always count to 10.

You don’t want to live with regrets.

Sex helps too, get you some!

Go easy on yourself. There's nothing easy about raising kids at the best of times and I can't even imagine the stress of it now with all going on.

a reply to: Irishhaf

That sounds like us today....😟..but, keep the faith

originally posted by: KTemplar
a reply to: Irishhaf

I know this is going to prob sound strange to you; but I wanted a second child, my ex refused. I was my sons buddy for his childhood, which I didn’t mind but the thought of him having no siblings if his parents died haunts me to this day.

Also, a sibling who play with him and give him a sense of purpose (break for you).

This is a really good point! One of my friends used to routinely pick up my two boys to go play with his son, who was the same age, because it allowed him to get work done at his home business. The three are still like siblings. It made me really appreciate having had the two as I didn't have to be "on" all the time and could do stuff elsewhere in the house/yard and as long as I could hear fighting or talking knew they would look out for each other.

a reply to: Irishhaf

Hang in there Irish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FWIW, sending positive, healing thoughts.....and even a prayer or two.

Remember how close you are to the Dec 24th goal line....and maybe get some good chamomile to take at night

a reply to: Irishhaf

I afmire you for studying and also working and taking care of your family and even though you make time for your family you have to berate yourself for being irritated when it gets too much.

You're a good man, Irish.

a reply to: Irishhaf

Prayers said. 🙏🏻

No one here has any easy solutions to your scenario and I'm not going to throw tired clichés or sayings at you.

If anyone in your circle is a gamer and is a fan of Activision, Blizzard or King games then send me a DM and I'll see if I can help lift theirs and hopefully through that your energy.

Other than that I hope you find a way to solve this current equation going on in your life.

Some of these studies intentionally raise the stress on the students the more they get into it. It sorts out who can handle the pressure and who cannot. Time managment, conflicting demands, life problems and priorities.

It is good you are aware of the stress and trying to get some support. Give your son a hug.

a reply to: Irishhaf

I want to add? This is the stress of Covid. So, when folks think there's no effect...it's not real? It is very real.

You are not alone in this. God bless you guys🙏

Apply for new jobs.

Tell the wife kid no 2 would be great but right now it's a bad idea.

Take those 3 days and make them 5. # everyone else. Ring in sick.

Get a nice new job, have another kid. Happy days.

Be the change you want to see.

I appreciate the kind words and the advice very much it helps me to see and gives me some other avenues to consider which is very helpful as I do get tunnel vision.

After writing that I was able to sit down and knock out the first few pages of my thesis, set up my situation fictional company and build the outline of the paper.

I will be so screwed if ATS goes away, yall are a better representation of the world than many in person situations since the vast majority of you are outside my personal bubble, which helps me as I mentioned in the first sentence.

Love you all.