I’m done

I’m done being abused by my sons father. It is emotional and mental abuse. I am ready to die as I have nothing to live for anymore. I really don’t do don’t try and cheer me up saying people care and you will be fine. I have raised my son on my own with constant harassMent and abuse from both my sons father and my own mother. I lost my job in September and I have nothing. Not everyone has mommy and daddy or family to run to. I have only myself but I’m tired....my ex refuses to pay my child support (don’t even try and tell me to get a lawyer and all of that as I’ve tried and was flat out told I need at least $20k) He WILL pay if I send him graphic pics or videos. He has mentally broken me to the point I have zero will to live. None....today is my favorite holiday and my ex refuses to bring my son here which we have planned for weeks. Why won’t he? Because I won’t give him what he wants. This cycle of his narcissistic ways has broken me to my core and he is ruining my son in the process just to get back at me because I left over 5 YEARS AGO!!!! I will be homeless as of tomorrow, no phone and no internet to do the job I don’t start until the 9th. I’ve applied for all assistance and am denied!!! I have not received my unemployment either and I don’t know why! I’m tired of following the rules and being a good person and getting dumped on by people who continue to break the law and torment me. He will say things like “be nice and I’ll pay” or he will say “go ask one of your many men” I have NO MEN in my life!!! All he wants is to control me and break me mentally which he has done well and I’m just done....I am done fighting a losing battle. I refuse to be homeless and lose all I’ve worked for because of him.. he tells my son I can’t love him because I love my bf and I can’t love them both. The only reason he is with his dad is due to school and Covid but even then he isn’t in school! They say they are homeschooling and it’s not through the school! I have done everything for my son and all my ex wants is to use him to get back at me. This is what he has wanted for years and I’m done. I am done with life. I am done with being a good person and getting dumped on. I have spent the last 5 years in the same place and it’s cheap but it’s a crap hole but my son never lacked anything he needed and now I will have nothing.... I am done being treated this way!!

Oh and none of this is a lie so don’t even try me! I am done with this screwed up system. What does it take before someone helps or cares? I guess it only matters to people when you’re dead and that’s where I’m heading, all over $625....yea that may seem like nothing to some but to me RIGHT NOW it is life or death

a reply to: mblahnikluver

nope. You are way smarter than that.

A permanent solution to a temporary problem is the dumbest thing a person can do.

Get a good cry in, then get a shower, dress up nice, and go outside and take a nice walk in nature. Get a little perspective.

I'll bet you all that I have and ever will have, that this will pass, you will be OK, and when you look back on this thread, you will smile and know that you are a strong person.

Smile, you are loved by a complete stranger who never met you.

Im sorry you're going through a tough time. Is there any way you can restrict having to deal with your son's father as little as possible?
Do you have any place to temporarily stay at?

a reply to: mblahnikluverSounds like you're ex needs a good kicking.
Sorry I don't have more to add,oh except am I understanding correctly that he wants dirty videos and pictures from you?
Obviously that's a big no no,well he's definitely a w*n**r but you already know that.
Happy days.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

That definitely sounds tough. Of course you're discouraged and disheartened. Anyone would be. It sucks. But you know your son needs you, and will continue to need you. Be your own awesome self, teach your son right from wrong and good from bad, and when he's old enough he'll figure out for himself who and what his father is. In the meantime, you need a home. For your son as well as yourself. You can do this.

Perhaps you could focus on staying afloat for now rather than swimming for shore.... Could you buy some time if you had some of what you owe? Like a third or half? Since you're starting a new job soon, could you possibly make a repayment plan for the amount of arrears going forward? So pay an extra $100 a month for six months? Are there any restrictions or prohibitions on evictions in your area right now that you could invoke? (I thought Trump put a moratorium on evictions, but I never looked into the particulars).

It's tough. I know. But keep reminding yourself that life never gives you more than you can handle... and life must think you're one hell of a badass! You can do this.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

It says you're a "Fighter" in your avatar, mbl.
FIGHT!
Don't ever let the bullies win.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

Now you listen to me and you listen good...... No matter the suffering you are going through now and myself as the bearer of suffering from the loss of a child I KNOW you are suffering plenty you need to understand it shall pass this peak of emotional turmoil.

The only thing that can be worse than the suffering you are experiencing is the suffering placed apon a soul who does not endure till the end and that end I'm referring to cannot and will not be SELF INFLICTED.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND MISS.

Do not give them/him the satisfaction of knowing they/he broke you.

You may or may not believe in life after death for your spirit but i ask you - is eternal damnation and eternal suffering in the extreme worth the risk that infact it is true???????? THE ANSWER IS NO.

So just pick yourself up, dust yourself of and damn well soldier on till the end comes naturally.

As Nike says....."just do it".

Take solice in the fact that time heals all wounds.....it really does you know.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

Hey. You'll get through this. People are usually stronger than they think they are.

When I got back from Afghanistan for the last time back in 2012, I bounced from couch to couch, hostels, cheap hotels and even just slept outside some nights. I didn't want to re-connect or meet people. I drank too much. I still do according to my current wife...

My ex-wife had already left me and sold the house and my car by the time I got back (can't blame her really, I volunteered to keep going back to Iraq, Afghanistan or any sh1thole they sent me) so aside from personal items, computer stuff and weapons which my sister was kind enough to store for me, I just had the clothes on my back.

It wasn't easy and I got into some bad situations, but I persevered.

I'm betting you can and will do the same.

a reply to: mblahnikluver
Can you provide your location in case someone wants to assist you?

It sucks seeing it all burn, just walking away with what you can carry. Going in to the unknown, not sure where you are going to sleep or eat. Just taking life one step at a time. It is scary, can be risky. It is tough, can take a lot of work and a bit of luck to get ones life back together.

There are some good people around, perhaps some local churches will be a good place to start. Try and avoid selling your ass and getting on the drugs, can be a lot tougher getting out of that hole.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

Sister, I know first hand how incredibly overwhelming and what a black hole it is when you don’t have rent money and don’t see any way of it coming. It seems insurmountable.

BUT: maybe someone on here will help? I agree with the member who asked for your location- the ATS compassionate group of folks who I have seen mobilize before to help a fellow ATS member in need- might mobilize and get some help to you. It’s at least worth a mention. And as Boadicea mentioned, maybe your landlord will accept partial payment. Also, it may not even be legal for them to evict you right now- again, if you give us your general location, members here may be able to sleuth that out for you.

YOUR SON NEEDS YOU. Don’t give in to the weight of it all- your son will see that and respect you for it. Kids notice way way way more than we realize. You will be his example and source of pride in his adult years, if he sees you getting back up during this tough time.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

i dont have your experiences, just my own, but i totally understand where youre coming from. over the course of the last year i have seen my wife of 10 years change who she is, all thanks to finding religion. it went from 10 years of being told i love you, of how i saved her from a life of anger and hate, of how she appreciated how much i took care of her to im now a toxic negativity in her life. she broke up with me in july, moved out in sept.

when she left she took our puppy, which still hurts, thats my boy. that same week my grandma died. shortly after my cousins daughters husband died, and another cousin got into a wreck and almost died.

to add to the fun i have recently developed tenosynovitis in my right hand, complete with numb thumb. i cant use my right hand now, so i cant even play games as an escape. now thanks to my left hand having to do everything, its now feeling tingly and painful, so i may be losing that one next. im typing all of this with one finger.

my point is i completely understand. theres a bridge here that i could find peace on so to speak, and it actually scares me how often my thoughts go there. i wont though because i know this is only temporary, as it is for you. time may suck for both of us right now, but it will pass. be strong, if nothing else, for your boy.

as cheesy as it sounds, we got this

Mblah, I have known you for ages and witnessed you go through many ups and downs. This is no different. It may seem like Mt. Everest right now.
You are much stronger than you think. I know you are at a low point right now and that's the only reason why you are seeing things so bleak.
Please don't give up hope that things will get better.
❤

....
a reply to: mblahnikluver

I can't find and don't have the right words to say but just know I'm thinking of you and hoping you are ok. You've always seemed like a loving and kind person here on ATS and I truly wish I could do something to help you see this.

By not being a part of your son's life, he will grow up not being the kind of person you seem to be, he will not have your caring and loving personality and will only have the others around him as role models and not his loving Mother, which is what he needs to make him a good person in life.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

Lady you have a pm.

Ain’t no one able to crush you, you are Frickin Leia!
You’re tired, but not crushed.

No weapon formed against me shall prosper

"I'm done" was my mantra for many years. I was a single mom of 5 kids. Hardly received Child support over the years. Had moved far away from family and friends before he finally left (the kids were young when he left, 10 down to two years old). Power # off notices, hardly able to feed the kids, no gas money to make it to the store to buy a loaf of bread and PB. I was so alone and defeated so many times. I know exactly how you're feeling.

I had a loaded gun to my head one night. I thought my kids would be better taken care of without me. I was sobbing uncontrollably. I loaded the gun. Put it to my head and was about to pull the trigger. I kid you not...I heard a literal voice that told me to put the gun down. I did. Cried myself to sleep. That was over 15 years ago. I'm still here. My kids are all over 18 now. A couple Grand kids along the way. I still struggled after that. But... I'm now my kids best friends. We all made it through and are grateful for some of the struggles we endured. You matter!!! You are here for a reason. If you want to talk please inbox me. I've been there. I know exactly how you feel. You are loved. You are cared for. You are needed. I will help you any way I possibly can and I'm here for you if you want to talk. You can do this. I promise.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

I've known you as a loving and caring member ever since you joined ATS

Please be gentle with yourself. You’re doing your best!!!

Peace

a reply to: mblahnikluver

get professional help. there are trained people out there who deal with such human fates day by day and know what to do. there is always someone who will help you. and give this asshole contra. all the best.