The tale of the missing socks.

Here's a story, and yes it's true, and not an isolated incident.

Anyway, this guy gets a girlfriend (hooray for him), but he realizes every time she uses the bathroom his socks go missing from his laundry basket.

Very strange.

But one day he looks in his trash can, and there are his socks, encrusted with some doo-doo.

Was it kitty cat, or the goldfish?

Unfortunately he must come to one conclusion - and that conclusion is super awkward for a dude (considering half of us think girls don't even poop).
It must be the girlfriend.

But how to approach the topic?
At the risk of being bankrupted by missing socks, or going barefoot, the topic was finally mentioned.

She freaks out, slams the door and then it led to an SMS drama of note.

Finally she agrees to tell him - she's so germophobic, she's paranoid her finger might break though the toilet paper.
Therefore she just decided, she's gonna use this dude's socks.

Is this a relationship breaker?
I mean sure if she was open about it.

But that's kinda sneaky.
If I can't trust you with my socks, what can I trust you with?

Okay..this is the strangest thing I've read today. Yes, its a deal breaker. The girl isn't right in the head and no man should have to stock the bathroom with socks so his woman can feel comfortable taking a deuce.

Although I see her dilemma as well.

Let it all hang out like halfoldman does, and nobody will date you.

But, she seems to think guys get their socks for free.

A snowflake gender stereotype?
Dudes are just born with socks.
When Adam was chased out of Eden, he shamefully wrapped it in his sock.

It never occurred to her, that they cost money?

A sock-sponge with benefits.
Hey you can get those sock packs of twenties pretty cheaply.
OK, made in China, probably doesn't fit your feet, but just crumble them up, spray on some Old Spice, and leave them in the basket.

Well you gotta weigh up your pros and cons here.

originally posted by: halfoldman
Here's a story, and yes it's true, and not an isolated incident.

Anyway, this guy gets a girlfriend (hooray for him), but he realizes every time she uses the bathroom his socks go missing from his laundry basket.

Very strange.

But one day he looks in his trash can, and there are his socks, encrusted with some doo-doo.

Was it kitty cat, or the goldfish?

Unfortunately he must come to one conclusion - and that conclusion is super awkward for a dude (considering half of us think girls don't even poop).
It must be the girlfriend.

But how to approach the topic?
At the risk of being bankrupted by missing socks, or going barefoot, the topic was finally mentioned.

She freaks out, slams the door and then it led to an SMS drama of note.

Finally she agrees to tell him - she's so germophobic, she's paranoid her finger might break though the toilet paper.
Therefore she just decided, she's gonna use this dude's socks.

Is this a relationship breaker?
I mean sure if she was open about it.

But that's kinda sneaky.
If I can't trust you with my socks, what can I trust you with?

One word: bidet.

a reply to: halfoldman

Or she could use disposable kitchen gloves with the tissue paper.
Or cut sheets of newspapers and forget about the toilet tissue.

Toughen up her poop hole a bit.

Maybe there's a sock-of-the-month club or something. Hey, if you like the girl, by all means you kinda have to take the good with the bad. Personally, we all have our quirks..thats just not one I think I could put up with. First it's your socks...tomorrow it could be your favorite towel.. lol.

The gentlemanly approach: man that was a big pizza! These socks are really itchy - here you hold them for a while. I must connect barefoot with mother earth on the beach for 20 minutes.

After the lock-down I realized all my cards (bank, gym) weren't working any more.

I had to go to the bank - strange to think I couldn't get in without a scarf round my noggin, Ma Baker style.

Germans are very particular about going to the bank.
Except for the dentist, it's the one place to be polished.

Mums like: "You're going to the bank - brush your teeth, scrub your ears, and put on new socks!"

So please, leave me one pair of nice socks.

a reply to: halfoldman

Yep on Instagram back in march.. I had a good laugh then. ( btw that's grounds for a break up)

But it's still not asking a crucial question I have. WHERE DID ALL MY LEFT SOCKS DISAPPEAR TOO???

Honest question as I'm holding a Glock 19 to the whirlpool repair specialist. That job went to the WKRP in Cincinnati guy ( Gordon Jump ) but after Eureka the job got passed off to Colin Ferguson.

Where are my socks?

originally posted by: TheConstruKctionofLight
a reply to: halfoldman

Or she could use disposable kitchen gloves with the tissue paper.
Or cut sheets of newspapers and forget about the toilet tissue.

Toughen up her poop hole a bit.

Where in Ice crap do you live???? 😮😮😮

a reply to: Bigburgh

Perth Au, as in my avatar.

Hey just trying to help make halfoldman wholeoldman again

Thanks dudes above, much appreciated!



But "wholeoldman"?
I doubt it will ever happen.

I wouldn't want that responsibility.

I'm just "half" - half right or wrong sometimes.

I'm not a wholesome breakfast cereal with tons of fiber.
Which reminds me, girlfriend coming for brekkies and a short run.
You may want to stash your socks in the cupboard.

So chivalrous:

Roses are red, violets are blue
Just give her your sock
Or there's no number two.

Deal breaker.

She's crazy.

Don't poke your peeschwenk in crazy. It never ever works out well.

Think Hogwarts:



One for the house elf and one for the throne.

Concerning that elf ... a bit creepy.
What he's holding the lamp to shade the mood.
Flip, oh OK Nobby, you can knock off and play with your sock for the evening.

a reply to: halfoldman

But lady, you're so foxy, when I think about you I touch my elf.

All my socks are waiting here for you,
Except for the rugby memorabilia
Touch that and we're through.

For guys into any kind of team sport - some might not realize, but some socks are collectors' items.

OK, I've mounted my special socks.
Only consider breaking the glass in an extreme case of the #s.
And even then don't break it - go for the curtains or something.

a reply to: halfoldman

This story is so non-logic and also disgusting, where do I start?

Maybe used socks aren't the best to shield from germs as they contain a lot of them already. A cold shower just ran down my spine this is so ewwww.

Total deal breaker! How horrific.

My surrealistic nightmare: "Hey kids, look what I found in the bin? Were you guys baking a chocolate cake? Let's play sock puppets"!

I know a girl with flowers in her hair,
when nature calls she just doesn't care.
She uses camo socks.
Your Man-United socks
Even the pair with spots.

(With apologies to The Flaming Lips.)