Am I just torturing my dog? ...updated

I understand what are you going through, I've been there for the last 6 months with my 15 years old dog.
Back in december she had a huge bleeding from the nose. She bleed before here and there but not much, until this big one that almost killed her. All the house was full of blood, we got to the vet with her in our arms because she fainted, a nightmare. The vet did all kind of tests, found nothing that can be treated. The only possibility was a head tumor but at her age an operation was out of question. So the vet was ready to put her down right then and there, and told us that is only a matter of time.

We took her home and I tried treating her with all kind of home remedies, home made soup and meat, my home was all covered in blankets so she would not be cold, tried tons of things to help her. She recovered but was not well, I suspect she was in pain at times, still bleeding a little occasionally, her nose always stuffed. I used to jump at night at every sneeze because I was terrified at the thought of her bleeding to death while I sleep.

Everybody told me to put her down but I just couldn't. As long as she ate and go outside on her own, and was shaking her tail when I came home I was ready to do anything to give her a chance.
Then last month she had another huge bleeding, I was sure she will die from it, I actually held her head and she was almost gone. She survived but there was no point in prolonging her suffering; so I asked for the vet to come at home and we let her go. I wanted to do this at home, with all of us around her, not on some metal table at the clinic.

And all this time, every single day I was asking myself if I am selfish, if I am too weak to do what I have to do. But I think I did the right thing. She was old and sick but she was still having a life with us. She was still next to me wherever I was in the house and that was enough for her. I was looking into her eyes and somehow I saw that she was still willing to live. Her spirit was strong.

I think that when you will look into your dog's eyes and you will get nothing back you will know that it's time.
Be strong and be there for him either way you decide.

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement.

Last night and this morning she has stopped shaking; still lethargic and not eating. She hasn't thrown up in a while but that could be because she is not eating much. All day yesterday all she had was three small baby jars of food and about half that in peanut butter.

originally posted by: wasobservingquietly
a reply to: DanDanDat

Have they tested her for Lyme disease? If she has it & they gave an antibiotic for a possible infection, that would have helped. But steroids would make it worse. Lyme has so many different symptoms, even in people. Or it could be any one of the tick borne co-infections.

She doesn’t have to have had a tick bite either. Fleas & mosquitoes can carry it too! It’s worth ruling it out, if they haven’t already.

Good luck!
WOQ

They did test her for lyme, heart worm, and other insect born diseases prevalent in our area. They all came back negative. One of the medicines they gave her is for infection just in case.

a reply to: WhiteHat

I am so sorry for your loss, and that you had to make that tough decision.

We've been there, and take comfort in knowing we'll see our dear girl again someday, happy and free of pain!

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: DanDanDat

That depends, you didn't really say what type of diagnosis was run on her besides blood tests.
Did she get an ultrasonic to check her organs? A colonoscopy? There are plenty of possibilities she could have you can't necessarily tell from a blood test.
Like someone else said her teeth, fingers crossed, that would be great.
Did she get painkillers too?

How much can you or are you willing to spend on a 12 year old? Because 2 weeks without really getting better is a long time.

They never suggested other possible issues; they seemed pretty confident that they new what was wrong with her (autoimmune reaction) just not what was causing it. They said that it was normal for this type of problem to never really find out what caused it.

Money certainly is an issue; she came down with something similar 3/4 years ago and it cost us around 8 or 9k when all was said and done and that was just hospital stays, two blood transfusions and pretty much the same as we are doing now. Back then they floated the idea that the autoimmune problem could be due to cancer and that they could do a battery of tests to see if that was the cause. We declined the tests because if they did come back positive we did not intend to put her through cemo, to painful, no guarantee, and 15k for the treatment to start.

We had a bunch of outside dogs when I was growing up; I don't remember this part of the deal ... I guess its because I wasn't the one who had to make the choices back then.

a reply to: DanDanDat

Oh the poor baby.
Let them give her strong painkillers, see how she manages, I hate to say it but it's very likely cancer.
If for you therapy is not an option, diagnosis is irrelevant.
You can give yourself and her another week see if she finds a little joy if you ease the pain, but...
I'm sorry mate you'll have to prepare for the worst.

originally posted by: WhiteHat
I understand what are you going through, I've been there for the last 6 months with my 15 years old dog.
Back in december she had a huge bleeding from the nose. She bleed before here and there but not much, until this big one that almost killed her. All the house was full of blood, we got to the vet with her in our arms because she fainted, a nightmare. The vet did all kind of tests, found nothing that can be treated. The only possibility was a head tumor but at her age an operation was out of question. So the vet was ready to put her down right then and there, and told us that is only a matter of time.

We took her home and I tried treating her with all kind of home remedies, home made soup and meat, my home was all covered in blankets so she would not be cold, tried tons of things to help her. She recovered but was not well, I suspect she was in pain at times, still bleeding a little occasionally, her nose always stuffed. I used to jump at night at every sneeze because I was terrified at the thought of her bleeding to death while I sleep.

Everybody told me to put her down but I just couldn't. As long as she ate and go outside on her own, and was shaking her tail when I came home I was ready to do anything to give her a chance.
Then last month she had another huge bleeding, I was sure she will die from it, I actually held her head and she was almost gone. She survived but there was no point in prolonging her suffering; so I asked for the vet to come at home and we let her go. I wanted to do this at home, with all of us around her, not on some metal table at the clinic.

And all this time, every single day I was asking myself if I am selfish, if I am too weak to do what I have to do. But I think I did the right thing. She was old and sick but she was still having a life with us. She was still next to me wherever I was in the house and that was enough for her. I was looking into her eyes and somehow I saw that she was still willing to live. Her spirit was strong.

I think that when you will look into your dog's eyes and you will get nothing back you will know that it's time.
Be strong and be there for him either way you decide.

Sorry to hear about your loss; thank you for sharing the story.

Bianca's sister Sammy had to be put down a year ago. It was easier with her. After a few vet visits over a few days it was clear her issue was cancer and that she wasn't going to get any better. A few days later when she stopped eating, drinking and really moving it was clear it was time.

Bianca's current determination has been much more of a slow role. There are times during the day where I feel she is getting better; yesterday while we where sitting out in the shade she was trying to play with a fly that was buzzing around while she lay in her bed. But than by night fall she was looking at me with sad eyes again.

a reply to: DanDanDat

Those sad eyes are the hardest.
Tears your heart apart.

For us, it was indeed when Emily stopped accepting food and water.
The vet was very supportive....and that did help.
Have you talked to your vet about a possible end of life scenario?

Like so many others, I feel your pain and understand the struggle. We had a little kitty, tiniest little ginger baby I had ever seen. She was also Queen Bitch in the house, and she made damn sure all the other cats knew it. We named her Fido because from the start it was apparent that playing fetch was absolutely her favorite thing to do other than eat. She was an indoor kitty her entire life. A life that spanned nearly 19 years. She was spoiled rotten and loved so dearly.
When my husband was still doing long-haul it was Fido, Precious and Happy Cat that kept me warm at night. Precious and Happy Cat were at least half Fido's age, and when she started to go downhill it was immediately obvious to all of us. The other two kitties started using kid gloves when playing and rough housing with her, and every night gave her the pillow next to mine and then they would curl up around her however they could, protecting her.

It seemed at first like it was happening very slowly. I kept telling myself that she was just getting tired quicker because she was an old lady. She was still eating and drinking, though not as much as she would have normally. For the first couple of weeks she would still try to fetch her little catnip mice. And then one day I came home after only having been gone for a few hours and she wasn't perched in the window watching for me. I went into the house and straight back to our bedroom to see if she was in her closet box. She was. And Precious and Happy Cat were asleep on the floor in front of the closet. My little girl looked up at me and tried to meow, and nothing would come out. She tried to stand up and immediately collapsed. And my heart shattered because I knew. I called the vet right then and there and explained everything that had transpired in the last 2-3 weeks, and she agreed to see us that very day, as soon as we could make it in. I knew that I wouldn't be bringing Fido home ever again.

I was really angry with myself for refusing to see how serious it was getting and not taking action sooner. I feel that she suffered for nearly a month just because I wasn't willing to believe that after 19 years it was time to let go. I wanted to think that I knew what was happening was only a bump in a long road that still had quite a few happy, sunny, lazy miles to go.

So basically I want to stress, like others have already, that you will know when it's time. You just have to be willing to do what is necessary for the sake of your furbaby, even if you know that it will absolutely break your heart. Give the meds a little more time, but don't drag it out if it's apparent that she's just not getting better.
My heart hurts for you, and I pray that your girl can overcome this.
Much love to you and your beloved best friend.

Dogs are being tested for Lyme disease?
I guess if you pay enough money. I've heard of so many people who cant get a test.
They'd need to treat half the population for Lyme. How many ticks dogs catch each year? Of course they all have Lyme.

Hey, I've seen a vid about a woman giving her dogs Black Walnut concentrate for years after she saved one from dying on heartworms.
If it's not worms, it's bacteria, viruses,... It could be some worm in the liver or some freaking # like that. I'd give it a last try along with raw meat instead of peanut butter. You know that lack of vitamin B12 causes anemia? I'd try some premium cat food. They need raw meat to get taurine so they add taurine and some other stuff into their feed. Maybe try unsalted bone broth. It's super easy to digest hydrolyszed proteins like that. Stop carbohydrate intake,...

Thank you all for the replies they have been very helpful.

Today things have not gone well. Most notably she clearly has internal bleeding; something the hospital warned us might happen. While defecating it was mostly a quick stream of blood. And she has done nothing much but lay in her bed.

We have decided that tomorrow will be the day we put her down. Now we just have her laying as comfortably as we can.

Thank you all again for your help..

a reply to: DanDanDat

How damn heartbreaking.
I wish you the strength you will need for the next few days.

a reply to: DanDanDat

I am so sorry.
There's really nothing else to say. It's gut wrenching and I will say a prayer for strength for you, your family, and your sweet girl. She will soon be pain free, puppy-like and waiting for you on the other side of the bridge with her tail waggin'. For you it may seem like forever to wait, but for her it will be like the next morning. Bright, sunny and full of love.

Thank you both

a reply to: HalWesten

Your dog will let you know when it's time. But give the meds a chance, most of these issues aren't overnight cures.

Almost word for word what was in my head when I read the OP. In my 62 years, I've had to put down several dogs and cats. It's never easy, but all of them have in some manner or another let me know it was time. People get sick and often get better. Cats tend to go off by themselves, which is particularly difficult. Dogs just want to be with you no matter what, but they also communicate their wish to sleep the deep sleep, as long as you're there to help them over.

Ah, Jeez, here is me getting all teary just thinking about it. You be safe and listen to yourself and your dog.

How did they know the bleeding will come? It's their medicine causing it. Stop using any of it and give her some collagen - like bone broth with Shepherd's Purse (stops bleeding and grows everywhere)
Shepherd's Purse

I want to say thank you to all of you who have helped and shared this time with me.

This morning we took her to the vet and ended her pain. It was fast and she went peace fully. I was the one blubbering like a baby; 6'2 240 baby, haha.

It feels so much better now that it's done. The worry about whether or not you are doing the right thing is so much worse.

Thank you all again.

a reply to: DanDanDat

I am so very sorry for your loss.
But your sweet girl is now happy and pain free,waiting for you, playing with all the other dogs who have gone over the rainbow bridge.
Grieving can be a slow process, but as the days pass, the healing will begin.
That hole in your heart will mend in time and be filled with good memories.

And now I am crying.....

Sorry man,

I know the depths of this pain.

I pray they are in a better place waiting for us.

I choose to believe we will see them again.

oh I am so sorry...but thanks for the update ((((((hugs))))))

a reply to: whyamIhere

Thanks for the help DontTreadOnMe its greatly appreciated.