Narcissistic ‘no-win’ Mind Games

originally posted by: galaga

originally posted by: muzzleflash

originally posted by: Krahzeef_Ukhar
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha
Is it narcissistic to believe you can judge others narcissism?

Is it Narcissistic to even bring up the topic of Narcissism? Like virtue signaling that you're not a Narc when you secretly are?

No. They way you can spot a narcissist is if they claim to be an "Empath".

That's the dead giveaway .

That’s hilarious. I’ve actually known several spiritual coocs that claimed to be empaths. Turns out, they were all narcissists. One was my dads ex girlfriend. Not an empathetic bone in this woman’s nasty body. That was a rough several years...

You hit the nail on the head.

a reply to: KKLOCO

I've noticed that very thing with a few ex's down in Texas myself

The more someone claims to be nice, empathetic, generous etc. usually means they're trying to convince themselves and their prey of their lies.

I've never had to entreat someone to believe I have any positive qualities.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

LOL, when I met my ex she always said “I’m a terrible liar. I just don’t have the ability to do it”.

RIGHT!!!!

EVERYTHING was a big fat lie! As I found out far too late, unfortunately.

It was crazy, she’d lie even when she didn’t need to. Even if it made her look worse or didn’t benefit her more.

It is as if, there is no discernment of reality.

a reply to: galaga

Oh wow.... you got my attention here. My husband (soon to be ex) decided he was an empath about 10 months ago. I believed it, as he is and always has been incredibly good at "reading" people. Fast forward to Christmas till now and one of his sisters told me she thought he was a narcissist. I couldn't accept my husband as a narc, but the more I have looked into it and reflected on the past 15 years with him, the more I wondered.
I even tried searching if an empath can transform into a narcissist- thinking maybe they are on a spectrum that can shift over time (a year isn't long, but when meth gets involved it may have an affect).

ETA: My husband wasn't a typical narcissist (if he is in fact one). He rarely talked down to me, at least openly. However, he manipulated the shiitake mushrooms out of me and was always gaslighting me when he was into things he had no business being into. Not to mention other things, which I won't air here.

a reply to: chelsdh

The way I came to the conclusion that Empath = Narcissism is, my mom and my brother.

They are both narcissists. To the extreme.

It was almost like I was on a quest for answers and I came to those conclusions.

When my dad passed away, it took my mom less than 2 weeks to start dating again. They didn't have a horrible marriage. My mom is just spoiled and she gets what she wants. She said it herself.

"I was spoiled before and I will be spoiled again!"

After she asked me what I thought of her dating a younger man. I told her "I didn't even know you were already looking". This was a week after my dad died.

My wife is the one who pointed out that this could be narcissistic behavior. So, with that, I started reading and watching videos on YouTube to help me figure out what was going on. Turns out she's a textbook case.

Now, during this time, I was unemployed due to being laid off of work. I couldn't seem to land a job.
I had worked 20 years in medicine. I was still able to pay my bills by selling a lot of my personal items. Things that meant a lot to me.

My little brother also was unemployed and basically worked a total of maybe 2 years in the past 20. I spent alot of time with him during my unemployment. During this time, I would vent to him how disappointed I was in our mom and the way things were after our dad died. My mom was on her 3rd boyfriend by Christmas, our dad died in April. We spent our first Christmas without our dad and this new guy was there. It sucked.

As I'm telling him about all the things she had said or did throughout our lives that we thought was "just mom being mom". It was in fact cruel and narcissistic. I began to realize my brother was the exact same way.

One day i asked him if he had heard of people that just sucked the life or energy out of a room...before I could even finish, he says "I've been told that!" He said it proudly like it was a gift.

I didn't finish what I was going to say. But I brought it up a few weeks later but by starting off by saying "psychic vampire" and laughed and said its nothing mystical. It's just a description. Someone that sucks energy and just depresses the room.

I guess he got curious about psychic vampires and read up about it. Because no more than a week later he was calling himself an "empath". He even started posting about how sensitive he was and people like him are special.

Rule number one. Narcissists have delusions of grandeur.

My brother claims to be a genius but yet failed 2 grades and never graduated high school. He failed his first attempt at his G.E.D. Has never had a career.

My mom never graduated high school but she did obtain her G.E.D.

I never actually walked down the isle and got my diploma. I got mine in the mail. I went to college and got a degree.

In my moms head. I didn't graduate from high school.

I can go on and on. Ask me anything. I have some crazy stories.

1. Delusions of grandeur/no self awareness/thinks they are better than they are...aka never humble

2.Needs to be the center of attention.

3. Gets off on controlling others.

4. Jealous and envy to the extreme.

I have extensive experience with these. I imagine solitary confinement (or quarentine!) would be a death sentence with nobody to feed off of. They literally HAVE to feed of others trying to fill their empty soul. Parasites going from host to host.

I've learned to put them on a string though...

When someone just can't wait for you to fail and it brings them so much joy try this...As an example

Having a better job than a narcissist or making more money they will invariably be interested and jealous. This time one asked me "Hey how much you make tonight?" I'll casually say " oh I got written up and sent home I may get fired. "

Their face will light right up "HAHA oh really? That's too bad!" At which point I'll just go " nah jk, I made $300 in 4 hours" You should see their face lmao. They can't overtly tell you how upset they are it isn't them and just stew in their own self hatred. Naturally they will have to flip out about some trivial thing later to make up for it.

Or if you have a date they will definitely try to get involved too. They'll say "oh what was up with that girl last week?"
"yea I called her but I think she rejected me" He will be thrilled to hear it. The whole time you already have a second date planned and you're walking out the door like "cya, have fun"

You're wearing out the tread on their tires and exposing them without saying a word about it. Instead of them controlling they are being controlled...and for the dumbest most childish reasons. It's letting them know I'm on to you bud. It's glorious because what are they gonna do? Just plain tell you "I'm a pos, I need you to fail to feel good about myself" of course not. They can't do s***.

I should add learn to fight too. Because there WILL be a confrontation (about something very trivial and seemingly unrelated) and you're gonna wanna be able to show him the error of his ways and that you're not his pet. For a woman that's a little trickier id say just no contact at all.

a reply to: galaga


I have sent you a pm, as it's too much to unload here.

Thanks for sharing what you have discovered and seen for yourself. You have no idea what it means to me to see that I may not be crazy in connecting empaths and narcissists.

I posted this in the other thread. Just thought I’d add it here as there are some different posters.

There are different levels of narcissism (Extreme / mild tendencies). The other thread sparked a convo with my sister last night about this same topic.

She married 2 narcissists. One was a lazy ass, mind game paying, compulsive liar, that LOVED himself and cared for no one but himself. He’d stab ANYONE in the back, if it made him look good.

The second was a lazy ass, mind game playing, physically abusive, completely forthright NON liar, that LOVED himself and cared for no one but himself.

My ex was a complete lazy ass, beyond mind fu## games on an hourly basis, pathological liar, that LOVED herself and cared for no one but herself. Constantly putting our children in terrible situations that benefit her, and her alone.

Our father, is not a lazy ass at all. To the contrary in fact. He’s creative and a producer. He is still a narcissist though, lies on occasion, mentally abused my sister and I all growing up with constant ‘double binds’ and berating. Never ending ‘hammering’ on us. But he does care for people, unlike the rest.

These have been the most impactful narcissists in our lives (there have been many others). We are in our 40’s.

We ranked them last night. Both of us absolutely agreed in the order of their severity.

Ranked worst to least as bad:

1. My ex was by far the worst. She virtually destroyed my entire family. She didn’t just affect me, she affected EVERYONE. And still does to this day, due to us having children together.

2. My sisters 1st husband. No sense of reality whatsoever. Total POS, has two kids that look identical to him — but he wanted paternity tests on both, so he could absolve himself of responsibility. Went to jail for not paying child support (he had the money). Thankfully those kids came after my sister.

3. Sisters 2nd husband. Yeah, he beat her up a couple times. But at least he was honest about being a narcissist. Never lied to my sister by saying ‘I’ll get a job tomorrow, I promise”. The first husband just told her whatever she wanted to hear. But then did whatever he wanted (video games).

4. Our father. He falls into the moderate narcissist category. If he would just refrain from the double binds, mental abuse, always thinking the most negative out of people — he’d be a pretty good person. But his constant negative thoughts get the best of him. We deal with it because we love him. But it’s been an uphill battle our whole lives.

See what I’m saying here? Not everyone is an EXTREME narcissist, if they exhibit the characteristics. Some have narcissistic tendencies. Others are FULL BLOWN.