Changing Ourselves

I'm very interested in hearing what you guys think about this one..it has been on my mind for a long time and I personally have thoughts that can go either way. So it would be greatly appreciated to hear some of yours.

Here's what I'm asking:
I know that people can and do change. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. It seems though to me, that for the most part I'm just an older version of myself as a child. I'm not talking outwardly changes..it's the inwardly ones I'm curious about.

Do you think it's possible to do an about face and just decide you don't like yourself anymore and want to and *can* change into what you would like to change into? Do you think it's us who shape our immediate enviroment or is it our enviroment that shapes us? So in other words, by changing how we live and our surroundings, would that ultimately change us? Or would we remain the same, just in a different place/atmosphere?

And I'm not talking little changes either..I'm talking drastic changes-to better yourself. It almost seems so easy to drastically change ourselves for the worst, but when we try to do it for the better it seems so difficult..why is that? It seems as though sometimes we have the greatest intentions inside us, about who we really are or who we aim to be, but they never can come out completely?

I'll stop there, as this could become 20 questions here about one particular thing I'm really hoping to find out...
Thanks in advance for your thoughts here..
Magestica

I would love to change... I mean drastically change.

I want to move away, find a new job and live a completely different life. I don't want to have to care about anything for a while.

Reality is sensible and boring and I don't want anything to do with it!

good question magestica also linked somewhat with the question of should we change?

The brain is essentially a complex biochemical computer. We are born with a rudimentary operating system which varies depending on our genes, conditions during pregnancy etc (is this a case for men are from windows, women are from linux?). Life experiences then program us further, setting up complex routines and responses. If we're lucky that programming is good and enables us to function well in our lives, unfortunately sometimes we develop faulty and unstable traits and occasionally the system starts to crash. (that blue screen feeling ain't fun trust me).

Being the intelligent and free-willed people we are though, it is possible to reprogram certain aspects of your personality. Neuro-lingustic programming uses certain methods to do this eg the old '7 Secrets of highly successful people' type literature. By developing self awareness of where the programming faults lie, working out how the code needs to be rewritten and using methods such as repetative affirmations over time, eventually the brain starts to forget it's previous behaviour and the new behaviour becomes habit.

However you have to want to change for the right reasons. If you're doing it out of anger or self loathing, you'll sabotage your attempts in order to continue the anger/self loathing program.

Only those who truly want to change will.

It has to be a decision made my ones self.

No one can help us change, we have to do it our selves.
Although, assistence and support are great inspiration for those who need or want to make change.

I'm with Advisor on this one!

If you really want to change your life, home, family, work and move away to make a fresh start, it can be really "life changing". Not always for the best, either?

The thing is, you have to ask yourself,"why do I want to change" , if cant be for the wrong reasons though? Do you want to change, just for the change, or is it more sinister "your running away from something or someone"?

In some case's people have no choice, and that right is taken away from them, they dont have a chance to say goodbye to loved one's, or even have a last pint in their local. They're riped away without a word to anyone, to anyone left behind them, they will say, its as though they have just vanished, into thin air!

New name, new home, new life, but you can never take away what they had, no matter how much it hurt, you can never go back!

You have been Erased from society, no longer living, in time people will just say?

who ............ oh I remember her, didnt she disappear?

Somethings are just best left alone, you still have to live on, no matter what!



blackwidow

[Edited on 11-7-2003 by blackwidow666]

[Edited on 11-7-2003 by blackwidow666]

But I'm confused (as usual) as I see some contradictions in certain post. First I see where it was said that you can move on and it would change you, then I see that you could move and you would remain the same as you were before?

Also, I'm not asking or thinking that someone can change you. BUT..they CAN, people CAN change other people! I'm living proof of this..people can rub off on you with their ways and you can easily pick them up, even a thought that's different then your own changes you.

I should probably be more specific here-I wouldn't be making this thread obviously, if I didn't want to change something about myself. The thing is, I've somewhat become someone I don't like, better yet, I've picked up a few traits that I despise about myself. And I've tried changing them, for 3 years to be exact, but to no avail. Meaning I WANT to change or go back to the person I used to be prior to 3 years ago, but can't do it..so I've been pondering on the thought that perhaps I should just deal with who I've become. Then I thought, I know, I'll ask ATS if they know anything about this. I hope this has helped to why I'm asking such questions..
Magesica

Only those who truly want to change will.

It has to be a decision made my ones self.

No one can help us change, we have to do it our selves.

Not married are you, Advisor?

I would like to be unintelligent, so I could see through the eyes of most people and be happy.

People change continuously. Change is life. Most people don't pay too much attention because of the gradual nature of it. When you decide to make a life change it is noticed because of the abruptness of it. Most of my life changing decisions have felt good and a few have not been permanent. (weight loss especially) I just wonder why a change like switching careers can be easy, while one like losing weight is so hard?

Originally posted by magestica
Also, I'm not asking or thinking that someone can change you. BUT..they CAN, people CAN change other people! I'm living proof of this..people can rub off on you with their ways and you can easily pick them up, even a thought that's different then your own changes you.

...I totally agree with you. If I didn't believe that people can change, can influence others, I simply wouldn't be in the job I am today. For that is essentially what my current career is all about. People CAN indeed influence others, and through their interaction facilitate change - be it positive or negative.

I see change within the guys I work with, even when they themselves do not see it...you can see the forming of a new consciousness...a new hope, new way of life...and that can come from GIVING hope...from modelling a new way of life. Just as it can come from taking away hope, or modelling a more negative way of life. Does the person themselves have input into that change? Of course they do. But no man (or woman) is an island...we are not living purely independently of eachother...that which we do sends ripples that affects others, so to their actions will affect us.

I believe we all have 'keys' to evoke change...change within ourselves and change within others...sometimes when we find it difficult to change (ourselves or others), we simply haven't found the right 'key' to spark that change, to give the process momentum...

There is so much more to be said here...perhaps we'll chat about it sometime.



Peace,
ALIEN

[Edited on 11-7-2003 by alien]

Good way to describe it..it definately makes even more sense to me now, that you've said that-how much influence people can have upon us. Even when we *think* we aren't the type of people who are easily influencial.

I guess I AM changing, as you know..but the repercussions are still alive inside me..and it's something that's been hard for me to deal with here lately. I just want to think how I used to think, which was always so much more postitive. Now it's as if it's hard to move away from the dark cloud that has enveloped me-even though there is a silver lining and I CAN see it, just can't grasp it..and it's stressing me out!

Maybe I'm just expecting it to happen like *now* and that is expecting too much, for the time being. But do believe me when I type this, there has been a great and positive influence that has come into my life, and this *influence* has also changed me for the better, or atleast helped bring out the positive in me, that I thought had died. It's just the negative is still there trying to take away the positive. I should have sent you this u2u..oh well. Anyone else can comment on it, though I doubt you'd know what I'm talking about
Mags

I think its a matter of "how" one wants to define "change".

Change is Life, seasons, time, friends, age, colors, etc. To me, change is creation. We change because we want to better ourselves, ultimately. But in doing so, we may often times change for the worse, but again, "worse" is a matter of mind and definition. Through all this changing, we are ultimately defining and creating ourselves.

If you look at it from the stand point of Life period, Life is change; it continually redefines itself. We are apart of the great organism called Life. As with Life continually changing, it is apparent that so to, our Self's will change. Change is a external mechanism as well as a internal mechanism......all of it equating to creation....redefining.....Self...externally and internally. Creation is holy.

regards
seekerof

We all have that within us Mags...the light and the dark...but I do know what you are saying...as I am also, as you know, going through a similar sort of change.

A wonderful 'influence' has also come into my life and is sparking positive change...for that 'influence' contained a 'key' I needed to evoke that change. There is stll darkness, sadness within me...no denying that...but there is light also...and that light is growing...and I tell you this, light ALWAYS wins out over darkness in the end, sometimes its just a matter of time.

I also wish that a magic wand can be waved and *poooof* all the darkness is gone, and there is only light...there is only the good me I know is there...and yes that can cause much impatience, but hey, change (good or bad) seems to work on a rather unpredictable time-frame...but when you consider even those bad times, those bad things have had a hand in shaping us, in teaching us, leading us to where we are...then there is some merit in even what which is bad...in a way...for it brings growth if the lesson within them is siezed.

Cheesy Motivational Saying #274: "Failures cease to be so once we learn from them...then they become stepping stones to success"


Peace,
ALIEN

I did a 360 once my daughter was born.
before her, my life consisted of clubbing , drugging and ...slacking off

I run my own design studio now and am climbing up in the world...slowly. but for the most part, my internal feelings changed. Im maternal, yes. Picky, yes, bitchy and down right nasty at times. But who the hell isnt? Everyone needs work. The good thing is I caught myself before it was too late. Some ppl fall into a slump and stay there for the rest of their lives.

If your looking to change yourself from within, its very possible, infact it will happen wether you like it or not. Just try to keep control over outside situations that can alter your life...such as men.

stay away from harmful men ( vice versa ). most females will tell you men are the #1 reason their lives suck !

Kitty, good point.

I have often read that the true root of all evil is Man.

regards
seekerof

Congratulations on turning your life around Kitty...

...and I agree...stay away from harmful men...and stay away from harmful women too...

...just be aware that each person is a new person...so pays not to prejudge people by the actions of other members of their gender, race or creed...