what is the best firearm to defend your toilet paper

a reply to: hopenotfeariswhatweneed

Its all about Coronavirus so your not suposed to shake hands anymore...

Are you telling me you dont wash your hands with water after your done with your buisness, because TP???
just wash them more thorough and forget about TP.

your bum will be cleaner too...

NC

Supersoaker filled with disinfect spray.
Several of them.
Give them to everyone.

a reply to: ignorant_ape

Invite DB over and feed him burritos and tequila....nobody'll come within a mile of the place.

I'll delete this if you guys want me too. It is in bad taste, but its meant to be a joke.

a reply to: ignorant_ape

Unless you have about a dozen people also with guns helping you then it wont matter.
One man with one gun will not stop a gang. Even if that gang has only clubs or knives.

This is exactly why you need 'Stunt' toilet paper on hand.

I keep a package of the cheap crap on display to appease the marauding hoards...while my Charmin 2-PLY is securely locked away in my gun safe.

a reply to: ignorant_ape

Sorry. Too busy laughing at the title to say anything.

Okay. Done.


"so tool up - and tell us what firearm and ammunition load will defend yours" :
as if there were just one.

I'm going to have a decoy stash for anyone to steal..Gonna soak it in Carolina Reaper ( world's hottest pepper) and alum mix.Start the burn and seal it up.They would be happy to get shot after that.but nope,ain't shooting nobody.

a reply to: ignorant_ape

A nerf gun-I collect them and when the time comes, i'll rubber foam them to death.

Spread some Nutella on the plastic covering the pack.

keep the T P in the miltary personell carrier.....
So then we just ...

rally around the Bradley, with a pocket full of shells

It's ok, I can spare a square.

But if I couldn't...g19!

Let the have the TP. Use a bidet, or even a water hose instead.

a reply to: hopenotfeariswhatweneed

dam your imputence sir // madam - i hardly know you - and yet to ask a gentleman how much bog roll he has - how dare you

the last person who asked such a unwarranted question - will be cremated on friday [ he isnt even dead yet - so dont spoil the surprise ]

but - screw it - as this is ATS - and i has no idea where you are - i CBA hunting you down too

so the answer = 5 rolls - thats std rolls not 5 multi packs - i dont use much - and am not hoarding - i has just been tesco - and non puchrased - i can last longer than my food // water // fuel and the fabiric of society will last

toilet paper, it's the new "gold".

Laser cats.

I've built a secret room with a hidden door to hide my many rolls of hoarded toilet paper, I had to fight off old grannies, pregnant women, children and "that" guy who eats to much curry on a Friday night to get it, hell if I'm gonna leave it out for any old bottom wiper to steal it!!
Obviously we're not being told the real effects of C19 and it's effects on the rear end of it's victims.

So you won't get in trouble just blast them with the trumpet function.

Depending on how horrible you are on a trumpet/mini trombone, will give the perp indefinite musical trauma plus that it looks like a gun, so they won't steal anything again let alone butt wipe.

the title of this thread still cracking me up.

thanks for the laugh OP

a reply to: ignorant_ape

Forget the firearm just put a sign up saying Everything recycled even our toilet paper, please don't flush just hang out to dry.

Ahahaha that'll make em think twice.

Argh gross afterthought, I wonder if somewhere in the world someone has collected used toilet paper samples and put them into a photo like album, here is Elvis used piece from 1960, another by president what's his name oh and this one belonged to some astronaught or other - God save us can you imagine the weirdo's circling like vultures at an auction of used celebrity toilet paper - actually a lot of those would probably be from Asia they have some strange fetishes over there.